Why shoot for the stars when you can stoop to the basement? with so many artists today referring to themselves as "Starving Artists" I reasoned that if you are determined to be a failure, you may as be a SUCCESSFUL ONE! this definitive guide lays out a 30 day plan to achieve your lowest potential and become a master of mediocrity. Brought to you by NYC Creative Caricature Marketing Consultant, Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling

1. 30 Proven Ways To Become
a Master Of Mediocrity

2. 30 Proven Ways To Become
a Master Of Mediocrity

3. Foreword by
Elgin
Subwaysurfer
Bolling
I've made this book absolutely
FREE so it can be within reach
of anyone's budget. After all, if
you’re a starving Artist, how
would you have money to pay
for it right?
Why This Book Was Written
Recently, while speaking with some artist friends, the subject came up
, as it always does, about "how business was ". as usual my ears
were bombarded with the usual answers, " people just aren't buying,"
"this isn't the season" "its not what you know, its who you know" etc.
etc. I mentioned a few things that had been working for me lately, and
was met by polite smiles and nods of the head, only to have people
return to the same chorus of "Why Business Is Bad"....It occurred to
me that perhaps I am doing things all wrong. In fact, maybe there's
something wrong with ME!
Conventional wisdom seems to suggest that some Artists actually
LIKE the title of "starving artist" why else would they fight so hard to
live up to it? Armed with that new revelation, I set out to write the
definitive guide on the subject. I mean, If you’re going to be a failure
anyway, why not be a successful one? Following are 30 proven
methods for becoming the best Starving Artist that you can possibly
be. It takes 30 days to form a habit, so its best to incorporate a
principle a day into your life so that a new habit will be formed.

4. 1.YOUR FRIENDS OPINIONS
ARE ALWAYS RIGHT
Your friends who never lie to you. That's why they're called
friends. You're friends after all because your opinions are the same.
Refuse to listen to another point of view on matters regarding your
work and your career. Listen to your friends ALWAYS. they are
ALWAYS right. That's why they're your friends.
2. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BED.
The Early Bird catches the worm is a dumb saying. Who wants to eat
worms for breakfast anyway? Life is really stressful. Especially when
you are an artist. You need all the sleep you can. Your bed is the only
place where you can find rest and peace. Don't just settle for sleeping
at night, take a couple of naps during the day! Your work can wait.

5. 3. WAIT FOR THE MOOD TO HIT YOU TO WORK
It’s all about mood. You work best when you are happy.
What's the point of working when you feel sad, frustrated, or
when your favorite sitcom is on? Work is one of life's
constants. Its always going to be here, and there is always
going to be more, not less of it. Since Work is already waiting
to be done anyway, why not wait until the right MOOD hits
you to do it then you can just breeze through it. Anyone who
says otherwise is just a workaholic.
4. ALWAYS WORK AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE
Think about it, if someone put a gun to your head and said run the
100 yard dash in 2 seconds, you'd probably do it in one second.
Pressure is GOOD for you. It energizes you. it makes you decide
quickly what to do. that's how ALL the professionals work,
regardless of what they TELL you.
5. WHY READ IF YOU AREN'T IN SCHOOL?
If you've gone from kindergarten to college, you've already
done a lifetime of reading. Trust me, there aint nothing new
in those books anyway, so why waste time reading? All the
author wants to do is get rich off of you, and give you
useless advice. Leave the research to the professors. It's
their JOB to read, after all....

