A series of slides designed for parents on understanding and preventing bullying - both online and offline. The focus on this presentation is how we build empathy and resilience in YP. Please note that these slides act as a backdrop to more intensive training, group work and discussion.

1. Fall down 7 times
get up 8!
Helping children build resilience to
overcome bullying and “casual cruelty”

2. Disclaimer, copyright and caveats
• This presentation has been written by Stephen Carrick-Davies and forms the basis of training
he has delivered for Parents and other working with vulnerable children across the UK.
• Not all of the training content is included in this presentation and these slides are NOT a
training package (either as a whole or in parts) and should not be used as such.
• It is shared on SlideShare for information and guidance only and to contribute to the debate
about how the bullying can destroy lives and technology can amplify offline vulnerabilities.
(and also protect children).
• It’s great to share but it is not easy to strike the right balance between sharing and copying.
Invariably these slides contain content developed by others and Stephen has sought to credit
content (including photographs) which have come from other sources at the end of his
presentations so please respect the authorship of these slides.
• The content on the slides which Stephen has personally written and produced he has
assigned with Creative Commons license. Slides showing this mark can be used
for non-commercial purposes, as long the content is credited. see www.creativecommons.org for more info.
• Ultimately Stephen hopes that these slides help others working with vulnerable young people
and if you have questions or have other experience to share please contact Stephen directly
(see e-mail address at the end).
“In the past you were what you owned. Now you are what you share.”
Charles Leadbetter

3. GROUP EXERCISE
Close your eyes and try to remember when
you were eight years old and most happy at
play.
For how many of you was this experience…
Outside?
Without parental supervision?
Involved in something risky?

4. GROUP EXERCISE
What has changed
for today’s children ?
Outside?
Without parental supervision?
Involved in something risky?

6. Why is Bullying like a Rubik Cube ?
Teasing
Social
laughter
And more...
Different external elements can interact at different times
which affect the victim personally

7. Looking at six sides today
DEFINING
CLASSIFYING
IMPACT
PREVENTING
RESPONDING
LEADING
The importance
of definition.
Including;
Homophobic
Sexist , Cyber
Affect on future
discrimination ?
Empathy
acquisition
Reporting
Sanctions
Being an
advocate
ACTION POINTS

8. How does bullying feel for a child ?
GUILT
They may feel it is
their fault
EXCLUDED
The peer group is
everything! Especially
online.
INTIMIDATED
Of further repercussions
as bully may have
threatened, “if you tell...” ANXIOUS
That their parents and
teachers might blame them
for not standing up for
themselves.
UNWORTHY
They may think of
themselves as
failures and not
worthy of being
helped.
SCARED & AFRAID
Of being physically or
emotionally harmed and that
they might make it worse!
And other
feelings too!

9. Ages and Stages
Dependency Independence Interdependency
Teacher Manager Coach
Protection & Prevention Preparation Participation
Where are you and your kids?
Think about ‘stages’ as well as ages

10. DEFINING
“Behaviour by an individual or
group, usually repeated over
time, that intentionally hurts
another individual or group
either physically or emotionally
involving a real or perceived
power imbalance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0RBnauKrh0
Bullying includes actions such as
making threats, spreading
rumours, attacking someone
physically or verbally, and
excluding someone from a group
on purpose

11. CLASSIFYING
Children and adults are bullied for a variety of
reasons – and for no reason.
Specific types of bullying include:
bullying related to race, religion or culture;
bullying related to special educational needs
(SEN) or disabilities; bullying related to
appearance or health conditions; bullying
related to sex and or sexual orientation;
bullying of young carers or looked-after
children or otherwise related to home or work
circumstances.
Focus on just 2 today
1. Bullying of children
2. Cyberbullying
• Recognise the range of reasons why someone might be bullied.
• Think particularly about children who may have a SEN and /or Statement
• Be brave to recognise any in-built prejudice of any kind !

12. Signs that a child may be bullied
OBSERVING CHANGES IN A CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR INCLUDING:
But it can
be hard to
tell as
these are
 Unwilling to go to school.
 Unwilling to discuss his/her school life.
 School work and academic results deteriorating.
also
 Coming home with scars and/or torn clothes.
common
 Moody and loses interest in leisure and entertainment.
signs of
 Nightmares or even insomnia.
teenage
 Often locks him/herself in the bedroom for a long time.
life!
 Often claims to have 'lost' personal belongings such as mobile
 Requests parents to accompany him/her to and from school (OR NOT!)
 Becoming increasingly bad-tempered.
 Has difficulty making friends.
 Becomes nervous when another child comes near.
 Closes down the computer screen when you enter the room.
And others...

