Creative Workshop October 12-13

Creative Workshop
October 12-13
Herschell Gordon Lewis

A couple of
preliminary
points…

There are many options
open to the genuine
―creative‖ individual.
Uh-oh!

The writer
always
has a stronger way
to begin
a sales argument
than the neutral phrase
―There is…‖
or
―There are….‖

If Michelangelo were
painting today…

Trends for the second half
of the second decade of
the 21st century:
1. Increasing informality
2. Increasingly emphatic
persuasion
3. Inclusion of validation
4. Promise of fast action

A universal reaction:
―I want it
NOW.‖

Primitive but a good ―pitch‖ because
it builds around immediacy:

In sync
with
the
medium
and 21st
century
trends

Click
brings up
this…
still in
sync
with the
medium
and 21st
century
trends

Interesting
study.
Note who
issued it.

When you see this color
screen, it‘s for a
Quick hands-on.
Please participate.
What happens here
stays here.

Sorry, you won‘t hear them
during this diatribe:
• Paradigm
• Proactive
• Win-win
• Game plan
• 24/7
• Fast track
• Customer-centric
• At the end of the
day
• Core competency
• Think outside the
box
• Knowledge-based
• On the same page

Specifics outpull
generalizations.
Remember that if
you‘re asked to write
a sample piece of
copy.
(You will be, in two
minutes.)

Take a look at the
two most famous
advertisements of
all time … both
are direct
response:

Written in
1926…
still much
imitated today:
•They grinned
when the waiter
spoke to me in
French
•They laughed
when I told them
how I beat stress
•They laughed
when I said I‘d
lose weight
Hundreds of
others

Could you
match this
famous ad
that ran for
45 years?
Let‘s look
at the
power of
one minor
word:

If These Mistakes
had been This Mistake
the power would have been
a fraction of what it was.
Why?

Why would
anyone
bother
reading
beyond the
nonspecific
headlines?
You can
write better
wording
than that.

―There are
many reasons
America‘s
leading
companies
choose our
Direct
Response
solutions‖ is
student-level
copy.
Rewrite to add
strength.

Why is this email less effective
than it might be?

An absolute rule of
force-
communication:
One specific
example brings more
response than ten
generalizations.

Avoid these words in
force-communication
messages:
• quality
• service
• value
• needs (as
noun)
• ―Remember,‖
• What‘s more
• Your partner
in…
• When it
comes to…

Please, please:
Never again write ―blah‖
phrases such as…
• Act now.
• See your Toyota dealer
today.
• Southwest Airlines
means business.

Impact increases with
apparent warmth.
Example: start with
Bye now.
Move up slightly to
See you soon.

Even what appears to be
an insignificant change
to a question increases
impact. Convert
See you soon.
to
See you soon?

Personalization adds an
emotional overtone:
See you soon.
becomes
I hope we’ll get
together again
soon.

Combining personalization
with a question forces a
reaction:
I hope we’ll get
together again soon.
doesn‘t begin to compete in
potency against
Will we get together
again soon?

Inclusion reduces the
possibility of rejection.
Example – replacing
I’d like us to get
together again soon.
with
We’ll get together
again soon.
(Would this as a question be
stronger? or weaker?)

Can you relate
those simple
examples to an
analysis of your
salesmanship in
direct response
copy?

Would you
have wasted
the expense
and
opportunity
to reach
commercial
customers
as this bank
did?

Quick hands-on:
Write a headline to
replace…
Commitment.
It’s all in our
approach.

You know why we should
NEVER slide through
word-choices without
considering whether even
slightly different wording
might have greater
fractional impact:
RESPONSE.

What is the difference
between
3
and
three
?

What is a more emotional
word or phrase than:
• commence
• utilize
• omit
• receive
• we would like to
• large
• you incur no
risk
• circular
• donate
• purchase
• fortunate
• requested
• I write
concerning
• we shall
• error
• perhaps
• however
• humorous

between:
• autumn and fall
• at last and
finally
• sexy and sensual
• nude and naked
• made and
manufactured
• manufactured by
and built by
• right now and at
once
• reply and respond
• insincere and not
sincere
• eager and anxious
• audience and
viewers
• died and passed
away

Note the difference in
thrust, impact, and (vital for
us) selling power:
―One in five Americans will
experience identity theft.‖
versus
―One in five people will be
hit with identity theft.‖

Shift to active voice and
watch as muscle skyrockets:
―One in five Americans will
be hit with identity theft.‖
versus
―Identity theft will smash
into the lives of one in five
Americans.‖

between
lifetime
guarantee
and
guaranteed for
twenty years
?

between
guaranteed for
twenty years
and
guaranteed for
20 years
?

Spelling out a word adds
dignity, formality, and importance.
It also may add distance between
writer and reader. So choose based
on the circumstance:
Mt. Olympus Mount Olympus
Ft. Lauderdale Fort Lauderdale
St. Jude Saint Jude
Dr. Smith Doctor Smith
Mr. Brown Mister Brown
No. 1 Number one

Match words to the
specific demographic
you‘re wooing:
inexpensive
cheap

YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
Incorrect
Wrong

―The senator declined to
comment.‖
answer.‖

answer.‖
―The senator refused to
answer.‖

―The thing is…‖
―Get this.‖

―For the experienced
tourist.‖
―For the sophisticated
traveler.‖

―We killed the
competition.‖
―We destroyed the
competition.‖

―We killed the
competition.‖
―We murdered the
competition.‖

―It doesn‘t work.‖
―It just ain‘t working.‖

―She‘s a vice-president of
the agency.‖
―She‘s vice-president of
the agency.‖

―Can you help us?‖
―Will you help us?‖
Do you recognize the huge
difference between ―Can
you‖ and ―Will you‖?

―If you order now, you‘ll
get…‖
―Order now and you‘ll
get…‖

―You pay much less.‖
―Others pay much more.‖

Trousers
Pants

Tighten your tummy.
Get rid of that gut.

―We‘ll even pay the
shipping costs.‖
―We‘ll pay the shipping
costs.‖

―We‘ll pay the shipping
costs.‖
―Free shipping.‖

―They‘ll keep your feet
toasty warm.‖
―They‘ll keep your toes
toasty warm.‖

―He kissed her on the
lips.‖
―He kissed her on the
mouth.‖

―Attention, seniors: We
are conducting a clinical
trial for…‖
―Attention, seniors: A
research organization is
conducting a clinical trial
for…‖

―We lost the game.‖
―We blew the game.‖

Quick hands-on:
Suggest a more dynamic
replacement for:
―A reply from you
would be
appreciated.‖

―A reply from you would
be appreciated.‖
―We really do want your
reaction.‖

―The workshop will be
presented in your area.‖
―The workshop is in your
own town.‖

―In the event of your
death...‖
―If you should die....‖

―Just $24.95 per month.‖
―Just $24.95 a month.‖

―As the owner of a small
business, you...‖
―Is yours a family-owned
business? Then...‖

―Is there a problem with...?‖
―Do you have a problem with...?‖

$250,000
A quarter of a million dollars

Illegal immigrant
Undocumented alien

Word use:
Replace… with…
must have to
among one of
utilize use
perhaps maybe
buy acquire
purchase own
spend allocate
receive get

YOUR hand is
on the
trigger.
Don‘t fire
blanks.

