1. 1
How to Influence Difficult People and Smile
While Doing It
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
Objective
Precise
Thorough
Detailed
Rational
Controlled
Decisive
Tough
Candid
Efficient
Results-
oriented
Pragmatic
Supportive
Empathic
Loyal
Group-oriented
Team focus
Sharing
Creative
Enthusiastic
Humorous
Energetic
Focus on vision
Promoter
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser

2. How to Influence Difficult
People and Smile While
Doing It!
Dee Daley , Atlanta, GA Independent Consultant
Please Don’t get comfy…You
will be moving soon

3. 3
Move To Your Assertiveness
Location
Inquire
Assertiveness Orientation
ASK TELL
Stand where you
feel you are on
the Assertiveness
orientation
continuum

4. 4
Inquire
EMOTIVE
RESERVED
ResponsivenessOrientation
move to your
responsiveness dimension
Stand where you
feel you are on
the
responsiveness
orientation
continuum

5. About Dee …
Dee is NOT certified in:
A. Authentic Happiness
B. Six Sigma Black Belt
C. Scuba Diving
D. Prosci ADKAR
Dee did NOT work at:
A. GE
B. ATT
C. Home Depot
D. SunTrust Bank
5

6. What to expect?
6

7. For starters…
•Move fast and hit highlights.
•After session, see toolkit for details
•I am not a psychologist… I am a practitioner of this
information
•Be engaged...have fun!
7

8. References
8
Material is based on the work of Dr. David
Merrill and Roger H. Reid and Robert Bolton
& Dorothy Grover Bolton

9. what we are doing
1.
Overview
of Social
Styles
2.
Identify your
predominant
Social Style
3
Discuss
your issues
& /dislikes
of other
styles
4.
Learn how
to identify
the Social
Style of
others
5.
Practice
the skill of
style flexing
6.
Obtain your
Take Home
Tool Kit
9

10. 10
social styles
The name we give to the patterns of behaviors that others can observe
is Social Styles.
Your style is what others see, hear and observe when they interact
with you. ..the tip of the iceberg.
Behavior based theory – not a psychological profile

11. 11
What % of the people important to your success
are different than you?

12. 12
3 out of 4 people
differ from you…
• Plan differently
• Are motivated for different reasons
• Differ in willingness to take risks
• Make use of time differently
• Make decisions differently
• Handle stress differently

13. 1.
Overview
of Social
Styles
2.
Identify your
predominant
Social Style
3
Discuss
your issues
& /dislikes
of other
styles
4.
Learn how
to identify
the Social
Style of
others
5.
Practice
the skill of
style flexing
6.
Obtain your
Take Home
Tool Kit
13

14. 14
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
Relater
Analyzer Director
Expresser
Dominate social style
1
2
4
3

15. How to identify your social style?
15
Two behavioral variables or dimensions:
•Assertiveness (Action Orientation) the degree to which a
person's behaviors are seen by others as forceful or directive.
•Responsiveness (Emotion Orientation) the degree to which
a person's behaviors are seen by others as emotionally
controlled.

16. 16
Positive characteristics
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
Objective
Precise
Thorough
Detailed
Rational
Controlled
Decisive
Tough
Candid
Efficient
Results-
oriented
Pragmatic
Supportive
Empathic
Loyal
Group-oriented
Team focus
Sharing
Creative
Enthusiastic
Humorous
Energetic
Focus on vision
Promoter
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser

17. 1.
Overview
of Social
Styles
2.
Identify your
predominant
Social Style
3
Discuss
your issues
& /dislikes
of other
styles
4.
Learn how
to identify
the Social
Style of
others
5.
Practice
the skill of
style flexing
6.
Obtain your
Take Home
Tool Kit
Let’s
17

18. What irritates you about
your opposite style?
18

19. 19
Perceived negative characteristics
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
Critical
Indecisive
Stuffy
Picky
Moralistic
Pushy
Severe
Tough
Dominating
Harsh
Confirming
Unsure
Pliable
Dependent
Awkward
Manipulative
Excitable
Undisciplined
Reaching
Egotistical
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser

20. 20
Back-Up Styles
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser
Attack
Autocratic
Acquiesce
Avoid

21. Social styles in a nutshell
• There are four social styles, none of which are better or
worse than any of the other styles
• US population is evenly divided among the styles
• We are all four style people
• Each of us has a dominant style
21

22. 1.
Overview
of Social
Styles
2.
Identify your
predominant
Social Style
3
Discuss
your issues
& /dislikes
of other
styles
4.
Learn how
to identify
the Social
Style of
others
5.
Practice
the skill of
style flexing
6.
Obtain your
Take Home
Tool Kit
22

