Do you want to bring up children who you have been able to parent from the inside out, to raise children who feel attached and loved, to assist them in being able to manage their own and others strong emotions. www.Intergrated-Therapy.com 0408618165 Karen.

9. We are hardwired to be held in the mind and heart of another.

21. Baby Mom How does this feel to my baby?

22. How does this feel to my baby? Not Being With Bad feelings + Feeling Alone = “I’m stuck here in this horrible feeling with no one who gets how terrible it feels.”

34. Circle of Security Top Half Bottom Half Hands

39. Insecurity is the unresolved tension between experiences of being with and experiences of not being with.

40. COS focused psychotherapy has everything to do with knowing and treating this tension between regulated and unregulated feeling.

41. Said more directly: Unregulated Affect In COS work, we are always keeping our eye on the specific way in which the caregiver and child are struggling with

42. UNREGULATED AFFECT

43. Unregulated/Unmet Feeling “ I feel all alone without anyone here to help me with these feelings that are too big for me on my own.”

44. For each of the core emotions ( anger, sadness, fear, joy, interest and shame ) draw a circle. Place each circle either inside, outside, or partially in/outside the Circle of Security based upon: Your experience as a child – how much was each emotion allowed to be a part of your relationship with your primary parent. Circle of Security Mutual Regulation of Emotions

46. CIRCLE OF LIMITED SECURITY Child Miscuing: Attending to the Parent’s Needs SAFE HAVEN SECURE BASE I MISCUE YOU ABOUT MY NEED BY... I NEED YOU TO WELCOME MY COMING TO YOU BUT… ACTING LIKE I NEED TO EXPLORE OR BE DISTANT “ YOU” turns into “ US” which turns into “ ME” A miscue is a misleading or contradictory cue used to protect the child from the pain of having a specific need exposed and/or unmet. A cue is direct or indirect signal from the child for a specific need to be met. THAT MAKES US UNCOMFORTABLE SO...

47. CIRCLE OF LIMITED SECURITY Child Miscuing: Attending to the Parent’s Needs SAFE HAVEN SECURE BASE I NEED SUPPORT FOR EXPLORATION BUT… I ACT LIKE I NEED COMFORT AND/OR PROTECTION I MISCUE YOU AND... THAT MAKES US UNCOMFORTABLE SO...

48. Emotional States Become Traits * Chronic dependency upon another * Chronic self-sufficiency SAFE HAVEN SECURE BASE I HAVE TO STAY CLOSE* I NEED TO BE DISTANT*

51. CIRCLE OF DISORGANIZATION I need you but you are so frightened or frightening that I have no one to turn to and I don’t know what to do. Disorganized attachment is the irresolvable paradox that occurs when the parent is both the source of the child’s fear and the haven for the child’s safety. This paradox leaves a child feeling chronically afraid, on the verge of losing emotional and behavioral control and with a diminished capacity to see adults as a resource.