An easy and obvious
litmus test for
both envelope copy and
e-mail subject line:
Does it grab
and is it
relevant?

Amateurish, not good grammar… but
suggests personal and easy reading

The
enclosure
…
What are
the pros
and cons
of this
approach
?

What
image
does this
offer
conjure
up?
Positive
or
negative?

Aimed at
not-for-
profit
groups.
What
would you
have, as a
clearer
message?

Punctuation makes a
huge difference:
• Money to invest
• or…
• Money to invest?

Quick hands-on:
Suggest a more
salesworthy replacement
for:
―You can complete
your Application Form
in less than one
minute.‖

Did you replace the word
―Application‖ to read…
―You can complete
your Acceptance Form
in less than one
minute‖?
Now, make it a tad more
convivial by replacing
one other word.

―You can complete your
Acceptance Form
in less than one minute.‖
―You can complete your
Acceptance Form
in less than a minute.‖

BUT NEVER DRAW A
COSMIC CONCLUSION.
In many situations
you may prefer ―one‖ to ―a‖
because
―one‖ is definite
and
―a‖ is indefinite.

Superiority of the
definite over the
indefinite:
•―The gem in each earring
is a full carat.‖
• ―The gem in each
earring is one full carat.‖

The ―Emotion over Intellect‖
Rule:
When emotion and intellect
come into conflict, emotion
always wins.
The significance of this rule:
An emotion-based sales
argument will outsell an
intellect-based sales argument.

The three bases of
success in direct
response writing
1.Verisimilitude
2.Clarity
3.Benefit

Quick hands-on:
How would you add
verisimilitude to this email?

Which of
these
brought
the most
response?

Benefit in
force-communication:
not,
"What will it do?"
but,
"What will it do for me?"

If you take nothing else
away from this workshop,
remember this:
Imperative
outpulls
declarative.

Phony pitch
(car came
with 5-year
warranty) …
but cold
imperative
tone makes
it credible to
some.

What is
wrong
with
this
email
?

The Law of Tenses:
Present tense outsells
future tense because the
present is now, and your
prospect wants benefits
now.

Present tense is more
relevant than either
future tense or past
tense. Use past tense to
establish a historical
base. Use present tense
to establish position.

"If you think that..." is a
more potent opening
than "If you thought
that..." because present
tense implies an
immediate change of
current attitude; past
tense suggests that
whatever follows will be a
revision of history.

Tying future to present tells the
reader:
"This will be for all eternity."
Compare the meanings of these
two approaches:
This is the seventh notification
we've sent you. It's the last one.
or...
This is the seventh notification
we've sent you. It will be the last
one.

Emotion outsells
Intellect...
Benefits are more
emotional than
features...
So benefits outsell
features.

When
is superior to If
for suggesting
something will happen.
If
is superior to When
for suggesting
something will not
happen.

The Generic Determination
Rule:
The generic determines reaction
more than the numbers.
More Less
Half a quart One pint
Half a kilo 500 grams
One hour 60 minutes
One day 24 hours
One month 30 days
One mile 5,280 feet
Half a pound 8 ounces

Hands-on practice:
Rewrite this statement
for greater power:
We’ll ship your order the
next day, and it’s
guaranteed for 30 days.

The Chronology Rule:
When chronology is within the
experiential background of the
message recipient, number of
years is a more powerful selling
weapon than dates.
So in the year 2013:
"A history of success since 2003" is
weaker than...
"A solid 10-year history of success."
Why?

Information optimizing:
Directing or changing the
reader‘s or viewer‘s or
listener‘s perception
without changing the
facts.

Information optimizing…
When should you use
asterisks
(*)
in selling copy?

When should you use
asterisks
(*)
in selling copy?
Never.

―The Asterisk Exception‖:
A reader automatically
anticipates a negative
result from an asterisk in
either heading or text.
If you are announcing a
positive, DO NOT use an
asterisk.

The five types of
comparatives:
• We‘re better than they are.
• Unlike so-called competitors
who…
• We‘re the greatest.
• We were marvelous
before, and now we‘re even
better.
• Intended to sell for x-amount

Hands-on practice:
Write a comparative
claim other than “We’re
better than they are” for
the organization you
represent.

Parity Advertising:
The statement seems to imply
superiority but actually only
claims parity... "No bank pays
higher interest"; Nobody sells
for less"; "We'll meet any
discount price."

Hands-on practice:
Write a ―Parity‖
statement for the
organization you
represent.

Opening a question with a
positive statement directs the
answer:
―This is what you want, isn‘t
it?‖
is more likely to generate a
positive reaction than
―Is this what you want?‖

The
―Restoration/Preservation‖
Rule:
When promoting personal
improvement products,
restoration outpulls
preservation.
Why?

The three components of
successful force-
communication:
1. Basic psychology
2. Vocabulary suppression
3. Salesmanship equivalent
to that of a vacuum
cleaner salesman in a
department store

Two ads, same advertiser.
Which has both clarity and impact?

One of these pulled more than
twice the response of the
other. Which one? Why?

Is this
the
optimal
way to
contact
cold lists
via
email?
(Mice-type
is below
here. On
original,
you would
scroll
down to
see)
About Macromark:Macromark, Inc. is a leading, highly reputable and
progressive acquisition, retention and monetization media company. Relying
on its experienced sales organization, aggressive marketing efforts and
cutting edge IT support, Macromark will acquire new customers for you at
the lowest possible cost and will maximize the revenue potential of your
most valuable asset, your customer file. The company also provides key e-
commerce, print media, insert media and database marketing services.
Today, Macromark is recognized as one of the industry's fastest-growing
direct marketing companies with over 300 consumer and business-to-
business clients, in the US, Canada and Internationally.
Please go to this link to see all of this company's Business
Announcements
-or-
go to this link to add this company to your rolodex!
Brought to you by MacArthur Services - Business Announcements
MacArthur Services, 693 Cherry Avenue, Lake Forest IL, 60045 (847) 457-
3122, info@macarthurservices.com
Please mention this announcement when making inquiries!
Add a co-worker to receive Business Announcements
Update your info
O p t o u t : of future Business Announcements

This legend is in mice-
type below the Gift Card
references:
• About Macromark:Macromark, Inc. is a leading, highly
reputable and progressive acquisition, retention and
monetization media company. Relying on its experienced
sales organization, aggressive marketing efforts and cutting
edge IT support, Macromark will acquire new customers for
you at the lowest possible cost and will maximize the
revenue potential of your most valuable asset, your customer
file. The company also provides key e-commerce, print
media, insert media and database marketing services. Today,
Macromark is recognized as one of the industry's fastest-
growing direct marketing companies with over 300 consumer
and business-to-business clients, in the US, Canada and
Internationally.

