Caregivers guide to sanity

What to do to take care of YOU!  
by Nancy Lamb  
© 2014 Ramblin Lamb Communications
The CareGiver’s Guide
to  
Sanity
1
presents

What to do to take care of YOU!
© 2014 Ramblin Lamb Wellness
Who am I?  
Nancy Lamb
Writer, Project Manager, Business Manager, Health Coach and
unplanned Caregiver for over 20 years 
Passionate about healthy living, loving, and doing good
2

Avoid Caregiver Burnout
Have you ever noticed that somehow what you
did out of love suddenly became something you
resent? Or that some days you resent things that
you naturally do of loving kindness.
Have you ever noticed that suddenly you are
tired and everything seems like work?
Where did the joyful fun go?
THAT’S THE SIGNAL !
3

This Guide is for you if:
You are the the one everyone turns to
You feel you are losing yourself
You have lost your happy mode
You want to run away
Because even when you get a short break, you
don’t fully relax...
4

What I want from YOU
It’s pretty simple. You have enough on your plate
right now. But when you are in a better place,
when you again have the time and energy to help
others, this is what I ask of you:
Share this Guide with Others. Steer them
towards a Caregivers’ Advocate - like me!
That’s it. Why? Because I did it alone. There was
no help, no guide, no support system.
5

This Guide will provide
7 Secrets that help you avoid caregiver burnout
7 Tips to get help
7 Secrets to healthy eating
7 Tips to getting your daily needs met
7 tips to avoid caregiver burnout
6

This Guide Will not
Make your loved one healthy
Ask you to abandon your loved one
Sell you any service
Sell you any supplements
Make you work harder
7

My Background
Caregiver for my parents, and now my husband - a
steady 20 years if I count the early years.
Trained by a registered nurse in home health care
and assistance long before it was a career
20 years writing and teaching self care
AADP Certified Holistic Health Coach
Prior Health and Life Insurance Agency
Business Project Manager, Producer, and Bull Dog
8

My Mission
Help caregivers move gracefully through the
most challenging of responsibilities - caring for
our loved ones without draining ourselves.
Advocate for Patient and Caregiver Support for
those with complex, chronic and disabling
conditions.
Build Awareness and seek a cure for Chronic
Fatigue Syndrome and Myalgic
Encepholomyelitis(CFS / ME)
9

My Purpose is
To make your caregiving easier
To help you enjoy more time with your loved
ones, minimize the stress, and elevate your vibe.
To nurture you back to healthy living.
To lead you to live through this as best you can
To be there for you so you can be there for others
10

Let’s Manage Your
Tipping Points
11

Where Can I Turn for Help
Seek Medical Help - if you are neglecting your
own care, now is the time to get it.
Seek a Support Group - I never found one, but
often thought I should just start my own.
Seek out Spiritual Help - unaffiliated? No
worries, try a yoga, Qi Gong, or meditation class.
KNOW THIS: You are not on your own! Take a
deep breath, sit still, breathe, and know.
12

Who Can I Call
Friend List
Resource List
Doctor’s List
Yoga Class Schedule
Meditation scheduled
Me Time Schedule
13

My Brother, My Self
If you have a solid relationship with other family
members, let them know what is happening.
Establish a good communications base with your
family -- email is better than nothing.
Know that Rips in the family fabric at this time
are sometimes irreparable. Acceptance frees you
emotionally. If needed, find a mediator.
Be honest with yourself about your feelings.
14

Family Drama
Every single tip I offer is based on my life
experience. You can’t avoid family drama.
I spent 15 - 20 years caring for my progressively
aging parents. I may as well have been an only
child. Literally. Ask for family help, but know - if
you have to ask they probably won’t!
Know this: It’s your job to take care of yourself,
too. If you can, hire a helper for a day, a week,
part time or full time. Yes, You CAN!
15

No Regrets
Tricked ya! I don’t think it’s possible to not have
regrets. I certainly do - and I really just want to
change the past. Can’t do it! Acceptance is the
only solution.
Bottom line is we make the best decisions
possible at the time -- and so will you! You can’t
foresee everything.
If I could do anything over, it would be ? What?  
16

No Do Overs
I have a list of things I would have done
differently but the truth is I did what I did for a
reason. Every decision was made based on what I
knew at the time.
Working with a family delegate, we made several
joint decisions. Nothing was easy. Everyone
outside has an opinion. It isn’t an easy situation.
Many life long friendships were torn.
There are no Do Overs in the game of life.  
17

First Priority
Self Care -- It’s really simple. If you don’t take
care of yourself, you will not be there to care for
your loved one.
Be Kind to YOU -- because you have to
continually nurture yourself. It is not an option.
Especially when you are the ‘dutiful daughter’
who gets all the blame, and none of the glory.
YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF AS YOU WOULD
YOUR BEST FRIEND.
18

