How does your business measure up when it comes to being "Emotionally Intelligent? Major corporations like MetLife, Taco Bell and L'Oreal found out the advantages of incorporating EI into their training sessions. You don't have to be "big player" to enhance your company. Successful entrepreneurship begins with awareness.
3. Unconscious
Process
As you see, however
our EQ lies deep below
the surface, our surface.
What that means to us
is that our lives are filled
with things of which we
are unaware.
That’s where EI comes
in!
4. Unconscious Process
Initially we couldn’t see all the squares
In black & white right in front of us
This suggests…
What aren’t you “seeing” in your own life?
6. Just What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Adage: Because of their IQ a person is
likely to get a job
Because of their EQ/EI…they are likely to
get the raise! The corner office or become
the CEO.
Daniel Goleman’s “Emotional Intelligence, Why it can matter more than IQ” Chapter 10 – page 149
8. The 5 Domains of “EI”
Knowing your emotions: Do you know what
you are feeling? How do they affect your
thoughts & behaviors?
Managing Your Emotions: Control impulsive
feelings & behaviors; healthy management
Motivating Your Self: Ability to take initiative,
follow through, adapt to change
Recognize others’ Emotions: Pick up on
emotional cues, socially adept, recognize
dynamics in a group or organization
Manage Relationships: Communicate clearly,
teamwork, manage conflicts
9. A + R + M Yourself with Empathy
A - Self-AWARENESS
R – Self-REGULATION
M – Self-MOTIVATION
Empathy
Great Relationships
Good News is…EI is not static like our IQ
Can be learned, extended, for life
10. What contributes to a Lack of EI?
Our “Way of Being” or “Default Mode”
gets in the way
We all have one.
Not right or wrong…good or bad…just
“is.”
Example:
Owner/Manager/CEO of a company is precise,
analytical, has a taskmaster mentality at work…
Apply the same “MO” at home doesn’t always
work ~ partner/children want an interactive
relationship
11. Parts of Us – The Parts Theory
We have different “parts” of our self that
take over depending on what we
experience.
Some of these parts are learned from the
past.
Our brain doesn’t know the difference between
a real event or a possible threat.
It depends on “old file folders” for information.
12. The Case of the Hijacked Amygdala
Science says that our brain takes in an event &
on the way to processing it, the emotion can get
“hijacked.”
As a result we can become:
Reactive
Judgmental
Defensive
Commanding
Speaking loudly/ interrupting
Controlling / Directive behavior
13. Brain Chemistry 101
The chemicals causing our amygdala to
be “hijacked” lasts 4 hours.
It is in “protective mode”
The degree of the hijacking…
Traffic a little crazy – we are less clear headed
Email sent to you…You press “Send.”
What’s Your Trigger? = Self Awareness
I get “relative” triggers”…moves me toward an
ineffective default mode
14. How We Communicate ( or don’t)
7% - Verbal – Words – Phrases – Content
38% - Vocal – Tone – Emphasis
55% - Visual – Body Language
“Nonverbal communication contributes to a
high %age of impressions that people
form. Where we form first impressions,
nonverbal codes are far more influential
than verbal codes. Albert Mehrabian
15. Rule of 7% - 38% - 55%
VERBAL: “I don’t agree with that.”
VOCAL: “I don’t AGREE with that!”
VISUAL:
16. Do You Know “Miss” Interpretation?
All have experiences where we mistook
something someone said, did, didn’t
say/do
Communication Model shows:
Something happened
How I interpreted it or rather…misinterpreted it
Where Breakdown occurs
Outside of “My Story” = Possibilities
18. Impact of EI in Business – L’Oreal
• L’Oreal agents –
• Newer model
emotional
competencies
• $91,370 more
• Net revenue
increase of
$2,558,360.
• 63% less turnover
during 1st year
L’Oreal Agents
Older model
$91,370 less sold
Less net revenue
More turnover
19. Impact of EI in Business – Taco Bell
• In 1990 Taco Bell
wanted to open
1000’s of new
locations.
• Didn’t have enough
managers
• Train 1000’s of
entry level workers
on how to manage
themselves.
• Training helped
more tenured entry
level employees
within each store to
hire, train, &
supervise new
employees
20. Impact of EI in Business - MetLife
• At Met Life, a group of job candidates were hired
who had failed the normal screening process but
had scored high on a measure of optimism.
• They outsold a group of pessimists by 21%
the first year and 57% the second year. They
even outsold average agents by 27%.
21. The Real Deal!
Human Emotions
Anger
Sadness
Fear
Sorrow
Frustration
Disappointment
Worry
Embarrassment
Envy
Emotional Blocks
Blame
Depression
Anxiety
Indifference
Judgment
Indecision
Procrastination
Perfectionism
Resentment / Jealousy
22. Emotional Intelligence Scenarios
Read the four scenarios to determine
which answer would be the most
“Emotionally Intelligent.”
Note: One of them have two possible
answers
23. Managing Your Emotions
Understand why we have emotions…Signals!
Grant yourself “The Permission Piece”
Use “I” statements
Use the IDF Model
Practice the “Art of Listening FOR Someone
24. A Quick Self-Assessment
Right Time?
