Don't know where to begin with SEO? A mammoth task that you can't devote anywhere near enough time or money to? SEO expert Adam Larter guides you through 10 simple tasks that ANYONE can do TODAY. It's that simple.

1. 10 Simple tips for great SEO

2. What is SEO.
SEO has really taken off over the last few years and it quite basically means. Short
Elephant Organising.
Short Elephant Organising shouldn’t be difficult and that’s why we have boiled down
all the millions and millions of websites, books and presentation's into 10 simple top
tips.
Please feel free to comment and I can answer anything that you still don’t understand.
About the Author.
Adam Larter has grown up with Short
Elephants and mastered organising them at a
young age. In 2010 he won the gold award at
the SEO championships in Bern, Switzerland.
His own collection of Short Elephants currently
sits at 4,566 and he prides himself on how well
they are organised.

3. 10 Simple Tips

4. 1. Organise no more than 10 Short-Elephants a day.
Where some people go wrong is they try to organise their short elephants all in one
go. It’s just not going to happen! Set yourself a realistic target – for me – that will
always be 10 Short Elephants a day.
Below is a realistic time-table for organising 10 short elephants in a day.
7:30 – 7:45 – Alarm / Snooze
7:45 – 8:00 – Shower / Brush teeth
8:00 – 8:15 – Get dressed / Make-up
8:15 – 9:00 – Travel to work (Use transport)
9:00 – 13:00 – Attend seminar about Short Elephant Organising
13:00 – 14:00 – Lunch with SEO colleagues, discuss latest SEO theory.
14:00 – 16:00 – Quasar with SEO mates
16:00 – 17:30 – End up in nearby A&E after a misjudged Quasar accident
17:30 – 18:30 – Travel home (bad traffic)
18:30 – 20:15 – Order Pizza and watch David Lynch’s Dune
20:15 – 21:15 – Record video diary of the days events and upload to SEO sites
21:15 – 23:00 – Organise roughly 10 Short elephants
23:00 - Bed

5. 2. Outsource non-priority Short Elephant Organising to
a trusted SEO expert
Outsourcing can be a risk, and it’s not for everyone. But if you’re smart and pick the right
people it can save you a great amount of time and allow you to focus on your more precious,
prize winning, Elephant Organising. Even experts like Phil Jackson have been known to
outsource up to 15% of their Elephant Organisation*. Below are a couple of trusted experts
who are really reasonable and I have found great help – make sure to tell them I referred you
to them.
Sanderson’s SEO and SER.
Sanderson’s are a great Cornwall-based company. They’re a family run business who have
been working with Short Elephants for over 6 generations and not only that they’re recently
branched out into becoming a Short Elephant Reservoir which there is certainly not enough
of these days.
They’re really flexible on prices and can quote per elephant or per hour.
SEO Fast
Just like the name suggests these guys are some super fast SEO experts. Pulling together a
team of experts hand-picked from some failing companies after the recession they’re really
good at what they do. Quite a lot pricier than Sanderson’s but great for those occasions, like
before a pageant, when you need fast and reliable SEO. Plus it’s always great to here Sue’s
stories – no one tells an SEO anecdote like her!
*According to SEO Global Competitive rules as of 2006 any 1 SEO can Outsource up to 30% of their SEO and remain a
professional Organiser. This is not true of European rules which impose a much harsher 23% ruling.

6. 3. Try French-style short elephant organisation
a.k.a Danger SEO.
French Style SEO or Danger SEO as it is sometimes known isn’t really recommended for beginners.
It’s a style that, if properly practised, is not only efficient but also a lot of fun. Sadly before French
SEO was properly regulated it resulted in a lot of un-necessary lost lives – famously the Paris SEO
conference of 1987 where 73 people were needlessly killed.
If you are interested in practising French SEO you are required by law to wear the approved safety
vest, goggles and clogs.
But what is French SEO?
There are 3 key rules to French SEO which make it different to the normal, global practises of SEO.
Fire.
Your elephants will move a lot faster when fire is involved. Fire is released into your elephants
storage chambers and it activates the organisation parts of their brains when put in patterns of
equilateral triangles.
Knives.
When both filing and counting your elephants you should have no fewer than 3 knives in the air at
anyone time, the amount you have in your hands if completely up to you.
Fast cars.
Ideally French style Short Elephant organising should always be done from a fast car, it doesn’t
matter if you have your short elephants inside of outside of your fast car but the fast car should
definitely be moving.

