Aggressiveness vs Passiveness.

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3. We would like to express the deepest appreciation to our Islamic Studies lecturer, Puan Mashitah binti
Sabdin who has shown the attitude and the substance of a genius: she continually and persuasively
conveyed a spirit of adventure in regard to research, and an excitement in regard to teaching. Without
her supervision and constant help this dissertation would not have been possible.
We would like to thank our group members, whose work demonstrated great team work and
always committed in doing this project. The cooperation given were undoubtedly one of the reason we
manage to finish this project on time.
In addition, a thank you to our parents for the endless support given. They also gives us financial
support to help with the project. Last but not least, thank you to our classmate who shared their ideas
and comments on our work to help us improved. Without their help, a project with high quality may
not be able to be presented.
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6. 2.1 Interpersonal communication
‫بسم ال الرمحمن الرمحيم الحمد ل رب العلمين والصل ة و السل م على رسوله اليمين وعلى آله و صحبه‬
ّ‫ح‬
ّ‫ح‬
ّ‫ح‬
‫أيم ا بعد أجمعين‬
ّ‫ح‬
The title of my talk is interpersonal communication. You know what that means? Great. And
basically I required to touch upon a few things when it comes to communicating with other
individuals, you know. So I’m gonna go for a kind of a broad spectrum of ways of communicating and
just for that there are some benefit and also throw in, some kinds of a like technique as well, for
getting your point across, for convincing people or offering advise. Now first of all, there is obviously
more than one ways of communicating with someone and the way, the style that you choose depends
on a lot of things. Everybody with me?
The style of communication that you choose depends on a lot of things. It depends on, for
example the age of the person that you are going to communicate with, whether they are male or
female, the environment that you are communicating in; am I in the middle of a quite place or in the
middle of a riot or like a rally or something like that. And also the relationship, the past relationship I
had with this person; is it a sibling, is it a parent to child, child to parent, is it someone who knows me,
is it someone who sees me as credible.
2.2 Ways and techniques in communicating
All this things they affects the ways and the techniques we used in communicating and getting
our points across to someone. So, in a lot of time, people expected there is one way of communicating
but there are many ways and you would choose the ways based on the situation, based on the person,
based on the environment. So, for the first one you want to look at, there is actually a lot of questions
have been coming in about aggression either in da’wah or in fixing a situation or in changing
someone’s behavior.
2.3 Aggressiveness in argument
Now there are times of course, when someone can be aggressive. For example, the father can be
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7. aggressive with the child. True? If he wants to be. Right? Yes or no? Yes he can. How do I know what
had happened in your house? You have been getting a lot of that huh? You have been getting the belt
huh? Alright, I like your father already. Urm... so for example, but you know something, that you can
be aggressive with your parents and I know it happens alright. You start to pray and go to masjid
regularly and a few classes, you read a few books here and there and your parents are not practicing so
you have a beard and your father does not or you pray your mother does not.
So what happens, you start to be aggressive with them. Because you know you have been wrong
your life and they always corrected you and now you’re right about religion and they’re wrong. So
now, you’re using this to your advantage and you want to come and you want to harass them and you
want to make life miserable for everyone in the house and this happens a lot when someone becomes
practicing he is so excited about the new information that he’s discovering and when he or she
receives that new information that act upon it immediately. So they assume the parents will be in the
same exact way. And then they go and present them with the information and they don’t except it the
same way.
So what happens, everything becomes a debate about religion. Every meals turn to be a debate,
an argument about religion. Breakfast you argue about religion, lunch you brings up religion, dinner
you brings up religion. And in the end, nobody wants to talk about religion anymore with you because
the family got sick and tired with it and always end up with a fight, you don’t convince anyone and
what would happen is something that you may have regret if you don’t change is that you burn down
that bridge and nobody wants to talk about religion anymore and you cant give da’wah to the house.
These are the people who come to you two or three years later; my family cannot accept anything
about religion from me, what do I do? Do I have to bring someone from the outside because you have
burnt them out?
