1. Name : Vu My Van
Class : Gender and Development in VN
Student ID : 2000340
Final Paper
Topic : Adultery
Introduction
Through the class of subject Gender and Development in Vietnam, we’ve acknowledged the importance of
the role of Gender and which they’ve been until now made a significant impact on our visions, our
outlook on life, how we perceive things around us and interact with them. Since the issues about Adultery
are no longer strange to each of us and there’re many heartache stories published, which are relevant to
those issues, I’d like to show my points of view and present what I’ve obtained after learning about them
so that we can discuss and share with each other.
I. Overview about Adultery :
1) Definition :
Adultery (also called philandery, anglicised from Latin adulterium), or we can understand as
extramarital sex, which is the voluntary sexual relations between a married person and somebody other
than his or her spouse.
Adultery may be easily to notice but in some case it’s really complicated to assume if someone is
involved in.
2) Types of Adultery:
“Types of Adultery1
1. Looking lustfully at another human being other than your spouse is adultery – looking lustfully is
seeing an attractive person on the street and wondering in your mind what he/she would look like in bed
1
From : http://www.edenlifemag.com/2011/02/the-anatomy-of-adultery-why-do-people-commit-
adultery/

2. or even saying it out. I’ve heard lots of men say “Wow – look at that woman’s backyard” or women say
“he’s got a firm bun” (Go home and tell your spouse the good qualities on his/her body).
2. Emotional Adultery – this seem to be common with women, in my experience (counseling), most
women don’t go out seeking sex, they just want a listening ear especially when things are not going well
at home. So they become emotionally attached to this man at their job who listens, and say all the nice
things that the husband is not saying and soon compassion turns into passion.
3. Physical Adultery – this is what most men committing adultery are looking for, because the wife at
home has closed down her shop for whatever reason, so the man is looking for an avenue for sex. For
most men they’ll do the emotional thing to get to the ultimate for them which is the physical act of sex.”
Forms of performing Adultery:
_Paid for sex
_One night stands
_ Infidelity while abroad
Some reasons of commiting Adultery :2
Here are some reason why people commit adultery acquired on the internet for us to understand more :
“While men claim the pursuit of sexual excitement, boredom with their marriages and the need of an ego
boost are the main reasons for cheating, women say they are looking for emotional fulfillment, an
improvement to their self esteem and romance.”
“Most realistic/common reasons3
:
1. It’s guy nature to have sex. Trust me I am just having sex and not making love.
2. Sorry Dear, I was drunk and did not know what i am doing.
3. I am bored, sad and lonely and there she came comforting me. It then happens.
4. I never meant to hurt you.
5. He/She has an unhappy marriage, and I was filling an emotional void in his/her life”
“Why do People Commit Adultery?4
1. Human desire in a sinful world
2. To seek divorce
3. For companionship
2
From : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2145925/Women-beat-men-adultery-stakes-Ladies-2-3-
secret-lovers-affair-compared-1-8-blokes.html
3
.From : http://cornlord.wordpress.com/2009/01/12/reasons-why-menwomen-commit-adultery/
4
From : http://www.edenlifemag.com/2011/02/the-anatomy-of-adultery-why-do-people-commit-adultery/

3. 4. Social Status
II. Inequalities between men and women when commiting Adultery :
+ Differences in the reasons of behavior :
Overall, it’s totally different from the first place between the gender of why people commit Adultery. We
can combine the information given above and make a conclusion that Adultery can happen to both men
and women but there’re a big inequality between male and female.
In my opinion, to a man, his accuse of cheating may come from his booring marriage and somehow he
wants to find another sexual relationship to satisfy himself. Some even think that being a man absolutely
gives him the right to commit adultery and he is just playing with other women . While women cheat just
because they need someone to care for them, to listen to what they hold inside their head and to fulfill her
emotion. People always say that men can sleep with whoever but women just make love to the one she
feelfor except the situation that she’s a prostitute.
+ Reaction of people to the one commiting Adultery :
When a man commit adultery, there wont be so many critics to judge him what he have done, what he
shouldn’t do or make and people accept that’s a part of life while there’re so many rumors for a girl to
have an affair with someone but her husband. People will judge her manner, her behaviours and somehow
there’re some strict, painful punishment for those, which I cant stand most.A guy doesn’t have live in a
feeling of being caught doing guilty things and most of them wouldn’t know how it feel like as well while
being in a relationship with others can make a woman a blacksheep of a family. In some ways, the strict
reactions can force the person judged to death to liberate their souls.
+ Some example of the inequality :
1) In the movie Kamasutra, 1996 filmed in India, I can observe that a king can have one queen and
many mistresses as long as he wants and the more women he gets, the more powerful he is in
people’s eyes. And now that kind of performing adultery has changed into a new form : rich and old
men with young women. Especially in Asea it’s a common in reality, some do it just for the fame,
some do it for the social status or even for the need of daily lives. But afterwards, the one who lost
more is still women, that’s the fact that can be changed!
2) Marriage laws leave women out in cold, by Minh Huong, 2010 (http://vietnamnews.vn/Talk-Around-
Town/195667/marriage-laws-leave-women-out-in-cold.html )

