1. ―A Spiritual Perspective
on Forgiveness‖
Presented by:
Matt Williams, PCC-S, CT, CG-C
Clinical/Spiritual Director

2. Business First…
• Welcome
• A word about…
1.Pagers, Cell Phones & Other devices.
2.Restroom Location.
3.Help yourself to more food/beverages.
4.The workshop (it‘s yours)

3. Objectives
• We will define ―forgiveness‖ in light of
what it is and what it is not.
• We will discuss the ―road blocks‖ of
forgiveness.
• We will explore the mechanics of
forgiveness and how to facilitate the
process.

4. Alexander Pope
18th Century English Poet
―To err is human, to forgive, divine.‖

5. Mark Twain
Author
―Forgiveness is the fragrance the
violet sheds on the heel that has
crushed it.‖

6. Susanne Somers
Actress
―Forgiveness is a gift you give
yourself.‖

7. George Herbert
Welsh poet, Priest
―He who cannot forgive breaks the
bridge over which he himself must
pass.‖

8. A Personal Exercise
• ―Facts on Forgiveness‖
o First, Do this exercise alone
o Then, in small groups share (BRIEFLY)
your thoughts on the questions.
o After sharing time the True/False
Questions…
Will be answers immediately.
But the discussion of the answers
will happen throughout our evening.

9. Reflection
• Generally Speaking:
o What kinds of emotions do you think
people considering forgiving or not
forgiving may face?
o What ways do you think being unable to
forgive has on a person (physically,
emotionally, spiritually, relationally,
intellectually, and socially)?

10. Reflection
• Generally Speaking:
o What kind of defense mechanisms might be at
play with people who cannot forgive?

11. Mental Health and Forgiveness
• Unforgiveness is considered to be a core
component of stress resulting from
interpersonal (me & others) or
intrapersonal (within me) offenses.
• Stress = decreased mental health.
• Unforgiveness may increase levels of
guilt, shame, anger, regret, etc.
• Forgiveness = reduced stress + positive
adjustment.

12. Mental Health and Forgiveness
• Stress + mental illness + (Unforgiveness)
= $80 Billion in mental health care*
• Stress + (Unforgiveness) = Increased cost
of physical health care
• Physical Illness + Mental Illness =
Clinicians needing to address forgiveness
in their need treatment planning.
* Total cost for 1996 according to 1999 reports by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

13. Health and Forgiveness
• A 2001 Study revealed
o A correlation between reviewing hurtful
memories and the increase of stress
responses (measures of stress response
including Electromyography or EMG, heart
rate, blood pressure)
o When subjects were encouraged to think
forgiving thoughts those same measures of
stress diminished.

14. Health and Forgiveness
• A 2003 Study
o 108 College Students replicated the 2001
Study
o Similar findings were seen.

15. Harvard Women‘s Health Watch
• The January 2005 article entitled: ―5 Positive
Health Effects of Forgiving‖ stated:
Reduces stress.
Better heart health.
Stronger relationships.
Reduces pain.
Greater Happiness.
• Article added, ―…[these] have been
scientifically studied.‖

16. Research
• More research is needed to examine the
benefits of forgiveness.
• Smaller studies have shown the potential
health benefits of forgiveness, including
o Decreased anger and negative thoughts
o Decreased anxiety
o Decreased Depression and Grief
o Decreased vulnerability to substance abuse

17. Big Deal?
• It is estimated that $276 billion is spent by
industry, due to alcohol and drug abuse.*
• It is estimated that $300 billion is spent by
industry due to the results of stress.*
• It‘s a guess…but maybe forgiveness is
needed.
* Reported by the 2003 Grief Index

18. Big Deal?
• ―The Terrible Cost of Unforgiveness‖ by
Larry Philip Nims, Ph.D.
o Continued psychological pain.
o Blocking of healthy communication
o Similar offenses by others remind us of past.
o Personal Power relinquished.
o Added toxic negativity in other, present
relationships.
o Many, many more.

