Sapient - Communicate Powerfully (Without Being A You-Know-What)

(Without Being A
You-Know-What)
with
Michelle Villalobos
(vee - ya - low - bos)
Communicate
Powerfully
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Are you known
for where you’re GOING
or for where you’ve BEEN?
4

Copyright MichelleVillalobos, Mivista Consulting, Inc. 2009.All Rights Reserved.
To Reprint, Distribute or Repurpose, visit www.MivistaConsulting.com and click “Contact Us”.
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“No matter what she
accomplishes or how she
reinvents herself to the
public, she'll always be the
first lady of scandal.”
By Piper Weiss, Shine Staff | Love + Sex – Wed, Aug 17, 2011 10:34 PM EDT
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The Lewinsky Effect:
If you don’t brand yourself,
then others will do it for you.
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“It’s not WHAT you know.
It’s not even WHO you know.
It’s who knows YOU...
and what they say about you
when you’re not around.”
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Copyright 2007- 2009 Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830
• talk show host?
• home & entertaining expert?
• dog trainer?
• child-care expert?
• martyr?
• satanic rocker?
• dirty politician?
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this is what
people SEE
HOW YOU LIVE
What you say
& do
WHAT YOU WANT
Future Goals &
Objectives
WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
Principles & Values
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
Purpose
WHO ARE YOU?
Innate Passions,
Talents & Interests
this is what
determines
your brand
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All Content Copyright MichelleVillalobos, Mivista Consulting, Inc., 2009.All Rights Reserved.To reprint or repurpose for commercial use, please contact Michelle at http://
www.mivistaconsulting.com
“Regardless of age,
regardless of position,
regardless of the business we
happen to be in,
all of us need to understand
the importance of branding.
We are CEOs of our own
companies:
Me Inc. To be in business
today, our most important
job is
to be head marketer
for the brand called You.”
– Tom Peters, “The Brand Called YOU”
1997
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What do YOU want to be
TOP OF MIND for?
Can you articulate it?
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What are 5 things you
could do right away to become
“top-of-mind” for that?
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Shift Context
I want
What do
THEY
want?
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rubies sapphires
DIRECTORS PROMOTERS
emeralds
ANALYZERS
pearls
NURTURERS
FASTpaceRELAXEDpace
TASK-oriented PEOPLE-oriented
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10 minutes to learn...
A lifetime to master
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Want a deeper analysis? Look at:
Myers-Briggs (MBTI)
DISC Assessment
Kiersey Temperament Sorter
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3. Look the part
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Standing out –
appropriately –
from the crowd
helps you stay top
of mind. Look UP at
the top people in
your field and get
inspired by them.
Then add your own
twist.
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The way you say things is,
like, important?
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Do you ask for
permission to
speak up?
Can I ask a question?
I just want to add one thing
Would you mind if I said
something?
I have an idea I’d like to
share, if you don’t mind
May I add something?
40

“I”
blame you for issues
that aren’t yours childish
takes focus off the facts
not effective
leadership (it’s
not about you)
often leads to
“psychobabble”
* How To Say It For Women
Phyllis Mindell, Ed.D.
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“I don’t have enough time to complete that job”
* How To Say It For Women Phyllis Mindell, Ed.D.
“I like the way you closed that deal”
“I noticed that the ofﬁce wasn’t cleaned up”
“You forgot to send me that email”
“I feel good about this project”
“For the job to be done right, it requires more time”
“Well done on that deal”
“The office wasn’t cleaned up last night”
“I didn’t receive your email”
“This project will be great for business”
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“Infractions:” Passive, Rambling,
Verbal Filler, Qualifiers, Hedges
“I may be wrong but
what if we try a new
approach? I was thinking, you
know, maybe we could, um, find a
partner or something, you know to help
us grow our mailing list. Maybe I could
call a few people that I know. I don’t
know, what do you think?”
kie josiuel lk asj kdi ko oudu lki, reit
kci,wii, oieru iyd klkea loi leoop ncke
adlfjad ieu loo keuu eioci klle leyuc ckelk lke
as eec eae ree clkj elkj sld fkjds adlk fja....
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instead try
“um”
passive voice
“feel”
“I”
fillers
pausing
active voice
stating the facts
3rd person
pauses
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Qualifiers
& Hedges
only
just
you know
really
in my opinion
sort of
kind of
apparently
I’m not an expert, but
I may not be qualified,
but
but
maybe
I guess
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“psychobabble”
rambling &
nervous chatter
“blah, blah, blah...”
“Be in the moment...
“present...” “The Secret...”
“The Law of Attraction”
and... and... and...
“I’m suuuuch an Aquarius (giggle)”
“I feeeeel...”
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“To Be” = Weak
I am (was, will be...)
You are (were, will be)
We are (were, will be)
They are (were, will be)
I am the leader of a team
You are responsible for sales
We are the managers of...
They were helping the kids...
I lead
We manage
They helped
________________
_______________
______________
You oversee
sales
_______________
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Achieve
Advance
Conduct
Consult
Commit
Coordinate
Develop
Deliver
Design
Define
Devote
Earn
Enhance
Evaluate
Examine
Extend
Facilitate
Formulate
Fulfill
Forecast
Generate
Gain
Gather
Head
Host
Identify
Implement
Improve
Improvise
Influence
Launch
Lead
Lobby
Maintain
Manage
Marketed
Maximized
Mediated
Motivate
Negotiate
Obtain
Operate
Organize
Originate
Oversee
Participate
Perform
Pioneer
Plan
Prepare
Present
Promote
Publish
Pursue
Rank
Update
Redesign
Reengineer
Reorganize
Represent
Restructure
Revise
Safeguard
Secure
Specify
Spearhead
Standardize
Strengthen
Structure
Suggest
Supersede
Supervise
Target
Teach/
Taught
Test
Train
Transform
Transcend
Unify
Upgrade
Utilize
Validate
Value
Write
effective action verbs...
49