Peculiar follow-up. Would
you enter information?

Standard email offer.
Click and…

This appears.
But within two seconds…

This blocks out the image.
Your opinion: More response, or less?

Part Two:
The Great Laws
and
the overriding
Commandment

The First Great Law:
Reach and influence,
at the lowest possible cost,
the most people
who can and should respond.

They
need a
course
in
merge-
purge.
They
are my
carrier.

Mailing to a business prospect

Does this ―reach‖? Or turn off?

What makes
the wording
of this ad
superior as
a
commercial
message?
Disturbing
specifics

The Second Great Law:
In this Age of Skepticism,
cleverness
for the sake of cleverness
may well be a liability,
rather than an asset.

Playing with a play on words can
result in a considerably lower
response than a clear offer.

When
copy is
―straight‖
and photo
is ―cute‖
the
mismatch
damages
impact.

Clever?
Full-page
ad in a
marketing
magazine.
What does
this
advertiser
do?
Are you
inspired?

The Fourth Great Law:
Tell your target-
individual
what to do.

TELL YOUR
TARGET-
INDIVIDUAL
WHAT
TO
DO.

Suggest a
graphic,
a
headline
and a
first
sentence
that
clarify
what this
company
does

Suggest a
graphic, a
headline
and a first
sentence
that clarify
what this
company
does

Suggest a
graphic, a
headline
and a first
sentence
that might
convince a
marketer
to contact
you.

Suggest a
graphic, a
headline
and a
first
sentence
that
clarify
what this
company
does

Full-page
ad in a
direct
response
magazine.
Question:
What does
this
company
do?

Finding
out isn‘t
easy.
This
appears
on a
jump-
page in
their
website:

If you were
the
marketing
director,
what would
you have in
your ad in
a trade
magazine?

If you were
the
marketing
director,
what would
have been
your key
selling
argument
in this
trade ad?

REPEAT: You know this,
from your personal life
and as a professional
communicator:
Imperative
outpulls
declarative.

Be the voice
of authority.
(Careful!
Don‘t let
imperative
slide into
arrogance.)

Note key ―grabber‖ words such
as RISK and VIOLATION and
WE MUST RECEIVE

Clever – name and address
apparently are on a sticker
but actually are surprinted

Attention spans
are short.
BEWARE
of
The Bore/Snore
Effect.

Does your illustration motivate, or
is it just pretty? BORE/SNORE.

Do you deal in specifics or just
generalities? BORE/SNORE.

Are you a professor, not a dynamic
salesperson? BORE/SNORE.

Are you hung up in your sense of
dignity? BORE/SNORE.

Do you ramble on endlessly, slow to
get to the point? BORE/SNORE.

Do you put them quietly
to sleep? BORE/SNORE.
(SIPA just merged with Software & Information
Industry Association (SIIA) (Huh?)

Replace BORE/SNORE with
the Dale Carnegie/Sally
Field Declaration:
―You
like
me.‖

The Clarity
Commandment:
When you choose words and
phrases for
force-communication,
clarity is paramount.
Don‘t let any other component
of the communications mix
interfere with it.

Word sequence
and spacing
affect clarity.
DON‘T EVER
violate
The Clarity
Commandment.
An example…

The email on the left pulled 84%
better. Why? Greater clarity.

Attention
spans are
short, and
quick
negative
reactions are
common.
Would you
want four
people
looking down
at you?

Can you see how these – 4 pages
apart in the same catalog – violate
the Clarity Commandment?

What would you have done to add
clarity, without eliminating either
product?

What is
the
point…
and the
meaning
…
of the
brackets
in the
headline
?

OK, I‘ll
buy.
Uhhh…
What are
you
selling?

When you
promise
―How
to…‖
quickly
explain
―How
to‖..or
risk
confusion.

The
answer is
―pretty
straight-
forward‖?
Not if the
thrust is
―We‖
instead of
―You.‖

You say,
―Let‘s talk
simple.‖
Well, OK,
but what
are we
talking
about?
Clarify,
please.

Word sequence can have a
profound effect on clarity
• Half roasted chicken
• Roasted half chicken
• Roasted chicken half
• Roast chicken half
• Half a roast chicken
• (and hyphens may help
clarify:
Chicken-half, roasted)

Nobody
likes the
post
office…
but this is
a superior
ad.
What
makes it
superior?

Cleverness
without
clarity
violates
both the
Second
Great Law
and the
Clarity
Command.

(They sell
email
personalizing
… tracking …
and spam
filter control)
• Rewrite
for
clarity
and
response.

What
makes
this
an
effective
message
?

Clever
wording
that
adds
clarity
is the
height
of copy
skill.

A tip:
For clarity,
When listing two parallel
items, and one has a
qualifier, list the one without
the qualifier first. Example:
helps you diet and quit
smoking ...
NOT
helps you quit smoking and
diet

An
expiration date
almost always
improves response.
Tip:―Midnight Saturday,
October 12‖
will outpull
―Saturday, October 12.‖

―Learn‖ and ―Earn‖ are
two seemingly harmless
words that suggest a
ghastly four-letter word:
W-O-R-K.
Can you suggest
alternatives?

The five great motivators:
•Fear
•Exclusivity
•Greed
•Guilt
•Need for approval

―Soft‖ motivators:
Convenience
and
Pleasure

Motivator for
fund raisers,
extremist organization:
Anger

Possible
additional motivators
as the 21st century
evolves:
Envy
Status
(Does status differ
from exclusivity?)

Hands-on practice:
For a product with which
you‘re associated, create
the headline for a space
ad using one of the Five
Great Motivators.
Then create a second
headline using another of
those Motivators.

The Consistency
Command:
Components of an
advertisement, a mailing, or
an email message should
reinforce and validate one
another, or
reader/viewer/listener
response to all components
will be reduced.

The Rule of
Negative Subtlety:
The effectiveness of a
direct response message
whose purpose is to sell
something
decreases in direct ratio
to an increase in
subtlety.

First Sub-rule of
Negative Subtlety:
A sales argument loses
impact in direct ratio
to an increase in
subtlety.

A nasty development
in the
―R-rated‖
non-culture of
communication:
“In your face”
advertising

Getting
attention is
not parallel
to getting
favorable
attention.

If you‘re a purchasing agent,
aren‘t you uncomfortable
dealing with this company?

This ad
ran in
Customer
Interaction
Solutions.

What are
the pros
and cons
of this
approach
to
attention-
getting?

The two-page ad in entirety.
Your opinion?

Hands-on
practice:
Suggest a
new picture
and
rewrite the
headline to
give it
strength
and clarity.

The
―Shock Diminution‖
Rule:
Shock diminishes
in exact ratio
to repetition.