19. What is Forgiveness?
• ―Forgiveness is an invitation to redeem
failure‖ Doris Donnely, Learning to Forgive
• ―National Treasure‖ [paraphrasing Thomas Edison, about invention
of light bulb] I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to
find one way to make it work.
• ―Forgiveness is most basically a release
of our anger against someone unto God.‖
Dr. Charles Kraft, Fuller Theological Seminary, Anger and Forgiveness: Reflections in the
Context of Inner Healing

20. What is Forgiveness?
• ―Forgiveness is One‘s awareness of his/her need
for restoration of self and relationships with
others.‖*
• Forgiveness is an emotional, cognitive, spiritual,
behavioral change toward a perceived
transgressor, where as the transgressor‘s debt
has been cancelled by the victim, which may or
may not lead to reconciliation.‖*
* Patricia Jenkins, R.N., M.A

21. What is Forgiveness?
• ―…a gift freely given in the face of a
moral wrong, without denying the
wrong itself.‖
• ―It is relinquishing of resentment…
offering goodwill to the wrongdoer.‖*
* Dr. Gayle L. Reed, from the University of Wisconsin in Educational Psychology

22. Forgiveness is a
Spiritual Issue
Forgiveness is a part of our world‘s spiritual
belief system.

23. Buddhism
• Forgiveness is a practice for removing unhealthy
emotions that would otherwise cause harm to our
mental well-being.
• Hatred leaves a lasting effect on our karma
(‖actions‖) and forgiveness creates emotions with
a wholesome effect.
• ―Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else but
you are the one who gets burned‖ — The
Buddha
• You will not be punished for your anger, you will
be punished by your anger.‖ — The Buddha

24. Judaism
• Ideally a person who has caused harm, needs
to sincerely apologize, then the wronged
person is religiously bound to forgive.
• However, even without an apology, forgiveness
is considered a pious act (Deot 6:9).
• Teshuva (, literally ―Returning‖) is a way of
atoning, which requires cessation of the harmful
act, regret over the act, confession and
repentance.
• Yom Kippur is the day of atonement when Jews
particularly strive to perform teshuva.

25. Judaism (con‘t)
• When asked by an offender for
forgiveness, one should forgive with a
sincere mind and a willing spirit.‖ —
Mishneh Torah, Teshuvah 2:10
• ―Who takes vengeance or bears a grudge
acts like one who, having cut one hand
while handling a knife, avenges himself by
stabbing the other hand.‖ — Jerusalem
Talmud, Nedarim 9.4

26. Islam
• The word Islam is derived from the Semitic word slm
meaning ―peace‖ and forgiveness is a prerequisite
for genuine peace.
• The Quran makes some allowance for violence but
only to defend faith, property or life. Still forgiveness
is held as the better course of action whenever
possible.
• ―They avoid gross sins and vice, and when angered
they forgive.‖ (Quran 42:37).
• In terms of clemency, we find this passage:
―Although the just penalty for an injustice is an
equivalent retribution, those who pardon and
maintain righteousness are rewarded by God. He

27. Hinduism
• The concept of performing atonement from one's
wrongdoing (Prayaschitta — Sanskrit: Penance),
and asking for forgiveness is very much a part of
the practice of Hinduism.
• Krishna said in the Gita that forgiveness is one of
the characteristics of one born for a divine state
• An unforgiving individual defiles himself with
many enormities (immoral acts).
• Righteousness is the one highest good; and
forgiveness is the one supreme peace.

28. Christianity
• In Christian teachings forgiveness of
others plays an important role in
spiritual life.
• Forgiving others is essential to
receiving forgiveness from God.
• Forgiveness is equated to ―turning the
other cheek‖ and loving them that
mistreat you.

29. Christianity (con‘t)
• A beautiful expression of forgiveness and
understanding is St. Francis of Assisi‘s prayer:
―Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console. To be understood as to
understand. To be loved as to love. For it is in giving
that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are
pardoned. And it is in dying that we are born to eternal
life. ―

30. The exception…New Age!
• God = You
• It acknowledges many gods and goddesses.
• The Earth is viewed as the source of all
spirituality, and has its own intelligence,
emotions and deity.
• But superseding all is self.
• Self is the originator, controller and God of all.
• There is no reality outside of what the person
determines.

31. The exception…New Age (con‘t)
• Anything negative a person experiences
(failures, sadness, anger, selfishness,
hurt) is considered an illusion.
• Believing themselves to be completely
sovereign over their life, nothing about
their life is wrong, negative or painful.
• A person, becoming a god, creates their
own reality.
• So reality = no hurt + no need to forgive or
be forgiven.

32. So…
• We know what forgiveness is…
• We understand it is a cornerstone of many
world belief systems.
• New Age belief says no need for
forgiveness.
• But it‘s not so much what forgiveness is
that gets us stuck…
• IT‘S WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT that
hangs us up.

