1. Anger
“Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.”
- Horace
After a gap of two years, Brandon visited his close friend Terry’s large
cookie-cutter house. Brandon and Terry were having a nice tête-à-tête in the foyer
when Terry sent an sms (slightly taxing his texting thumb) to his other friend, Fred,
to join them at his house. Fred arrived at the house in his chauffeur-driven Land
Cruiser. Terry took both of them to the terrace, and they sat under a giant blue
tarpaulin. Soaking in evocative music and drinking crystal champagne, the trio
began to chat informally. Terry asked Brandon about what was happening in his
life. Brandon replied, “Buddy, in the not too distant future, I intend to start a small,
productive software firm with the help of micro loans.” No sooner did he finish
saying this that Fred guffawed and said sarcastically, “Hey man, there will be a lot
of hiccups in setting up a software firm. There is no royal road to make profits.
You better be aware of this fact.” Hearing this, Brandon lost his cool and said,
“Ok, fine, if you think you can pull me down with your ludicrous comments, then
you have successfully failed (it is an oxymoron). It would be better to keep your
advice to yourself. I know what I am doing. I am not a dingbat.” Terry remained a
mute spectator. He was helpless just like a kitten up a tree. Feeling rather hurt,
Brandon told Terry that he would catch up with him some other time and stomped
out of the house.
Come to think of it, on how many occasions have you landed in a
predicament due to your uncontrollable anger? How often has a long, simmering
anger pushed a situation to the point of no return? The answer is—many times
(making you squirm with embarrassment). The influence of anger is pervasive in
our society, largely because nobody is exempted from it. It is a universally
expressed emotion. Anger, by the way, is a double-edged sword. It can be used as
an instrument for one’s survival or for torturing others. People get angry for all
sorts of reasons, ranging from minor pinpricks to major provocations. Some
maintain their anger for longer periods of time, while others disentangle
themselves from it in a few minutes.
If a person does not regularly appraise his level of anger, it can become a
destructive force. In such a case, it becomes a big problem to curb the anger.
Remember, unrestrained anger is the primary cause for the breakup of

2. relationships. Furthermore, it is also the cause for disputes among nations. Millions
of lives lost, thousands of families’ bereaved, and massive damage to property—all
because of a crude exhibition of anger.
It is not easy to handle anger well, especially because there are no
teaching institutions anywhere in the world to make us well equipped. No wonder,
the moment we encounter this emotion, we do not know how to deal with it. We
are left clueless and scouting around for immediate answers.
Time-tested tips to control your anger
(1) When you are angry, keep your mouth shut, your lips sealed
Words are most powerful. They have to be used in the right manner.
When you are angry, you might utter a word out of place. It can be destructive,
damaging, and unpleasant to others. This leaves a stain on your character.
Moreover, it bodes ill for your future success. Hence, take a chill pill, and tell
yourself something soothing, such as, “Just take it easy.” As Thomas Jefferson
said, “When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one
hundred.”
(2) Learn to deal with upsetting people/situations in an effective way.
Damon, a chemical technologist, said, “I once went shopping at Wal-Mart in
Ontario, Canada. I bumped into Abel, a thorn in my side, who had come shopping
with his better half. I gave them an indifferent smile and walked away from that
place in no time. I know I did the best thing. Although my blood was boiling at that
moment, I decided not to throw a temper tantrum and make the atmosphere
unpleasant.”
(3) Forgiveness – Every person has the divine right to exercise it
During the course of a debate at a news studio in Washington, one
politician, Kellen, made stinging remarks about his rival (Vicente). It was a
vituperative attack at its very best. Any faint-hearted person would have easily
collapsed then and there. But Vicente was a brave person. He did not retaliate, but
rather said politely, “I will not take umbrage at his rudeness. I know it is just a slip
of Kellen’s tongue, but basically he is an angelic person. I certainly have no issues
with him.” Vicente faced the music with temerity.