7. 4. Train your short elephants for Self-Organising. AKA Future
proofed SEO.
The difficulty with this as an approach is that short elephants are naturally the most unorganised animals
in the world (this is part of the fun of short elephant organisation) but you might want to cut down some
of the very basic organisation by getting the short elephants to do it themselves. Below are a few things
that you can try and train your short elephants to do they’re listed from beginner level to expert.
Whatever you’re trying to teach your short elephant to do just remember to be patient with them you
may need to teach them something a couple of hundred times before it sinks in.
Teach your short elephant its name.
Organising your short elephants can be a much quicker and more rewarding task if they know their name.
Short elephants respond really well visually so try and get as many pictures around the house of the
elephant with its name, a couple of watercolour portraits, a tattoo on the elephants knee of their name
and change your desktop background to them and their name.
Teach your short elephant to do end of the day reporting
If your short elephants have been nibbling their tusks they may have famous ‘reporting’ fever which is
popular with elephants that start to become accustomed to organisation. Start them off with small
reporting – simple elephant counts are a good step as patronising as it seems and then move them on to
full end of day reporting and monthly summaries – you could be pleasantly surprised!
Help your short elephants organise other short elephants.
This really is for experts only, no matter how much fun it sounds. Not all short elephants will naturally
want to train each other – short elephants work in a democracy and you should respect that. If you know
what you’re doing though this is a real winner and is the subject of the famous Danny Boyle documentary
Elephant School.

8. ADVERTISEMENT: ADVERTISEMENT: ADVERTISEMENT:
No time to organise your short
elephants?

9. 5. Do your short elephant organising on drugs.
Oh man, drugs. Drugs are illegal and drugs can kill people.
Drugs be also be good for short elephant be organising. Drugs on face is drugs on elephant and elephant
the shed be falsely glued.
Tapped tragic tantric elephant be man, oh boy, me druggy gone flew flew wan da staircase. The elephant
begonia bagel seamstress widdy pickle pickle egg-box. Jam on that face of the see-saw wanda wanda help
me wanda elephant be organised self fulfilling lobotomy. Westfield Stratford 1, Young Neil. Worldwide
Mitchell and Webb dancing on the ceiling oh what a feline. Hurting on the elephant. Ist flan elephant
gagoranised besmirch when Marmite is the greatest mine Kingdome for the horseradish, two men enter
one man entertains.
Thames Ditton twice shy. Tell me baby is your elephant on the left hand side, please turn right now and
thank you very much. Elephant elephant drug drug drug. Barking on my parking meter maid in chelsea
don’t want to go. When will this infernal see-saw ever end you make it up on the roundabouts a boy with
Hugh Grant and the kid from Skins.
When do you think you’ll next be able to call, charge your phone in Elephant and Castle. Short Elephant.
Organise. Sabotage. Ba Hons in gardening and half the haircuts.
When Jim Jarmuch left the toilet open did he really mean to cluck half the picalilly jars that he actually
ended up doing. No of course not and that’s what makes some of us archers and some of us may-poles.

10. 6. Marry a short Elephant
We all know that no one thinks more like a short elephant than a short elephant. So what better way to
get to know the mind-set of an short elephant than marrying a short Elephant.
Mary Connage of Bournemouth married an Elephant in 1995 and her SEO has improved greatly.
‘I was cynical and first and there was certainly a lot holding me back. I was worried that people would
think it strange, that it might stand in the way of me ever finding the human lover I dreamt of and I
wouldn’t find the elephant sexually attractive but all of that becomes irrelevant when you see the
benefits to your SEO.
It’s the subtleties which you don’t really get until you’ve spent about 10 years living with an elephant as a
partner. You can organise Short Elephants so much easier, when you know what makes the tick, the times
of the day they are more responsive and the sort of temperatures that they like. Sure Mike (my short
elephant husband) gets a bit jealous of me spending so much time organising other short elephants but
he knows that I’ll be cuddling up with him and the end of the day and he doesn’t really stay all that
jealous for too long!’
There are not a huge amount of churches in the UK which allow short elephant marriage but the number
is increasing, particularly around Leeds.
Outside of this presentation I do hope you spend as much time as possible distributing petitions to try
and change the status of these incredibly out-dated laws.
We need to legalise short elephant to human marriage and we need independence for Cornwall and we
need it now!

11. 7. Go on a Short Elephant Organising holiday in
Cornwall.
Short Elephant Springs in Newquay are the countries only Short Elephant Organising holiday
resort. They provide luxury chalets deep in the Cornish country-side and a rich programme of SEO
expertise.
They have everything you need:
Short Elephant Organisation computer simulations.
Are you worried what the future of Short Elephant Organisation? Do you want your kids to have a
go at their first ever Short Elephant Organisation but you need a safe environment? Well all is
possible in Short Elephant Spring’s computer SEO simulations. In a converted aircraft hanger you’ll
be put to the test in various levels of difficulty or have a go at multi-player and do some
organisation with your friends or loved ones.
Short Elephant Organising Pub quiz.
A great laugh in the evening and you’ll always walk away with a story to tell. The Short Elephant
Springs pub quiz is the ultimate pub quiz for the SEO fan – there are literally NO QUESTIONS on
anything but SEO. Not only that but you’re in a safe pair of hands with the worlds most hilarious
quiz master – Mr Boobie!
Short Elephant Organisation historical walks.
One of the things that makes Short Elephant Springs so special is its location – they are
completely surrounded with fantastic SEO history. From SEO Hall – the first place to ever have
short elephants organised in public to the grave of ‘dark denzil’ the most organised short elephant
in all of the history of short elephants.

