Have Have Child Placing Agency Foster Parent Training August 7, 2012

1. HAVE HAVEN August 7 , 2012
Foster Parent Training Donna Young, MS, Foster Parent Specialist
BUILDING SELF ESTEEM WITH
YOUR CHILDREN

3. TRAINING OBJECTIVES
 Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes
from
 Recognize the symptoms of high and low self esteem
 Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on
our children
 Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our
own and our child's self esteem
 Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self
esteem

4. WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN?
 I want the best for my children
 I want them to be responsible, happy and caring
 I want them to take their place in the World
 I want them to have successful relationships
 I want them to be productive in whatever they do and
gain satisfaction from it

5. DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM
"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a
belief that we are basically OK”
“A quiet feeling of self worth”

6. CORE SELF ESTEEM
Self
Confidence Self Trust
Core
Self
Esteem
Self Approval
Self Image

7. OUR CORE SELF ESTEEM

8. SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM
Wish they were Boast
Feel inferior
someone else or unworthy
Symptoms
Rarely volunteer Lack energy
May bully Panic when Over dependence on
faced authority figures
with a new task
=
Anxiety

9. ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION
 Value them
 Spend time with them
 Respect them
 Trust them
 Commit to them
 Be their role model
 Be on their side

10. KEY QUESTIONS (1)
 Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad,
about themselves today?
 Have I shown that I have understood their feelings
and/or their point of view on anything today?
 Have I shown any interest in, or asked about,
anything they have done today?

11. KEY QUESTIONS (2)
 Have I listened to them with my whole hearted
attention at least once?
 Will they think I am on their side?
 Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.

12. PRAISE
Specific Deed not Doer
Praise
Timing Areas to Improve

13. ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
 Increased physical health
 Higher academic achievement
 Better formed relationships
 Less tendency to violent acts
 Emotionally healthy

14. FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING
 Become aware of the child's emotion
 Recognise the emotion as an opportunity for
intimacy and teaching
 Put yourself in the child's shoes and
listen, acknowledging the child's feelings
 Help to find words to express the emotion
 Set limits while exploring ways to solve the problem

15. WHY DON’T WE LISTEN?
 We are pursuing our own line of thought
 We are relating it all to our own experience
 We switch off because we know what they are going
to say
 We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are
saying instead of listening

16. POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
“Can you hear me?”
Listening “Actions speak louder than words”
Body language
“You’re so clumsy” “Don’t spill it”
Labelling Making requests
“You think you’re so clever”
Put downs

17. WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN?
 To say what was said to us when we were young
 It is the right thing to do
 We are down on our reserves

18. PROBLEM SOLVING
 Describe the situation
 Sum up in their words
Generate ideas
Pick one
Confirm if solved

19. WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OUR
CHILDREN?
 Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment
 The negative opinion of others will not immobilise
them
 They will not be undone by failure, they will learn
from it
 They will respect others
 They will find loving others easier and have lots of
love to give away!

20. AS PARENTS WE MUST:
 Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the
best we can
 Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a
parent
 Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and
without fear of judgement
 Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from
others

21. FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS
 To identify our own values
 To provide us and our children with a sense of
direction
 To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our
children to adulthood
 To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and
find a sustainable middle way.

22. TRAINING OBJECTIVES
 Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes
from
 Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem
 Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact
on our children
 Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds
our own and our child's self esteem
 Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build
self esteem