16 ways to have an incredible first date 16 ways to have an incredible first date 16 ways to have an incredible first date 16 ways to have an incredible first date

1. 16 Ways To Have An
Incredible First Date
Insight from a woman who's been on 121 of them.
By Zahra Barnes

2. Table Of Content:
1. Use realistic photos if you're online dating.
2. Reframe your idea of singlehood.
3. Know that it only takes one.
4. But maybe reconsider the idea of "The One."
5. Wear something that makes you feel bomb AF.
6. Put thought into immediately agreeing to dinner.
7. Show up as yourself.
8. Ask the simplest question in the world.
9. Get them to share what they're good at.
10. Give yourself permission to end a bad date.
11. And remember lightning rarely strikes the same place twice.

3. 12. Playthings a little close to the vest.
13. Save the complaining for later.
14. Don't necessarily shy away from taboo topics.
15. When the check comes, feel free to ask if you can help.
16. If you're digging your date, get in touch after.

4. Imagine going on 121 dates before stumbling upon the person you wanted to
spend forever with, and you have a glimpse of Wendy Newman's life. As a
dating expert and author of 121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating,
Fall in Love, and Live Happily Ever After (Really!), out on January 12,
Newman has been in just about every first-date situation imaginable, from
meeting someone who drastically lied about his age to get that tingly feeling
that something magical was about to happen. Here, she explains 16 different
things she learned in the 10 years of dating it took before she met her partner,
Dave, in February 2013.
1. Use realistic photos if you're online
dating.
This is technically something you do before the first date, but it can definitely
inform how well it goes. "I'm a size 16, so I was always nervous to represent
myself as me," says Newman. At first, she'd included an admittedly awesome
photo of herself on her online dating profile, but it wasn't 100 percent

5. representative. She realized that may have been a mistake when Date Nine
looked her up and down then frowned, very clearly surprised by what he saw.
"We had a torturous three-hour dinner where he didn’t talk to me but kept
ordering more food," she says. Of course, it's smart to use attractive photos,
but they're going to see you anyway. No point hiding the real you!
2. Reframe your idea of singlehood.
"So, why are you single?" is high on the list of date questions that double as
minefields. It's all too easy to work yourself up over crafting the perfect answer
when really, being single isn't some terrible affliction in need of explanation.
It's everyone's default status, after all. "I stopped asking people why they were
single and assumed it was for valid reasons," she says. And if someone asked
her the question? She'd respond with, 'I was married for 10 years, and we

6. separated for totally valid reasons that I'll tell you about when I know you
better." Her dates usually respected that boundary.
3. Know that it only takes one.
Sometimes the idea of going on yet another first date with yet another person
to see, yet again, if something's there gets to be too much. In those moments,
remind yourself of this crucial fact: all you're looking for is one person who's a
match, and that can happen at any time. "Also, if you're dating online, the pool
is constantly refreshed," says Newman.
Want To Know The Secrets Of Making A Person Fall In Love With You?

7. 4. But maybe reconsider the idea of "The
One."
Knowing that it only takes one doesn't automatically mean there only is one.
"In all that dating, I met 121 different men, and I saw 121 different futures,"
says Newman. "I found my person, but I met a lot of amazing men along the
way." Looking at your odds—there are so many people out there, so of course
more than one might make you happy!—can help reduce some of the
pressure to force something when it may not be there, and some of the
disappointment if it isn't.

8. 5. Wear something that makes you feel
bomb AF.
Newman loves high heels, so she continued wearing them even though they
sometimes threw a wrench into things. "We all know '6 feet' can be code for
'5-foot-10' on dating profiles. I'm 5-foot-7, so I kept showing up and towering
over my dates, which wasn't fun for me," she says. But did she stop wearing
the heels? Nah, because that misrepresentation wasn't on her, and they made
her feel confident.

9. 6. Put thought into immediately agreeing to
dinner.
Grabbing a drink or coffee is often a safer bet. "If you're going to dinner, there
needs to be enough material to have about a good hour and a half of
conversation," says Newman. And if there isn't? Prepare for awkward silences
and escaping to the bathroom to send your friends a rushed "WTF do I do?!"
text.
Want To Know The Secrets Of Making A Person Fall In Love With You?

10. 7. Show up as yourself.
At first, Newman tried to determine what a guy wanted and conform to that.
Once that tactic wasn't successful, she reevaluated and discovered the
benefits of being authentic. "It's exhausting to try to figure out what someone
wants instead of being yourself, and really, you don't need to be a fit for
everybody," she says.

