1. Tender Living Care
Supporting Families with Serious Illness from the Point of Diagnosis
More about Helping Children
(Based on excerpts from A Tiny Boat at Sea by Izetta Smith)
Things you should know:
◊ Children are resilient – they can make their way through hard times
◊ Each child has a powerful drive to figure out how to be okay
◊ Each child has his/her own unique way of figuring out how to be okay
◊ You can help your child by giving honest information, acceptance and caring
Three Tasks Facing Children when a family member is diagnosed with a life
threatening illness:
Children want to understand what has happened – This is a thinking task
Tell the truth as soon as possible, as this builds trust
If you don’t tell the children they will make guesses or play detective which may
have them imagining something more scary than the truth
Match the information to the child’s maturity level
Pick a time and place that is comfortable and preferable - not just before bedtime
Children want to express how they feel about what is happening – This is a
feeling task
It is normal for children to feel sad, mad and scared
Adults cry
There is less time than money
Routines change
Physical appearance may change
All of the above are normal changes when someone is diagnosed with an illness
Children often show their feelings through art and play
“Listen” to your child’s play and take time to have fun with her or him
Children may show their feelings through different behaviors
Some may withdraw or regress – help by drawing the child out and offering
small challenges at which they can succeed
Some become combative and act out – help by creating safe ways to express
big energy of feelings, e.g. sports, gross motor activities, hitting pillows
Some overachieve or begin to act overly mature – help by encouraging them
to do childlike activities, giving praise for silliness, encouraging self-
acceptance
Some ways of helping children express feelings:
“Softly holding” while they are crying
Create safe ways to express the big energy of feelings, e.g. sports, gross motor
activity, hitting pillows

2. Make time for talk and questions – create regular talking times. Remember
that children may express themselves in only two or three words and that’s ok.
Share your own feelings as a model for children
Play and draw with them
Peer support groups for children
Set up a telephone schedule with school personnel so the child can check in
Keep the school informed as to what is happening at home
Children want to continue to live fully in the present and open up to the future –
This is a growing and doing task
Children need to take breaks from dealing with the illness
It helps to maintain their routines as much as possible
Playing hard, laughing and temporarily losing awareness of the hard things in
their life can help
Created by
Patricia Ellen
Tender Living Care
A Program Supporting Families with Serious Illness from the Point of Diagnosis
The Center for Grieving Children
555 Forest Avenue
Portland, Maine
For more information call, e-mail or visit our Web site
775-5216
carol@cgcmaine.org
www.cgcmaine.org
A Tiny Boat at Sea1 (excerpts) with TLC Logo 2