1. ON-LINE COLLABORATIVE FEEDBACK ON
SECOND LANGUAGE WRITING OF
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS
Masaya Fujino
Melbourne High School

2. These corrections are not part of this research.

3. Introduction
• On-line poll
• Previous research
• Overview
• Research Questions
• Participants
• Theoretical Framework
• Data Collection
• Data Analysis
• Findings
• Conclusion

4. On-line Poll
“What forms of feedback on student’s writing do you
use?”
Use of text-messages by a mobile phone
Type 36263 in your text message.
Also type any code(s) listed below.
Send your message to 0429 883 481.
Codes
WCOM – Written comments
CD – Codes
WCOM&CD – Written comments with codes
WCON – Writing conference in class
TSFS – Teacher-student feedback session
PFS – Peer feedback session
TFS – Tutor feedback session
OTH – Other forms of feedback session

5. Previous Research
• Teachers’ written feedback
Use of direct correction and underlines: Chandler (2003),
Appropriation: Tardy (2006)
Ambiguity: Leki (1990)
• Face-to-face teacher-student feedback sessions
Negotiation: Goldstein & Conrad (1990)
Stress situations: Ferris (2003)
• Face-to-face peer feedback sessions
53% of uptake: Mendonca & Johnson (1994)
5% of uptake: Connor & Asenavage (1994)
Possible decrease in quality: Nelson & Murphy (1993)
• Face-to-face tutor feedback sessions
Negotiation: Kobayashi (2007) Williams (2004)

6. Overview
• Action Research
• Information and Communication Technology
(ICT)
• Context
• Methodology

7. 4 Stage Data Collection
4 written tasks

8. Research questions
1. What contributes to improved revisions in
subsequent texts of VCE students of Japanese?
2. What hinders revisions in subsequent texts?
3. What differences in interactions are displayed by
student at different developmental levels?

9. Participants
Writers Tutors
High School Students in Australia (A) Japanese University Students in Japan (J)
Name Year Japanese Background Name University English Overseas
(pseudonym) Level Study (pseudonym) Level Level Experience
Shane Year 11 5 years Born in Yoshiko 3rd Year Intermediate Nil
+ A
2 week stay Cantonese
in J
Victor Year 12 4 years Born in A Keiko 4th Year Intermediate Nil
Chinese Sat
Primary
School
Ken Year 12 5 years Born in J Hanae 4th Year Advanced 3 yrs in US
3 years in J Mature-age
Student

10. Data Collection
• Student’s writings
• Draft, revised draft during the interaction & post test
• Audio recordings
• Feedback sessions & follow-up interviews
• Screen capture & video recording
• Records of what each dyad involved
• Back up data

11. Devices for Data Collection
Desk-top web camera
Audio line splitter
Digital video camera
Monitor Line-out jack
Line-in jack
Headphone with a microphone
Digital voice recorder

12. Software for Data Collection

13. Data
Collection
Captured
Screen
Activities

14. Theoretical Framework
The zone of proximal development (ZPD)
(Vygotsky 1985)
Possible
development
level with
assistance
ZPD
Current student
independent level

15. Data Analysis
• 5 levels of internalisation from interpsychological
to intrapsychological functioning
(Aljaafreh & Lantolf 1994)
• Regulatory Scale (RS)
(Aljaafreh & Lantolf 1994)
• Product oriented criteria for writing tasks

16. Modified from the 5 levels of internalisation from
interpsychological to intrapsychological functioning
(Aljaafreh & Lantolf 1994, p.470)
Learner can notice the error correct the error
Learner’s With Without With Without
Level help help help help
Level 1 X X X X
Level 2 Only with explicit help
√ ?
Level 3 Understands assistance &
√ √ incorporates feedback offered.
Level 4 Correct form is not yet fully
√ ? internalised.
Level 5
√ √

17. Regulatory Scale (Aljaafreh & Lantolf 1994, p.471)
Tutor’s assistance - implicit to explicit
0 Tutor asks the learner to read prior to the tutorial
1 Construction of a collaborative frame prompted by the presence of the tutor.
2 Prompted or focussed reading of the sentence that contains the error by the learner or the tutor.
3 Tutor indicates that something may be wrong in a segment – ‘Is there anything wrong in …?’
4 Tutor rejects unsuccessful attempts at recognising the error.
5 Tutor narrows down the location of the error.
6 Tutor indicates the nature of the error, but does not identify the error.
7 Tutor identifies the error – ‘ You can not use Te-form here’.
8 Tutor rejects learner’s unsuccessful attempts at correcting error.
9 Tutor provides clues to help the learner arrive at the correct form.
10 Tutor provides the correct form.
11 Tutor provides some explanation for use of the correct form.
12 Tutor provides examples of the correct pattern when other forms of help fail to produce an appropriate
responsive action.

