205 a Campagna Saari presentation

The Tragedy Assistance
Program for Survivors
presents

Working with Children Who have
Lost a Loved One in the Military
800-959-TAPS (8277) www.taps.org

“There is no more effective way of creating bitter enemies for
the Army than by failing to do everything we can possibly
do at a time of bereavement. Nor is there a more effective
way of making friends for the Army than by showing we
are personally interested in every fatality which occurs.”
Army Chief of Staff George C. Marshall

“In the first hours and days, the military will make either
an adversary or an advocate for life in the family of
those who have died in service to their country.”
Wife of Captain Lee Youngblood, pilot killed at Nellis AFB


TAPS Mission Statement
TAPS is the national
non-profit Veterans Service Organization
made up of, and providing support to,
everyone who has lost a loved one in
service to our country.


TAPS Mission
The mission of TAPS is to honor our men and
women who have made the ultimate sacrifice in
service to America by caring for all those who they
loved and left behind.
TAPS carries on and expands upon the immediate
support provided by the Casualty Officer in the first
few days by giving survivors a comprehensive array
of support services, available 24/7, at no cost to the
survivor or to the government.
These services provide peer based emotional
support, grief and trauma resources and information,
casualty case assistance, and crisis intervention.

The TAPS Family
TAPS is a family,
coming together to
remember the love
and celebrate the
life of those we
have lost, and share
our journey to find
comfort and
healing.


TAPS helps heal...
Peer support
Those who have lost a loved one
in the armed forces, including the
National Guard and Reserve,
whether in a duty status or not,
are part of the TAPS national
survivor network. These family
members and friends share their
pain and fears in a supportive
environment and help each other
heal.


TAPS helps heal...
Peer support
Grief and Trauma Information and
Resources

TAPS is a member of the Association of
Death Education and Counseling and the
Association of Traumatic Stress Specialists,
able to offer information about the very best
bereavement resources in America, wherever
military families may relocate after a loss.
TAPS is also a partner of the VA Vet
Centers for grief and trauma counseling for
ALL family members.


TAPS helps heal...
Peer support
Grief Resources
Crisis Intervention
A network of trained crisis response
professionals is on call in each state 24
hours a day through 1-800-959-8277.
They bring a wealth of compassion and
experience to critical incident stress and
trauma, and are there to help survivors
understand the reactions they are having
to their sudden loss.


TAPS helps heal...
Peer support
Grief Resources
Crisis Intervention
TAPS Service Officers
Assistance such as that offered by Casualty
Officers immediately after a death is
provided by TAPS long after the official file
has been closed. For families, tracking
information through an often complicated
bureaucracy can be challenging on a good
day, and under emotional stress, becomes
overwhelming. TAPS has an empathetic
network of experienced staff and volunteers
available to assist family members in
finding solutions to problems.

TAPS also offers...
Survivor Seminar for adults
Good Grief Camp for children
Online Support Groups
Quarterly magazine with articles about
coping with loss
Bereavement Resource Reports with
information about local area support
groups
TAPS website and forums
Peer Mentor program
eNewsletters offering hope and comfort
Care Package of materials on coping
with traumatic loss


TAPS Case Assistance
Common Case Queries
Finding support groups Personal effects
Getting peer mentor Funeral honors
Headstone issues Insurance questions
Questions related to death Suicide related support
Paternity issues Talking to another survivor
Support for extended Children’s grief issues
family Questions on benefits
Family dynamics Financial planning
VA benefits Wearing wedding rings
Accessing private benefits Coping with anniversaries
Help with media inquiries Handling the holidays


TAPS Case Assistance
Partner Agencies
Service Casualty and American Psychological
Mortuary Affairs Offices Association
Department of Veterans Association of Suicidology
Affairs American Grief Academy
Veterans Service Officers Association of Death
Social Security Education and Counseling
Administration
TAPS Board of Advisors
TriCare Agencies
Medical issues
Serviceman’s Group Life
Insurance Psychological
Armed Forces Services Emergency Response
Corporation Spiritual issues
VA Readjustment Children’s grief
Counseling Service Command response