Don’t be aggressive with your parents, people. Do not be aggressive with your parents. Because
you have to understand something; when you were practicing, would you rather someone practicing
would have come to you and approached you with an aggressive way and yell at you “look at that”
“look at this” “that’s haram and this haram” or would you rather someone would have come to you
gently and pulls you to Allah SWT. And remember it is something I have to say all the time. The
definition of da’wah from the root is to invite. An invitation is always nice. Nobody ever grabs you
and invite you to dinner. Nobody gonna twist your arm and says “you want to have dinner?” that’s not
the way it is done. So people invite you, and whatever the invitation is gentle, right? All the time,
when someone is inviting, it is gentle.
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8. So if someone invites you to be Islamic can’t be a fight it can’t be you fighting with your father,
fighting with your parents about the religion, or think you’re better because you read a few books of
hadith and now you all that. And you’re not. So, it’s not like that at all. But, of course the father could
use aggression and there could be in time when the da’ie be aggressive in da’wah. Can anyone think
of an example when the Prophet SAW becomes aggressive in da’wah?
2.4 Fear
The cat down. But when you let it, guess what its doing, its rolling on the kitchen corner, its
having fun and its, you know, you’re making dough and bread and its just having fun. So one way to
chase a cat here is, as the cat hates water. So, he put some water in the kitchen corner and when it goes
and it jumps up, its going, as the cat hates water, its going to get wet,its going to hate that and cause its
to start jump down from the kitchen corner. As one of us that a bit more cruel and more fun, you take a
thick piece of can by plucking and you put the stick high up on the corner. The cat jump and they get
stuck and can’t go to there. You see, the cat stuck in can. Found they run and run, trying to get off, run
and run, they run fast and they hide stay behind. Its great.
On the, so then they sit now even with then its realizing that its not fear, its not fear then its start
to fear that can change their head. It should not been use that fear of the time to get the right thing,
even Allah is not use fear over time and al Quran. Okay. Allah think there is probably more mention of
the hell fire in Quran. But that’s not true. Because anytime the world appears in Al Quran and equal no
times that mention in Quran. At time they is mention in Quran, night is mention in equal number of
times.
Life is mention, death is mention, and mention in equal number of times. So there’s Allah,
teaches us using Quran, only now sometimes Allah tell us that punished that’s fear of what happen on
what when he’s doing something or he might get the rewards for leaving something. Sometimes tell us
the rewards when we’re doing something and the punishment for learning something or he might tell
us the story of prophet or he might tell about the benefit in this life or then benefit in next life.
2.5 Verse in Al-Quran as a guidance
Allah uses many verse in the Quran to teach us to action. And he use only verse in Quran but
drastically pull over more than they did over fear. And they motivating by getting something what
good happen to them. Ask a simple question. Can you think any animal that dues any action for no
reason what so ever. Probably without Quran, you can’t think of that. Is now action that stand for no
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9. reason whatsoever. So, everything that any living thing is to avoid some kind of potential harm or to
bring some kind of good rewards itself. He might argue of something, I just sit like this and I on the
couch and he just walk and I don’t do anything. I do something on and said that I think. You’re
relaxing even if make no or don’t agree that no action thing happening. The relaxing is nothing is
happening for no reason.
So, because of that is realistic its said there is harm for the dangerous road and now could be
more than peoples and for animal even they store food in their own house to avoid they to be harmed.
I don’t know how sophisticated is, you know. There’s no truth, there’s a lie and they gonna get scold.
And just like that. But it so full out of fear potential high happening in the future. So, now we’re
saying that an aggression then and is not like the de-fall or take need that you use when it comes to
getting equal chance or even to communicate with people. Because when you are aggressively
communicating with someone. You imitate them off and they become rigid.
A person does not listen to you,because you are aggressive now they have become rigid. And
they now they would not listen to you even if you bring them with good advice. As for I a goal in rule
in da’wah they told you, if.. you start, if you wait to give someone advices something don’t start by
talking about they love like for example someone smoke a cigarrate. Is it great to make nonsense to
call them to solat and to take what they love and they love the cigarrate. They addictive to the
cigarrate or young man or woman and they listen to music. They attract to music? Don’t ever attract to
music. Just see not happen on music that they attack on Islam and they faint on the music. So, don’t
attract something that people love.
