1. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Parent University
2. LIFE FOR TEENS
IS NO
PLAYGROUND
It is a maze full of right or
wrong turns-right or
wrong choices.
Parents can teach teens
principles, values and
skills to help them make
better choices.
3. “WE CAN’T MAKE THEIR DECISIONS
FOR THEM, BUT WE CAN GIVE THEM
THE RIGHT TOOLS THEY NEED TO
MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS.”
4. HOW DO EFFECTIVE TEENS
MAKE CHOICES?
THEY BASE THEM ON:THEY BASE THEM ON:
PRINCIPLESPRINCIPLES
VALUESVALUES
5. What is a Habit?
We are
what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then,
s not an act,
but a habit.
Aristotle
Knowledge
(what to, why to)
Desire
(want to)
Skills
(how to)
HABIT
Habits are patterns
of behavior composed
of three overlapping
components:
– Knowledge
– Desire
– Skill
6. 1. Are they reactive or proactive?
2. Do they know where they are going?
3. Do they prioritize the things they have to do?
4. Do they see life as a competition?
5. Do they talk first and then pretend to listen or listen actively?
6. Do they cooperate with others or do they think they are
better off doing everything by themselves?
7. Are they so busy with life that they do not have time to:
• Spend quality time with family and friends
• To do their homework
• Read good books
• Exercise
• Take time for nature or other inspirational things?
What is an effective teen?What is an effective teen?
7. PARADIGM
The way you see
something,
your point of view,
frame of reference,
or belief.
8. What is a paradigm shift?
A paradigm shift is a way of looking at
something differently.
We are stepping “outside the box”.
When we make a paradigm shift we can
see,
think, feel and behave differently.
Example:
• People used to think the Earth is flat.
• Sailors proved the Earth is round.
(a paradigm shift occurred)
9. Frank Koch wrote:
Two battleships assigned to the
training squadron had been at sea
on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days.
I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on
the bridge as night fell. Shortly after dark, the lookout on
the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the
starboard bow."
"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.
Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were
on a collision course.
The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that
ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change
course 20 degrees."
10. Back came the reply, "Advisable for you to change
course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20
degrees."
"I am a seaman second class" came the reply. "You had
better change course 20 degrees."
By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out,
"Send, I'm a battleship. Change course
20 degrees."
Back came the reply, "I'm a lighthouse."
We changed course.
Steven Covey (in “The 7 habits of Highly Effective People”) tells that
story to teach that principles are “like lighthouses.” They are natural
laws that cannot be broken.”
12. Emotional Bank Account
Like a checking or savings account,
you can make deposits or withdrawals.
Personal-How you feel about yourself.
(Amount of trust and confidence in yourself.)
Relationship-How you feel about others.
(Amount of trust and confidence you have in each
of your relationships)
13. Personal Bank Account
Deposits
• Keep promises to yourself
• Do small acts of kindness
• Be gentle with yourself
• Be honest in all your dealings
• Enhance your talents
• Take care of yourself
• Think positively and use positive self-talk
14. Personal Bank Account
Withdrawals
• Break promises to yourself
• Isolate yourself
• Put yourself down
• Think negatively and use negative self-talk
• Be dishonest with yourself
• Neglect your talents
• Wear yourself out
• Expect yourself to be perfect
15. Relationship Bank Account
Deposits
• Keep promises to others
• Do small acts of kindness
• Be loyal to those not present
• Listen actively
• Say you are sorry
• Set clear expectations
• Allow others to be different
16. Relationship Bank Account
Withdrawals
• Break promises
• Keep to yourself
• Gossip and break confidences
• Do not listen
• Be arrogant
• Set false expectations
17. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Habit 1 Be Proactive
Habit 2 Begin With The End in Mind
Habit 3 Put First Things First
Habit 4 Think Win-win
Habit 5 Seek First to Understand,
Then to Be Understood
Habit 6 Synergize
Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw
18. Habit 1 Be Proactive
Teenagers are the product of their environment,
upbringing, and choices. Are their choices
proactive or reactive? They need to choose how
they act. They need to take responsibility
for their choices
and their life.