18. Findings
1. What contributes to improved revisions in
subsequent texts of senior high students of
Japanese?
• Long, collaborative interaction
– beginning level or high syntax/ lexicon complexity
• Short, less collaborative interaction
– accomplished items or lower syntax/ lexicon complexity

19. Findings
Long, collaborative interaction on complex item
Evidence of other-regulation
Excerpt 1 (Shane’s 2nd Draft: successful revision in the post test)
1 Yoshiko: はい。さようならの前に‘早いへんじをかくて下さい’は、書くのテ・フォームは、どうぞ。(RS 7)
Yes. As for ‘Please write a reply soon’ before ‘goodbye’, what is the Te Form of ‘write’? Go ahead.
2 Shane: かき、書きます…かきて、ふふふ。
‘Write, write...to writing, hehehe.
3 Yoshiko: ふふふ。書くのテ・フォーム。 (RS 8)
Hehehe. Te Form of ‘write’.
4 Shane: かってですか。
Is that ‘Katte’?
5 Yoshiko: あっ、ちょっと、違います。 (RS 8)
Ah, not quite.
6 Shane: ううむ。早いへんじを…かきます。すみません。分からない。
Um. A reply soon … write. I am sorry, I cannot do it.
7 Yoshiko: はい、いいですよ。書いてです。 (RS 10: Tutor provides the correct form.)
That’s fine. It’s ‘Kaite’. (Level 2)
8 Shane: 書いて。ああ。そうですね。
‘Kaite’. Ah. That’s right, isn’t it?
9 Yoshiko: そう。
Yes.
10 Shane: 書きますだす、ですから。
Because of ‘Kakimasu’.
11 Yoshiko:はい。
Yes.

20. Findings
Evidence of more self-regulation
Excerpt 2 (Shane’s 3rd Draft: successful revision in the post test)
1 Shane: 山田さん、うまれったの文はだいじょうぶですか。
Ms Yamada, is the sentence of ‘umaretta’ OK.
2 Yoshiko: そうでうね。生まれるのパストフォームは何ですか。
Well. What is the past form of ‘Umareru’?
3 Shane: 生まれた。 (Level ¾)
‘Umareta’.
4 Yoshiko: うん。生まれた。そうですね。なので、これも。
Yes. ‘Umareta’. That’s right. So, this one also…

21. Findings
Shorter interaction on a lexical item
Excerpt 3 (Shane’s 2nd Draft: successful revision in the post test)
ヲンバット
O n ba t
1 Yoshiko: ええと、ウォンバットとか。そうですね。ええと、カタカナのウに小さいオをつけて、
ウォンバットといいます。
Um, wombat. Let me see. Well, we say ‘Wombatto’, adding a small ‘o’ to ‘u’ in Katakana.
2 Shane: はい。
Yes.
3 Yoshiko: 大きいウに小さいオで‘ウォ’。
‘Wo’ adding a small ‘o’ to big ‘u’.
4 Shane: 小さいオ。OK.はい。じゃ、ウォンバットです?
A small ‘o’. OK. Yes. Then, here is ‘Wonbatto’?

22. Findings
2. What hinders revisions in subsequent texts?
- Lack of collaboration (Storch, 2002; Watanabe & Swain 2007)
- Avoidance of mistakes in the post tests

23. Findings
3. What differences in interactions are displayed by students at
different development levels?
Weak student – dependant, short utterances
- Short utterances:
Approximately 77% of Ken’s turns were 1 or 2 word utterances.
Less collaborative dialogues

24. Limitations
• Small-scale research
o Number of participants
o Size of data

25. Conclusion
• Improvement (Watanabe & Swain, 2007)
Shift from other-regulation to self-regulation
(Aljaafreh & Lantolf, 1994)
• Possible pedagogical practice at secondary level
Use of L1 to consider for weak students
• Possibly beneficial to teacher candidates in Australia & Japan