1. 1Miscellaneous Poems
Laurie Richards
Saint Jerome Penitent
Why should a saint still kneel in penitence?
Millennia have passed since your passing,
Yet you kneel with perpetual patience,
Shunning beloved books and always praying.
A lion lingers at your feet asleep–
Or does the beast fervently pray also?
You forget the erring river and keep
Seeking redemption you earned long ago.
Ah such constancy! Even though the paint
Is cracked and faded, and your maker passed
Into Heaven, you still make your complaint
And live neither in the present nor past.
Teach me, Jerome’s likeness, to bend my knee
So that I too might find like ecstasy.
SHAKESPEARE ON THE COUCH
Prince Hamlet suffered from an Oedipal complex and chronic depression.
Lady Macbeth was, among other things, an insomniac.
Romeo and Juliet were going through a phase of adolescent rebellion
While honest Iago and Richard the Third were psychotic.
King Lear suffered from senile dementia
And Timon lost his grip on reality.
Henry the Sixth suffered from catatonic schizophrenia.
Rosalind, Viola, and Portia questioned their sexuality.
Falstaff was definitely an alcoholic.
Titus Andronicus was somewhat deviant.
Would the plays still be so problematic
If Shakespeare took an antidepressant?

2. The Gods Rejoice (Inspired by the Faerie Queen)
Joyne Goddes of Christian and Pagan
With the dauncing Faeries in sprynge
Gode Astraea hath coome agayne.
Joyne Goddes of Pagan and Christian
Whan Orpheus, first bard, doth synge
Gode Astraea hath coome agayne!
Sheep grazen with beares on grene plaine,
Bees give honey withouten stinge–
Joyne Goddes of Christian and Pagan!
Bacchales joyne saints in holie strayne,
Pan with archangells is playinge,
Gode Astraea hath coome agayne!
Whan Silvius and Flora rayne
And welle tuned Accord ringe,
Joyne Goddes of Christian and Pagan!
Achilles and Hector refrayne
Froom bloodie warfare and fightynge;
Gode Astraea hath comme agayne!
Peter walks on the wat’ree mayne
With Poseidon hym supportynge–
Joyne Goddes of Christian and Pagan!
Allah and Buddah ne complayne–
Merrie they daunce in faerie ringe
Gode Astraea hath coome agayne!
Christian blode ne longere will stayne
Faithfull Turkes with their cross blazynge
Joyne Goddes of Christian and Pagan!
Heaven on Earth evere remayne,
Angell, Faerie, Nymph, Man minglynge
Gode Astraea hath coome agayne!

3. Gode Astraea hath coome agayne,
Gather Goddes and together rayne
O’er Man and Beast prayses singyinge
Joyne Goddes of Christian and Pagan,
Gode Astraea hath comme agayne!
Inspired by Ovid
It was summer and the hot middle hour
Was now past. He lay resting weary limbs
In the very middle of the bed. Our
Window was part open, part shut; this dims
The room so it seems neither twilight nor
Dawn. That day it was too hot to wear clothes,
At least anything cumbersome. I wore
A loose robe and he–
he wakes when I close
The door. How like a god he seems to me
With what light there is bathing his body!
I turned away; boldness took flight. He rose
And came to me, bearing a red apple.
His iridescent eyes shone like opal
Set in gold; he was golden– Pomona’s
Own son, the apple a sacred relic.
Day passed into night in this angelic
Bliss. But when the moon began to cower
Fearing to be seen in her pale clothing,
We tried in vain to ignore the loathed hour
When we must bring about our love’s closing.

4. PET PEEVES
When you’re nervous I don’t like to watch you.
What’s the matter? What am I doing wrong?
Biting your nails. Well that feet thing you do
Bugs me. I haven’t done that in so long!
Yeah– well– thinking about it annoys me.
So don’t think about it. Look at your nails!
It keeps them trim. See? I don’t want to see.
You’re gonna be sorry when your knuckle swells
From popping it like that. Can’t you be nice?
Can you? Of course I can. Now you’re quiet.
I’m thinking about making beans and rice.
Not again! I’m sick of that. I swear it
Is all you make. All you can do is fuss!
I don’t like to watch you when you’re nervous.
Looking
I look for you
Knowing I won't find you,
But I still look for you.
I look for you
Hoping to catch a glimpse
But knowing you are gone.
I look for you
Starved for your voice, a kiss
But those lips are no more.
I look for you
Seeking your musky scent
But I have lost your trail.
I look for you
Longing for your arms' warmth
But they're cold memories.
I look for you
Knowing I won't find you
But still I keep looking.

