Find out what it means to have tact and diplomacy. Read on how people often invalidate each other and how you can improve on your effective listening skills.

1. T A C T A N D D I P L O M A C Y

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TACT & DI PLOMACY
 Diplomacy encompasses having your needs met in a way that doesn’t demoralize
or hurt another person.
 Tact includes taking the feelings of another into consideration and responding in a
way that demonstrates understanding.
 Examples of lack of Tact and Diplomacy are numerous

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I N VALI DATI ON
 Invalidation is the opposite of Tact & Diplomacy
 Invalidation is an action that denies another person’s right to be heard and
understood.
 1% invalidate « intentionally to spread the misery and manipulate/control
others »
 20% invalidate «semiconsciously as a defense mechanism. »
 All of us do it at times, most not intentionaly.
 Invalidation is
 The most lethal form of emotional abuse,
 Killing confidence, creativity, and individuality

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1 0 WAY S TO I N VALI DATE OTHE RS
Ordering: « I don’t care what your boss told you to do. I’m telling you that I want you to do it my way. »
Threatening: « If you don’t come up to speed, you won’t have your job for long . »
Preaching: « You shouldn’t act like a spoiled brat. Maybe that worked when you were a little girl, but it doesn’t work
now. »
Giving solution: « Just ignore him when he insults you. »
Lecturing: « In this economy, you should be happy you have a job. »
Critisizing: « You are wrong. »
Blaming: « John was the one who insisted we do it this way. »
Minimising: « Oh, it’s not that bad. ». « You are making too much of this. »
Changing the subject: « Forget about your concerns. How was your weekend? »
Denial: « You will see it differently tomorrow. »

6. TACT & DIPLOMACY
STARTS WITH EFFECTIVE
LISTENING

7. 5 W A Y S T O E F F E C T I V E L I S T E N I N G

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1 FOCUSI N G

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2 E N COURAG I NG
ANYONE CAN TALK FOR HOURS IF ENCOURAGED (a.o nodding or saying yes, …)

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3 PARAPHRASI N G
Person A talks about something important to them
Person B encourages Person A by repeating selected words and phrases

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4 RE FLE CTI NG FE E LI N G S

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5 SUMMARI ZI N G & SUPPORTI N G

13. S O U R C E
S O F T S K I L L S R E V O L U T I O N S
M A X I M E K A M I N

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