33. What Forgiveness is NOT!
• According to Dr. David Seamands:
o Overlooking the wrong that has been done.
o Excusing or whitewashing the wrong that was
done.
o Explaining, psychologizing what the person
has done.
o Taking the blame for everything.

34. Forgiveness is no F.E.A.S.T.*
• F = Forgiveness is not FORGETTING
• E = Forgiveness is not EXPLAINING
• A = Forgiveness is not AWAITING
RESTITUTION
• S = Forgiveness is not SMOTHERING
• T = Forgiveness is not TRUSTING
* Dr. Doug Little, Ph.D. 11/96

35. What Forgiveness is not!
• Denise George in What Forgiveness Isn‘t says
―there are 6 myths that keep us from healing‖
• Myth #1: - Forgiving means the offender didn‘t
really hurt you.
―Forgiveness is a redemptive response to having
been wronged and wounded, [and] only those
who have wronged and wounded us are
candidates for forgiveness.‖
-Lewis B. Smedes

36. What Forgiveness is not!
• Denise George in What Forgiveness Isn‘t
says ―there are 6 myths that keep us from
healing‖
• Myth #2: - Forgiving means you excuse
the offender‘s hurtful act.

37. What Forgiveness is not!
• Denise George in What Forgiveness Isn‘t
says ―there are 6 myths that keep us from
healing‖
• Myth #3 – Before forgiving, you must first
understand why the offender hurt you.

38. Philip Yancey
―Not to forgive imprisons me in the past and
locks out all potential for change. I thus yield
control to another, my enemy, and doom
myself to suffer the consequence of the
wrong.‖

39. What Forgiveness is not!
• Denise George in What Forgiveness Isn‘t
says ―there are 6 myths that keep us from
healing‖
• Myth #4 – Before forgiving the offender,
you must feel forgiving.
• It is a CHOICE!

40. What Forgiveness is not!
• Denise George in What Forgiveness Isn‘t
says ―there are 6 myths that keep us from
healing‖
• Myth #5: - Forgiveness means the
offender will face no consequences.

41. What Forgiveness is not!
• Denise George in What Forgiveness Isn‘t
says ―there are 6 myths that keep us from
healing‖
• Myth #6: - When your offender is
punished, you‘ll find closure.
―Forgiving is a journey, sometimes a long
one‖
- Lewis B. Smedes

42. What keeps us from Forgiving?
• Misconceptions of what forgiveness is not.
• Revenge and hatred:
o Blaming others for the hurt means there is no
personal responsibility.
o Blame others and we become object of
sympathy and other the object of scorn.
o Illusion of comfort.

43. What keeps us from Forgiving?
• FEAR!
o There may continued unwanted, irrational behavior
against me.
o It‘s permission and/or power to hurt us again.
• Expectations.
o I need others to behave the way I want.
• Grudges
o Simply a failure to accept that we too are a part of the
situation. (Two people dancing)

44. What keeps us from Forgiving?
• Excuses:
o If I forgive then the wrongdoer escapes actions
of restitution, which I need.
o Feelings that if I forgive I am a coward.
o Being labeled as weak, timid, stupid.
• Too much pain that we do not want to.

45. Too much pain to forgive.
• Fact is…until someone is forgiven, the
pain and hurt continues because we have
not released ourselves from the past.
• ―Forgiveness is the only way to stop the
pain.‖ - Neil Anderson, Victory Over the Darkness

46. What keeps us from Forgiving?
• Thinking we have when we have not (bad
fruit still exists).
• Lessons of unforgiveness learned from
key people in our lives.

47. What keeps us from Forgiving?
• An Unforgiving personality
o Traits of the unforgiving personality
 A Negative, absent or under-developed view of the
world.
 Constant, unresolved hostility/anger.
 Repetitive reliving (sharing) of the past offense.
 In reliving the story, no forgiveness sharing.
 Increased stress and diminished health affects.
 Limited and diminishing social support.

48. What keeps us from Forgiving?
• Lack of motivation
• Moral Superiority
o The issue is to big to forgive.
o I am entitled to be forgiven.
o I am entitled to have you forgive me.
o I didn‘t do anything wrong.
• A faulty belief system
o Justice will not be served.
• Loss of victim status
• Others?

49. A Forgiving Personality
• Positive Attitude/Thinking
• Healthy Self-esteem
• High feelings of self-worth
• Quality social support
• Spiritual well-being
• Good communication skills
• Good conflict resolution skills

50. A Forgiving Personality
• Good sense of immediacy
• Healthy assertiveness
• Willingness to accept responsibility
• Reliving life events are covered with
GRACE.

