The bit we don't often talk about ... the key part that frustrations play when developing and managing products.

1. ____
UXISTANBUL ’19 @MAA1
managing frustrations
= product development

6. SUCCESS
@MAA1

7. Wrong!@MAA1

8. FRUSTRATION
@MAA1

10. WHY FRUSTRATIONS
YOUR FRUSTRATIONS
MY FRUSTRATIONS
MANAGE FRUSTRATIONS
@MAA1

12. WHY FRUSTRATIONS
(1) nature of product development
(2) product = people
@MAA1

13. NATURE OF DEVELOPING PRODUCTS
Stakeholders No blueprint Never to plan Tradeoffs
@MAA1

15. Cognitive diversity
The inclusion of people who have different
styles of problem solving, and can offer
unique perspectives because they think
differently
@MAA1

16. Many opinions
Many beliefs
Many solutions
Many agendas
@MAA1

18. BLUEPRINT!?

19. People telling you about a set formula for
developing successful products…
@MAA1

21. There is NO blueprint or magic recipe for
successful product development
@MAA1

24. Beautiful Gantt charts…
Highly detailed plans…
You are in control…
@MAA1

26. …NONSENSE!
You are NOT in control
When innovating, things DON’T go to plan
Because there are lots of UNKNOWNS
@MAA1

28. “In preparing for battle I have always
found that plans are useless, but planning
is indispensable”
DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER
@MAA1

30. Developing products involves constant
tradeoffs, compromises and tough
decisions
@MAA1

31. QUALITY
SCOPE
Features
Functionality
SCHEDULE
Time
Milestones
RESOURCES
Cost
Budget
@MAA1

32. NATURE OF DEVELOPINGNATURE OF DEVELOPING PRODUCTS
Stakeholders = managing opinions and beliefs
No blueprint for product development
No set in stone plan => Adapt and iterate
Need to be pragmatic and compromise
@MAA1

33. PRODUCT = PEOPLE
Me (and you) Others
@MAA1

35. Emotional triggers: People, words, opinions or
situations that provoke a strong emotional reaction
within us.
Emotions that can be triggered include anger, rage,
sadness and fear.
@MAA1

36. Others saying “this is wrong”
makes me feel sad ?
@MAA1

37. I like being direct,
saying it ‘how it is’
We don’t want to upset anyone,
and we are careful with what we say
@MAA1

39. PRODUCT = PEOPLE
Manage yourself and your triggers first
Then manage relationships with others
Understand your response and behaviours
Factor in other people’s needs and styles
@MAA1

42. YOUR FRUSTRATIONS
Write down:
Your biggest frustration when developing
products, and what triggers this feeling
@MAA1

43. MY FRUSTRATIONS
Things that make me ANGRY
Things that make me SAD
Things that make me feel like a FRAUD
Things that make me feel OVERLOADED
@MAA1

44. EMOTION 1
anger

45. WHAT MAKES ME ANGRY?
Missing a sense of urgency
Feeling that we are not united
People not ‘getting’ product management
Not everybody meeting my standards
Being in a conflict situation
@MAA1

46. PROBLEM
Knowing only one conflict mode…
@MAA1

48. NO. NO. NO. This totally wrong.
You messed up and now we’re
totally screwed.
Who do you think you are!?
YOU are wrong. You made the
mistakes that got us here!
@MAA1

49. 1. MANAGING CONFLICT
@MAA1

50. Credit: Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
Conflict continuum
Constructive
ARTIFICIAL
HARMONY
Destructive
PERSONAL
ATTACKS
IDEAL
CONFLICT
POINT
@MAA1

51. Contract - Agree a set of conflict behaviours
Call it - Spot conflict in the room, call it
Canvass views - Go around the room
Criteria - Establish a good way out
Create options - Explore lots of ways forward
Closure - Avoid ongoing debate
Credit: Julia Whitney, https://www.mindtheproduct.com/2018/05/how-to-improve-your-teams-conflict-competence-by-julia-whitney/
@MAA1

52. COMPETITION
Trying to win, standing
up for your own
position or rights
+ Assertiveness
+ Co-operation
COLLABORATION
Digging into an issue to
identify underlying concerns,
finding a win-win solution
AVOIDANCE
Sidestepping or postponing an
issue to withdrawing from a
threatening situation
ACCOMMODATION
Yielding to another’s point of
view, obeying an order when
you don’t want to
COMPROMISE
Find a way to meet in
the middle
- Co-operation
- Assertiveness
Credit: Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, Conflict Modes@MAA1

