OurBigDayNYC.com presents: In June 2015, the Supreme Court issued a landmark ruling that invalidated gay marriage bans in the US. As this ruling affects many couples across the country, we turned to a group of experts on same sex weddings to clear up some of the common questions we're seeing on the topic.

1. In June 2015, the Supreme Court issued
a landmark ruling that invalidated gay
marriage bans in the US.
As this ruling affects many couples
across the country, we turned to a group
of experts on same sex weddings to
clear up some of the common questions
we’re seeing on the topic.

2. How does the Supreme Court ruling
affect us as a gay couple?
In short, gay marriage is now legal throughout the U.S.. Married
same sex couples can receive the same rights and benefits as
married heterosexual couples.
As an LGBT couple, the process of getting married is essentially
the same as what a straight couple would go through.
The process and documentation required to get married varies
on a state-by-state basis. Couples should check with their local
courthouse or a wedding professional to learn what they’ll need
to do in order to tie the knot in their area.

3. Some of the long-standing traditions inherent to
heterosexual weddings regarding attire, vows, and
procession may not apply to LGBT weddings. How should
engaged LGBT couples think about these components of a
wedding?
When it comes down to it, couples should do what they
want to do and not feel tied to a tradition.
Lindsay Parrott-Masiewicz, owner of P3 Events notes, “...I
believe many couples think they have to do the typical
wedding traditions, but I always stress, this is for you and
you only. Do what you want to do and if that is forgetting
tradition, who cares?”

4. When it comes to choosing who to walk down the aisle with, Emanuela
Giangreco of Venice Gay Weddings explains, “I personally recommend
that they follow their hearts. Always. All the brides and the grooms
should walk down the aisle with their most beloved person.”
Reverend Tanya K. Young of Outer Banks Wedding Ceremony has
found that, “...LGBT couples often choose to walk in together - rather
than being ‘given away’ by their father or mother.”
She continues, “As for the order of the wedding party, in a
straight wedding there are traditional sides for the groomsmen
and the bridesmaids to stand on. LGBT couples are choosing to
alter this with mixed genders on both sides and new labels of
Best Woman, Man of Honor and others. Also, in the seating of
the guests, they seem to prefer that there be no designated sides
for the families - guests just sit where they wish.”

5. When it comes to choosing who to walk down the aisle with,
Emanuela Giangreco of Venice Gay Weddings explains, “I
personally recommend that they follow their hearts. Always.
All the brides and the grooms should walk down the aisle
with their most beloved person.”
Reverend Tanya K. Young has found that, “...LGBT couples
often choose to walk in together - rather than being
‘given away’ by their father or mother.”

6. She continues, “As for the order of the wedding
party, in a straight wedding there are traditional
sides for the groomsmen and the bridesmaids to
stand on. LGBT couples are choosing to alter this
with mixed genders on both sides and new
labels of Best Woman, Man of Honor and
others. Also, in the seating of the guests, they
seem to prefer that there be no designated
sides for the families - guests just sit where they
wish.”

7. In terms of clothing, Andrew Jackson of UK Gay
Wedding Planner sees that “often grooms will
perhaps wear different suits but then the same
colour/patterned tie, or the same buttonhole.
Brides – generally one bride will wear the
‘traditional’ white dress whilst the other wears a
trouser suit.”

8. When it comes to the procession, Carolyn O'Brien from
Creative Celebrations has seen a range of approaches
including the couple being escorted down the aisle one after
another, one person standing at the front of the room and
the other being escorted, and even the couple following
their teenage daughters down the aisle.
“The garter and bouquet tosses can be done creatively as
well,” notes Carolyn. “I had one bride toss the bouquet and
the other toss the garter that she took off her bride’s leg.
Why not have two bouquet tosses or two garter tosses?
This is the beauty of LGBT weddings! I am planning them
anyway the couple wants them and able to forgo what has
traditionally been done.”

9. There are also different traditions that
influence how heterosexual couples pay for
wedding costs. How should LGBT couples
think about this when planning their
weddings?
Again, rather than trying to ascribe to a
tradition, it’s best to do what makes the
most sense for the couple.

