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The Perfect Pitch

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The Perfect Pitch

  1. 1. The perfect pitch30 August 2011
  2. 2. * Monosyllabic agency nameHello. We are*And guess what, mother fucker? We’re none ofthe things you thought we were. Are we anagency? No. Are we a digital business? Wrong,again you philistine. We’re creative. End SCENE.Welcome to the future.
  3. 3. OK. LETS ROCK.You want a simple solution to your problems. Thanks, but no thanks. R - E - S - P - E - C - T the strategy, son, causewe’ll give you a Keynote full of it and it’ll cost you. A lot.Know why? Because we need to teach you about what the internet is. It’s an incredible ecosystem of crosspollinating propositions, just ripe for disruption. You want some geo-sensitive, mobile enabled, social toppings onthat pizza? We’ll use those balls of yours and gamify this bitch from the ground up. At the end of the day, all thisworld of stuff is connected. You’re still trying to understand how the stuff I mentioned before is relevant to yourbusiness, aren’t you? Catch up, pal. This is the big leagues now. Everything you know about your business - trashit. You know your products and customers? Pass the white out. Because it’s all irrelevant.How could we possibly know this? Well, we may not have anyone in-house who can understand analytics in anyin-depth way, model commercial frameworks to test our theories, or perform any trend analysis. Few of us haveeven been out of Uni long enough to fill up their LinkedIn profiles. None of us will have any practicalentrepreneurial, or operational experience, but what we’ve got is a lil something called intuition. This coupled witha bit of creative license and you won’t know what’s blown your client brain out of its goldfish bowl.
  4. 4. NUMBER ONE ON OUR AGENDA. WHAT IS THE INTERNET? YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW, BUT DON’T.I’MMA DANGLE THE WORLD OF OPPORTUNITY IN FRONT OF YOU. DOES IT EXCEED YOUR BUDGET?YAH. IS IT RELEVANT TO YOUR BUSINESS. NO. BUT IT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. EVERYWHERE.AROUND YOU. BEHIND YOU. INSIDE YOU.NUMBER TWO. WE’VE DONE A QUICK BROWSE AND WE’D LIKE TO SHOW YOU SOME DESCENDINGCHARTS CAPTURED IN SCREENSHOTS. THIS IS YOUR BUSINESS. THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE THINKABOUT YOU. YOU PERSONALLY. THEY HATE YOU AND SO DO WE. BUT WE’LL FIX THAT, OK?NUMBER THREE. THIS IS HOW WE’LL DO IT. WE HAVE A FEW COLUMNS FOR YOU TO LOOK AT ANDSOME ELEMENTARY, PATRONISING STEPS THAT NEVER GET ADHERED TO BECAUSE THE REALITYOF ANY PROJECT IS SIGNIFICANTLY DIFFERENT. HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE FORGOTTENTHIS FROM THE LAST TIME YOU WENT THROUGH THIS PAINFUL PROCESS.NUMBER FOUR. CALL US. OR DON’T CAUSE WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT. IF YOU DON’T APPOINT US, YOUWEREN’T RIGHT FOR US. REMEMBER THAT. WHEN YOU’RE READY, YOU’LL COME BACK. You’re welcome for our time. I’mma crack some jokes while I pack up my Apple and moleskin and you see me out. Thanks.
  5. 5. * Monosyllabic agency nameQuestions?Whoops. I went over time, so this’ll have to wait.

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