5. 1A SICK SAD POEM
In a sturdy plastic pink and white dream house Barbie
Sits brushing her long blonde hair on a pink sofa. Ken
Pulls into the driveway in a shiny new Corvette. It’s pink
Of course, because Ken’s girlfriend Barbie adores the color pink.
From an upstairs window in the pink dream house Skipper
Sees Ken. Skipper runs downstairs. “Barbie, Ken’s here.” a pink smile
Spreads across Skipper’s face when she sees Ken’s handsome smile
And pink roses Ken’s holding. Skipper greets Ken before Barbie.
“For me?” asks Skipper. “No, they’re for Barbie, Skipper.”
Ken said. “Oh Ken, they’re pink!” Barbie gushed, “Oh Ken,
You shouldn’t have, but I’m so glad you did!” the pink
Roses were immediately put in a matching plastic pink
Vase. Ken and Barbie never knew Skipper in her pink
Jumper loved Ken. They didn’t know his masculine smile
Was all Skipper could think about– and how she hated pink.
Everything had to be pink because perfect sister Barbie
Loved pink. Skipper knew that Ken was different. Ken
Really didn’t love Barbie; he was madly in love with her, Skipper.
“What profession did you have today, Ken?” asked Skipper.
“I was just a brain surgeon today.” “Well I was Pink
Fantasy Dream Girl today,” Barbie raved, “You sure are,” Ken
Kissed Barbie. Skipper couldn’t take that sweet plastic smile
Anymore. Pink Corvette, pink roses, pink fanatic Barbie
Had to go. Skipper impulsively lit and dropped a pink
Candle in Barbie’s lap. The flame licked at her pink
Dress and legs. “I’m melting!” Barbie shrieked like a three dollar hooker. “No!” Skipper
Yelled, running to rescue Ken from rescuing Barbie.
Barbie, Ken, and Skipper were soon melting to the pink
Plastic sofa. Arms, legs, hair, even Barbie’s famous smile
Became a part of a blob. So much for Skipper, Barbie and Ken.
“Wow, something sure smells in here,” Barbie said. “Yeah,” Ken
Agreed. “I guess we can’t have our party here.” Skipper said looking at the pink
Half melted sofa. “We girls can do anything!” Barbie told Skipper with a smile.
“Then Ken is going to be mine!” Skipper thought sitting on the blob. “Skipper,
What are you sitting on?” Asked Ken. “Oh our beautiful fashionably pink
Sofa!” Sighed Barbie. “Don’t worry about it. We have a party to plan,” said Ken.

6. It didn’t take long to clean the dream house for Ken, Barbie, and Skipper.
The pink sofa was replaced with a brand new sofa. It was, of course, pink.
“Our party will be great!” gushed Barbie. “So will Ken,” Skipper thought with a smile.
Sonnet 1
1When you say you love me beyond measure
I try to fathom the depths of the seas
And the distance of the stars. Are you sure
Your love rivals the vast number of bees
Pollinating the earth, Abraham’s grains
Of sand, and the myriad stars, the things
That can’t be seen by eye, and all the rains
That have poured down on the earth all the springs
Since creation? Your love’s thicker than blood?
No. Your love does not rival the expanse
Of stars, the seas’ depths, drops in the great Flood.
Your love does not equal Abraham’s sands.
I measure your love without much trouble.
Your love lasts the lifetime of a bubble.
Sonnet 2
1Please let me sleep a sleep so sound, so deep
That nothing will be able to disturb
My rest. How I yearn for such a sweet sleep!
A sleep which will not haunt me or perturb
Me with thoughts of bleak reality
Or the tiresome nights spent in your presence.
I want to lose my personality,
My conscious mind, my good and bad conscience.
Let me leave all life behind when I sleep.
I don’t want to see imagined fancy,
No dreams at all, just darkness black and deep.
No senses, unable to feel, smell, see
Or taste. Let me for once enjoy pure rest
Alone in my bed, my warm blanket nest.

7. It didn’t take long to clean the dream house for Ken, Barbie, and Skipper.
The pink sofa was replaced with a brand new sofa. It was, of course, pink.
“Our party will be great!” gushed Barbie. “So will Ken,” Skipper thought with a smile.
Sonnet 1
1When you say you love me beyond measure
I try to fathom the depths of the seas
And the distance of the stars. Are you sure
Your love rivals the vast number of bees
Pollinating the earth, Abraham’s grains
Of sand, and the myriad stars, the things
That can’t be seen by eye, and all the rains
That have poured down on the earth all the springs
Since creation? Your love’s thicker than blood?
No. Your love does not rival the expanse
Of stars, the seas’ depths, drops in the great Flood.
Your love does not equal Abraham’s sands.
I measure your love without much trouble.
Your love lasts the lifetime of a bubble.
Sonnet 2
1Please let me sleep a sleep so sound, so deep
That nothing will be able to disturb
My rest. How I yearn for such a sweet sleep!
A sleep which will not haunt me or perturb
Me with thoughts of bleak reality
Or the tiresome nights spent in your presence.
I want to lose my personality,
My conscious mind, my good and bad conscience.
Let me leave all life behind when I sleep.
I don’t want to see imagined fancy,
No dreams at all, just darkness black and deep.
No senses, unable to feel, smell, see
Or taste. Let me for once enjoy pure rest
Alone in my bed, my warm blanket nest.