11. 8. Ask the simplest question in the world.
"Something like, 'Hey, how are you doing?' or 'How was your weekend?'
immediately gave the date a sense of familiarity and made the guys feel more
at home with me," says Newman. "It was an organic way to make things feel
more natural, probably because it helped show that I was looking at them as
people instead of just trying to get the right answers out of them."
Want To Know The Secrets Of Making A Person Fall In Love With You?

12. 9. Get them to share what they're good at.
This especially comes in handy if you want to see if there's a spark. "I'd say
something like, 'You were talking about how you're really great at guitar,' then
have them explain how they got to be so good at it," she says. When most
people talk about something they're skilled at, they turn into the most
attractive versions of themselves—better posture, radiant confidence,
twinkling eyes. If you weren't 100 percent sure about the attraction but feel a
stomach swoop when that happens, there may be something there worth
exploring.

13. 10. Give yourself permission to end a bad
date.
Don't suffer through an awful experience just because you feel like you owe it
to someone! Newman learned this lesson with Date 54, which she summed
up as "so horrendous, so bad." For starters, her date showed up looking about
30 years older than the 48 years he'd claimed. The outing ended an hour and
a half later when he offered up sex. "Apparently he'd gotten in a motorcycle
accident at some point and injured his 'Johnson,' as he called it, so it was
constantly erect," says Newman. "He said he was a great time in bed because
it would be like Viagra."
She declined and left, forever taking with her the knowledge that it's OK to
stop date if you can tell it's not going to work. "As he was hobbling across the

14. street with his cane before the date, I could have been very gentle and said,
'Thank you for coming, I'm so glad you made it out, but I don’t want to waste
your time,'" says Newman.
11. And remember lightning rarely strikes
the same place twice.
As in, chances are you won't have to go through the same exact traumatizing
experience in your future. After Date 54, he of the erect penis, Newman could
have been like, "Eff this, singlehood, I choose you." But she wasn't about to
give up, because she'd probably never have to deal with that situation again.
"I knew my next date wouldn't be a 78-year-old proposing sex because of his
ruined Johnson," says Newman. "It could only get better from there as long as

15. I was willing to keep leaving the house instead of watching Law and Order
reruns."
12. Playthings a little close to the vest.
It's always good to be upfront about what you want, but that doesn't mean you
have to get elaborate on the first date. "I would share my hopes and dreams
about future relationships," says Newman. "I realized starting with the
endgame in mind on a first date with a total stranger can be too much." It's not
about playing hard to get or trying to be something you're not, but about taking
things at a pace that really allows you to see if you're a fit for each other.
Want To Know The Secrets Of Making A Person Fall In Love With You?

16. 13. Save the complaining for later.
Even if the traffic was a beast and your egomaniac sister is acting up again,
being overly negative on a first date can do more harm than good. "A first date
is really a meet and greet," says Newman. "Of course you don't want to hide
who you are, but being your authentic self with a positive spin will serve you
better than going down a negative road with a total stranger."
Want To Know The Secrets Of Making A Person Fall In Love With You?

17. 14. Don't necessarily shy away from taboo
topics.
Conventional wisdom says not to touch on things like politics and religion on
the first date. But isn't it better to know right away if your beliefs don't align?
"It's a good sorting mechanism," says Newman, who got into a deep
discussion with Date 121—aka her current partner, with whom she had a
commitment ceremony in February 2013—about their shared pasts growing
up in religious households. "He told me he knew he wanted to sleep with me
when he saw me, but he knew he wanted to get to know me when I talked
about purposefully trying to get excommunicated from the Mormon church,"
says Newman. Well, yeah, because that sounds like an awesome story.

18. 15. When the check comes, feel free to ask
if you can help.
It's the 21st Century! If you do the purse-reach fake-out and think it needs an
upgrade, try asking something like, "Can I help?" It's upfront but still leaves
room for them to take the lead if that's what you're hoping for. "I saw it as a
spirited way of being available in a partnership, but still seeing his level of
interest and how far he wanted to take it," says Newman. Of course, that all
depends on what you want. Newman was looking for a take-charge kind of
guy, but if you're the one who wants to play that role, something more direct is
probably a better option.

19. 16. If you're digging your date, get in touch
after.
Sending a text or email to say thanks is a sweet, easy way to reiterate your
interest, even if you think you did a good job of projecting it in person. Men
have told Newman they went on a great date, didn't hear from the woman,
and never asked them out again for fear of embarrassing themselves.
"Sometimes people just need the green light," she says. It might freak you out,
but if they're not interested, it's just a text. And if they are? On to date two!
Want To Know The Secrets Of Making A Person Fall In Love With You?