TAPS also offers...
Care Package of materials on coping with
traumatic loss
Regional Survivor Seminar for adults
Regional Good Grief Camp for children
Online Support Groups and Forums
Quarterly magazine with articles about
coping with loss
Bereavement Resource Reports with
information about local area support groups
TAPS website with information and
resources
Peer Mentor program for surviving
families
eNewsletters offering hope and comfort


TAPS Stats
26 staff in California, New York, Texas, Washington DC, South
Carolina, Virginia, Alaska, Florida, Washington, North Carolina,
Oregon and Vermont (many are survivors with applicable
professional credentials).
Regional Programs held at major military installations (Forts
Campbell, Hood, Bragg, Lewis, Richardson, Stewart, Drum,
Carson and Camps Pendleton and Lejeune) with average 1200
invitees per event and 250 attendees.
Data base contains over 35,000 survivors spanning 14 years of
providing services.
Care Groups in 20 areas around America, including Chicago,
St. Louis, Baton Rouge, Des Moines, Los Angeles

TAPS Outreach
Expanded outreach to
the following:
Families of contractors
killed in support of the
military mission
Families of Iraqis killed
while working side by
side with Americans
Wounded Warriors
working as mentors
with the Good Grief
Camp


The Knock on the Door ….
Military will send a CNO (Casualty Notification Officer)
and a Chaplain in uniform to do the notification. For
families located in extremely rural areas a NG/Reserve
soldier may be sent with a local sheriff or officer.
Whomever is listed on the military members’ DD93
form as the NOK (next of kin) will be notified.
CANNOT be done over the phone – goal is to notify the
NOK within 24 hrs of the death. Released to the media
24 hrs after last NOK is notified (often takes a long time
for accidents with multiple casualties i.e. helicopter
crash)
CAO (Casualty Assistance Officer) will be there the next
day to help with arrangements and paperwork (Marines
have the same CACO Officer for the whole time).
Care Team/GO Team – Army FRG spouses provide
immediate support (Marine – Key Volunteers)


Why losing a loved one in the
Military is different
Death Notification and Military
Burial – these can be very tough
and take months (Often no body
or more remains are found)
Moving away from the military
community (off post/base)
Change in Origin/Roles of extended
family
Changing Schools
Benefits are complex
Loss of lifestyle -- the military is a
culture and a commitment – TAPS
becomes the new military family


Why losing a loved one in the
Military is different
Media – death might have been
very public and replayed often
Loss of identity and status
Personal/family political and social
views on the war and government
Lack of understanding away from
military bases (NG/Reserve
families)
Military rituals and protocol
New military ID
Tremendous pride in loved one’s
service – this bond is shared

Working with Military Kids
Extenuating Circumstances
May seem like dad is still deployed
Classmates have deployed parents
Suicide and the stigma that comes with
it
Father vs. Step Father (who primarily
raised the child)
Other deaths stateside (training
accidents, car accidents, etc)
May not be old enough to remember
Dad
Child may have been the one to
“answer the door”
Dual military parent families

Keys to Working with
Military Kids
Given the option to participate in the
funeral/memorial services
Keep personal military and political views out of
the picture
Children need to know the truth in age appropriate
manner (often they imagine things much worse
then actual)
Give the opportunity to say goodbye and allow
them to commemorate dates using rituals, etc
(Anniversaries, birthdays, Memorial Day, etc)
Communicating with the school (Reiterate that a
child never “gets over” the death)
Often told by deceased before deployment – “You
are now the man of the house” – child takes it
literally

Issues that can cause regression
In Military Kids
Parent’s military unit returning from
deployment
Moving and Changing schools (even if it is
just moving off post/base)
Traumatic when moving away from the
military community
Classmate’s parents deploying or returning
Others lack of understanding of the military
culture (moving away from military bases
or NG/Reserve families)
Mother dating again or ending relationships
especially with military members


