1. FAMILY LIFE
According to Downton Abbey
SOCW 541 SIUE
Kimi Matychowiak and Kristie Nienaber

2. BACKGROUND
Downton Abbey follows a traditional English Earl and his family during the early 1900’s.
The tragedy of Titanic’s fate has just reached the household and with it, the loss of the
heir. The Earl only has three daughters who are not eligible for the inheritance. The
Duchess of Downton believes the oldest daughter could run the estate and keep the
household name in its proper status. The story follows the changing social norms and the
ones who refuse anything but century old traditions. Both the family and their servants
share this journey together but from very different perspectives as World War I
approaches.

3. RELATIONSHIPS
• The relationships between family members was important but not very emotional.
• The bond was there because “we are family, we are blood”.
• Servants had bonds because they worked together and left their own families and
dreams to be in service.
• Some family members and servants had bonds because of the close daily contact.
• The women were bonded because they could show their emotions to one another and
created a safe haven for that “softer” side.

4. ROLES
Men
• Men had instrumental roles and
strived towards a purpose.
• They were business driven and
were involved in hard labor.
• Authoritative roles over
everyone.
• Typically, men were leaders both
in and out of the home.
Women
• Women had expressive roles
to show their emotions.
• They were cleaners, cooks,
and were involved in delicate
labor.
• Authoritative only over other
women.
• Women were there for looks,
for support, for child bearing.
Servants
• The roles between family and
servants were clearly stated.
• Servants were to be
submissive, quiet, discreet,
and respectful.
• Women servants reflected the
women of the household.
• Men servants were in
authoritative roles over the
women servants.

5. ENVIRONMENT
• Twentieth Century England
• Higher class family, Earl and his descendants
• The scenes surround the family’s home (Highclere Castle) which is located in the rural
countryside
• The Earl and his family are part of royal society within their community
• Access to London by train
• Traditional values still hold while new technology and social norms are changing
• America is developing and England is struggling to remain in competition

6. RULES
• Rules are explicit and stated.
• “Father knows best”, Patriarchal leadership
• Elders have wisdom and are respected.
• Society has strict rules and norms that everyone must obey.
• Servants have specific rules that are explicit.
• If one breaks the rules, consequences are serious: loss of job, inheritance, status, etc.

7. RITUALS
• Traditions and rituals are essential during this time period.
• Dinner at certain times with full meals and conversation.
• Wealthy families had servants to keep their social status.
• Marriage was viewed as holy, a contract between families for future inheritance.
• Children viewed as offspring for the family name
• Church was important for governing the rules and rituals
• Patriarchal values created traditions

8. COMMUNICATION
• VERBAL
• Family members tend to:
• share personal info & feelings w/servants
• gather at meal times to discuss politics and society
• discuss family issues/emotions behind closed doors
• Generally among women members
• Protect family Secrets
• i.e. Cora (mother) and Lady Grantham (grandmother) meet for tea to discuss estate and plan marriage prospects. The decision
to keep Mary’s affair secret is made and actions to protect the family image are made between the dyad.
• VERBAL PATTERNS
• Communication from servants to family members is supportive. Advice about love and relationships is often given
by servants.
• Communication between family members is a blend of supportive, accusatory, and oppressive.
• Between mother and father is often supportive and uses a soft intonation.
• Between two eldest daughters Mary and Edith is often limited and accusatory with sharp tones.
• Grandmother makes statements that are often direct and oppressive in nature. She conveys family rules which are becoming
outdated.

9. COMMUNICATION
• NON-VERBAL
• Facial expressions, body leaning, and hand gestures are limited
• w/exception of Cora (mother) who is American
• Personal space valued
• Eye contact is made when appropriate, but is not held for long periods of time
• Straight and Rigid Posture
• **Note that these non-verbal displays are appropriate for British culture. These non-verbals
convey respect for the boundaries of other members.

10. CONTACT
• PHYSICAL
• Affectionate contact between family members is expressed in private. Family members rarely touch
one another in public.
• EMOTIONAL
• Displays of emotion (i.e. crying or anger) are viewed negatively.
• Emotion is more often expressed to servants in private than to other family members.
• Example: Robert crying about Cora’s miscarriage to Mr. Bates. Robert apologizes for crying and
communicates that he needs to pull himself together.

11. CARE
• GIVING
• The servants provide physical (food, clothing, grooming, cleaning) and emotional support to
family members daily.
• Servants are expected to be loyal and timely.
• Service work for a royal family is considered honorable employment for the lower class and a
means out of poverty. Therefore, work is taken seriously.
• Emotional bonds are made with members that in turn makes the giver role enjoyable.
• RECEVING
• All family members receive around the clock care from servants.
• In return for care, servants are given shelter, vacation, and secure employment.
• Family members often view servants as extended family and communicate care through
protection.
• i.e. Hiring lawyer for Mr. Bates

12. COPING
• Family exhibits positive coping patterns
• Coping is attached to rituals and provides an outlet to discuss family issues
• Tea time
• After dinner, men have drinks in the library and women gather in the parlor to discuss life events and
receive support
• Men discuss money matters and women discuss social matters which enforce gender roles
• Women volunteer for charities of choice to find social worth.

13. CONFLICT
• Conflict manifests primarily between Mary and Edith (older sisters)
• Mary is considered more attractive and expected to attract a marriage that will secure family
status and wealth.
• This is also a product of aristocratic culture which expects the eldest daughter to marry well.
• Conflict is:
• Initially instigated by Edith, but perpetuated by both parties
• Includes verbal aggression and competition over male attention
• Family Response Pattern:
• Parents often ignore verbal outbursts and Edith’s need to attract a partner.
• Sybil (youngest sister) serves as peacemaker. Edith and Mary rely on Sybil to diffuse situation rather
than coming to resolution (a.k.a. triangle)
• Parents assume men will pursue Mary and therefore direct attention and praise to Mary (i.e.
arranging meetings, purchasing clothing). This feedback enforces aggressive behavior.

14. CONSENSUS
• Consensus manifests as alliance between family members
• Consensus is reached by means of:
• Directly stating position
• Entering conflict and working towards compromise
• Meeting in private (i.e. tea time) to revisit issue and discuss what is best for the family unit
(i.e. tea time)
• Consensus allows for family members to make plans of action
• Allows for order and structure to be kept in family unit