53. 2. LISTENING ACTIVELY
@MAA1

54. “I’m hearing you, but I’m not listening”
@MAA1

55. “When you talk, you are only repeating
what you already know. But if you listen,
you may learn something new”
DALAI LAMA
@MAA1

56. The difficulty is that I don’t
know how to best design this
feature!?
Whatever!
I think you’re a rubbish
designer anyway …
@MAA1

57. Acceptance Honesty Empathy Specifics
@MAA1

59. The difficulty is that I
don’t know how to best
design this feature!?
I can imagine it must
be difficult to design
a new feature from
scratch.
Shall we do some
sketches together,
just to get going?
@MAA1

60. 3. BEING RADICALLY CANDID
@MAA1

61. You’re underperforming.
You haven’t delivered on my
expectations.
Oh, crap!
What did I do wrong?
Why was it wrong?
How can I improve?
@MAA1

64. Challenge directly: Dave, your work isn’t good enough.
We’ll look at solving things together
Don’t discourage: Next time, I suggest you speak to me
first as it will avoid confusion
Split behaviour and the person: This isn’t a reflection on
you, just something that we should handle differently next
time
@MAA1

65. Situation: 500 customers said they failed to use the new
feature complaints
Behaviour: I noticed we didn’t spend as much time on
testing the feature as normal
Impact: Due to reduced testing we have a high number of
issues and bugs to resolve
@MAA1

66. That would be great! I can then
learn what I missed and not make
the same mistake next time.
@MAA1
That design missed a few key
interactions. Let’s look together
at what’s missing…

67. 4. TAKING A HELICOPTER VIEW
@MAA1

69. STOP! What is the bigger picture?
SELF: What does the situation mean to me?
OTHERS: What does this look like to others involved?
OUTSIDER: How does this appear to someone outside the situation?
WISE MIND: What would be the best thing to do? For me, for others,
for this situation?
@MAA1

70. Credit: Edward De Bono, Six Thinking Hats@MAA1
WHITE HAT
Calls for more information,
known or needed. “The facts,
just the facts.”
YELLOW HAT
Symbolises brightness and
optimism. Under this hat you
explore the positives and probe
for value and benefit.
BLACK HAT
Judgement. The devil’s
advocate or why something may
not work.Spot difficulties and
dangers.where things might go
wrong. Probably the most
powerful hat but a problem if
overused.
RED HAT
Signifies feelings, hunches and
intuition. You can express
emotions and share feelings of fear
dislike, loves and hates.
GREEN HAT
Focuses on creativity, possibilities,
alternatives and new ideas.
Opportunity to express new
concepts and perceptions
BLUE HAT
Manages the thinking process. It
the control mechanism to ensure
the Six Hats ® guidelines are
observed

71. MANAGING YOUR ANGER
What is your conflict profile?
Pause and listen, say it how it is
Care personally when you feedback
@MAA1

72. EMOTION 2
SAD

73. WHAT MAKES ME SAD?
Feeling isolated
Not making progress
Unable to deliver customer value
Conflicts and arguments
Sensing that I am misunderstood
@MAA1

74. PROBLEM
Can you accept certain things,
without feeling sad or giving up!?
@MAA1

75. 5. ACCEPTING RADICALLY
@MAA1

77. Radical acceptance:
Stop fighting reality, accepting things for what they
are
(NOT: just giving in or feeling sorry for yourself).
@MAA1

79. “Why can’t we come to a decision?”
What if we were the best decision makers?
“Why is our product so s**t!?”
What if our product was best in class?
“Why don’t they f**ng listen to me!?”
What if everyone always listened to me?
@MAA1

80. Have coffee with one difficult stakeholder
Block 1 hour per day for thinking time
Learn how to communicate better
Shadow your sales team
See if you can ‘pause’ for 2 minutes
@MAA1

81. Date Situation Initial Thought
Evidence for
Initial Thought
Evidence against
Initial Thought
Alternative Thinking
5 Oct
I didn’t get stakeholder
buy-in for my product
idea.
I feel sad, like I have
failed.
My product ideas
are clearly not good
enough.
My product idea did
not make the cut in
the eyes of my
stakeholders.
I have had other
product ideas
approved previously.
This is not about me; I
prepared a good case
I will take the
stakeholder feedback
as a good lesson
learned for when I
present my next idea.
Credit: Aaron Beck, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy@MAA1