6. 6.FORGET "PRACTICE“
Practice is something beginners need to do. You are a
professional, therefore, you don't NEED it. You're not in art school
, no one is grading you, so you don't need practice EVER.
.Practice is for people who don't know what they are doing.
7. LEAVE THAT "TECHIE" STUFF TO THE GEEKS
Computer technology is for geeks. Leave that stuff to the techies.
You're an artist. No need to learn this stuff anyway. If something
breaks down you can just call someone to fix it.
8. THE SUPERMARKET is The ONLY
MARKETING YOU NEED TO KNOW.
Marketing involves unpleasant things like Math, Research,
testing.... all of those annoying left brain activities that will just jam
up your creativity. Marketers are all soul less business drones in
suits. Never sell out and be one of them! always know WHO you
are! An ARTIST!
9. STAY IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE
ITS COZY THERE.
Why do you THINK it's called a "comfort zone?" It's
COMFORTABLE! Duh!!! Lets be logical here, if someone asked
you to trade in your nice comfy bed and mattress, for a bed of
nails, what would you say? Yeah. I THOUGHT SO!

7. 10. STOP LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD
We don't live in our imagination, we live in reality. The reality is that things
are tough. You were dealt a certain "deck "in life, and NO amount of
dreaming, affirming, or wishing will ever change that. Anyone who believes
otherwise is fooling themselves.
11. PROCRASTINATION
IS THE NATION YOU LIVE IN
Your national anthem is the song, "Tomorrow"
(it's always a day away )live by that! Since Tomorrow is
always coming, there’s just no logical sense in working hard
today, is there? You know the answer to that question!

8. 12. THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG.
make him know that at every opportunity, in subtle and direct ways.
Clients need to know who the professional is, and understand who is
in charge, at all times.
13. "DONE" IS BETTER THAN "PERFECT”
Since NO ONE is perfect, or can ever BE perfect, why even strive for
such an unrealistic, unattainable goal? Stop setting yourself up for
inevitable failure. The fact is, your job doesn't have to be your best. It
just has to be SOMETHING TANGIBLE. Your client will never know
the difference, anyway.

9. 14. DEADLINES ARE RELATIVE
Never let anyone bully you into finishing an assignment
until you are good and ready. Clients who push for
deadlines are trying to take away your power. Never
give away your power, they never give it back.

10. •
15.FORGET ABOUT CALENDARS
Calendars and-appointment books are for morons
with bad memories. Whatever you can't
remember in your head, you can always scribble
onto random slips of paper envelopes napkins
whenever you can make a mark .
16. FORGET ABOUT
BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS
You don't need to form good business
relationships you're not going to marry these
people so what is the point? Just get their money,
and go on to the next person. This isn't about
romance! This s business! If you're swimming with
the sharks you gotta keep it moving.
17. GIGS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN
The word "GIG", means
Get Income (that's)Greater!
Always take a better gig over your current gig,
especially if it's more money! After-all
that's all about the Benjamin's and your client
understands this. Even if they don't admit it.

11. 18. CONTRACTS ARE FOR
MOBSTERS AND HIT MEN
People are basically honest. A simple head nod, and
handshake is enough to seal any deal. Your clients always
have your best interests at heart.

12. 19. YOU'RE NOT A FASHION MODEL.
STOP DRESSING LIKE ONE.
Dress up is a pretend girlie game, and you need to act like an
adult. “Dress for Success” is nonsense. It’s just a clever tagline
made by a guy who wanted to sell a book. Dress for comfort.
You're only doing art, you’re not on the runway.

13. 20. REPEAT THIS AFFIRMATION AS OFTEN
AS POSSIBLE.
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
Say it long enough and you'll definitely believe it, and most of all,
live it! Say it to your friends, your family, even your other artist
friends. With any luck, they'll join in the chorus, and you all can
happily warm yourselves By the garbage can fire, as you
collectively wonder where your next meal is coming from.
Congratulations on achieving your goal! You worked hard to
achieve it!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!

14. 21. ALWAYS KEEP IT "REAL“
Complain loud long and often! it's good to vent your feelings,
especially when you’re depressed, frustrated, worried, angry,
confused, or annoyed with your client. It’s so freeing letting
people know exactly how you feel so there's no guesswork
involved. Behaving otherwise, is not "self control" or
"discipline" or even "maturity". Those are just fancy words for
BEING FAKE. Just keep it REAL. You and your client will be
happier. If they get angry, hurt, or scared, it’s because they
have grown accustomed to hearing lies. Break them out of
that habit, and they will thank you for it.