Generally, when they become aggressive, you lose out that individual and you lose out great
chance of changing the earth and of course you are always in the situation where aggression may be
the best thing bit it’s not the love. Okay? it’s not the love. it’s was a criminal not mention names, not
like better man who went and sit down with the criminal. This man was a richer. He walks and sit
down to deal with very very very aggressive man and that man become off. And then he explain to
people if that man was not aggressive, I would not become like this. But is this mean his aggression as
a general rule now. Now, that was just assumption as example situation.
2.6 Ways to give advice and overcome from doing something prohibited
Okay. So that’s one when it comes to be a aggressive and how you use this be gentle with the
parents. Be gentle with the love one because remember you want people to be safe from the hell fire
that once you talking to anyone, don’t be aggressive. You might lose them. So, be gentle with people
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10. and serve them nice. And this is one thing about changing the more, wherever the action you see, you
have to change it as the most right and we all know that hadith that the Prophet Muhammad SAW
said ,
" ‫" من رأ ى منكم منكارا ف ر ِْيغِياره ِِيده ، فإن لم يستطع فبلسنانه ، فإن لم يستطع فبقلبه وذلك أضعف اإليمنان‬
ِ َ ْ ‫َ ر ْ ََ ِ ر ْ ْمُ ر ْ ْمُ ر ْ َ ً َلْمُ َ هْرّ ر ْ ْمُ بَ ِ ِ َِ ر ْ َ ر ْ َ ر ْ َ ِ ر ْ َ ِِ َ ِ ِ َِ ر ْ َ ر ْ َ ر ْ َ ِ ر ْ َ ِ َ ر ْ ِ ِ َ َِ َ َ ر ْ َ ْمُ ر ْ ِ ر‬
“so whoever that sees irresponsible act for murka. Something that’s not right, she change it with
his hand, and if he can’t use his hand, then with his tongue and if he can’t then with the heart which is
iman. So , some people write this hadith, they understood that things. This is the order. The hadith is
not talking about order. And this common that this instrument of change depends on who and what is
being change. And remember that, now the young man, many many many years ago, as went to
mosque and the man eat something and after that man cannot eat may be only 50 years or late 40,
smack the other man. The matters why the man said the hadith able to speak. I’ll protect you because
it is the hadith said. Now, the hadith is not something that over thing.”
There is instrumental change would be based on over that what that need to be change. For
sometimes, they can change something with their hand but if it involves distraction of property. Did
they do it? Someone else’s property. Can you change it with your hand? no. what if it involves costly
of money. It destroy something. Can you do it? no. But the father, for example, can he change with his
hand? If need right? If father gonna fix a couple of murka, can be great. So, the father for example, if
he takes the wallet to go to somewhere to buy what he needs as my folks are doing so.
So that’s a possibility that you can go to someone house and you find that a couple pictures hang
or a statue instead breaking them. You know you can’t do that. Break someone belongings. So, the
instrument of change is depending on what and who is being or need to be change. And so its the order
that start with the hand then tongue and then the heart. But to be more details in situation, be involved
of the tongue first, that you’ll speak to someone about changing the murka.
2.7 Relationship with others
Okay. So, when it comes to communicate sometimes, something which is really nice for and
beneficial for people known as rapport. R-A-P-P-O-R-T rapport. Rapport technically is a truly word.
Some evil laugh can’t might be fun. So, rapport basically when you establish some kind of
relationship with someone. Okay, I give a scenario. That involves muslim and muslim. The basically,
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11. let say there’s a new security guard at the apartment complex. And you argue but it’s kind a weird for
the first day you gonna walk out to and learns about Islam.
So what you do, you establish rapport so it starts to talk to them first about the weather, you know
him, he parking, whatsoever situation. Now he knows you and he has some type of speaking
relationship. And then maybe the second time also you talk about the something else, third time now
when you want to talk about Islam or something like that or giving nasihat, it’s not too sudden because
you already establish some kind of relationship with this person. Okay, now is the example of the
report with muslims, alright? And this is actually the true story, alright? Now, what happen was at the
university when I use to be in Virginia, in the third floor, there is a musollah, where all the muslims go
to pray, and there is also right next to the musollah.