The web has reborn a venerable
marketing approach: ―per-inquiry‖

Absolute rules for p.i.
marketing:
• Offer is for product, not service
• Response goes to medium or list
source
• Offer must be easy to understand
• Fulfillment is from medium or list
source
• All involved parties share names
• Remittance from recipient to
offerer is fast and accurate

Part Three:
Let‘s attack the hot
media of the day…
Web and
mobile

Don‘t assume your
mobile target has
the same mind-set
and attention-span
as
the same
individualsitting at
his/her computer.

Is mobile the medium of the
immediate future?
BIG benefits:
•Highly targeted.
•Can reach targets anywhere
they are.
•Results are measurable.
•Can be interactive.

If targeting and
interactivity are absolute,
why doesn‘t the medium
achieve dominance?

Why use mobile? Because you
can…
-- Send timely offers right to the user‘s
mobile device, provided the mobile user
is an opt-in subscriber.
-- Create segments by demographic and
purchase data.
-- Deploy graphic mobile coupons that
can be redeemed at a store.
-- Use sometimes effective QR codes to
link to events and promotions.
-- Integrate with databases that are used
by email, direct marketing, and other
methods.

Why question the use of mobile?
Because it doesn’t…
-- Reach a high percentage of potential
responders.
-- Get a message out no matter where or
when the prospect may be ready to receive.
-- Have the flexibility of other media.
-- Cover anywhere near the totality of your
selling message.
-- As yet compete on a cost-per-positive-
contact basis with email, direct marketing,
and other methods.

Mobile is
initiating
a new
supply-
industry.

Consider and discuss:
Are social media
competitive
in the world of e-
commerce?
What are the ―yea‖
possibilities?
What are the ―nay‖
possibilities?

If this surprises you, you
aren‘t in the marketplace.

If you plan to use
Facebook or MySpace or
Twitter as a marketing
tool…
please, please, please:
Test.
(Best test: as both vendor
and as potential
consumer.)

The email marketplace of
2013/2014 is far more
brutal than it was even a
few years ago. Why?
• Invasion of ―new media‖
• Abuse by so many emailers
• Wild competitive growth
• Wild competitive claims

Two advisories from an ―Expert,‖ in Inc.:
1. ―Unless you are having some sort of
outrageous sale that people just can‘t resist,
descriptive, transaction oriented subject lines
don't usually perform very well. What does
perform well? Creative, catchy, eye-catching
subject lines. So feel free to be creative, witty,
and funny.‖
2. ―All of your emails should have a primary call
to action, which is above the fold and very ob-
vious. However, don't have the email end there.
Some customers want to scroll to learn more or
see other content. So give them what they
want. Add a row of ‗best sellers,‘ new products,
testimonials, or other useful information.‖
Opinions about these advisories?

Each bid costs a dollar. Misleading
offers such as this damage the
credibility of email as a medium.

A few subject lines that may work
but are of questionable ethics:
•After Friday, forget our deal.
•Someone is using your photo here.
•Your new LG washer/dryer is here.
• Re: Possibility?
•Do you really want to cancel?
•Sorry, I‘m going to have to cancel
•Can‘t win them all. I give up.
•Junk mail? Hell, no. [or, Heck, no.]
•Thought I was dead? You‘re wrong.
•Two more days and the deal is off.
•It‘s PayPal, not Western Union.

How would you make these
subject lines more powerful?
•Carlos walked away from 29K in debt
•AHS the right choice in home warranties
- Free Quote!
•Fidelity Life Association's Rapid
Decision Term Life
•Here are more reasons to SHOP WITH
US!
•Take home essential style with GQ and
Details

Weak subject line may prevent recipient from
ever seeing the motivational headline:

Simple psychology:
Offer
―click here‖
options
repeatedly.
(It parallels the
―trial close‖
of a conventional
sales pitch.)

Can you offer ―Click here‖
too often? Probably not.

Can you sell directly from an
email message? Absolutely.

Email has become
the home of
quarter-truths,
andnon-truths.
Worst offenders:
Those who use
the word
―FREE‖
as bait.

Which of these pulled
better?
10% off.
Free shipping.

in pulling power
between
included
and
free
?

This
magazine
―includes‖
extras
that had
to strain
the
writer‘s
mental
resources.
We‘ll look
closer.

How would you have worded
some of these ―Benefits‖?

Remember
the rule,
Imperative
outpulls
declarative?
This b-to-b
email
ignores that
rule and
invites
―Click. I‘m
outta here.‖

Now you do it:
Write a dynamic
subject line and first
line of text for that
email.

Suggest an effective subject line

Are newsletters
effective use of
email?
(Many catalog emailers
use the
newsletter format as
―stay-in-touch‖
communication.)

A newsletter
is a porous
email
bandage,
considerably
less exciting than
a one-to-one offer.
Why?
Because…

Building respect
for the sender
is not parallel
to responding
to an offer.

Newsletter
advantages:
• Mild customer
loyalty
• Frequency has
logic
• Many variations
(jokes, surveys)
Newsletter
disadvantages:
• Weak selling
weapon
• Selling is
subordinated
• Boredom factor

If you decide to use a
newsletter to build your
list or to be the ―carrier‖
for your sales message,
YOU MUST
be certain that the first
item is exciting for the
recipient.

Is the first item in your
newsletter
an advertising message?
Uh-oh.

Is the first item in your
―Joke of the Day‖
the joke itself
and not
an advertising message?
Uh-oh.

A key point:
Each format dictates a
psychology.
different

DON‘T
send a message
that‘s a total
download, with no
upfront
motivators.
Why?

Because
12 to 18 million
people
(used to be
30 million)
will see this
on their screen:

Did you know…
•Adding the recipient‘s
name to the ―Subject‖
line usually increases
response.
•There is no point in
sending ―teaser‖ email.

Which is better? This one?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Subj:Boost Sales! Date: 2:43:47 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: loandream@aol.com
To: hglewis1@aol.comSent from the Internet (Details)
Let's face it. It's the 4th quarter. The holidays are just around the
corner. Now is the time to gear up for the busiest and most
profitable time of the year! We all need to:
* boost sales
* increase profits
* expand our markets
* max our budgets (use it or lose it!)
* watch the bottom line
The BOTTOM LINE: dollar for dollar, pound for pound, there's
nothing more powerful and effective than targeted email
advertising (proof of this in an independent study - see link below!)

Or this, same day‘s
email:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________
Subj:Please call me Date: 2:44:52 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: loandream@aol.com
To: hglewis1@aol.comSent from the Internet (Details)
Here's some new info for you. Please call me right away.
Regards,
Rich
Let's face it. It's the 4th quarter. The holidays are just around the
corner. Now is the time to gear up for the busiest and most profitable time of
the year! We all need to:
* boost sales
* increase profits
* expand our markets
* max our budgets (use it or lose it!)
* watch the bottom line
The BOTTOM LINE: dollar for dollar, pound for pound, there's nothing more

An oddity
worth testing:
Moving ―click here‖
UP
in the text
usually increases
response.

