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Assertiveness by kz

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Assertiveness by kz

  1. 1. HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE BY:KANWAL ZAMURRAD MALIK
  2. 2. When confronted with difficult situations, people can sometimes respond in two ways.  passively  aggressively.
  3. 3. Passiveness may involve… • Flight • Possibly respecting others’ rights while ignoring your own rights. • Not communicating directly when the situation warrants it. • Allowing others to “walk on” or control you. • Allowing your boundaries to be violated. • Indecisiveness.
  4. 4. Aggressiveness may involve… • Fight • Disrespecting others’ rights to retain your own rights. Winning at all costs. • Communicating sarcastically. • Attacking the person instead of focusing on the behavior or problem- solving. • Violating boundaries. • Attempting to control others.
  5. 5. Ideal response is assertive response which falls in between these two responses
  6. 6. WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS? • Right. • Respecting others’ rights as well as your own rights. • Communicating effectively, directly, and with confidence. • Dealing with conflict effectively and calmly. • Handling and receiving feedback effectively. • Setting boundaries. • Focus is on behavior and problem-solving instead of attacking/ignoring the person.
  7. 7. Lack of assertiveness leads Depression: feeling helpless with no control over your life Resentment: anger at others for taking advantage of you Frustration: why did I let that happen Relationships: when individuals can't tell each other what they want Stress: stress can have a negative impact on the body Anxiety: Unable to avoid certain situation leads to anxiety.
  8. 8. Helps have better relations with others Reduces stress Minimizes any unpleasantness Makes you feel better about yourself BENEFITS OF ASSERTIVENESS
  9. 9. Propels your career Vaults you into leadership position Able to adapt to changing Social and professional environments Freedom from guilt conscience as you know that you are right
  10. 10. Test your assertiveness • Can you express negative feelings about other people and their behaviour without using abusive language? • Are you able to exercise and express your strengths? • Can you easily recognize and compliment other people’s achievements?
  11. 11. • Do you have confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours? • Can you accept criticism without being defensive? • Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? • Are you able to stand up for your rights?
  12. 12. • Are you able to refuse unreasonable requests from friends ,family or co- workers? • Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation with others? • Do you ask for assistance when you need it? If the answer is yes to all these questions then you are an assertive person.
  13. 13. HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE?
  14. 14. TECHNIQUES TO BE ASSERTIVE 1.Creating self esteem. 2.Communication- your voice and language. 3.Communication- body language. 4.Persistency- broken record and workable compromise. 5.Handling criticism-fogging , negative assertion and negative enquiry 6. Handling praise-Positive enquiry.
  15. 15.  Be comfortable with your personality. Respect your own self.  Be conscious of your abilities.  Feel proud of your achievements.  CREATING SELF ESTEEM
  16. 16. CREATING SELF ESTEEM Complete the following with positive about personal quality, attribute and achievement.  I am  I can  I think  I believe
  17. 17.  COMMUNICATION: VOICE AND LANGUAGE Use ‘I’ statement rather than you statements. • Like : Restate: “You are so egotistical and full of yourself and your own ideas!” to “I would like you to consider this idea.”
  18. 18. Use factual descriptions instead of judgements and exaggerations. Like: I noticed that you have not spoken to me for last three days.
  19. 19.  Use clear , direct requests or directives when you want others to do something, rather than hinting, being indirect, or presuming. Like: Will you please take this to Mr.khan.
  20. 20. Express thoughts, feelings and opinions reflecting ownership. like: I believe matching the competition is the best policy
  21. 21. DO’S Be respectful, realistic and honest. Express preferences and priorities. Express feelings honestly. Say no politely and firmly.
  22. 22. THE ART OF SAYING “NO” Passive NO – accompanied by weak excuses and rationalizations. Aggressive NO - Done with contempt Assertive NO - is simple and direct Say ”NO”
  23. 23. FOUR STEPS TO SAYING “NO” Say no immediately - You do not need to justify your decision. If you start doing so, you will prolong the conversation unnecessarily. . • Listen to the request - Make sure you understand the request completely before coming to a hasty conclusion. Clarify if needed. • Say no immediately - You do not need to justify your decision. If you start doing so, you will prolong the conversation unnecessarily.
  24. 24. • Give a reason for your refusal – Without giving a reason, you may come off as uncooperative or hostile. A clear and honest reason. • Offer to find an alternative – Let the other party know that you will try to help them but you are unable to perform the entire request.
  25. 25. DON'TS Don’t say "I can’t or I won’t be able to” Don’t depersonalize feelings or deny ownership. Don’t exaggerate, minimize, or use sarcasm. Don’t agree unwillingly.
  26. 26. NON ASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE • Quiet, soft, higher pitch • Hesitation, stopping in midstream • Nervous laughter • Statement sound like questions • Resonant, firm, pleasant • Smooth, even, flowing, comfortable • Laughter only with humour • Voice tones stay even • Loud or harsh or steely quiet • Biting off words precise, measured delivery • Sarcastic laughter • sound like orders.