2.8 Solah
A bunch of muslim young man and woman who just sit there and play card all day, alright? They
just sit there, giggling and they only know each other and you know, ‫ ماشا ال‬you know, open and all the
other. So, they see people going to the musollah, they never going to happen to pray. So, what time
they are on the meeting, is they brought it up because now our job as muslim students association to
give da’wah to muslim as well. So, we like, okay we have this muslim who sit right next to the
musollah and none of them get up to go to prayer. So, what are the possible solution we can come out
with?
So, one of the brothers, and this is the action solution you came up..this is.. I am gonna take my
time on whatever time for solah, I am gonna go walk up to the table, this on my way to musollah. I am
gonna told all them instantly, As solah! This is how you should going to help us sole with the problem.
So, Zuhur is gonna to them, they gonna walk up and say, As solah! And then Asar is gonna come up
and say As solah! And then Maghrib is gonna tell them , As solah! So, now this is the solution, can
you believe that or not, so just this guy, big beard, nice is gonna walk up to them and say As solah!
Guess what, he is not going to adding any new information to this group of people.
They already know or most of them know As solah because they are sitting on a dirt floor on the
way to the musollah, they see along the Zuhur time surprisingly, all the muslims is start going to that
praying area, and all the sister are start going to the prayer area. They just wait there for one to five
minutes, and they all come out. You think they don’t know what happen? They know the people are
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12. praying, they know it the whole time, and them at certain time, they see all the people going towards
the musollah, staying there for a while, praying, and then coming out. So, they know the people are
praying Asar. So, when you come and tell them As solah, do not adding any new information and what
so ever. It is all like they are gonna be playing cards and this are As solah, they will like `oh,As solah?’
oh that’s why all this people. That’s not that you adding any information.
2.9 Communication between religious and non religious
But what interesting was in that scenario, we had the `quota code’ religious people and nonreligious people. And guess what, were there any report between the two relationship, any
communication? No! The only thing, the only communication between the two groups is this, you
walk by, you look at them and you found, that’s our da’wah to them, alright? So, you walk by you
look at them and then you go away. Can you imagine being with that group and you sit there everyday
about fifty or sixty religious muslims who just come and walk away. What was this religious people,
what they found in everyday? They just sit there and the people give them dirty looks, dirty looks,
dirty looks and this dirty look is gonna tell them `bakhiahi’ this is a beautiful religion.
I wanna become to practicing it so that I can be like this people and give people dirty looks to all
the time. Its not gonna work like that! So, what the thing that I suggest why don’t we meant the
relationship with this establish some kind of relationship with them. Imagine someone did this to
them. So, all the muslim religious people in a good folks combine giving a dirty looks, `huh’ mean to
mingling, playing cards, not praying, haram! They go away. Imagine, one of this religious people
comes to them one time and just wait the bowl of candy and gives everybody one. You give him
salam, how are you guys doing? what game are you playing? He’s not even interested but he ask, what
game are you guys playing? And they say they are playing this game without game, and then they
goes away. And another time they will come and will just have chit chat with them and give them
salam and give them a pass around candy again.
What do you think would happen in their hearts, they will think, wow! Most religious people just
fraud us. But this guy, he is a religious people, but he is a nice guy as well. He come talk to us, he pass
us candy, even though we are all into the mingling, but we are not saying that you should start playing
cards with them, alright? But, just establishing some kind of reports, some kind of relationship. They
may think you come to them, one time and said, you know you guys are nice crowds, that I was like
want to come to see you guys and gives you salam but I know you guys never come to the musollah
and I just want to tell you come. You have seen the solah takes about five minutes up, just come pray
and come back to game what are you guys playing.
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13. Do you thinks perhaps he stand more of chances that he might be a responsible to this da’wah.