51. Grace
• The Greek word for grace is ―Caris.‖
• Means: ―non-meritorious or unearned
favor, an unearned gift, freely given and
never as merit for work performed.‖
• It‘s getting what one does not deserve.
• (By the way – Mercy is not getting what
you do deserve)

52. A Forgiving Personality
• Good sense of immediacy
• Healthy assertiveness
• Willingness to accept responsibility
• Reliving life events are covered with
GRACE.
• Ego-syntonic (behaviors, feelings, values, etc all in harmony)

53. The ―How to…‖
• EDUCATE YOUR CLIENT!!!
On all the following!
• First, recognize the human crisis
o Am I willing to forgive?
o Am I willing to be made willing to forgive?
o Crisis = not easy nor an instantaneous
event.

54. The ―How to…‖
• Second, understand the ―wills‖ of the
crisis.
o I ―will‖ forgive (An act of personal
volition and obedience to God)

55. Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
13 Bear with each other and forgive
whatever grievances you may have against
one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave
you.

56. The ―How to…‖
• Second, understand the ―wills‖ of the
crisis.
o I ―will‖ forgive (An act of personal
volition and obedience to God)
o I ―will‖ not hold on to old feelings (An act
of personal volition and surrender to
God)

57. The ―How to…‖
• Second, understand the ―wills‖ of the
crisis.
o I ―will‖ forgive (An act of personal
volition and obedience to God)
o I ―will‖ not hold on to old feelings (An act
of personal volition and surrender to
God)
o I ―will‖ receive new feelings (gift from
God)

58. I ―will‖ receive new feelings!
• Express new feelings regardless if you
feel them or not.
• Act on new feelings regardless if you feel
them or not.
• Do what you know is right instead of
waiting on the feeling.
• Feelings will come, through expression
and action, and by snail mail.

59. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the process too!
o The decision to forgive is the crisis point.
o After the decision is made the process
begins.
o The decision to forgive may need to be
re-visited over and over.
o Each time the process begins again.

60. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of
Forgiveness!
o Stage 1: Hurt
o Stage 2: Hate
o Stage 3: Heal
o Stage 4: Come Together

61. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 1: Hurt
You‘ve been hurt and like most people,
you might let this fester and grow until
it stifles your joy.
When that happens, you might want to
celebrate for you have entered the first
stage of forgiving.

62. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 1: Hurt
Ask a simple, probing question: "Do I
want to be healed, or do I want to go
on suffering from an unfair hurt lodged
in my memory?
Process the event and feel the pain
and other emotions.

63. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 2: Hate
Hate is our natural response to any
deep and unfair pain.
It is our instinctive backlash against
anyone who wounds us wrongly.
Hate separates us from those we
should belong to. It shoves them away
from us.

64. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 2: Hate
 There are two kinds of hate: passive and
aggressive.
 Passive hatred:
 is that little bit of malice in us that robs us of
energy to wish a person well.
 You don't want them dead; you just hope they
don't attain all that much success.
 At the very least you don't want them to do as
well as you.

65. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 2: Hate
Aggressive hatred.
This is much stronger than passive
hatred.
Here you may actually wish ill will
on someone else.

66. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 2: Hate
Passive or aggressive hatred; we do
not allow ourselves to wish someone
well, and we devoutly wish him or her
ill.
Don't confuse hatred and anger.

67. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 2: Hate
Healthy anger can be a sign that we
are alive, energize us to make things
better.
Hate does not want things changed for
the better; hatred goal is to make
things worse.

68. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 3: Heal
o But how…

69. The depths of How to…
• Neil Anderson‘s ―Twelve Steps to Forgiveness‖
1.Write the name of the offender & the offense.
2.Face the hurt and Hate – write down how
you feel about the person & their wrong.
3.Face the cross – the cross of Christ makes
forgiveness legally & morally right.

70. The depths of How to…
• Neil Anderson‘s ―Twelve Steps to Forgiveness‖
1.Decide to bear the burden of each person‘s
sin.

71. Galatians 6:1-2
1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin,
you who are spiritual should restore him
gently. But watch yourself, or you also may
be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens,
and in this way you will fulfill the law of
Christ.

72. The depths of How to…
• Neil Anderson‘s ―Twelve Steps to Forgiveness‖
1.Decide to bear the burden of each person‘s
sin.
2.Decide to forgive (crisis, choice, freedom)
3.Take your list to God and Pray
―I forgive (name) for (list offenses).‖

73. The depths of How to…
• Neil Anderson‘s ―Twelve Steps to Forgiveness‖
1.Destroy the list. You are now free.
2.Don‘t expect your decision to = major
changes with the other person.
3.Try to understand the people you have
forgiven. They are victims too.