  27. 27.  COMMUNICATION Body language. •Gestures •Facial expressions.
  28. 28. NON ASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE • Slumped • Shoulders forward • Shifting often • Chin down • Sitting: legs entwined • Erect and relaxed • Shoulders straight • Few shifts • Dead straight • Sitting: legs together/uncross ed • Erect, tense ,rigid • Shoulders back • Jerky shifts • Chin up • Sitting: heels on desk, hands behind head
  29. 29. GESTURES
  30. 30. NON ASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESIVE • Fluttering hands • Twisting motions • Frequent head nodding  Casual hand movement  Relaxing hands  Occasional head nodding  Chopping with hands  Clenched hands and pointing  Sharp, quick nods
  31. 31. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
  32. 32. NON ASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE • Lifted eyebrows , rapid eye blinking • Nervous or guilty smile • Chewing lower lip • show anger with averted eyes • Relaxed, thoughtful, caring look, few blinking • Genuine smile • Relaxed mouth • Shows with flashing eyes and serious look • Furrowed brow, unblinking glare • Sarcastic smile • Tight jaw • Shows with disapproving scowl, very firm mouth
  33. 33. ASSERTIVENESS REFLECTS THROUGH Leaning forward Keeping arms and palms open Maintaining eye contact Placing feet flat on floor Sitting with legs uncrossed Smiling
  34. 34.  PERSISTENCY Broken records Workable compromise
  35. 35. BROKEN RECORD 1.Repeat yourself again and again and again, until the person gives in or concedes to your demands. 2. Most people capitulate after you repeat yourself three times. Because you just have to repeat yourself, broken record is really easy to use.
  36. 36. Broken record is particularly useful when: •Dealing with those in authority •You are not getting what you are entitled to •Dealing with people brighter or more fluent than you •The other person is likely to use put-downs.
  37. 37. WORKABLE COMPROMISE • When you feel that your self respect is not in question, consider workable compromise. • Can always bargain for material goals provided self respect or feeling is not compromised. • Example : I understand you need to talk and I have to finish some work.so what about meeting after one hour.
  38. 38.  HANDLING CRITICISM Fogging Negative Assertion Negative Enquiry
  39. 39. FOGGING A skill that teaches acceptance of manipulative criticism by calmly acknowledging to your critic that probably that there may be some truth in what he says. Yet allows you to remain your own judge of what you do. By refusing to be provoked you remove it’s destructive power.
  40. 40. FOR EXAMPLE: If someone says, “Your haircut looks stupid,” you can respond with, “You might be right.” They might continue: “Didn’t you hear me? You look like a looser.” Respond by saying, “You might be right, but it will grow back.”
  41. 41. A Negative Assertion is assertively accepting a mistake that you have made. When George Washington said, “I’m sorry, Dad, I chopped down the cherry tree,” he was making a negative assertion. NEGATIVE ASSERTION
  42. 42. When it’s difficult for someone to say, “I’m sorry,” they sometimes avoid the negative assertion in a way that hurts the other person: we can use following statements.  “I’m sorry you feel that way  “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings  I’m sorry I did it, but if you hadn’t……then it never would have happened.
  43. 43. NEGATIVE ENQUIRY Negative enquiry is a way to respond to more negative exchanges such as receiving criticism. Dealing with criticism can be difficult, remember that any criticism received is just somebody's opinion.. Negative enquiry is used to find out more about critical comments and is a good alternative to more aggressive or angry responses to criticism.
  44. 44. Example Situation Sender: “That meal was practically inedible, I can't remember the last time I ate something so awful” Receiver: “It wasn't the best, exactly what didn’t you like about it? This is different from an aggressive response that may have been: "How dare you, I spent all afternoon preparing that meal" or "Well that's the last time I cook for you"
  45. 45.  HANDLING PRAISE Positive enquiry
  46. 46. POSITIVE ENQUIRY • Positive enquiry is a simple technique for handling positive comments such as praise and compliments. • People often struggle with responding to praise and compliments, especially those with lower self-esteem as they may feel inadequate or that the positive comments are not justified. • It is important to give positive feedback to others when appropriate but also to react appropriately to positive feedback that you receive.
  47. 47. Example Situation Sender: “You made an excellent meal tonight, it was delicious!” Receiver: “Thanks. Yes, it was good. What did you like about it in particular?” This is different from a passive response that may have been: "It was no effort" or "It was just a standard recipe"
  48. 48. Listen- Understand, put yourself in others shoes and ask for clarification. Keep calm- deep breaths, take your time, and allow others to express their feelings. Be prepared- Stick to the facts. Compromise- try and find a “win- win” situation. So:
  49. 49. Remember that just because someone says something you don’t have to believe it. Put a stop to the put-down as soon possible. Choose to leave the situation. Be open to negotiations and having the ability to accept constructive criticism.
  50. 50. IN SHORT: If you want a balanced personality, learn to be assertive, express what you think and feel in a positive way and create mutual respect…
  51. 51. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO: RAISE your words not your voice. It is the rain that grows flowers not thunder.

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