No doubt! Now, it is guarantee that may work? No, it is not guarantee and that’s why you try and you
do your best and if it’s works, ‫ الحمد ل‬and if it does not work, guess what? You still get your reward,
‫ إن شاء ال‬for that. Sometimes you follow all the rules and it is does not work and at one time there is
this sister and her hijab, she was very active with the Mesir and then she start smoking, alright? She
still in hijab but she just puffing away, always puffing away and she just stand out in front of
everybody in front of the cafeteria, they are smoking and doing some stuff. So, the sister told me, well
you are kind of like of the older brother, shall go and give her advice.
I said okay, and I follow all the rules and giving advice, you praise the other person, you
recognize what ever good in them. I tried, I did all the rules, follow the rules and the deed. And she let
me have it. She let me have it so bad that for the rest of the night I was like this (sad). And my friend
tells me, what’s wrong? And I,I am okay, I am okay. She just when off. She said you are not the imam
here. Who do you think you are just want you know the whole nine yards. So, of course you can back
fight report, may not work, but you do it, you try to have something as some kind of diploma cy in you
attempting in your techniques.
2.10 Allah’s creations
Now, so, you know I was saying earlier that the earth that Allah created worth to be balanced and
therefore that you means Allah created to put on this earth also must work to the system of balance.
And so never wanna be too far any of the spectrum. The middle is always work what were the best.
So, the middle is that you are, you know you kind, you gentle and you are between being aggressive
and between being too passive and too weak and not able to speak up for the sake of anything. And
sometimes people confused being very passive with being having haiya or having modesty. And there
is different between the two.
So, it is not necessary also just being humble but Allah told you to be humiliated by others, not
when you humble yourself for the sake of Allah S.W.T. And so, his because the muslims always high
holds him or herself in high regard, right? Because this is what we call as `izzah’. You feel honored,
you feel the dignity and honored that Allah has made you muslims. So, you do not lower yourself and
a base yourself and humiliate yourself in that sense. But again, there is always a good balance
between, you know, whatever two extreme of emotions or forms of communication always imbalance
on what will work. There will be exception of cases and then in that case, there’s when you use
inappropriately. But for the most part, always the middle.
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14. Love and hate for example. Love and hate, you find you also going to extreme in loving and
hating. And in Islam it is not necessarily always black and white. You can hate something about
someone and love something else in the. So, for example, let say, there is a brother who gives a lot in
charity. It is one of the best people when it comes to helping the poor, the needy, the masjid, it gives a
lot. But, he has some other bad traits. So, most people that I know especially young people, there are
just love to more hate them. And most of the time they choose to hate him. But in Islam you can
actually love him for his generosity and dislike anything bad about him. So, they can be great, it’s not
just black and white. And this is against the middle path when it comes. So someone you know has
done some bad deeds and everything but they have one good deed.
You can love them for that one good deed and hate the bad deed about him. It’s not you that just
go on hating everyone because the bad over weight the good or things like that. But there is always,
there’s, you, talk to always look for that like. But I think I have gone over, I supposed to do same Q
and A the end, but um, so, of course, let me, let me mention also that even then even we trying to be
peaceful the whole time there will be always an extreme situation where you go other end. For
example in Islam, Islam because it realistic, it does recognise time when you have to defend yourself.
And sometime defending yourself would be physical, so defend right? Even though you supposed to
be gentle and you not supposed to fight. But there also more realistic than telling you to turn the other
trick all the time. That is also not realistic.
So for example, if you, if someone enter into your home, they start slapping around, your
children you know? The father not just going to sit back and son turn into the other cheat. If I am been
in your case, right? Father will be like, ya, I was gonna give beating anyway. So, just go ahead. But for
the most part, this is a time when the father will go and and want to defend a person here because it is
not realistic to expect you to turn the trick on turn the other trick all the time. And that’s what I am
telling you, every time in Islam you find thing to be very balance. It is not just one way or the other.
But for the most part, the middle part is what the best, aa and choosing for us, there will be extreme
situation when you go to this end or you to the other end. Taib, how about I stop here Abdul Wahib?
Now? Okay. Alright, so I will stop here and take a some questions.
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16. Hails from KHARTOUM, SUDAN
Expertise Da’wah
Famous Quote : “Are we benefiting ISLAM or are we benefiting from it?”