In actual tests…
text outpulled a produced
email
when the message was
URGENCY.
Produced message
outpulled text
when the message was
ARTISTRY.

An interesting test:
Which of these subject
lines pulled best?
John, here is the information
you have been waiting for.
or…
Here is the information you
have been waiting for, John.

No one could have
anticipated the
difference. One brought
13% more response.
Which one?
Here is the information
you have been waiting
for, John.

more response?
• You Can Save Up To
70%!
• You can save up to
70%!

Use Initial Caps…
and expect
response to drop.
OF COURSE
YOU KNOW
WHY.

Initial caps are a
dead giveaway not
only that this is
advertising, but
advertising from a
distance.
Rapport? Forget it.

more response?
• I‘m going to save you
70%!
• I‘m going to save you
70%.

better?
• Information you should
have about home
improvement schemes
• Beware of home
improvement schemes.
• Home improvement
offer? Look out.

Repeat:
An apparent
(and dangerous if it
seems arrogant)
gauge of response –
In a selling situation,
IMPERATIVE
outpulls
DECLARATIVE.

For
business-to-business
email:
Always test
TEXT
against a
PRODUCED MESSAGE.

Which of these
pulled better?
•Talk to me.
•Do me a favor.

Don‘t get diarrhea of the
fingertips.
D o n ’t g e t d ia r r h e a
o f t h e f in g e r t ip s .
==================================================
Subject: Alter significantly the denudation of Panglossian Corporate
communications.
Dear Docent-Colleague,
A malefactoring challenge entrepreneurial enterprises face today is multiple-layer
communication with a diverse and diffuse geographically dispersed staff. Indefatigable
meretriciousness can generate negativism from the most mundane pronouncement.
Employing Microsoft’s Digital Media, this retiform Division invites you to gain
knowledge and understanding of the professional and nonprofessional benefits of
streaming media technologies during complimentary attendance at a webcast:
To register, see website for details.
This message is singularly intended for the corporate executive to whom it has been
addressed. Additional invitations may be available upon request. Include corporate
title, areas of authority, and e-mail address.

A highly-effective ploy
An original (first)
communication
suggesting a prior
inquiry.
Do you consider it
unethical?

A key question:
What are you doing…
or including…
to maximize
the capture of
online addresses?
(Easy hint: Give
them a reason.)

Forget using email as a
―branding‖ procedure:
Building respect
for the sender
isn‘t parallel to
generating response
to an offer.

A powerful rule of
Specifics outpull
generalizations.
Email
is today‘s
most significant example of
this rule.

―Ad‖ copy versus specifics:
Which will bring more response?

So…
Load your both your
subject line and your
message with
rhetorical dynamite…
But don‘t assume you
can get away with
blather.

Who can resist
this flattering subject line?

Which of these would bring
greater response?
• You’ll be interested in the
hundreds of “Specials” on sale
this week at greatly reduced
prices.
or…
• The Bushnell 650 telescope you
thought would cost $375 is yours
right now (HURRY!) for $69. And
that’s just the beginning.

The only difference is the box at upper
left. You don‘t have to be a practicing
psychologist to know which one
outpulled the other.

ALWAYS
send yourself
a sample message.
Otherwise,
you could have
stupid results
such as this:

Dear $Firstname$,
I was just reviewing our client list when suddenly a vision flashed into
my minds eye!
I nearly dropped my cup of tea it was so powerful and concentrated. We understand you're going
through some difficult times and want very badly to find or keep your true love.
We also know that you may be struggling financially and need MONEY desperately. Well, your time
may soon come! However, I must warn you that to get what we most want in life we sometimes
need to find courage and walk a hazardous path.
$Firstname$, at these times we need to walk through fire and take chances!
Are you up to the challenge?
$Firstname$, Are you ready to take the risks you need to transform your life?
We must read your Tarot cards to clarify this intense vision! That's why I'm giving you a FREE Tarot
reading! Call now!
Begin to take some chances for your dreams! $Firstname$, call toll-free 1-800-526-4317
immediately! In your future, $Firstname$, you may be confronted with a decision that could very
well lead to wealth, health and happiness. You may be rich! One caller claims to have won money
with her psychics' advice!You could you be next!
Love & hope,
Miss Cleo

Why this marvelous
medium is in disrepute:

Click on ―unsubscribe
and get this:

Did you know…
• Tying your news to actual news
increases email response.
• Asking a relevant question is
unusually potent in email.
• Rules of letter-writing (short
paragraphs, spacing) apply.
• Matching demographics to
message can be super-valuable.

Did you know…
• If your offer is stated clearly before
scrolling down you will increase
response.
• An ALL CAPS message does not pull as
well as standard caps and lower case
(avoid initial caps, please).
• ―FREE!!! FREE!!! FREE!!!‖ is a
transparent pitch. One ―Free‖ has
verisimilitude. And please: One
punctuation mark is plenty.
• If you address your target by first
name, be very sociable.

Provocative. OK, I‘ll vote. Click:

No, I won‘t. (Opinion, please:
How should this have been done?)

OK for
followers,
but when
the recipient
of an email
says, ―Huh?‖
the sender
has damaged
the
effectiveness
of an
otherwise
salesworthy
proposition.

Whenever
possible, test an
action/deadline
subject line against
a play on words.

Email is the only medium in
which the approach
―It‘s important to me
so it‘s important to you‖
is a valid marketing ploy…
but only if properly used.
Why?
Because email is the ultimate
one-to-one, arm-around-the-
shoulder medium. Rapport is
the key to response and to
fewer opt-outs.

So
in an email message,
―I‖
is infinitely superior
to
―We.‖

The reader doesn‘t know who ―I‖ might
be … but is automatically less negative

Viral marketing
tends to work
when
the message
recipient
recognizes
a ―pass-along‖
benefit.

Note this opt-in technique.
Email says:

And if you click through and
don‘t order:

Reason for annoyance:
This is the come-on.

Enter information,
click, and get this:

Endless string. Enter information,
click, and get marketer-serving coupons.

Consider
psychological
techniques for
reducing the
number of
opt-outs.

Did you know…
Sending a direct mail
(―snail mail‖) message to
opt-outs will pull
considerably better than
the same mailing to
demographically parallel
individuals?
(What is the significance
of that curious fact?)

Survey by ―McPherson Associates‖:
– Friday emails are the most
opened.
– Friday volume is relatively low.
– 14.3 percent of emails are sent
on Friday versus 24.5 percent on
Tuesday.
– Sunday has low open
rates, highest click-through rate. --
(Survey may or may not be valid
for you.)

If you follow up
email
with telemarketing,
call within
two days
after sending
the email.
(Best bet: Be ready to
re-send,
on the spot.)

Discuss:
What do
emails
such as
this
suggest
for the
future?
(Click,
and…)

Why some marketers see
little value in Facebook

How rampant is fakery in compiling
social media friends and followers?

