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Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 1/3
MOVIES
Why Is Rogue One Is as Important
to the Star Wars Franchise? as
Ep...
Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 2/3
movie and as a war movieas a war movie that involves a heist, which means...
Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 3/3
never know, unless someone gets to tell their stories. There are other ba...
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Editing Rogue One Movie Review

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This is an editing sample of a movie review for the Star Wars movie "Rogue One." It demonstrates my abilities to edit for grammar, semantics, pragmatics, lexicon, and mechanics. The document may serve as the basis for a writing workshop.

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Editing Rogue One Movie Review

  1. 1. Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 1/3 MOVIES Why Is Rogue One Is as Important to the Star Wars Franchise? as Episode VII Rob Bricken 2/24/16 3:23pm • Filed to: RANT The Force Awakens was a huge milestone: the first continuation of the Star Wars movie saga since 1983's Return of the Jedi. But, but the upcoming Rogue One is just as important to the future of Star Wars, if not more so. Artwork: Darren Tan © 2015-2018 There’s There is a lotmuch riding on Rogue One’s X-Wings. The first stand-alone story movie in Disney’s revitalized Star Wars movie machinefranchise, (premiering on December 16), is going towill be different from the other previous seven episodes in the franchise for a lot ofseveral reasons—and its success or failure could have a major, permanentan indelible impact effect on upon all Star Wars movies yet to come. Minor spoilers ahead...Spoilers loom ahead. In the very unlikely implausible event that you don’t do not already know, Rogue One is about a group of Rebellion pilots who are tasked with getting retrieving the plansschematics for of the original Death Star— the very plans that Princess Leia gave to R2-D2 in A New Hope. It’s It has been described both a heist Comment [NA1]: The author never mentions the importance of Episode VII within his review. It should, therefore, not be mentioned in the title. Comment [NA2]: EDITOR recommends that the author not begin a sentence with a conjunction within a news article. Comment [NA3]: All visual materials must be cited within a caption. Comment [NA4]: EDITOR recommends that the author not use contractions within a news article. Comment [NA5]: EDITOR recommends that the author place supplemental information within parentheses. Comment [NA6]: EDITOR recommends that the author not use the going to be construction, as it is used for informal register; not a news article. Comment [NA7]: EDITOR recommends that the author excise the adjective minor because its connotation will not motivate readers to continue reading the news article in its entirety; which would prevent them from reading advertisements.
  2. 2. Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 2/3 movie and as a war movieas a war movie that involves a heist, which means indicates that it’s going to it will be the first Star Wars movie with a specific theme to it beyond its general “space fantasy” aegisto deliver more than should be expected from a generic space fantasy. Presumably, this it will also be the first Star Wars movie that does not to include a Jedi (or possibly not even anyone someone with Force sensitivitywho can use the Force). Perhaps most more importantly, it’s going toit will be the first Star Wars filmmovie without a Luke Skywalker at its centeras its main character. And that’sWhich begs the question: Are audiences theatre-goers ready for Star Wars sans Skywalkers? Given the current international appetitetrends for all things from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, right now I am certain peopleaudiences are willing, more than ever before, willing to take a chance to find out. I also have zeroThere can be little doubt that ticket sales for the first weekend will be amazingprofitable, and that the movie will turn a profit. But but abundant sales cannot guarantee that’s fans will doesn’t mean the movie will be enjoyed the movie. If ticket sales drop precipitously after the first weekend, or word-of-mouth turns bad—or, basically, if this movie sucks—Rogue One may might make a profit, but if word of mouth is negative than it will also make audiences much more wary of all the other Star Wars stories movies, which Disney plans on churningto churn out until the world endskingdom come. A relative failure wouldn’t would not stop Disney from making more stand-alone Star Wars filmsmovies, but the next spin-off on the slate is amight feature a young Han Solo movie; . after After that, the movies that are most often rumored to follow include solo isolated adventures for Boba Fett and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Mining Relying on the histories back-stories of these well-known, beloved characters is smart and obviousan understandable choice when planning for future Star Wars episodes. But it’s, but it might become also kind of a bummerlackluster; to think that the Star Wars movies are going to perennially stick to the same dozen or so characters, especially when there’s literallythere is an entire galaxy universe for the audience to explore, filled with new characters to encounter. This is whyThe lure of fresh characters makes Rogue One isso important. Sure, it links directly to A New Hope, so audiences do understand the stakes immediately and easily. But other Other than a rumored appearance by Darth Vader, this the movie stars reveals an entirely new group of heroes on the big screen, with an entirely new battle against the Galactic Empire that is distinctly all their own. Getting a more in- depth view ofBy providing an in-depth focus on the Rebellion, the movie exposes—and getting to see just how a desperate insurgency as its fight combats against the Empire was in the heights of its tyrannical tyranny. power—would be fascinating enough. But the chance to seeIt also presents, on the big screen, what life in the Star Wars universe is like for regular ordinary people in the Star Wars universe, ; people who don’t do not hang outassociate with ultra-powerful space-wizards, is even more enticing. This movie has the potential to give us a wider view of the Star Wars universe than we’ve ever seen before—literally an entire universe full of stories Lucasfilm and Disney could tell. There could be countless heroes and villains out there, who are just as cool as Han Solo or as terrifying as Darth Vader, but we’ll Comment [NA8]: EDITOR recommends that the author use a phrase that is directly from the first film within the Star Wars franchise. Comment [NA9]: Refer to Comment [NA8]. Comment [NA10]: Although movie reviews permit for the use of personal pronouns, the EDITOR recommends that the author not use them since it is his intent to express a professional opinion based on expertise. Comment [NA11]: 1.) Refer to Comment [NA10]. 