Most likely to sat : ‘Fantastic!’ and “True story”
Classroom Pet Peeve
Known for his poetry and abbreviations to help students remember content and to lighten the mood
Shaykh Kamal El Mekki has been dubbed the Black Belt of Dawah. With decades of experience in the Dawah
scene, Shaykh Kamal combines his ground-breaking teaching style with his own dash of humour, certain to leave
students feel at ease &entertained, but above all skilled and empowered.
Shaykh Kamal is known best for his workshop "How to Give Shahadah in 10 Minutes", a 6-hour workshop
designed to empower MSAs and Dawah organizations in the art of Dawah. His lectures and online videos
(targeting contemporary challenges) have also gained popular fame and positive impact among Muslims and
non-Muslims alike. Educated at the hands of numerous prominent Islamic scholars from across the world,
Shaykh Kamal also has dynamic experience in the secular world.
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19. 4.1 Venue
Toronto
4.2 Time
May 23-23,2010
4.3 Topic
Interpersonal Communication (Aggresiveness vs Passiveness)
4.4 Additional Information
He also give the same speech on May 29 - 30, 2010 – Edmonton.
The duration of this video is 31:06
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5vPEpXu_bU
This video was published on Oct 29, 2012 by;
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Call-To-Islam/396274540429922
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22. 5.1 Positive Comment
Shaykh Kamal El Mekki has great sense of humor. He attracts the audience’s attention by telling
jokes and makes people laugh. He also used hadith and al-Quran to find a prove to solve some
problems. He’s able to relate the Quranic verses with the life style of human being. He made
researches before giving his speech and very well-educated. He has great knowledge relating to Islam
and able to share them efficiently. The way he gives his speech is relaxing, not full of intense. He
speak clearly so no one will misunderstood what he is saying. He interacts with the audience, for
example, he asked them question, and his intonation when he’s speaking prevent the audience from
getting bored. His speech is very inspiring. He is always calm when he deliver his speech. He’s able to
explain the topic given in details so that the audience can understand the true meaning of Islam. He
has a great personality and a good role model for everyone.
5.2 Negative Comment
There is no negative comment as Shaykh Kamal El Mekki used a good example on what mistake
human always do and have solutions of that with prove from hadith and al-Quran. He has a lot of
experience as da’ie and well-educated.
5.3 Reflection
We must give advice in a good way.

Being aggressive when giving advise is not effective as people would not listen to you. We must
be polite and well-mannered when giving an advise to attract the listener and also as a role-model
to them.
We should not give advice with force.

Based on surah al Baqarah verse 256 ‫ ,ل إككراه فكي الكدين‬which means; There shall be no
‫ك ك‬
‫ك‬
compulsion in [acceptance of] the religion. One of the fundamental truths established by the
sacred texts is that no one can be compelled to accept Islam. It is the duty of Muslims to establish
the proof of Islam to the people so that truth can be made clear from falsehood. After that,
whoever wishes to accept Islam may do so and whoever wishes to continue upon unbelief may do
so. No one should be threatened or harmed in any way if he does not wish to accept Islam.
We must balance in every aspects in our life.

Since the teachings of Islamic encompass all aspects of life and ethics, God-consciousness is
encouraged in all human affairs. Islam makes it clear that all human acts are acts of worship if
they are done for God alone and in accordance to His Divine Law. As such, worship in Islam is
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23. not limited to religious rituals. the Holy Qur'an, which was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad,
contains a great deal of teachings about the life hereafter and the Day of Judgment. Due to this,
Muslims believe that all human beings will ultimately be judged by God for their beliefs and
actions in their earthly lives. Thus, balancing every aspects of our life is important.
5.4 Recommendation
- Shaykh Kamal El Mekki should give speech in many aspect of life.
- He also should give his speech around the world.
- Give speech about many stage of age.
- He also should give speech based on different condition of life like rich and poor people.
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25. In conclusion, there is many way in communicating with others. We also need to live a life based
on al Quran and hadith. Not only that, as a muslim, we should give da’wah to others. As we live based
on that, it will produces a good muslim and muslimah. Based on the speech, we also need balance in
life as we cannot be too positive or too negative towards others.
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