74. The depths of How to…
• Neil Anderson‘s ―Twelve Steps to Forgiveness‖
1.Expect positive results.
2.Thank God for;
 Lessons learned.
 Maturity gained.
 Decision made.
3.Be sure to accept your part of the blame.
 Confess your failure to God and others.

75. Add.. ―commitment‖
• Help your client to decide/commit to…
o Not seeking revenge.
o Not dwelling on the offense.
o Stop bring the offense up.
o Be willing to receive new feelings
toward the offender.
o Cooperate with God

76. The depths of How to…
• Help someone with forgiveness: The 4
phases of helping.

77. Uncovering
Phase
Outcome Decision
Phase Phase
Working
Phase

78. Uncovering Phase
• Processing the wrong doing.
• Assisting the client in uncovering the
emotional pain, anger, hurt, etc.
• Validate their feelings.
• Help identify the dysfunctional stuff;
o Barriers to forgiveness, etc.
• Education on Forgiveness.

79. Decision Phase
• Explore the possible damage of
unforgiveness.
• Explore the possible positive outcomes of
extending forgiveness.
• More forgiveness education.
• Assist the client in making a decision.
• Go back to the Uncovering phase if
necessary.

80. Work Phase
• Grieve the pain of the injury.
o Pain is the injury to self, betrayal, secondary
losses, etc.
• Reframe the wrongdoer.
o The person is more than the wrong done.
o Is a person of worthy.
o Done without excusing the wrong
• Develop action plan to offer goodwill to
the wrongdoer.

81. Work Phase
• Develop action plan to offer goodwill to
the wrongdoer.
o Acts of mercy, generosity, moral love, etc.
o A plan that keeps the injured safe as to not
allowing a second hurt.
o Doable plan (i.e. say hello, wave, etc.)
o Reminding to do and not wait on the feeling.

82. Outcome Phase
• Help the client to realize the emotional
relief of forgiving the offender.
• Help the client to realize the personal
growth of their decision to forgive.
• Help the client to discover the paradox; as
we give mercy, generosity; we feel
changed and healed.
• Help client explore ways they can help
others.

83. Forgiving those who
are not with us.
• We can forgive those not with us (dead).
• Help the client understand that forgiveness
doesn‘t not require personal reconciliation.
• Use imagery to confront the deceased.
• In imagery, switch roles.
• Focus on what forgiveness can do for the client.
• We are still required to release them and to
forgive them.

84. Forgiving ourselves
• More difficult due to shame and self-
hatred.
• Again, as counselors, emphasize the ―will‖
needed to forgive ourselves.
• The roots of unforgiving ourselves usually
being in childhood
o ―If I were good enough…daddy would come
home.‖
o ―It‘s my fault this happened!‖

85. Forgiving ourselves
• Perhaps the root is in unfinished business
with someone who has died.
o May need to confess it first.
o Then understand God‘s forgiveness for it.
o Help foster the understanding that Jesus
forgive and expects the same of us, even
ourselves.

86. Forgiving ourselves
• Dr. Seamands suggests these questions:
o ―Will you right now ask God to give you the
grace to forgive yourself?‖
o ―Will you abandon your strange desire to have
higher standards than God?‖
o ―Will you give up your right to condemn
yourself?‖
o ―Will you ask God for the grace to never again
remind Him of things He says He doesn‘t
remember?‖

87. Forgiving ourselves
• Points to keep in mind:
o No one‘s perfect…not even you.
o Everyone has regrets.
o Your mistake/wrongdoing has been done
before, thousands of times, but countless
others.
o You‘ve created nothing new.
o I‘m human…I fail.

88. Forgiving ourselves (con‘t)
• Points to keep in mind:
o Habitually blaming yourself means you‘re
stuck in the past.
o Make amends with yourself and others.
o Be kind to yourself.

89. Forgiving God
• Strange? – He didn‘t do nor would He
ever do anything to wrong or hurt you.
• Inadvertently we probably have blamed
him for:
o Hurting us!
o Abandoning us!
• Neglected us!
• We may even be angry at God.