3. Forgiveness is not an easy thing for many people, solely because according
to their way of thinking it is a quality of “less strong” people. Nothing could be
less true than this. When you forgive someone, it knocks down long-standing
grudges. You are unburdened from past, hurtful episodes. You get on with life in a
positive frame of mind. Forgiveness is a wonder drug. It has a powerful healing
effect on the deepest of your wounds.
Triggering factors for anger
Ticked off, burning up, riled—all synonyms for one of the most common
and basic human emotion: anger. Anger can be caused by (a) external factors
(people, events). You could be outraged because your supposedly genuine friend,
in his heart of hearts, wishes no good for you. You are wrathful because you are
living on a shoestring budget. (b) internal factors (thoughts, worries, memories).
You are mad because of traumatic memories (they send shivers down your spine).
You are so mired in your personal problems that it throws your normal life out of
g e a r.
It is important to realize that anger can be your friend or foe, depending on
how you express it. The way you act when you are angry can make a situation
better or worse. Some people react to difficult situations with composure. They
use obstacles as a springboard to make their lives better. They learn to take the
bitter with the sweet. Others go crazy in these situations and cannot escape from
the tentacles of their anger problem. Their response is a clear manifestation of
their inability to handle unsettling situations. Worst-case scenario: Prolonged
anger can be an invitation for premature death (a hair-raising penalty!)
Why are some people more “hotheaded” than others?
Some people get angry more easily and more intensely than an average
person. Medically proven studies have shown that these people have a low
tolerance for frustration, aggravation, and the hassles of daily living, and seem to
overreact to the many problems of everyday life. They are particularly exasperated
if a situation in some way seems unreasonable. For example, such people might be
annoyed about being corrected for a minor mistake.
Anger can be influenced by hereditary or physiological causes. Some
people are born cantankerous and irascible. The genesis of their anger can be

4. traced back to their earliest childhood days. Research has also found that some
people come from troubled family backgrounds where levels of anger are high.
They establish their parents’ angry conduct as a baseline and replicate the same
pattern. Poor souls, little do they know the side effects of anger in the times to
come.
Constructive anger
I want to debunk the misguided notion that anger is simply a
harmful/destructive emotion expressed by us. Keep in mind that not all anger is
unhealthy. For “cavemen,” it is a motivating force; for a “social activist,” an
impetus to fight against societal wrongdoings; for a “journalist,” a strong reason
to act as a custodian of the “public interest.”
Anger is useful to:
(a) Protect one’s reputation when it is unfairly sullied by allegations, half-
truths, and innuendos.
(b) Oppose draconian laws of the national government.
(c) Vociferously raise a voice against social injustice.
(d) Work like a demon to achieve seemingly impossible tasks.
(e) Confront physical threats in a sensible manner.
Counseling for anger
Colt is a fashion designer who lives in Spokane, Washington, in the United
States. His fresh-faced, preppy looks have contributed greatly to his appeal among
women and the young. One night, he was guzzling ice-cold Hamm’s beer, $3.69
for a six-pack, in his house. It was 11 p.m. His girlfriend walked in from her job,
terribly tired. Feeling frustrated by her late arrival, he slapped and kicked her with
his rubber-soled boots. His neighbors heard the assault. After 25 minutes, he
picked up a grungy iron rod from the attic of his house and broke the windshield of
her car, which had a tubular chassis and an aluminum body. A neighbor wasted no
time in calling the police. The police rushed to the house; his girlfriend was ashen-
faced with shock for having been shafted by Colt in such a way. He was kept in

5. prison for few months and later released, but not before the police issued a stern
warning to him to control his raging temper. The answer to all the above ills and
problems lies in an anger management counseling center wherein you
(a) Get advice from a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional.
(b) Learn a well thought-out plan to handle your anger in a better way.
(c) Come to know the root cause of your outbursts.
(d) Modify your thinking and behavior patterns.
(e) Feel enriched by counseling techniques.
When a client has completed the counseling sessions, he has to apply
those multipronged strategies throughout his life to effectively control his
temper and build himself into a balanced individual.
Action plan
Thinking about the obvious causes of your anger and mapping out strategies to
combat it are central to improving the quality of your life. As Dr. Nicholson
says, “Think like a detective and track down clues about the kinds of situations,
people, and events that trigger your anger.” Each person has “hot buttons” that
are likely to arouse his anger. It is necessary to identify these hot buttons so as
to effectively handle anger. Basically, a person tends to react in anger because
of social injustice, lack of sleep, hunger, loneliness, grogginess, mental illness,
frustration, disappointment, shame, hurt, or rejection. To evaluate the intensity
of your anger, answer the following questions, as mentioned in a journal:
(a) Do you fly off the handle at the slightest thing?
(b) Have you caused physical harm to others due to your raging temper?
(c) Are you angry about your own self, life, God, the human race, your soul
mate, your children, miscellaneous?
(d) How much time do you take to step away from your anger?

6. (e) How mild/explosive is your anger, when compared to that of others?
(f) Have you ever made it through an entire day without getting angry at
something or someone?
(g) Do you say filthy things when angry?
(h) How easy/difficult it is to express your anger?