13. What you can do to help a bullied child
Praise your child
for being brave enough
to talk about it.
Learn from the
experience
“Teachable moment” to be
more proactive next time.
Build resilience
Try role playing exercises
and positive strategies Coaching
Help them to see why
it’s OK to disagree
Offer comfort
and support,
no matter how upset
you are !
Review the peer group
An older sibling or friend
might be able to give you
some perspective and
provide more immediate
monitoring/help.
Help them with
clear advice
e.g. make sure they
don’t retaliate, save the
evidence.
Report it to school
and follow up/
monitor the change

14. Talking to your school about a bullying incident
 INVESTIGATE
AND GET THE
FACTS
 REVIEW THE
SCHOOL’S POLICY
 FACE TO FACE
WITH CLASS TEACHER
IS USUALLY BEST.
 FOLLOW
PROCEDURE IF YOU
NEED TO ESCALATE
Head /governor
 MAKE SURE
YOU ‘MOVE ON’
AND SUPPORT
THE SCHOOL
How did it start ?
Do you have evidence
(print outs)
Make sure your child
didn’t start it.
Try not to get angry.
By law, all state schools must
have a behaviour policy in
place that includes measures to
prevent all forms of bullying.
Is this your understanding?
Can you help monitor the
situation?
Take notes and agree action.
Continue to reassure your
child and make sure that
they are not retaliating nor
Be positive if the response making things worse
from the school has been
good and suggest ways in
which the school can help
other parents.
Some forms of bullying are
illegal (eg hate crime,
threats) and should be
reported to the police.
It is tempting to try to resolve
an issue by talking to the parent
of the bully first but this can
make things worse !
Follow what the policy
says in terms of
making a report.
Remember Head teachers have
the legal power to make sure
pupils behave outside of school
premises.
Your child can be an
important “Upstander”
(ie not a ‘bystander’ for
other children).
See
www.beatbullying.org
www.gov.uk/bullying

15. Cyberbullying vs. ‘Offline’ bullying?
OFFLINE ONLINE
Home is safe
Can be all the time
Often Physical Usually words/pictures
One or two people Many people involved
See the effect on the person Don’t see effect on the person
(lack of empathy)
People watching intervene People watching take part
Often silent
From US Ad Council at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdQBurXQOeQ
22% of yp aged 11-18
report having been cyber
bullied.
Can leave a trail
(don’t delete evidence)

16. Advice for Parents and Young People
Advice for Parents Advice for YP
• Be aware that your children may as
likely cyberbully as be a target !
• Talk to your children and understand
the ways in which they are using the
internet and mobile phones.
• Use the tools & privacy settings on
services
• Remind your children not to retaliate
• Remind yp to keep the evidence
• Know where to report (see later)
• Always respect others be careful what
you say.
• Think before you send, what goes
online stays online !
• Treat your password like your
toothbrush !
• Learn how to block the bully and save
the evidence
• Make sure you tell someone
• Support others – how would you feel if
no-one stood up for you !
• Recognise that cyberbullying is complex and may take place without you
knowing about it!

17. Risk
Reputation
Keeping it simple
Responsibility
Our safety, conduct
& risky behaviours
Our privacy, security
settings and our peer
group
Our leadership,
ethical code and
resilience
SOCIAL
MEDIA
MOBILES
Games

18. Homophobic bullying
Any hostile or offensive action
against lesbians, gay males,
bisexual or transgender people,
or those perceived to be
lesbian, gay, bisexual or
transgender.

19. Homophobic bullying - who bullies and why?
• Anyone. Especially if they have not been told it’s wrong.
• They think that lesbian and gay people should be bullied,
because they believe gay people are “wrong”.
• People who might be gay themselves, and are angry about that.
• People who think gay people shouldn’t have the same rights as
heterosexual people and use this as justification for bullying.
• People who think gay parenting is wrong and pupils should be
treated differently because of it.
• Recognise that those who are exploring their own sexuality may be more
vulnerable online
• But recognise that the online world provides an amazing community of
support and lots of good resources

20. IMPACT
All of these well-known people
were bullied in some way at
school - GokWan, David &
Victoria Beckham, Barack Obama,
Nicola McLean, Will Young,
Rihanna, Alan Davies, Jonathan
Ross, Phill Jupitus, Jamie
Redknapp, Jessica Alba.
How can persistent bullying result in
• Depression
• Low self-esteem and loss of
confidence
• Shyness
• Poor academic achievement
• Isolation
• Threatened or attempted suicide
•Bullying has a face – use stories of those who have been affected by
bullying as positive role models for both YP who have been bullied
and colleagues !
•Recognise the seriousness long term effects of bullying