90. Forgiving God
• When or if those things are experienced,
admitting it is difficult to near impossible
for some.
• In their book ―Healing the Inner Spirit‖,
John and Paula Sanford say;
―…it‘s not a lack of faith to think such
thoughts or a sin to be angry at
God…feeling angry itself is sin.‖

91. Forgiving God
• The sin is not to feel it…it‘s what we do
with the anger that makes it sin or not.
• Our anger says some things, it says…
1.We believe in God.
2.We expect him to be there for us.
3.At least for the moment, we love Him.

92. Facilitate this anger with God
• By…
o Communicating that God can take it.
o Allowing your client to express it.
 The ―Imprecatory Psalm‖ Exercise.
o Since God hasn‘t really done anything wrong,
what does forgiving God mean?
 Releasing the anger, bitterness & resentment
 Look at Job 42:2-6

93. Job 42:2-6
2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of
yours can be thwarted. 3 You asked, Who is this
that obscures my counsel without knowledge?‗
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things
too wonderful for me to know. 4 "You said, 'Listen
now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you
shall answer me.‗ 5 My ears had heard of you but
now my eyes have seen you. 6 Therefore I despise
myself and repent in dust and ashes.‖

94. What about getting Forgiveness?
• Let‘s examine ―The Prodigal Son‖
• The Story (Luke 15:10-32)
• The steps to obtaining forgiveness for
ourselves.

95. Steps
• Step 1: Have a purpose.

96. Luke 15
17 "When he came to his senses, he said,
'How many of my father's hired men have
food to spare, and here I am starving to
death! 18 I will set out and go back…

97. Steps
• Step 1: Have a purpose.
• Step 2: Make a plan.

98. Luke 15
18 I will set out and go back to my father
and say to him: Father, I have sinned
against heaven and against you. 19 I am no
longer worthy to be called your son; make
me like one of your hired men.' 20 So he got
up and went to his father.

99. Steps
• Step 1: Have a purpose.
• Step 2: Make a plan.
• Step 3: Confess.

100. Luke 15
21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have
sinned against heaven and against you. I
am no longer worthy to be called your son.

101. Steps
• Step 1: Have a purpose.
• Step 2: Make a plan.
• Step 3: Confess.
• Step 4: Accept Responsibility.
• Step 5: Acknowledge the wrong.

102. Luke 15
21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have
sinned against heaven and against you. I
am no longer worthy to be called your son.

103. Steps
• Step 1: Have a purpose.
• Step 2: Make a plan.
• Step 3: Confess.
• Step 4: Accept Responsibility.
• Step 5: Acknowledge the wrong.
• Step 6: Make Restitution.

104. In getting forgiveness keep in
mind…
• Don‘t expect or demand a certain response.
• Find the right time and place (God‘s timing).
• Completeness
o Don‘t say ―If I hurt you…‖ says ―I have…‖
• Restraint
o Don‘t preach or go overboard and blow it.

105. Forgiveness Tools
• Journaling.
• Forgiveness Imagery.
• Sharing our FORGIVENES Story.
• Ritualize your forgiveness.
• Read, tell or share forgiveness stories.
(LOOK EVERYWHERE FOR STORIES)

106. Video Clips
• 4 Clips of ―Spiderman 3‖
o Clip 1: The wrong by ―Sandman‖
o Clip 2: Spiderman forgives ―Sandman‖
o Clip 3: The perceived wrong of ―Spiderman‖
o Clip 4: Harry forgives ―Spiderman‖
• What‘s You Story? – Brief Sharing!

107. More Forgiveness Tools
• Reward yourself for forgiveness.
• Change the channel.
• Express your self.
• Act on your forgiveness.
• Others? – Share what‘s worked for you!

108. The ―How to…‖
• Third, know the Stages of Forgiveness!
o Stage 4: Come Together
o If you can…

109. Romans 12:18
18 If it is possible, as far as it
depends on you, live at peace with
everyone.

110. Reconciliation?
• Come together if you can, but
remember:
o Forgiveness is one person.
o Forgiveness ≠ reconciliation.
o Reconciliation requires two
people.

111. Reconciliation?
• Come together if you can, but remember:
o Both persons have to be fully invested
in reconciliation.
o Forgiveness means changing your
thinking about the offender
o Reconciliation means a change in
behavior by the offender.

112. Last Thought!
• A report from the University of Miami and
Hope College reminds us of the following:
1.Forgiveness is associated with emotional
stability, agreeableness, a focus on others and
religious commitment.
2.It is aided by apology, restitution, sincere
remorse.
3.It can be facilitated
4.Forgiveness is difficult.

113. Questions/Comments?

114. Thank You!