What is Self Care
Its what you do to feel relief, happiness, joy, and
sometimes, just a moment of bliss.
Self care is what you literally do to make sure you
can survive.
Self care includes rest, restoration, rejuvenation,
and strength building.
Self Care is the time you take to rejuvenate.
19

My Secret 7 Must Do
Daily Self Care Steps
Daily exercise, yoga, or movement: 20 minutes minimum
Mindfulness Moments: 
Daily reflections: write or meditate and focus on gratitude, accomplishments,
pleasure filled moments. Focus on Breath.  
Take Time ALONE.
Healthy foods every day even when I don’t feel hungry
Sacred Daily Connections: Best is in person, but always a Daily Connections,
personal contact, private chat, phone calls, smile exchanges
10 Minute Trip to Light - Daylight, a Happy Lamp, or Visioning
Get out of the house: Drive, Garden, Walk, Coffee
Play every day. Sing. Skip. Laugh. Dance. Create art or make a craft. Doodle.
20

Your Personal
Self Care Strategy
Please take a moment and make a list of all of the
things you love that make you feel just a bit more
whole, at peace, or joyful. No less than 10 items
and as many as 50.
Place a marker here because we will revisit this
later
21

My list of nurturing ideas
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24

Known Self Sabateurs
We all have triggers. Things or people that just
set us off. When I gave up smoking, I learned the
value of making lists. Things to do. Things to
avoid. It was combat and I was going to win the
war.  
That’s where the following list comes from. Here,
we look at things you want to avoid - things you
want to reframe.
25

My list of things to avoid
reframe and remember!
1 It’s not about me
2 Don’t make assumptions
3 Be mindful of each moment
4 No expectations
5 I don’t have to have all the
answers
6 Understand my feelings are not
facts
7 One Day at a Time and First
Things First
Samples from my world
26

7 unusual keys to sanity
1. Get away
2. Laugh
3. Lift Heavy things
4. Sweat
5. Cook a wonderful meal
6. Dig in the Dirt
7. Dance - put on your favorite music and dance!
27

Got to Get Away
Everyone needs a break. Hire a helper and get
away. Just DO IT.
Go somewhere, do something, or do nothing
Do something new for a new perspective
Get a new view
Get out and see life as if its a new universe
Do something you’ve always done but different
Find Natural, Free, Easy things to do
28

Laugh About it
Laughter - 1 minute of laughter is equal to 15 minutes of
jogging
Just laugh -- force yourself to laugh aloud and hard for 1
minute
Ok- if you can’t laugh, smile big and broad.
It sends a signal to your brain. It changes your chemistry.
It sends a relief signal. A good laugh changes everything.
Find things that amuse you: Movies, stories, jokes,
mimes, street fair entertainers...anything light and lovely.
29

Lift Heavy Things
Get Strong and stay strong. There is a lot to be
said for having muscular strength. But it’s not
just good for your bones. Building muscular
strength by lifting weights builds more than
strong muscles and bones. When you continually
push your muscles, you are building an
emotional strength that lifts your spirits and
elevates your mental / emotional endurance. You
feel better. You feel strong enough. You build a
sense of an extra push.
30

Sweat and Stretch
A good sweat releases the toxins that build
inside. I like to sweat by a good workout. The
physical work out makes you burn off some
stress energy as well.
Tight muscles make for pain. Make it a daily
practice to stretch! Stretch it out with breath.
Yoga is perfect but there’s nothing wrong with
good old fashioned stretching!
This is revival! Anything that moves your energy.
31

Cook a Wonderful Meal
Cooking is both art and nurturing. People fail to
remember that cooking a wonderful new recipe is
as much a healing exercise as it is a means to
commune with loved ones.
Engage your senses
Engage your creativity
and Engage your family
32

Dig in the Dirt
Gardening is always a renewable joy. I find my
mind wandering to weird places.
When you clear the beds of weeds, or clear the
brush of overgrowth, think about how you are
symbolically clearing your mind.
Replanting is an act of rejuvenating the soil. As
you plant your new garden bed, think abou tthe
joy of spring when new life blooms.
33

Learn Something New
Rekindle a lost love: Photography, painting,
crafts, writing, computers
Read a book on how to write
Take a class, on site if possible and online if not
Pick something you think you stink at and take a
beginner class
34

7 serious steps to maintain
lifelong sanity
Self Awareness - write about it
Friendship - call a good, trusted friend
Support System - find a support group where you
can share from your heart
Lessons from the Ancients: Qi Gong and Yoga
What to say when you talk to yourself
Don’t feed the trolls
35