TAPS Good Grief Camps
National Camp – Memorial Day
Held every Memorial Day Weekend in
Washington DC with around 380 children
from all over the country who suffered a
loss in the military
Trained Group Leaders for every age
group (1 experienced Military Leader with
TAPS experience and 1 Leader with a
mental health/education background
preferably military affiliation) – Strictly
Volunteers for the whole 4 day period
Provides a safe environment to grieve and
tell their story with same aged peers – Lets
them know they are “Not Alone”
New kids and returning come to the camp
– returning are extremely helpful to the
new children

Families fill out extensive intake forms with
backgrounds on each child
Child Psychologist, Army Veteran
Psychologist specializing in PTSD, and
Pediatrician on site available for emergencies
and interventions (RN’s placed throughout
the groups in the camp)
Released to parents in the evening
Around 380 children at each Memorial Day
camp
Weekend visitors (Generals, Admirals,
several Celebrities)
Mentors and Group Leaders invited to share
their loss but concentration should be on
child’s loss
Therapeutic not therapy

Military Mentors
Every child is paired up with a trained military
mentor who acts as a “Big Brother/Sister” for
the weekend.
Every mentor is in the military or has a military
background – many mentors are members of
the Arlington National Cemetery Honor Guard
(Casket Bearers)
Each Mentor and Group leader must pass a
background check
All volunteers
Go through training the day before the camp
Many mentors return despite military
obligations elsewhere
Many are veterans who have been deployed

Key “Companioning” Methods Taught to Mentors
Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching
them.
Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not
about taking away or relieving the pain.
Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not
about filling every painful moment with talk.
Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing
with the head.
Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is
not about judging or directing those struggles.
(Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.)

National Camp – Memorial Day Weekend
Day 1 (Spend some of the day getting to know each other, Team Building Exercises)
Tell your Story and Discuss/Normalize Feelings and Emotions
Day 2 (Part of the day spent on Field Trips: Going to Ft. Meyer and eating at the
Chow Hall, visiting the Caisson horses, DC memorials)
Special Memories of Loved One and Coping Skills
Day 3 (Camp officially ends and option of going to the Memorial Day Concert in the
evening on the steps of the Capital)
Support Systems and Saying Goodbye without forgetting
Monday (Families are invited to go to see the President’s Memorial Day Speech their
uniformed mentors and lay the TAPS wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown)


National Camp – Memorial Day Weekend
Plenty of down time
Sports in the park
Rolling Thunder - motorcycle parade
Games in the Room (often becomes unfacilitated play therapy)
Boys using the Jenga Blocks and Army figures to reenact
“war games”
Visit from Comfort Therapy Dogs
Meditation and Relaxation exercises
Music Therapy and Zumba instructor


Regional Camps
Going to major military bases/posts along
with states that have high losses and
holding Good Grief Camps for children
along with Survivor Seminars for Adults
Held 20 so far with 2 booked every
month
Provides a safe environment to grieve
with alike aged peers (usually groups of
10-20 children)
One day camps with experienced and
trained Group Leaders with a military
background along with uniformed
military members acting as mentors for
the day (often wounded warriors)


Regional Camps
Four main objectives for a one day Regional TAPS
Good Grief Camp are to:
Tell their story
Discuss Feelings/Emotions
Discuss Coping Skills
Discuss Support Systems

Regional Camps also include:
Heavy Military Chaplain Support, Static Displays, etc


Resources for Military Kids
TAPS – Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors
www.taps.org 800-959-TAPS
Military One Source www.militaryonesource.com
800-342-9647
Give an Hour www.giveanhour.org
VA Vet Centers www.vetcenter.va.gov
MCEC Military Child Education Coalition
www.militarychild.org
Zero to Three www.zerotothree.org
Local Military Bases and State National Guard Bureaus can
put you in touch with local resources such as:
Family Life Consultants
Military Chaplains
Tricare options for therapy on posts/bases

TAPS honors our fallen service
members by ensuring that the
loved ones they may leave behind
are not forgotten.
www.taps.org
800-959-TAPS
Heather Campagna, EdS, CT
heather@taps.org

Tina Saari, B.S.
tina@taps.org

205 a Campagna Saari presentation

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205 a Campagna Saari presentation