How not to participate on a meeting. Unless you really want to see how bad it can go.

1. 10 things you can do
to drive your meeting nuts
Alexey
Krivitsky

2. No. 1
Accept two meeting invitations for
the same time - it will all sort out!
It always did.
Because statistically one of the two meetings
will be cancelled anyways, you will make it
without disappointing any of the organizers.

3. No. 2
Come precisely 7 minutes late and
with a hot smelly coffee in your
hand.
It always takes a while to start discussing the
real things.
And others won’t be there on time anyways.

4. No. 3
Use the chance to finish you
recent HipChat discussion.
What a chance to get a seat directly by
<name of a person>!
You can now quickly exchange the final
thoughts from your recent chat. Others won’t
even notice.

5. No. 4
Keep your laptop open. At all
times.
There are always these little mechanical tasks
you can do while being 100% present on a
meeting.
And if you’re missing something important,
they can always call you.

6. No. 5
Never interrupt the person
speaking.
Let the organizer speak for as long as he
needs. That is his meeting anyway. Show the
respect.
It is the part of the ‘open share’ culture:
anyone can organize a meeting and share as
much as he wants.

7. No. 6
When you get a mic – use it!
You always need to share your opinion when
you’re asked for. This is how they taught you
in schools. When you have none – improvise!
Never pass. Make it last. Once done sharing,
repeat it to make sure others really get it.

8. No. 7
Quickly check the stock market
and the weather.
You are very fast at understanding ideas of
others. While the others are repeating their
ideas on and on again – quickly check your
phone.
Yes, you know it is bad. But soon the iWatch
will come out and make it finally legal!

9. No. 8
Never volunteer for any follow-up
task.
Coding time is our holy cow. We need to
protect it and maximize it.
Let the managers do their job.

10. No. 9
We need to get maximum of the
meeting – till the very last minute!
It was so freaking hard to get the room
booked for an hour. And now we’re done in
just 20 minutes!
Let’s use the remaining time for other topics.
Collaboration is the king.

11. No. 10
Leave earlier to be on time for the
next meeting.
The next meeting is as important as this.
Be polite. Excuse yourself and head out to be
on time for the next.
That’s the luxury of being punctual – honor
yourself with a cup of coffee on the way!

12. No single participant was
awaked by production of
this presentation
on a meetings.
Alexey
Krivitsky