10. Victoria Thanoukos of Kensington Florals and Events
recommends that “all couples should be conscious of
budget as well as how they want their day to transpire.
They should ask themselves what is most important, [be] it
the venue, floral, lighting, décor, food, entertainment,
music, etc. and begin to prioritize from there.”
Similarly, Shanie McCowen of Rainbow Bells suggests
that couples “make a list of ‘must haves’ and a ‘wish
list,’” to help with planning their vision.

11. Any tips on finding the right vendors?
Life Cycle Celebrant’s Mila Martin advises checking
“out your vendors to be sure they are LGBTQ
friendly.”
To do so, Rev. Young recommends checking to
“...see if their website is inclusive - not referring
to bride and groom, but rather - ‘couples.’ Also
see if they are featuring same-sex photography
on their website...If possible, meet with your
vendors prior to the wedding just to make sure
they have a connection to the LGBT community
and can talk openly about it.”

12. Is there any protection against discrimination
from wedding vendors?
As of August 2015, there is no federal legislation that
protects LGBT couples against discrimination from
vendors. This is left up to the local and state level and
varies widely on protection and enforcement.
Art Leonard, Professor of Law at the New York Law School,
notes that “...in jurisdictions that outlaw discrimination by
businesses based on sexual orientation, enforcement
agencies and courts have ruled that businesses do not have
a right to refuse to provide goods and services to same sex
couples because the owner of the business has religious
objections to the wedding.”

13. Leonard continues, ”...religious wedding
celebrants and places of worship are NOT
legally required to make their facilities and
services available for same-sex weddings if their
religion does not support such ceremonies, so
those planning weddings who want a religious
component in their ceremony or want to hold it
in a religious space should do their research to
be sure that the celebrants and institutions they
approach are welcoming for this purpose.”

14. “… litigation is ongoing in Texas and Kentucky
and Alabama about the refusal of some clerks to
issue marriage licenses. This is an unresolved
matter. Couples planning weddings who want
to avoid confrontational scenes when they go to
apply for their licenses should probably do a
little research to be sure that the office in their
jurisdiction is not one of those that is refusing to
issue licenses,” says Leonard. “My
recommendation is to do online research about
the marriage license process in the relevant
jurisdiction.“

15. Is the process of divorce any different for gay
couples?
In light of the Supreme Court ruling, not any more. Before
this decision, states that didn’t recognize gay marriage
would not recognize appeals for divorce either.

16. Additional tips and advice:
“Just have fun and don't stress too much
about the details! It doesn't have to be
perfect and you don't have to make everyone
else happy. Embrace the wedding planning
process and hire someone with experience to
help (if it is in your budget), follow your heart,
and enjoy the celebration of your
commitment to each other!” - Renate
Daversa, Seaside Wedding San Diego

17. “Make every aspect of your wedding unique.
Make it show exactly who you both are
individually and as a couple. Whether it is a
huge affair or an intimate gathering, this is
such an important moment and when looking
back all you are going to remember is the fun,
laughs and memories. So make sure
everything you have planned are things you
can enjoy in the moment.” - Lindsay Parrott-
Masiewicz, P3 Events

18. “One of the most common mistakes couples
make is that they can lose focus as to what
their big day is all about. They can become
side-tracked by the perceived need to
entertain their guests throughout the whole
day instead of concentrating on the key
reason for their wedding – being in love and
sharing that special day with their friends
and family.” - Andrew Jackson of UK Gay
Wedding Planner

19. Thanks to everybody who contributed to this piece:
Lindsay Parrott-Masiewicz - p3events.com
Emanuela Giangreco - venicegaywedding.com
Rev. Tanya K. Young - www.outerbanksweddingminister.com
Andrew Jackson - www.ukgayweddingplanner.co.uk
Carolyn O'Brien - www.creativecelebrationz.com
Victoria Thanoukos - www.kensingtonevents.com
Shanie McCowen - www.rainbowbells.com
Mila Martin - www.yourceremonyyourway.com
Renate Daversa - www.seasidebeachwedding.com
For additional commentary from those that participated, please visit
www.ourbigdaynyc.com/q-and-a
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