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How to pretend you know soccer.
Useful tips for going to a World Cup party and not looking like an idiot.
By: Devesh Khanal
deveshdesign.com/blog
Here’s the problem…
You were invited to a World Cup party
We’re here to help.
You were invited to a World Cup party
But you have no idea how soccer works
We’re here to help.
Like this girl
We’re here to help.
Like this girl
We’re here to help.
God,
 when
 will
 this
 end?
We’re here to help.
How to Watch the World Cup
(And not look like an idiot)
1. The Field
Memorize this.
11 players per team
Try to kick the ball in the other team’s goal
Don’t kick it out of bounds
(or the other team gets it)
1. The Rules
Not all, just enough to get by.
You can kick it.
Or use your head.
Just not your hands.
Just not your hands.
Cute. But not legal.
Except the goalie
Only 1 per team
2. Your Phrases
This is the part you’ve been waiting for…
Say these things to sound like you
know what you’re talking about.
1. “Cross it!”
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they
happen in front of the goal.
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
So when a player brings the ball up the
sideline, yell “Cross it!”.
Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they
happen in front of the goal.
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
So when a player brings the ball up the
sideline, yell “Cross it!”.
Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they
happen in front of the goal.
99% of the time you’ll be
right and you’ll like a pro.
2. “That might’ve been offsides”
If your teammate passes it to you, you can’t
be closer to their goal than everyone else
(non-goalie players) on their team.
!
This is called being “offsides.”
Everyone loves to complain about
bad offsides calls.
Here’s the thing: It’s always close.
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
Close
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
99% of the time you’ll be right.
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
99% of the time you’ll be right.
Lively discussion will ensue.
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”
“He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
99% of the time you’ll be right.
Lively discussion will ensue.
Discuss.
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”
2. “Man, if Messi had that chance…”
Lionel Messi is the Lebron of soccer
right now.
If some other guy screws up, compare
the screw up to Messi.
99% of the time you’ll be right. Messi
could have done it better.
3. “Joga bonito”
Joga bonito means “beautiful game” in
Portuguese and is something Pele, a
soccer legend said.
Use it when someone makes a great play.
Warning
This is an advanced maneuver and
used incorrectly can make you look
like a poser.
In fact, even when used correctly it
can make you look like a poser.
So guage the audience carefully.
You’re looking for this crowd.
But from any country.
4. “Futbol…oops, I meant soccer”
The rest of the world calls it “futbol” or “football”.

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How to pretend you know soccer