23. Identify Social styles: assertiveness
orientation
Left of the Line Behavior Right of the Line
Ask/Inquire More Ask versus Tell Tell/Advocate More
Lower Energy level Higher
Less Gestures More
Slower Pace of movement Quicker
Slower Speech speed Rapid
Talk less Amount of talking Talk more
Softer Speech volume Louder
More Deliberate Decision making Quicker
Less direct, less
forceful
Expressing opinions More direct and
forceful
Lean back Posture Lean toward people
23

24. Identify social styles: responsiveness
orientation
Below the Line Behavior Above the Line
More reserved Emote Emote more than others
Less disclosing Express feeling More open
Less Facial expressions More
Ideas, things and tasks Focus People
More formal Dress More casual
Alone Working preference With others
Less comfortable Small talk Comfortable, use more
antidotes and stories
Structured Use of time Less structured in use of
time
Controlled Gestures Animated
24

25. 25
Which style is best for
business success?
Source: Bolten and Bolten Social Style Management Style, Developing Productive Work Relationships

26. 26
Which style is best for
business success?
Different management styles can produce the same favorable results
Source: Bolten and Bolten Social Style Management Style, Developing Productive Work Relationships

27. 27
What correlates with business success ?
Versatility: The extra
dimension
The ability to modify/flex
your style to opposite
styles when some tension
may exist.

28. 1.
Overview
of Social
Styles
2.
Identify your
predominant
Social Style
3
Discuss
your issues
& /dislikes
of other
styles
4.
Learn how
to identify
the Social
Style of
others
5.
Practice
the skill of
style flexing
6.
Obtain your
Take Home
Tool Kit
A gift you can “open” immediately
28

29. 29
Style flexing
Style flex is the temporary adjustment of a few of your behaviors to
make the interaction more comfortable for the other person.
When is it important to style flex ?

30. How to style flex
30
1. Know your dominant style
2. Identify style of other person
3. Identify what behaviors you
will add and subtract
4. Develop your style flex plan

31. 31
A Key to Success- Flex Your Style When you wish to
influence others in who you find difficult
Emotive
Reserved
Ask
DAN
Analyzer
Expresser
Style Flex Plan
Emotive
Reserved
Ask Tell
Relater
Director
Objective of
the meeting
Your Style
Their Style
Assertiveness
Dimension
_________Increase
_________Decrease
_________Same
Responsiveness
Dimension
_________Increase
_________Decrease
_________Same

32. 32
Increase Assertive Dimension
Body:
Erect or lean forward
Increase frequency of eye contact
Voice/Words:
Speak and decide more quickly
More conviction in your delivery
Style flex preparation
Remember the toolkit
Decrease Assertive Dimension
Body:
Lean back
Exhibit less energy
Do not invade their personal space
Less frequency of eye contact
Voice/Words:
Decrease volume/intensity of speech
Listen more
Be less direct
Increase Emotion Dimension
Body:
Use more gestures-make them flowing
Less stiff/relax posture
Respond to feelings with your body language
Voice/Words:
Chit chat
Touch base personally
Respond to feelings
Decrease Emotion Dimension
Body:
Restrain gestures
Be formal
Limit gestures
Voice/Words:
Task oriented/limit chit- chat
Get to the point/stick to it

33. 33
A Key to Success- Flex Your Style When you wish to
influence others in who you find difficult
Emotive
Reserved
Advocat
e/Tell
Ask
DAN
DEE
Analyzer
Expresser
Flex example
Emotive
Reserved
Ask Advocate
Dan
Dee

34. 34
Flexing role play
Scenario:
The project sponsor continues to not be available to the
team. You have met with her previously to gain her
agreement that she will be an active sponsor, However,
she continues to not be available when needed and has
told you she is content with the project’s progress and
does not feel she needs to be heavily engaged.

35. 35
Your Turn To Plan Your Flex
Select a Partner and Share:
1. Identify a person that you find difficult
2. Identify style of other person
3. Identify what behaviors you will add and subtract
4. Discuss your flex plan
Time Per Partner: ____________
Switch Partners

36. Questions and answers
36
For more information contact : dee daley @Yahoo.com

37. 37
How will this help you and your teams
influence better?
What will you do differently?
37
Thank You
Have a safe trip home
deedaley@Yahoo.com

38. ¾’s of the People with Whom You Work:
•Work differently from you when in groups
•Plan differently when with others
•Are motivated for different reasons
•Differ in willingness to take risks
•Make use of time differently
•Make decisions differently
•Manage accounts differently

39. Social Styles: Typical Reactions to
Stress
Over-
comprimising
Avoids
confrontation
Perfectionist
Opinionated
Over-committed
Rigid
Unrelenting
Data driven
Domineering
Impatient
Attack
ADVOCATE
RESERVED
EMOTIVE
INQUIRE
RELATER
ANALYZER
EXPRESSER
DIRECTOR
STRESS REACTIONS