What is
right and
what is
wrong
with this
business-
to-
business
email
offer?

Results and conclusions of this
type of survey are semi-valid.

Recent study of message
longevity:
Twitter: 2.8 hours
Facebook: 3.2 hours
YouTube: 7.4 hours
―In short, after three hours, links
shared on the two major social
networks — Twitter and Facebook —
are headed to obscurity. YouTube
links last a bit longer.‖.

(Online column)Is any of this
unique to Twitter, over email?

Can you believe this?
Points seriously made in a
bylined article in a marketing
publication:
―To make Twitter work as part of
your marketing plan, consider
these five tips:
∙Identify your program goals before
you start.
∙Figure out an inbound strategy.
∙Identify the tools you‘ll need.
∙Commit resources.
∙Plan to integrate.‖

Five
more…
Useful
?
or
useless
?

From a
recent
issue of
Website

What effect
does each
additional
social
medium
have on us
as direct
marketers?

These are just
the top
contenders.
More social
media appear
every month.
What does that
indicate for the
future?

What do growing dominance
and increasing competition
for attention indicate
to the alert marketer?

Comment by senior writer,
Daily Finance

How social media become
standard media

Example of
Expanded
Tweet:
User can
―open‖ a
tweet.
Question:
Will this keep
visitors from
clicking
through to
the original?

Social media use personal to sell.

On
which
targets
does
Twitter
have a
selling
impact
?

No surprise … it‘s the usual
―Complete sponsor offers‖

According to BtoB Magazine:
―64 percent of marketers
are allocating some portion
of their social media budget
to paid advertising on
social sites this year.‖
(What else would be in a
―social media budget‖?)

―Social‖ are new media.
The rules are still
forming. Always analyze
your results, and you‘ll
generate a constant flow
of rules you can use…
profitably.

Part Four:
Basic rules
for Website
marketing

Two factors override all
others:
1.The Clarity
Commandment.
2. Stop the surfer-visitor
in his/her tracks.

The First Rule
of Internet Copy
Copy length usually is not a factor.
Substantial copy length, within a
single copy block, is a negative factor.
(This suggests –
―Want that? Do this.‖ NOT…
―Do you want that? Then do this.‖)

The Second Rule
of Internet Copy
With every headline, every
sentence, ask yourself:
If I were reading this instead of
writing it, would my interest-level
stay high?

The Third Rule
of Internet Copy
Don‘t be afraid to sell.

The Fourth Rule
of Internet Copy
Subject to the First Rule, copy
length can expand in ratio to the
amount of promise it makes.

The Fifth Rule
of Internet Copy
•Announcements cannot compete with
salesmanship.
•Technical expertise cannot compete
with salesmanship.
•Gadgetry cannot compete with
salesmanship.

Strong ways to
assure yourself of
RE-visits:
• Frequent changes of your
offer
• Bonuses for repeat visits
and/or repeat orders
• Sprightly text
• Contests

Would you say this home
page is too busy? I would.

Clean layout. Want a deal on fleas?

Would you say this home
page is too busy? I wouldn‘t.

The personal touch … too often
missing from Websites. But…

WARNING:
Your first-time
visitor
has the attention-
span
of a gnat.

You can capitalize on this
truism:
The Web is
price-
driven.

Why should a marketer
offer
FREE SHIPPING
for orders resulting from
email solicitation…
but not for the same item
ordered from the printed
catalog?

You know the answer:
ALL
commercial
email is competitive
with all other
commercial email.

In 2013,
many
printed
catalogs
either add
free
shipping or
face a
drastic
reduction
of volume.

Is this
email or
a Web
page?
(The
question
is the
point: It
could be
either.)

―Bots‖ expose
comparative prices:

Let‘s take a closer look to
see comparisons:
Costco‘s price is just
$39.99. But…

Note the shipping charge.
(Others are $6.99)

GOOD IDEAS:
• Change your offer often. Daily
isn‘t too often. (Why?)
• Don‘t use the company logo as
the key to the home page. (Why?)
• Immediately offer a terrific deal.
(Why immediately?)
• No direct exit from a ―deep‖
screen. (Why?)

POOR IDEAS:
• Having someone lured by email land
on the home page instead of the offer
that attracted him or her.(Why?)
• As an opener: ―A message from our
Chairman.‖(Why?)
• Philosophy rather than a hard
offer.(Why?)
• ―Employee of the Month.‖ (Why – but
how about ―Customer of the
Month‖?)

The need for external
media promotion
for your site increases in
ratio to four factors:
1. Direct competition
2. The total number of Web sites
3. The volume of site advertising in
media
4. Your valid claims of uniqueness

Part Five:
Let‘s use some of
the rules of force-
communication
to write
sales letters.

The purpose of the
carrier envelope
(other than keeping its
contents from spilling
out onto the street):
TO GET ITSELF OPENED.

Saying too much
on the envelope
can damage response.

Which copy is most likely
to get the envelope
opened?
Enclosed: Quick test.
or…
Enclosed: Quick quiz.
or…
Enclosed: Quick ballot.

Which copy is most likely
to get the envelope
opened?
Enclosed: Quick ballot.
or…
Enclosed: Your quick ballot.
or…
Your ballot is enclosed.

The extra ―bump‖ boosts the
probability of opening.
(Two things wrong here … what
are they?)

Is this effective envelope copy?

Is this effective
envelope copy?

Opinion – effective?
ineffective? Unsettling?

Even without knowing contents, we
know this envelope copy isn‘t strong.
What‘s wrong with it?

Inside:
typical
blah-blah
slow-
moving,
self-
important
6-page
letter (no
―Report‖ as
such)

Even this (buried in the six-
page letter) would have been
grist for envelope copy:

Is this optimal envelope
copy?

Would envelope copy have helped
or suppressed response?

Here is the next mailing.
Better chance of getting it
opened?

Wow! An offer I can‘t refuse.

If your offer
requires explanation,
DO NOT
spill your guts
on the envelope.

Your opinion of this envelope
copy? (Another problem for AAL)

What might you change
to make this envelope
more likely to be opened?

Will the reverse side
make opening more likely
or less likely?

How
would
you have
started
the letter
inside
that
envelope
?

Is this
effective
envelope
copy?

Does a dual-language envelope
help or suppress response?

Is there a benefit to this type
of envelope? If so, what is it?

Oops. Reverse side
damages response.

Hands-on practice:
Consider this typical circumstance:
You're a premium cable channel. You
plan to show 50 movies between now
and Thanksgiving Day. You're sending a
promotional mailing to cable
subscribers, pointing out —
1. Next Saturday your channel is free (so
cable subscribers get a "sampler").
2. If they sign up now, cable subscribers
pay no connection fee.
What legend, if any, do you put on the
envelope?

Some logical
rules
for
effective
letter-writing
(and much email):

Keep your
first sentence
short.

No paragraphs
longer than
seven
lines.Some can be
one word.