15. 22. NEVER NEGOTIATE EVER
There’s only ONE way for a project to be done, YOUR way. Period, end, dot. If your
client was so smart and knew what e was doing, then why would he come to you
anyway? Again, this is just another lame tactic they use to take away your
power. Secretly they want you to take control. It shows them you are confident. Even
if they won't admit it.
23. DO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DOES
Always look at what everyone else is doing and do that too. This is a sure path
to success, and you will also be perceived as "cool", Remember that image is
everything! ask any high school cheerleader! Besides, if everyone else
weren't doing it then it wouldn't be popular, and you would just look like a fool
doing something different by yourself! Remember High School? It's a metaphor
for life. All the so called "innovators "and "visionaries" of the world were all just
uncool losers who got lucky. Yeah, I said it!
24. OVERTIME IS FOR IDIOTS
Work your standard 8 hours and take your butt home. Work is always going
to be there, so why keep at something you'll never finish anyway? Ask any
fool who works overtime if they enjoy it. If they tell you they do, go on and
ask the NEXT person for a TRUTHFUL answer.

16. 25. DON'T DO BUSINESS WITH EVERYONE .
Don't do business with Arabs, Asians, Blacks Whites, Christians,
Jews, Democrats, Republicans, Gays, Lesbians, or people you don't
know. They just can't be trusted. Everyone knows that.
26. NITCH rhymes with ITCH FOR A REASON
Doesn’t scratch an itch, or you'll eventually bleed. You don't
need to find a nitch group. To do so would limit your options
and alienate you from people who could possibly buy from
you. Better to be a jack of all trades, a chameleon who can
service everyone, rather than a select few.

17. 27. BECOME GOOD AT GUESSING
If you don't know the answer to a clients question about
something, then guess! You MIGHT be right! Your client will
never know, if he KNEW he wouldn't be asking
YOU. Searching for the right answer s too time consuming
and stressful. He's not paying you THAT much to know
everything, anyway.
28. NEVER EVER DO MORE THAN REQUIRED
Going the proverbial “extra mile” for a customer will only
leave you with tired feet, and empty pockets. They don’t
deserve more. EVER. Time is money. YOUR time, THEIR
money. If anyone wants more than they paid for, they are
stealing from you. Who wants to do business with a thief?
29. BECOME A MAN/WOMAN OF MYSTERY
Limit the amount of time you communicate with clients via
phone, in person, or email. The artist is supposed to have an
aura of mystery. If the client is allowed to peek behind the
curtain, the illusion is over. Besides, once they feel
comfortable with you, they will tell you more to do, and then
you will have to work harder when all you wanted to do was
a little picture thing and go home.

18. 30. ALWAYS CONSIDER YOURSELF TO
BE THE BEST ARTIST IN THE WORLD!
PERIOD. END. DOT!
And DONT be afraid to let EVERYONE know it at every
opportunity. Some people need a lot of reminding. Some
may call this arrogance, or bragging. I call it confidence. If
others want to put themselves down and lower their self
esteem in the process, let them live in the basement with
the rest of the losers. People ALWAYS want to hire the
best. That's why they LOVE the YANKEES. You don't see
them calling THEMSELVES losers, do you?

19. About The Author/Artist
Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling
is a total Hypocrite
He practices none of the principles, so passionately penned in this
periodical. He is a NYC Creative Caricature Marketing Consultant,
Ebook author, and sought after Live Caricature Entertainer. (that’s
him drawing at Sardi’s Restaurant Incidentally.
Don’t Let Elgin’s lack of commitment to these Starving Artists Principles
keep you from reaching YOUR lowest potential! Feel free to shoot for
the basement of mediocrity! Elgin wont mind one bit! If you’d like to
correspond with Elgin he can be reached at
cartoons4u2@aol.com
http://www.subwaysurfer.blogspot.com