82. i
Little i
“I messed up that design”
“My boss gave me bad feedback”
Big I
“This bad design is a small part of my big I”
“The bad feedback does not affect my big I”
Credit: Aaron Beck, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy@MAA1

83. MANAGING YOUR SADNESS
Take a step back, accept reality
Pause, reflect and improve
@MAA1

84. EMOTION 3
FRAUD

85. WHAT MAKES ME FEEL A FRAUD?
Not knowing all the answers
Being out of my comfort zone
Trying and experimenting
Doubting the value I add
Being around subject matter experts
@MAA1

86. PROBLEM
Feeling like a fraud can undermine your self-
confidence and weaken the value you can add
@MAA1

88. 6. SILENCING YOUR INNER FRAUD
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89. Niye Ya?
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91. “What did you do?” “Why did you do that?”
“What is the difference?”
“Just for my learning, can you please explain?”
“What are the pros and cons?”
“Not sure I understand, could you please talk me
through?”
@MAA1

92. Bilmiyorum!
@MAA1

94. MANAGING YOU FEELING A FRAUD
Why?
Ask questions. Ask questions. Ask questions.
I don’t know!
@MAA1

95. EMOTION 4
OVERLOAD

96. WHAT MAKES ME FEEL OVERLOADED?
Too many meetings
Lack of focus
Too much ‘stuff’
No time to think
Lots of requests
@MAA1

98. PROBLEM
Stakeholder: “Can you please change this new feature?”
Me: “No”
Stakeholder: “What do you mean by ‘no’?”
Me: “What is it about no that you don’t understand!?”
Stakeholder: “?”
@MAA1

99. 7. SAYING “NO”
@MAA1

100. 1. Opening the kimono
2. Start small
3. Consider side effects
4. Provide options
@MAA1

102. Credit: Peter Merholtz, https://www.peterme.com/

105. 8. BEING RADICALLY TRANSPARENT
@MAA1

107. No. Description Impact Rationale Who When
1
We’re not building
feature B
Focus on feature A
instead and limited
functionality
We have been doing too
much, quality has suffered.
Need to focus
Marc 1 January ‘19
2 Pricing agreed
Need to
communicate new
pricing to customers
Our old pricing model was
confusing and lost us
customers
Victoria 25 January ‘19
@MAA1

109. 9. INFLUENCING OTHERS
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110. INFLUENCING VIA RELATIONSHIPS
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111. Credit: Allan Cohen and David Bradford, Influence without authority
@MAA1
Identify relevant currencies:
theirs, yours
Diagnose the world of the
other person
INFLUENCE
THROUGH GIVE
AND TAKE
Deal with relationships
Clarify your goals and
priorities
Assume everyone is a
potential ally

112. Relationship currencies:
People feeling included, accepted
Listening, understanding, empathy
Supporting people individually
@MAA1

113. Personal currencies:
Showing gratitude, feeling appreciated
A sense of ownership, responsibility
A sense of self or comfort
@MAA1

117. MANAGING FEELING OVERLOADED
One version of the truth, open to all
Saying “NO”
@MAA1

118. MANAGING FRUSTRATIONS
1. Managing conflict
2. Listening actively
3. Being radically candid
4. Taking a helicopter view
5. Accepting radically
6. Silencing your inner fraud
7. Saying “no”
8. Being radically transparent
9. Influencing others
@MAA1

119. EMOTION 6
HAPPINESS

121. YOUR FRUSTRATIONS
Look at your biggest frustration and
share with the person next to you how
you are going to manage this frustration
@MAA1

122. BUT…
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123. MANAGING FRUSTRATIONS IS A SKILL
Keep at it. This will take time
Allow yourself to try and learn
Pause early and often!
@MAA1

124. GET STARTED
Susan Newman, The Book of No
Allan Cohen & David Bradford, Influence Without Authority
Kim Scott, Radical Candor
Edgar Schein, Humble Inquiry
Patrick Lencioni, 5 Dysfunctions of a Team
Ray Dalio, Principles
@MAA1

126. THANK
YOU!marcabraham.com
MAA1 (Twitter and Medium)
https://www.linkedin.com/in/abrahammarc/
@MAA1