“One way to
grow a list is to
partner with others
and offer a benefit in
return. I know a
few I can call.
Thoughts?”
Direct, to the point, assertive
(without being aggressive), inviting
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Hold your ground (politely)
*Phyllis Mindel, PhD How To Say It For Women
Excuse me
Please allow me to finish...
I’m not finished
I’m not quite finished...
Please hold any comments until I’m done
Please hold your questions until the end
Just a moment...
Interruptions break my train of thought,
please allow me to finish...
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Have you ever noticed?
How some people talk like they’re asking a question?
Most don’t even realize they do it?
In
flec
tion
RECORD YOURSELF.
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“Thanks for doing
such a great job.
Really, thanks.
“It’s not like you do anything anyways
“Whatever you say.”
“Everything is great. Just
perfect.”
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5. Live The
“Jessica Phenomenon”
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg
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Are you focused on a
negative outcome?
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“Pathological Volunteerism”
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Parkinson’s Law *
“Work expands so as
to fill the time available
for its completion.”
Perhaps you recognize this phenomenon
(or its corollaries)?
A note before proceeding...
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Data expands to fill the space
available for storage.
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Studies show that if you LIMIT
the time available for a task,
you REDUCE the amount
of time that task takes
AND improve results!
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Proof:
“The Vacation
Phenomenon”
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“Treat every
day like it's
the day
before
vacation, and
you will get
more work
done!”
- Zig Ziglar
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In other words, if you FIRST
determine what your “hard
limits” are in terms of TIME,
you will be more focused
and produce
BETTER results in the (shorter)
time you allot for work.
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LIFESTYLE
Income
Stability
CharityPeace of mind
Free
time
Fun
Supp
ort
Hobbi
es
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“Art Time”
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Establish Priorities
What are your top 3 priorities in
life? Write them down.
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Create Parameters
Write down ONE commitment you
can put into your CALENDAR for
each of those 3 priorities.
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Examples
•Family Time ------------> No working on weekends -
Dinner with family every Tu/Wed
•Hobbies -----------------> Set aside 8 hours/week to paint
Ride horses 2 mornings/week
•Peace of Mind --------> Meditate every day - 30 min
•Romance ---------------> “Date Night”
•Health --------------------> Eat breakfast & lunch every
day; yoga Mon/Wed 5:30
•Organize ----------------> Monday =“errands&admin” day
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Homework: Schedule!
Put them into your calendar
and HONOR THEM!! You may
have to
“enroll” a few people first...
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(k)notty words
can not
could not
should not
do not
would not
rephrase with
what you DO want
or WILL do
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8. Understand Non-Verbal Cues
92

1
Eye contact is the
most basic form of
human interaction...
even newborns do it
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Handshakes establish equality
between two people.
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Eye contact
Body position
Palms
Facial
expression
=
Her: I’m angry, I don’t
want to hear what you
say or even look at
you
Him: I have nothing to
hide, you can trust
me, please listen
105

Eye contact
Hands touching
Head position
Body position
=
Man 1: I’m angry, I’m
on the offensive, I
have proof, look at
me!
Man 2: I’m sooooo
over this, I can’t stand
it.
Please go away and
leave me in peace.
107

Eye contact
Body position
Hands/arms
Touching face
Usage of space
=
We are mentally
checked out and
don’t care that she
knows it - she doesn’t
even deserve the most
basic respect.
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1
Does your
body
language
say “I’m too
busy for
you”? That’s
one surefire
way to turn
people off...
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Volunteer For
High Profile Projects,
Assignments & Teams
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How do you
respond to
compliments?
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Create
ALLIANCES &
PARNERSHIPS
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People LOVE
talking about
other people.
Are you
MANAGING
what they’re
saying about
YOU?
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Relationship Killers
• lack of contact
• one-sidedness
• self-interest
• neglect
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Relationship Growers
• availability
• contact
• trust
• listening
• honesty
• mutual benefit
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Everyone
needs
cheerleaders
& mentors
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Recap
•1 instance where you SHOULD have
communicated more powerfully? What
could you have done differently?
•1 instance where your communication
ESCALATED a situation, made it WORSE?
•Situations?
•Triggers?
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www.MichelleVillalobos.com
Or just Google me!
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Sapient - Communicate Powerfully (Without Being A You-Know-What)

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Sapient - Communicate Powerfully (Without Being A You-Know-What)