1. Founder Communication
InnerSpace
Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla
March 3, 2016

2. Why am I doing this? (Part 1)

3. One Big Idea

4. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1
Shared

5. Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them;
we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial
information; absence
of emotion leaves
out half the story.
Emotions indicate
importance. Most
powerful motivator?
They are
an early warning
system
Feelings & Emotions – Why??

6. Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure

7. “ VULNERABILITY IS
THE BIRTHPLACE
OF CONNECTION. ”
BRENÉ
BROWN

8. Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom quartile
managers was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders

9. If You Really Knew
Me…

10. Feedback & Influence

11. Exercise #3: Complimentary Feedback
Think of one thing your cofounder does
that you really appreciate
1. Describe the behavior as specifically
as possible
2. Describe the impact the behavior has
on you

12. #1 Factor for Happiness
on the Job:
Feeling appreciated
-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees

13. Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?

14. Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response

15. So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?

16. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1
Shared

17. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

18. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about what message that might send to
others in the room.

19. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

20. Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback

21. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”
– Learning is better than being right
– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions
• Acknowledge your feelings
• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”

22. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”
• Do not praise to overcome resistance

23. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
My intention is… / This matters to me because…
When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress
• Goal is joint problem solving

24. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net
When you do [x], I feel [y].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.

25. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus area
Communication & Management
– Too much/little
– Choice of format
– Email etiquette
– Language choices,
communication style with others
– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from
this person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress

26. Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback
• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)
– And set expectations of managers/leaders to do
the same

27. Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 