4. The picture above shows : Adultery is still illegal in 23 states, with punishments ranging from a $10
fine in Maryland to life imprisonment in Michigan
The picture above shows that Somali Islamists have stoned to death a woman accused of adultery in the
first such public killing by the militants.5
III. Cause
“7 Differences between Males and Females Sexual Desires6
1. Women are almost as visually stimulated now as men but women are still aroused by a man that listens
and understands them as well as, romance and touch.
2. Traditionally, men weren’t very discriminating by what visual stimuli arouse them but both men and
women are longing to find someone with character, personality (someone to bring home to mom) but yet
physically attractive as well. Both men and women today are attracted to a partner who they respect and
admire.
3. For men, sex and love are not naturally linked. The male sex drive is driven by hormones. Women’s
sexual desire is greatly affected by relational needs and hormonal rhythms. The male sex drive continues
whether love or intimacy is present.
5
From http://www.france24.com/en/20081028-woman-stoned-death-adultery-somalia
6
From : http://www.totallifecounseling.com/2010/01/7-sexual-desire-differences-between-males-and-females/

5. 4. Men do not easily articulate their inner most feelings but want to be appreciated and respected. Sex is
often the one place a man feels connected. The women’s sex is most fulfilled by the level of
communication, listening and healthy intimacy throughout the day.
5. A man’s mind easily moves from image to sexual fantasy often without an emotional connection, and
women usually fantasize about an emotional connection first.
6. Traditionally up until the Industrial Revolution, societal stereotypes described that men do not possess
an innate defense against sexual arousal and women were isolated at home with their children. Women
were still able to be vulnerable, but with their isolation were not able to act out on their Men must develop
a system of self-control over his sexual impulse and drive.
7. Men are more vulnerable than women to sexual addiction because of the way they are hardwired
sexually.”
“7 Differences between Male and Female Sex Drive7
:
1. Men thinks more about sex
2. Men seek sex more avidly
3. Women’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than men’s
4. Women’s sex drive are more influenced by social and cultural factors
5. Women take a less direct route to sexual satisfaction
6. Women experience organism differently from men
7. Women’s libidos seem to be less amenable to drugs “
Thank to the information given below, we can assume that the difference of commit adultery between
men and women come basically from the uncommon things of sexual desire and instinct. Therefore, we
cannot conclude that it’s only from their behavior but also come from their need of sexual satisfactions.
Sometimes adultery is not really a crime because people do it just for themselves, to release the pressure
they have in daily lives and sometimes they do it with the acceptance of the other side.
IV. The situation of Adultery in Vietnam compared to other countries :
The situation in Vietnam :
Up to 43 percent of married men have extra-marital affairs, according to a survey released on May 25 by
the Institute for Social Development.
According to this survey, 90 percent of married men loved their wives, so marriage quality seems to have
no influence on their decision to have extra-marital sexual relations.
7
From : http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

6. The survey of Vietnamese men’s sex life was conducted since 2007, with the participation of nearly 300
men from 15-60 years old in Hanoi, Ha Tay, HCM City and Can Tho.
Adultery accounts for 26 per cent of divorces in Viet Nam.
Vietnam's secret tradition of annual adultery8
(this is an outside part, I just want to shows some
more information that people might want to hear) :
“Up near the Chinese border, in a small Vietnamese mountain village called Khau Vai, a celebration of
love takes place two days per year (the 26th and 27th of the lunar calendar's third month). Hundreds of
people come from near and far to meet and, well, "have relations" with people other than their spouses “
The situation in the UK :
Here are the survey conducted in 2012 about adultery 9
:
The UK Adultery Survey 2012
8
By Annie Scott on May 27th 2010 at 1:30PM , resource : http://www.gadling.com/2010/05/27/vietnams-secret-
tradition-of-annual-adultery/
9
From http://www.undercoverlovers.com/static.php?wl_html=undercoverloversstatic2
Question Male Female
How old are you? 42 years (Average) 37 years (Average)
How long had you been married
before your first affair? 5.8 years (Average) 5.1 years (Average)
How many affair partners have you had? 1.8 partners (Average) 2.3 partners (Average)
What was your main reason for having an
affair?
1. Sexual excitement
2. Bored with my
marriage
. Emotional fulfilment
2. Improve my self-
esteem

7. In conclusion, both in the UK and Vietnam, there’re many adultery situations happen through out the
countries but both their men still love their spouse while having the affair and most of them come up with
keeping the current marriage. Thus, though marriage plays a significant role in people’s lives, they just
3. An ego boost
4. Felt taken for granted
5. I had the opportunity
6. Arguments at home
3. Seeking romance
4. Felt taken for granted
5. Sexual excitement
6. Loneliness
Do you still love your spouse? Yes 67%
No: 33%
Yes 76%
No: 24%
Do you love your current affair partner? Yes: 27%
No: 73%
Yes: 57%
No: 43%
Does your spouse know about your adultery? Yes: 7%
No: 93%
Yes: 4%
No: 96%
Have you told anyone else about your affair? Yes: 17%
No: 83%
Yes: 41%
No: 59%
Do you plan to stay married to your spouse? Yes: 81%
No: 19%
Yes: 84%
No: 16%
What would you do if you discovered
your spouse was having an affair?
Divorce 29%
Stay Married 71%
Divorce 41%
Stay Married 59%
How often do you meet your affair partner per
month?
2.3 times (Average) 1.9 times (Average)
Do you still have sex with your spouse? Yes: 36%
No: 64%
Yes: 28%
No: 72%
Who is best in bed, your illicit lover or your
spouse?
Lover: 92%
Wife: 8%
Lover: 73%
Husband:27%
How old is your affair partner compared to
you?
Older: 23%
Younger:77%
Older: 68%
Younger:32%
Is monogamy a natural state for humans? Yes: 6%
No: 94%
Yes: 11%
No: 89%

8. keep on looking for an affair just to satisfy their needs and maybe just to experience new feeling. At the
end, family is still the best and I hope that people will cherish the relationship they’ve had and try their
best to maintain it instead of finding another person when they feel bored.