2.) EDITOR recommends that the author not use words that are absolute in denotation. Comment [NA12]: EDITOR recommends that the author: 1.) not engage in predicting the future, especially when being accurate would be against his wishes, 2.) delete the phrase if the movie sucks, as it is a premature judgment without support and contains a word that some readers may find objectionable (even possibly vulgar), 3.) change the hyphenated compound noun word- of-mouth to a phrase which is not hyphenated because it does not precede a noun or function as an adjective, AND 4.) transfer the phrase word of mouth to the subsequent sentence. Comment [NA13]: EDITOR recommends that the author use the hyperbolic idiom kingdom come instead of the more prosaic phrase until the world ends because it emphasizes the point of the author and it also harkens to another name for Disney: The Magic Kingdom. Comment [NA14]: EDITOR recommends that the author not use the adjective solo as it is a homonym of the proper noun Solo. The immediate repetition in sound does not contribute to the meaning of the sentence or emphasize an intent. Comment [NA15]: EDITOR recommends that the author not determine what is and is not obvious. Comment [NA16]: EDITOR recommends that the author delete this phrase because it is, as of yet, unmerited. The author should not assert ... Comment [NA17]: EDITOR recommends that the author substitute the word lure for enticing and transfer it from the last word of the paragraph to the second word of the paragraph. Comment [NA18]: EDITOR recommends that the author not use the verb stars after the noun movie since, together, the two words read as the plural open compound noun movie stars. Comment [NA19]: EDITOR recommends that the author transfer this phrase from the end of the paragraph to the beginning.
  3. 3. Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 3/3 never know, unless someone gets to tell their stories. There are other battles against the Empire, other foes to vanquish, other adventures to be had, and surely some of them have to be more interesting than giving us a bit of back-story on characters we already know pretty well. (Han Solo may be one thing, but every part we know of Boba Fett’s life prior to Empire Strikes Backwas dumb, and we’re all very aware that Jedi used to be assholes. I do not actually need more Fett or Obi-Wan in my Star Wars movies.) Rogue One is only a the first step into this largera more intricate world. But, but if the movie doesn’t does not perform to itsexceed the expectations, both financial and critical of the box office and of its critics, then Disney is will almost certainly going revert to step right back, and concentrate concentrating solely on established Star Wars characters for itsin the future stand-alone films. This is hardly the worst fate in the world, to be sure—but what an opportunity would be missed! Surely, that would be a squandered opportunity! The reason most of usthat its fans fell in love with Star Wars in the first place is was that it felt real. All thoseThe little elaborate details—the fact thatsuch as vehicles looked usedthat were visibly worn and battered, the allusions to the a mythic and complex past, the and countless aliens you sawseen once and then inextricably never again—made it feel likeconvincingly suggested that countless things were happening not just off-screen, but all around the galaxyan eventful galaxy existed off-screen. This, and the sense that every character, seen or unseen, has his/her/its own agency, life, goals, whatever,had a life with purpose and agency, is what made this elaborate, epic storygave Star Wars about a family of space wizards seem real. I am completely confident when I say that a great deal of Star Wars’ enduring appeal comes from its near-miraculous ability to make the unreal seem so realits enduring appeal; making it an epic for the ages. Consequently, the future of Star Wars depends upon the characters of Rogue One being just as memorable as the original ones. Comment [NA20]: EDITOR recommends that the author excise this paragraph from the article. It does not state any new information that has not already been stated nor does it function as a transition within the news article. It also contains unsubstantiated judgments and a gratuitous use of a vulgar word. Comment [NA21]: EDITOR recommends that the author excise this sentence as it contradicts his most poignant argument within the news article; that being, that Star Wars should focus on the development of new characters and withdraw from established characters whose storylines have concluded. Comment [NA22]: 1.) Refer to Comment [NA10]. 2.) EDITOR recommends that the author substitute fans for most of us because the phrase is not inclusive of those readers who were unable to watch the original three movies due to age and because it unintentionally reinforces the viewpoint that those readers who did not love Stars Wars movies in the past should continue to hate them now and in the future. Comment [NA23]: EDITOR recommends that the author excise this sentence as it has already been stated and uses personal pronouns. Comment [NA24]: EDITOR recommends the final sentence as a coda to the movie review. It would connect the conclusion to the previous paragraphs, and it would answer the title of the news article: Why Is Rogue One Important to the Star Wars Franchise?

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