Single space
the letter.
Double space
between paragraphs.

In a letter longer than
one page,
don‘t
end a paragraph at the
bottom of any page
except the last.
(Why?)

Don‘t
sneak up
on the reader.
Fire
your biggest gun
first.
(Imperative for email.)

Tired of ―Dear Friend‖?
Try one of these:
• Good morning!
• Hi.
• Dear Colleague,
• Dear Tennis Nut,
• Dear Fellow Tennis Nut,
• This will be a good day, [NAME]!
• If you‘re like I am, [NAME]…
(When should you use
only the first name?)

Tired of ―Dear Friend‖?
Try one of these:
• Private memo to [NAME]
• I‘m writing in
haste, [NAME], because…
• [NAME], did you ever imagine…
• News bulletin for [NAME]:
• [NAME], a small favor, please?
(When should you use
only the first name?)

How does
Hi.
Differ from
Hi!
?

What is wrong with this
first sentence?
Over one trillion dollars is spent
by manufacturing companies
each year on
materials, equipment, and
services.

Which of these letter
openings pulled best?

What is wrong with this letter?

(Opinion)
―Johnson Boxes‖ are
obsolete.
The 21st century
replacement:
The overline.

A 21st century addition: the overline.

A
handwritten
overline
tends to outpull a
typeset
overline.

The first responsibility of
the overline:
To grab and shake the
reader's attention.
The second responsibility
of the overline:
To make the reader eager
to continue reading.

You can see how this overline
supplies both responsibilities:

Readership tests tell us:
The overline, when
present, is the
MOST READ
part of the letter.
(What is the next
MOST READ
part of the letter?
the postscript.)

The p.s. should reinforce
one of the key selling
motivators
or mention an extra
benefit ---
one which doesn't require
explanation.

If you enclose two letters
in your mailing,
don't put a p.s. on both of
them.

Which p.s. pulled better?
P.S. I think you‘ll agree that this is an
exceptional opportunity, and I urge
you to respond quickly if you intend
to take advantage of it. I know you
don‘t want to miss out.
or…
P.S. This exceptional opportunity
expires at midnight Sunday,
October 13. So call my toll-free
number – 1-888-765-2437.
I know you don‘t want to miss out.

An absolute truism of
Specifics
outpull
generalizations.

A logical test:
The same
letter, with and
without marginal
notes

If you include
marginal notes…
• Handwrite the marginal notes.
• Match calligraphy of the
handwritten signature (and
overline).
• Blue, if possible.
• No more than five words.
• One per page is plenty. Maximum
two.

Decide whether marginal note
should be at left or at right.

The
Emotion over Intellect
Rule
(Remember it,
from yesterday?)
can help you write
effective sales letters.

Repeating the
―Emotion over Intellect‖
Rule:
When emotion and
intellect come into
conflict, emotion always
wins.
(So an emotion-based sales
argument will outsell an
intellect-based sales argument.)

An emotional appeal will
outpull an intellectual
appeal.
Since exhortation is more
emotional than either
explanation or
validation, the letter is a
more powerful selling
weapon than the
brochure.

How would you make these
sentences more emotional?
• I need your aid.
• My story is at an end.
• Can you donate $25?
• We regret the error concerning your
account.
• A reply from you would be
appreciated.
• If you are dissatisfied, simply return
it.
• Enclosed please find the pertinent
information.

between…
• $100
• $100.
• $100.00
• $100!
• $100.00!
• One hundred dollars
• A hundred bucks

For offers with a highly
―emotional‖ flavor, if you
include a response device
which emphasizes
responding by mail you
may actually damage
response.

Part Six:
A potpourri
of useful
tips

The Consistency Command:
Components of an
advertisement. a mailing, or
an email message must
reinforce and validate one
another, or
reader/viewer/listener
response to all components
will be reduced.

The mailing sells variable data printing.
But the mailer doesn‘t use it.

The superiority of examples
over statistics:
Statistics = cold-blooded, no
involvement.
Examples = warm-
blooded, involvement.

First pass:
If treated early, 75% of those
children who have this deadly
disease can be saved.
Second pass:
Innocent children die from this
disease. With early treatment,
three out of four will live.
Third pass:
This deadly disease is killing
innocent children. With early
treatment we can save three
precious lives, of four we're now
losing.

Fourth pass:
We lost Jimmy today. His
parents knew his precious days
were numbered. But
Mary, Karen, and Billy all will
live. We were able to start their
treatment early enough to save
them.
Which text is most likely to
generate response? Why?

Plural references say to
the reader:
―You're one of the mob.‖
Singular references say to
the reader:
―Only you.‖
Which one will do a
better selling job?

Use singular to suggest
exclusivity:
―You‘ll save on anything
you see in these pages.‖
Use a collective noun to
suggest universality:
―You‘ll save on everything
you see in these pages.‖

The Celebrity
Endorsement Rule:
In business-to-business
copy, user endorsements are
usually stronger than celebrity
endorsements. In consumer
copy, endorsement by a
celebrity unrelated to the type
of product or service you sell
probably is a waste of money.

Benefit
beyond
celebrity
cost?

No point here other than…
I detest this creature.

If you have an IQ under 70,
you can get a creative job at
Geico or its advertising agency.

Trigger-words for seniors:
Discount
Buy direct
Young
Have a problem with...
Do you remember how
[WHATEVER] used to be?
Have you considered?

For print, mail, or email
to seniors:
1. No type smaller than 10-point.
2. Response must be easy.
3. Include a coupon with ample room to
make entries, or an easy ―Click here.‖
4. Suggest a discount or bargain.
5. Appear to appeal to logic.
6. Don't make a long story short.

Hands-on practice:
Write a headline and first
sentence for a space ad
selling ―Joint Support
Formula,‖ 100 capsules
for $4.99, to the general
public.
Then…
Write a headline and first
sentence selling the same
items in a magazine
circulated to seniors.

A
one-minute look
at
self-mailers:
(Do they work?)

A must: ―What you‘ll lose
if you ignore this.‖
Advantages:
• Possible lower
postal rate
• Lower printing
cost
• In sync with
thin attention-
spans
Disadvantages:
• Recipient
immediately
knows it‘s
advertising
• Comparatively
impersonal

Front panel of self-mailer.
Can you see the automatic
advantage over other media?

Positives
usually outpull
negatives.
So don‘t
start your selling
argument
with
―Don‘t.‖

The
―Teaser-Waster‖ Rule:
Teaser mailings and space ads,
which don't tell the reader
what the mailer has for sale,
are less productive than mailings
which include facts on which
the target-individual can formulate
a buying decision.

The Non-Importance
Rule:
Calling something
important, when your best
prospects will know it isn‘t
important, will cost you
response … because you have a
more powerful way to
convince.

What would you have done
to imply urgency here?

Want to guess what the
GREAT NEWS is?

A
―Yes/No‖ option
will increase response.
BUT…
Smart marketers know
how to word
the ―No‖ option.