Right Place?
Right Intensity?
How Intense am I?
How Frequent?
What’s the Duration?
25. KEY COMPONENTS
WILLINGNESS TO TRUST & BE
TRUSTWORTHY
GREAT LISTENING SKILLS
WILLINGNESS TO CHANGE
GIVE UP THE EGO…
EDGING GREATNESS OUT
Which ones are you more likely to embrace?
26. Resources
“Something Happened On The Way To My Life” -Chapter 1
Celebration of Life ~ Inspiration for Women
What’s Your Default Mode? Article – Linda McCarrin
“Listening…an Art Form - Article - Linda McCarrin
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
Working with Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
ZeroRisk HR – Mike Poskey – Dallas, Texas
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Journey Home To Your Self by Hu Dalconzo
My Autobiography in V Short Chapters by Portia Nelson
As this model suggests, our IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is minute in comparison to what our EQ/EI, Emotional Quotient will do for our personal and professional lives.
With a “conscious process” we know what we’re doing and why. With the Unconscious Process we demonstrate how much of us has been programmed. Can you tell how many squares there are in the figure? (30) since you have to count the large one, the 16 within, plus the 2x2’s and 3x3’s. There is is in black & white, on paper right in front of us and some of us didn’t see it. We can use this as a metaphor for our lives. What are we not seeing that’s right in front of us?
Bill Gates casual style got himself in hot water with the media with his “one handed handshake and keeping an open jacket. It got it on the chin from the South Korean press for his too casual approach in meeting the South Korean president in 2013.
Daniel Goleman, a well-known psychologist and author on Emotional Intelligence supports the idea that there are 5 domains to EI or EQ (Emo. Quotient).
Here is a brief explanation of those 5 domains. We’ll be talking about how they affect our personal & professional lives and how well-known companies when applying the principles of EI had a higher retention rate, better sales and fewer insurance claims.
Let’s start with our basic “way of being.” We all have one. They work for some relationships but not for others. Take a look at the example. Do you know anyone like this?
Parts Theory is a thought process whereby we all have different parts that guide us through life. We learn coping mechanisms, for ex. Which can aid or sabotage us in our goal setting, success and areas of fulfillment and in our personal relationships.
There is a part of the brain called the amydala which is a “filter” for our thoughts. However, sometimes it doesn’t have its own filters. So when we get triggered by a voice, a reaction from someone or we get blindsided, we often react with knee jerk responses. It worked well for the cave man when a saber toothed tiger was near his abode. That’s when our primitive “flight or fight” (or freeze…not always a good method) mechanism kicked in. It could save their lives. We in the 21st Century still have this mechanism and use it when our emotional intelligence isn’t the best and we respond by, for ex., sending a text /email that is inappropriate or when telling someone off when the situation could have been handled more diplomatically.
It has been said that the chemicals in the hijacked part of the brain can last for 4 hours. It is our “ego,” if you will that protects our psyche just like our skin protects our body except 1000 x’s more. Of course, it depends on our disposition, programming, personality, how severe the situation is and how many EI tools we have at our disposal as to how we handle the situation.
Albert Mehrabian, currently a Professor Emeritus of Psychology UCLA, pioneered the study of communication since the 1960’s and has divided communication into three parts: Reading the above we can tell that there are different percentages that he gives for the 3 basic kinds of communication. Let’s look.
Here’s where we hear everything we say differently by adding the accent and physical gestures to certain words. We’ve all done this and experienced this as the receiver.
This model can be applied to everything from a family row to an national dispute. When we react by holding onto our story after something happened to us, we provide a breakdown in communication and a sense of belonging. If someone has accused you of some injustice and you keep telling your story, you are adding fuel to the fire. There is a chance that there is more than one truth and there are many possibilities to come to a resolution.
Spencer & Spencer, 1993; Spencer, McClelland & Kelner, 1998=7 – Here are some businesses that invested in EI training. The results are phenomenal.
Taco Bell was another food giant that took their situation of not having enough managers, trained those that had potential and fulfilled their need for 1000 new managers.
The insurance giant, Met Life took one of the measures of Emotional Intelligence which is optimism’ trained them in EI and saw huge gains in their various products.
This chart demonstrates the Nutts n’ Bolts of Emotional Intelligence. For ex., if you are angry and don’t have a high degree of EI chances are you’re going to displace your anger, frustration, etc. onto someone or something else. This isn’t healthy as we all know. I’ll explain the rest. These aren’t etched in stone. See if there are any crossovers.
Take out your handouts. Read Scenario One and tell me what you think is the best Emotional Intelligence response.
We could talk about our emotions all day but if we have no action plan to learn to manage them we’ll never see progress. Here are some.
This is similar to the rubber band on the wrist. When you feel you’re getting triggered ask yourself: Is this the right time, place and intensity to use for this situation? On a scale of 0-10, how intense am I ( insert the emotion you’re feeling). How frequently do I experience this emotion and how long does it last? (frequency & duration)
In addition to the huge self-awareness piece, we need to apply the ones above, as well. Listening is huge!! Ask yourself are you listening TO the person or FOR them? In other words, are you listening for what they are saying or for how you will answer them? Big difference. Let’s practice.