19. CIRCLE OF
NO CONTROL
CIRCLE OF
CONTROL
Attitudes
Weather
Birthplace
Parents
What
other
people
say and
do
Choices &
Responses
Ourselves
20. Habit 2 Begin With the End in Mind
Identify the principles they want to live by.
Values are self-chosen & provide foundations for
decision making about where they are going in life.
Define their mission and goals.
21. Habit 3 Put First Things First
Prioritize
Actions flow from
that which is
important.
22. Habit 3: Put first things first.
Urgent Not Urgent
Important
Not Important
Quadrant I
Crises
Deadline driven projects
Pressing Problems
Quadrant II:
Preparation
Prevention
Commitment
Relationship building
Quadrant III
Unimportant phone calls,
email, meetings or reports
Interruptions
Quadrant IV
Trivia
Busy work
Time wasters
• We want Quadrant II > Quadrant I.
• Quadrant II comes from Quadrants III and IV.
• Estimate how much time you spend in Quadrant II (and what IS Quad IV?) ...
• How do you plan your day? Datebook? Palm Pilot?
• How much is your time worth to you, in dollars/hour?
23. Habit 4 Think Win-win
Mutual Benefits.
Have an
“everyone can win”
attitude.
Win-win is like an
all you can eat buffet.
24. Five Dimensions of Win/Win
Character
• Integrity
• Maturity
• Abundance mentality
Relationships
• From transactional to
transformational
Agreements
• What needs to be done – not
how
Processes
• Third alternative
Supporting systems
25. Habit 5 Seek First to Understand,
Then to be Understood
Communication
solves
problems.
Listen to
people
sincerely.
26. Habit 6 Synergize
Open-mindedness. Teamwork. New ways to do
things. Work together to achieve more.
Celebrate differences.
A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each
fruit maintains its own flavor.
27. Habit 7Sharpen the Saw
Continuous self-renewal and self-improvement in:
your brain
your heart
your body
your soul
28. SOLUTION ORIENTED PROBLEM SOLVING
1. Name the problem, and who owns it. (Be sure it is the
REAL problem)
2. Describe it specifically. (Name the parts of the problem.)
3. Brainstorm. (Name all the solutions you can think of, no
matter how crazy they may seem.)
4. Think about each solution:
*Does it honor the values of your family, yourself, and
others whom you respect?
*Would it solve the problem?
*Would it affect yourself and others for better or
worse?
29. 5. Choose a solution, and act on it.
6. Evaluate the outcome:
*Is the problem solved?
*Did the solution produce the results you
expected?
*How did the solution fit with your
feelings and values?
*Did the solution fail to meet your or the
other party’s needs in any
way?
*What else happened?
*Would another solution work better?
30. Successful Family Checklist
Are effective communication channels in place?
Is the family committed to excellence?
Does everyone in the family know their specific role?
Do the individuals in the family regularly operate out
of their strengths as opposed to their weaknesses?
Do members understand – and share – the common
goals and vision?
Is there a detailed plan of action for success?
Do family members respect and appreciate one
another?
Does the family take a break from time to time to just
have fun together?
Adapted from
http://www.insiderreports.com/department.asp_Q_ChanID_E_BZ_A_DeptID_E_GTKN_A_StoryID_E_20000336
31. Expected OutcomesExpected Outcomes
• Increased engagement and motivation
• Greater responsibility for learning
• Increased peer collaboration skills
• Greater confidence and self-esteem
• Increased listening skills
• Greater content mastery
• Better peer collaboration
• More time on task
• More skill in analyzing and solving problems
32. GETTINGGETTING UNDERWAY WITH THEUNDERWAY WITH THE
7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Editor's Notes
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens will help parents prepare their children for the teen years.
Wrong turns we have seen are: drinking, drug use, shoplifting, sex, cheating, vandalism, smoking. Can anyone else name some wrong turns they have observed in teenagers?
Parents can teach teens skills, values and principles to help them make better choices.