21. IMPACT
WHAT IS THE LONG-TERM IMPACT ?
Studies show that it bullying does have enormous long term effects
Kidscape first ever retrospective study of adults in 1999
http://www.kidscape.org.uk/assets/downloads/kslongtermeffects.pdf
Harvard report states “Victims of chronic childhood
bullying are more likely to develop depression or
think about suicide as adults compared with those
who weren't bullied, while former bullies are more
likely to be convicted of criminal charges.”
See http://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/school-bullying-has-long-
lasting-effects

22. PREVENTING
 Help children to play their part in prevention
programmes.
 Make sure your school has updated its existing
policies and practices.
 Encourage the school to make reporting easier
- includes advice about removal of content.
 Ask are they evaluating the anti-bullying work
(both prevention and incidents) very important
for OFSTED.
• Are teachers receiving training about bullying?
• Is the school logging complaints and monitor bullying in the school?

23. EMPATHY
• Does the technology
contribute to an erosion of
empathy ? If so how ?
• What happens when we
become “comfortably numb”
• How can we build empathy
online ?
See fuller article I wrote at
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/stephen
-carrickdavies/online-empathy-erosion-or_
b_1685344.html

24. “You never really understand a
person until you consider things
from his point of view.
Until you climb inside of his skin
and walk around in it.”
Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
• Talk to your children about how they build empathy and how the
technology can erode empathy
• Talk to your children about how they build resilience and learn from
experiences including role-play and acting (assertiveness training)

25. “Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in another’s
place and to understand their experience.
We are deeply present to their thoughts and
feelings with such compassionate accuracy that
they can hear their own thoughts more clearly.
Empathy connect us with our
common humanity.
It protects us from prejudice,
blame, and judgment – those
things that divide us from each
other. It moves us to seek
justice for every person. Even
those with whom we disagree.”
With empathy, we
reflect on how our
actions affect others.
Empathy inspires us
to be giving and
selfless. Empathy
connects our hearts.
Source www.boundlessconnections.org/weeklyvirtuesblog/wp-content/
uploads/2010/12/Empathy.jpg

26. “Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in another’s
place and to understand their experience.
We are deeply present to their thoughts and
feelings with such compassionate accuracy that
they can hear their own thoughts more clearly.
Empathy connect us with our
common humanity.
It protects us from prejudice,
blame, and judgment – those
things that divide us from each
other. It moves us to seek
justice for every person. Even
those with whom we disagree.”
With empathy, we
reflect on how our
actions affect others.
Empathy inspires us
to be giving and
selfless. Empathy
connects our hearts.
Source www.boundlessconnections.org/weeklyvirtuesblog/wp-content/
uploads/2010/12/Empathy.jpg

27. RESPONDING
 Supporting the victim – need for reassurance.
 Practical advice and support such as saving
evidence, not retaliating, informing parents.
 Helping them to report it – school, employer,
union, police, etc
 If receiving report - investigate and record
incidents, identify the bully.
Working with the bully and sanctions (including
technology specific).
DISCLOSURE
Recognise the
under-reporting
of cyberbullying
Why do you think this is ?
• “Are you alright?”
• “Knowing you can always come to me to discuss”
• What are the sanctions in schools for a bully ? Does the SMT take this
seriously - they have to by law !

28. LEADING
ROLE PLAYING EXERCISES
Help children prepare for future conflict.
Practice responding in firm voice.
Give them positive phrases to use.
• Tackling this POSITIVELY - young people and adults feel passionately
about this subject use this to help build character, including resilience

29. © Images remain the property of the Black Dog Institute

30. LEADING
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=nWJ
ut7KQhI4&feature=endscreen
Showing what
leadership
LOOKS like and
FEELS like
PRAISE, MODELLING
AND FEEDBACK
The Miracle tools
in the parent’s toolbox !

31. ACTION POINTS
1. Use the term “bullying” correctly / Recognise the seriousness
2. Recognise the range of reasons why someone might be bullied. Be brave
to recognise any in built prejudice of any kind !
3. Recognise that someone may be cyberbullied and may under-report/
disclose.
4. Recognise that those who are exploring their own sexuality may be
more vulnerable online.
5. Recognise that the online world provides an amazing community of
support and lots of good resources - use stories of those who have been
affected by bullying as positive role models.
6. Talk to your children about how they build empathy and how the
technology can erode empathy. Help to build resilience and learn from
experiences including role-play and acting (assertiveness training)
7. Make sure your children know that they can always come to you to
discuss
8. Tackle this POSITIVELY - children and young people feel passionately
about this subject use this to help build character, including resilience
ACTION POINTS WHAT IS GOING TO BE YOUR ONE PRIORITY ACTION ?

32. HELPFUL RESOURCES
Stephen Carrick-Davies
www.carrick-davies.com
stephen@carrick-davies.com
www.beatbullying.org
www.kidscape.org.uk
www.gov.uk/bullying