Call on a Friend
In 12 step recovery programs, they all suggest
you find a sponsor. The concept is simple: Living
with the chronically ill is sometimes too much to
bear alone.
I advise you list 3 - 5 friends who have the
capacity to listen with loving attention. And call
them! Sometimes it is literally too much to
handle alone.
36

Find a Support System
There is always someone
Start your own - libraries and fire departments
offer free use of their rooms
Online information resources
Write a blog and open comments
Google it
Ask about. Others in the same situation are
often isolated too.
37

Lessons from the Ancients
QiGong is an ancient healing form practiced in
the Asian areas.
QiGong is a moving meditation
QiGong is about energy and opening the energy
flows in your body.
Even if you don’t believe it, you gain flexibility
and calm from the movements.
38

Yoga = Union or Harmony
Yoga has reached the recreational fad status, but
it’s the best for relaxation and stress relief
I’ve practiced for over 20 years -- it always helps
16 minutes or 2 hours - make it mindful and be
aware of your breath
Yoga releases the stress stored in the muscles,
releases the energy, releases the mind
39

Talk to Yourself
Create positive affirmations that you can write
down and post all over the place:
Breathe
Be still
I am vibrant, happy, and loved
It must be positive, short, and memorable
I am peaceful
40

Examples that I use
I am happy, vibrant,
and whole
I am I am I am
I am healthy and
energetic
I am loved
I am letting go of
worry
I am doing what is in
front of me
I am peaceful
I am prospering
I am attracting all
that I need
I am not willing to
accept defeat
I am taking care of
myself
I am allowing myself
to receive exactly
what I need
I am allowing myself
to succeed
I am no longer
willing to accept
anything less than
the best
I am worthy of...
41

Avoiding Negatives
Social Media is both friend and foe. If you find
yourself having irritable knee jerk reactions to
negative, stress inducing flame wars -- unfriend
or block those antagonists. They take joy in
starting these things. They only serve to distract
you from your primary purpose.
Keep your circles clear - have an inner circle of
close friends, and sure - share with others, but
know who is in the in circle.
42

Avoiding Negatives (2)
Stay Away From Toxic Help: You know them. They
may mean well. They offer help or offer solace but you
always feel worse after an engagement. Whomever
they are to you, they aren’t part of your support
system. Steer clear.
Take care to remember that those who truly have your
back don’t need to tell you.
You don’t need to spend useless time questioning
yourself after they offer their opinions. If they want to
help, they need to offer tangible help, not platitudes
and lofty opinions.
43

Don’t Feed the Trolls
Trolls are everywhere. They thrive on making
people crazy with emotional trash. Just don’t
feed them.
Walk away, hang up the phone, step away from
Facebook, close your email!
Cultivate emotional defenses and physical
actions like putting hands out in front and saying
aloud: NO!
44

Fighting Trolls:  
Feeding the Fires of Happiness.
45

Embrace the Support
Having decided to stay away from the negative,
you still need to embrace the positive. Some
friends will be genuine and you know it. They
may offer a unique perspective worth
considering.
You will know the difference. Get the support
that comes from love.
Setting boundaries means you are open to letting
love in and keeping toxic energy out.
46

Time for YOU
Take one hour every day
Take one day per week
Take a long weekend or week away every quarter
Yes, YOU CAN!
47

How to Take Time
Adult Day Care Centers
Hire a Neighbor, Church Friend, Your Children,
Your best friends
Ask for a Friend Sitter, Hubby Sitter, Visiting
Nurses, Temporary Agencies
If your loved one is basically capable of fending
for himself, just schedule the time and TAKE IT.
MAKE IT A PRIORITY
48

More on Taking Time
If you don’t take care of you, you won’t have
anything left to take care of your loved one.
It’s like oxygen for your spirit.
It’s essential to your staying alive
It’s not an option: JUST DO IT
Ask for Help. Ask the right people.
49

Find a Creative Outlet
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of mind numbing
activity. What you need is creative expression!
Pick up a pen and write
Take an art class
Learn photography, claywork, glass
blowing,beading, floral arrangements...
Take a culinary class
50

Creativity = Creation
When you create, you start to feel alive and
refreshed. It’s magical!
Not feeling artistic --
check out an art supply store
check out the master painters
think about what you loved as a kid
what was your favorite art project ever
51

Healthy Eating
Keeps you Going
1. Eat fresh
2. Eat a Rainbow
3. Eat what you make and make it tasty
4. Find new recipes
5. Get inspired by Food Network or other
cooking shows
6. Buy Local - Meet the Farmer
7. Water -- drink fresh, natural water
52

Healthy Menus
The major complaint I hear most often is about
time.
My time saving solutions come from several
years of working full time, caring for ill family,
and doing everything.
The one thing to do is think untraditionally.
Fresh, home made food is always healthier than
institutional or industrial foods.
53