Effective people shape their own futures. Instead of letting other people or circumstances determine their results, effective teens need to carefully plan who they want to be, what they want to do, and what they want to have, and then let their mental plan guide their decisions.
You need to identify what your life is centered on. If it is determined by your work, then you are centered on work. If it is determined by your friends, then you are centered by your friends. Sean Covey suggests that you center yourself on your principles. Principles are natural laws or fundamental truths. They are universal, timeless, predictable. While other things on which we could center our lives on fluctuate, principles do not: Correct principles don’t change. We can depend on them. Principles don’t react to anything. They don’t get mad and treat us differently. They won’t divorce us. They aren’t out to get us. They can’t pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes. They don’t depend on the behavior of others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity. Principles don’t die. They aren’t here one day and gone the next. They can’t be destroyed by fire, earthquake or theft.
Values are the worth or priority we place on other people, things or principles. They are influenced by up bringing, society, and personal reflection.
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What is a paradigm? It is your perception-the way you see something, your point of view, frame of reference, or belief. A paradigm is like a map in our head. We assume that they way we “see” things is the way they really are or the way they should be. Give an example of one of your paradigms that others might not agree with.
Respect is an example of something that teenagers sometimes have a different paradigm on than we do. Respect is principle to live by-Ginny give example. My parents said “respect your elders.” Especially teachers were respected. Now my students tell me they do not have to respect their teachers unless the teachers respect them first.
Being proactive is the key to unlocking the other habits. Help your teen take control and responsibility for her life. Proactive people understand that they are responsible for their own happiness or unhappiness. They don’t blame others for their own actions or feelings.
If teens aren’t clear about where they want to end up in life, about their values, goals, and what they stand for, they will wander, waste time, and will be tossed to and fro by the opinions of others. A suggestion would be to make a family mission statement first so that the teens have a clear, agreed upon sense of purpose. Help your teen create a personal mission statement which will act as a road map and direct and guide his decision-making process.
This habit helps teens prioritize and manage their time so that they focus on and complete the most important things in their lives. Align activities with priorities. Putting first things first also means learning to overcome fears and being strong during difficult times. It’s living life according to what matters most.
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Teens can learn to foster a belief that it is possible to create an atmosphere of win-win in every relationship. This habit encourages the idea that in any given discussion or situation both parties can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution. Your teen will learn to celebrate the accomplishments of others instead of being threatened by them. (Demonstrate courage and consideration and build trust.)
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One of the greatest frustrations in life is that many people don’t feel understood. This is due to most people filling in the blanks unnecessarily when talking to people.
Effective communication:
Key skills in life
An effective communicator really tries to understand as much information as possible about the situation before providing a solution. Teens will learn that if someone comes to them with a situation, they need to hear that person out and that it often requires the full story and some questions before the correct plan of action is revealed. This means listening and attempting to see the situation from the speaker’s perspective and not just their own.
Many problems begin with perception differences. Our perceptions come out of our experiences –we see the world as we are, not as it is.
Genuine Listening:
Listen with eyes, heart, and ears.
Stand in their shoes.
Practice Mirroring-do not judge or give advice, repeat back in your own words what the other person is saying and feeling. (you feel that, so what you are saying is, so as I see it.)
Some Poor Listening Styles:
Ignoring- spacing out
Pretend listening-not paying attention but pretending by making comments at key moments like uh huh.
Selective Listening-pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests you
Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create something better than either could alone. Through this habit, teens learn it doesn’t have to be “your way” or “my way” but rather a better way, a higher way. Synergy allows teens to value differences and better appreciate others. Build on strengths.
Teens should never get too busy living to take time to renew themselves. When a teen “sharpens the saw” she is keeping her personal self sharp so that she can better deal with life. It means regularly renewing and strengthening the four key dimensions of life-body, brain, heart, and soul.
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As parent you provide a safe and caring environment at home for your teenagers. You promote positive feelings between your children and you. This workshop will help you use these positive feelings to teach your children important life skills.