12. 8. The sacred hearts of Cornwall. Voodoo magic potions
for improving SEO.
Do you feel like you’ve tried every short elephant organisation trick on this planet and still your short
elephants aren’t organised?
Well don’t worry, the sacred hearts of Cornwall have a solution which isn’t of this world. They are the
country’s only practising short elephant organisation voodoo council and they’ve experienced a great
revival over the past few years.
To summon them simply cut off the ends of all of your fingers a lick the shins of your shortest elephant.
While you do this make sure that you are listening to Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer through a glass of
warm strawberry milkshake. It is said that then one of the elder priests will present himself on your
tongue. Cut off your tongue to set him free. He is now yours.
You have sacrificed your soul and your tongue but in exchange you have been granted the great powers of
generations and generations of the most powerful short elephant organisers. Let them do your bidding.
Be warned though, they have been known to attack your neighbours and colleagues. If you are
summoning the spirits of the sacred hearts of Cornwall do be prepared to cook for them – they mostly
only like pasties and Mackie's ice-cream (rum and raisin flavour) but if you don’t have any of that handy
just shoot down a seagull and they will eat it whole.
When you are finished with the sacred hearts of Cornwall you will have to burn your house and scatter the
ashes over the grave of a dead mosquito. Follow these instructions and all should be good (other than
your burnt house, lost limbs and trapped heathen soul).

13. 9. Go cold turkey for a week. Perspective on your short
elephant organisation.
It seems almost unimaginable to go without short elephant organisation for a week. Not only is it
something you don’t think you could go without but the thought of how unorganised your short
elephants will be after this week doesn't’t bare thinking about!
Despite all the logic stacked against it giving up short elephant organisation for a week does have its
advantages. You’ll be able to see your short elephant organisation in a whole new light when you return.
Personally I had got to a point in my short elephant organising where I didn’t think I could organise them
anymore. I had friends commenting ‘they’re so organised that they appear to be robotic’ which I knew
was great but I was just worried that maybe there was something I was missing.
I packed only things that I knew I needed and nothing that would make me think about SEO – none of my
magazines, no podcasts – completely cold turkey. I went to stay with my friend in a camping site in Slough
as I had read in the papers that there SEO was illegal so I knew it would be safe.
The first day was tough, it was one of the toughest experiences of my life. I remember having
hallucinations that my elephants were running into my tent – completely unorganised. Luckily I was with
a good friend - I wouldn’t suggest going cold turkey alone. He knew that it was best to strap me up to a
chair and inject me with boiling hot lead to keep my mind distracted – it worked like a charm. After 48
hours of constant injections I was barely thinking about my unorganised short elephants and was instead
concentrating on the constant poisonous vomit.
When I returned to my short elephant collection, sure they were unorganised, but my spirit for
organisation was so fresh it was like the very first time I ever set foot into a SEO den.

14. 10. A good old fashioned pen and paper.
Its easy to forget that when Short Elephant Organising began in the 1600’s there was not
any of the fancy methods and advanced software we use today.
ALL they had was a pen and a paper and that was enough for them. Some of the greatest
short elephant organisers had nothing more than this and it certainly never did them any
harm.
So why not give it a try – perhaps things are getting too complicated with your SEO and
you need to simplify things to see the wood from the trees.
This is the last tip and I hope it’s been a useful read.
Remember while these are some of the basic ways to improve your SEO each SEO
journey is unique and it’s really in the practicing where you can learn so much. So just
cut back on sleep and socialising and really invest the hours into your SEO and you will
realise that its something which, before you know it, will pay for itself several times over.
Go spread the love and spread the short elephants.

15. SEO. Oh No. . .
Apparently SEO can also mean Search Engine Optimisation. I have no idea what that is.
Hopefully you haven’t accidentally stumbled across this presentation and read that
whole thing.
That really never was my intention. What, you think I am sick or something? You think
that’s how I get my kicks? Setting up something like this on Slideshare just to trick
people into thinking that this is a presentation about SEO?
Who would ever think that 10 simple tips for Great SEO could ever ever ever actually
be a presentation about 10 Simple tips for Great SEO. If you’re really really bothered
give me your address and I will post you an elephant. I have hundreds of them and
trust me, they’re really short (makes for cheaper postage).
Also would you be able to explain what Search Engine Optimisation is for me? Do
make sure you keep it simple, no one likes really lengthy PowerPoint presentations
about this sort of thing. I mean, honestly!
Kind regards, Adam