Healthy Kitchens
and Happy Campers
Cook once and repurpose for a few meals:
Roast 2 chickens instead of one and enjoy a few days of variety:
Simple Roasted Chicken becomes flavorful enchiladas or burritos,
then a nice salad or sandwich, and finally a casserole.
Rib Roast for 4 with leftovers for chili, quick stew, sandwiches, or
salad
Make enough brown rice for a few days. Have it with dinner on
Sunday, add to the enchilada, make it into a breakfast cereal, add it
to chicken stock that you made with your chicken carcass
Make and freeze: Cooked chicken or meat, casserole, soups, stock
54

Healthy Kitchens
More Energy
Be Your Best Guide: Note what foods give you
sustainable energy and what foods give you a quick
burst only to leave you feeling drained.
Stephen Gagne wrote in The Energy of Foods that all
foods have energy. Greens grow upwards towards the
sun are filled with chlorophyll. They oxygenate the
body. They lift the spirit.
In contrast, carrots and potatoes grow under ground.
They are filled with grounding energy that can keep
you stable, rooted, grounded. 
55

Do Service Work
Sometimes it is counter intuitive, but can work.
Look for a cause that you can get behind
Choose clearly what you are willing to give, how
much time, how much effort - even if it’s 30
minutes a week. Give because you get so much
back.
Set Boundaries, but give with a joyous heart.
56

Join a club
My friend Nancy is 78 years old. Her children live afar,
her significant other just passed away, yet Nancy is still
going to her clubs. It’s keeping her alert and alive.
Dancing. Book Talks. Opera...
Get involved in things that interest and uplift you.
She is active, involved, and ready to help others. She
keeps engaged by her involvement in several clubs that
she cares about.
Getting involved is part of soul saving sanity.
57

SMILE at Yourself
Several years ago, I struggled with failures amidst
failures. I was in utter despair. I felt lost. I was awash
with misery. Tricking myself back into happiness saved
my life!
No help and no hope in sight,I resolved to test this
theory that smiling sends a message to yourself. I
forced myself to smile at myself in the mirror. I looked
into my own eyes, smiled broadly, and thought loving
thoughts.
It worked. It went beyond just smiling, but learning to
see me. Try it, yourself. It’s free!
58

Angry Eyes
Sometimes, we need to get the anger out! This treasure from QiGong
helps.
Feel yourself become calm. Then feel the energy of your anger, let it be in
your eyes. Look and feel the anger. Give the air in front of you a one - two
punch.
Repeat the punch above your head then to your sides.
Now shake your hands and fingers in front, above and to the sides.
Return to a calm gaze and feeling, notice a sense of expansion in your
body.
What happens is you become constricted when angry, so this moves the
energy outward and you literally make more space in your essence.
59

Call a Prayer Line
I’m not going to go all religious on you. All of us
find some source of strength.
Call your church, your neighbor who is active in a
church, your friends, your synagogue, your
recovery group -- whatever lifts your spirit.
Just call - prayer together offers a solace that
can’t be found when praying alone.
60

Ask for what you want
and be willing to accept the answer may be no.
ask someone else because not everyone can do
everything
Ask yourself “what do I need today to feel great”
and then give it to yourself!
Sometimes, a simple hour to talk with a friend
about YOU is all that it takes.
61

How to Find Care
Levels of Care: Short term, Hospice, Assisted
Living, Senior Living, Home Companions
Vacation Coverage so you can get away
Hospital Discharge
Trial Stay
Day Stay Programs
62

How to Let Go
Once you find a way to get help, delegate and get
away.
An hour, a day, a weekend — you will be so much
better for it on your return.
Trial Runs - do short bursts of personal escapes
while the back up team is in place.
63© 2014 Ramblin Lamb Wellness

Checklists to make
Doctors and Providers
Diet Restrictions
Medications
Daily Living Goals
To do lists for home
Friend Support List
Emergency Calling
List
Money Minder List -
where is everything
Grocery Staple list
Fun Activities List
Bucket List

Chores - Whose Gonna Do It
Wash Sheets and Bed
Linens
Wash Clothes
Clean kitchen floor and
counters
Clean kitchen
Clean Bathroom
Vacuum & Dust
Clean out closets
Clean out cupboards
Use, Donate, Toss bins
Yard Maintenance
Car Maintenance
Pets
Plants

Templates for charting your personal course
will be available at: www.bewellbistro.com
Thanks Everyone
This was written for YOU! As a Caregiver, YOU deserve help. 
Nancy is available for consults and ongoing virtual coaching.  
She is happy to create custom templates to make your life easy.  
email: nlamb@ramblinlamb.com
What to do to take care of YOU!
© 2014 Ramblin Lamb Wellness66

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