The Illustration
Agreement Rule:
Illustration should
agree with what we are
selling, not with
headline copy.

Hucksterism:
totally
out of date.

Getting
attention
isn‘t
parallel
to getting
positive
attention
resulting
in
positive
prospect-
action.

Suggest an
illustration
that better
sells the
concept.
(And can
you make
the copy
more
dynamic?)

WARNING:
If you think
in cliché-terms
you absolutely and
positively will excrete
second-level
―creative‖ work.

Hopeless
cliché:
The
smart
copy
team
blames
the art
director.

Space ad
aimed at
nonprofits
…
Rewrite
heading to
add
dynamics
and
specifics.

All
right, quic
k:
What are
they
selling?

All
right, quic
k:
What‘s this
all about?

The Active/Passive Rule:
Unless you specifically
want to avoid reader
involvement in your
message, always write in
the active voice.

Use
telemarketing
to customers
twice a year.
Which customers?
-- The tip of the pyramid.
-- (If staffing permits) 12-month
dropoffs.

Call only
____the tip____
of
the pyramid.

The ―Avoid Five‖ Rule:
In more formal copy, avoid using
multiples of five when suggesting
time or cost of distance –
Replace
―about five minutes.‖
―Oh, figure spending ten bucks.‖
with
―some 4-1/2 minutes.‖
―Anticipate a cost of about
eleven dollars.‖

The reader interprets
the five/ten estimates
as guesses, because
they are the common
approximation.
But…

Those approximations can
be valuable when projecting
a casual mood.
You‘re the professional.
You decide.
(Make your decision
deliberately, based on what
mood you‘re projecting and
to whom.)

Don‘t over-describe:
between:
• New medical breakthrough
• Medical breakthrough

Choice of words:
• From $30,250
• Starting at $30,250

Choice of words:
• You will be among the first
to…
• You will be one of the first
to…

Why is
among
a weakener?
Psychologically, it
automatically kills
exclusivity.

Do you see how the word
―among‖ deniesexclusivity?

The wording on a TV spot
for a product called
―FiberChoice‖:
Four grams of fiber
in each dose.
Which word would you have
changed?
And what word would you
have used to replace it?

Stock
photo
results in
cliché
concept:
Ugh.

―Content‖ parallels
bird-droppings?

Another
stock
photo.
Your
choice –
Tourette
Syndrome
or St.
Vitus‘
Dance.
Ugh.

Aside from
font
problems,
Genève
needs a
towel to
dry off its
stock
photo
cliché.

Another
stock
photo.
Your
choice –
Praying?
Hoping for
rain?
Looking
for clarity
in the ad?
Ugh.

Would
you
hire the
―creative‖
team
that
excreted
this?

Clichés are
―high-fly‖
neutral.

Clichés are ethnically-neutral.

Age is not
a factor
when
firing
blanks by
using
non-
relevant
stock
photos.

Age is not
a factor
when
firing
blanks by
using non-
relevant
stock
photos.

See why stock
photos are a
sign of
creative
defects…
or worse,
carelessness?
Ugh.

A dozen implicitly weak
words and phrases:
• administration
• approximately
• define
• earn
• facilitate
• features
• formulate
• indeed
• needs (as
noun)
• product
• respond
• work

A dozen words and
phrases with power
• free
• free gift
• limited
time
• right now
• surprise
• hot
• first time offered
• not sold in stores
• good only until
[DATE]
• Don‘t miss out
• I‘ll look for your
order
• Try it at our risk

Sometimes cracks the
apathy barrier:

Address side stays in
character:

Letter stays in
character, except:

The copywriter‘s most
professional tool …
Are you maximizing it?
(Are you aware of it? If
you are, are you aware of
how easy it is?)
Word
expansion

A few examples of word
expansion:
The original copy –
Save 10% weekdays.

Expanding the
original copy –
Save 10% Monday-
Friday.

A little more expansion –
Save 10% Monday
through Friday.

And a bit more expansion –
Save 10% every day Monday
through Friday.

Keep expanding until you‘ve
maximized.
Brain–power doesn‘t cost
anything.
Save 10% every single day
Monday through Friday.

We haven‘t yet achieved
nirvana. The meistersinger
word expander looks beyond
the obvious:
Save a big 10% Monday.
Save a big 10% Tuesday.
Save a big 10% Wednesday.
Save a big 10% Thursday.
Save a big 10% Friday.
COME IN AND SAVE!

NOTE:
Does ―10%‖ justify the word
―big‖?
A peripheral benefit of word
expansion:
Repetition makes the claim
contagious.

While we‘re on this point
– ―Save 10%‖
is more dynamic than
―10% off.‖
• It‘s a clear imperative.
• It‘s emotion-based rather
than comprehension-based.

Another easy example of
word expansion:
Original –
“Available in
gray, suntan, blue, an
d charcoal.”

Expanded, copy adds a
minuscule injection of
power –
“Available in these
most wanted colors –
gray, suntan, blue, an
d charcoal.”

With more word
expansion, we add
another mini- injection of
power –
“Available in every one
of these most wanted
colors –
gray, suntan, blue, and
charcoal.”

What is the word in all
those examples that saps
out power?
Available

So:
Search and destroy
that
power-shrinking word:
Available

One more apparently
trivial example of
word expansion:
Original –
“Word expansion is the
easiest and the most
logical way to add word-
power.”

Adding one word expands
impact just a fraction…
and fractions are what
the professional looks for
and exploits –
“Word expansion is both
the easiest and the most
logical way to add word-
power.”

Careful, though:
Don‘t over-
expand.
Which of these
headings pulled
better?

Vote. The actual test results…

Use of subhead pulled
considerably better:

Why did the one on the left
pull more than 20% better?

Opinion:1. Question is involving.
2. ―15 minutes‖ is too long, a turnoff.

The longer subject line pulled
considerably more response. (All
other elements were identical.)
What elements are significant here,
other than actual word-length?

These were identical except for small legend at
bottom right – ―Tuition & Openings‖ versus
―Schedule a Tour.‖

What is of interest to a prospect-parent?
Probably because of the subject, ―Tuition and
Openings‖ far outpulled ―Schedule a Tour.‖

A ―clean‖ test – which one
brought more response?
Start your free 30-day trial
or
Start my free 30-day trial
?

No contest:
“My…”
blew
“Your…”
away.

The hidden key to rapport
is the ability to transmit
a vital element of force-
communication:
AWARENESS

Quick and obvious tip:
Questions are automatically
reader-involving. And…
a question automatically is
less threatening and more
rapport-suggestive than a
thunderbolt hurled from
Mount Olympus.

Note the difference:
This is you.
Is this you?
(Note, too: The choice
is NOT automatic.)

Note the difference:
You won’t stand by
and let it happen.
Will you stand by
and let it happen?
(Note, too: The choice
is NOT automatic.)

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Questions
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Creative Workshop October 12-13

Creative Workshop October 12-13

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