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RELATIONSHIP BUILDING
Why, What, How …….

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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OBJECTIVES
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

Understand WHY relationships are important.

 Understand WHAT a relationship is

 Understand HOW to build relationships, overcome barriers of
relationship building and maintain strong relationships.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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Relationships with friends, co-workers, boyfriend/girlfriend
husband/wife, and family areMASTER TITLE STYLE
CLICK TO EDIT important components of our lives.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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WHY are Relationships
Important ?

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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NEED TO BELONG STYLE
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Humans need to feel love(sexual/nonsexual) and acceptance from social groups
(family, peer groups). In fact, the need to belong is so innately ingrained that it may be strong

enough to overcome physiological and safety needs, such as children's attachment to abusive
parents or staying in abusive romantic relationships.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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SOCIALMASTER TITLE STYLE
EXCHANGE
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Individuals engage in relations that are rewarding in both tangible
and intangible ways. This theory is based on the idea that relationships
develop as a result of cost-benefit analyses. Individuals seek out rewards

in interactions with others and are willing to pay a cost for said rewards.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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RELATIONAL TITLE STYLE
SELF
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Relationships are also important for the ability to help individuals develop a sense
of self. In other words, one’s emotions and behaviours are shaped by prior
relationships. Studies have shown that exposure to someone who resembles a
significant other activates specific self-beliefs, changing how one thinks about oneself
in the moment more so than exposure to someone who does not resemble a significant
other.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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WHAT is a Relationship ?

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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A RELATIONSHIP is a strong, deep, or close association/acquaintance/bond between two or more people
that may range in duration from brief to enduring. This association may be based
on inference, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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HOW to build relationships ?

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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YOU ARE AT THE CENTER

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Imagine a wheel in which you are at the hub or center and each spoke represents a relationship
with another person. Does that sound egotistical? It doesn't need to be. It takes a lot of spokes
to hold the wheel together and the wheel is what helps move the initiative along. There is
enough room in the group for everyone to create their own wheel of strong relationships.
The point is that you have to take the time to set up and sustain relationships. If you wait for
others to establish relationships with you first, you may spend a lot of time waiting.
One reminder: It doesn't make sense to form relationships just to get people to do work for you.
That won't work because people will feel used. Community builders approach relationships with
integrity. We form relationships because we genuinely like someone, because we have
something to offer that person, or because we share some common goal.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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AN 11-STEP PROGRAM

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1. BUILD RELATIONSHIPS ONE AT A TIME.
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Fortunately or unfortunately, there are no short cuts. Sending out a
newsletter helps you keep in touch with lots of folks, but it's no
substitute for getting to know a real person.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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2. BE FRIENDLY AND MAKE A CONNECTION.

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This may seem self-evident, but a friendly word or smile can make someone's
day. Try to find something in common: all of us want to have close
connections with our fellow humans.

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3. ASK PEOPLE QUESTIONS.

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People love to talk about themselves and about what they
think. If you ask people about themselves and then take the
time to listen attentively, they can become your fast friend.

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4. TELL PEOPLE ABOUT YOURSELF

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People won't trust you unless you are willing to trust them. Tell them what you
genuinely care about and what you think.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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5. GO PLACES AND DO THINGS.

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When asked why he robbed banks, the robber replied, "Because that's where
the money is." If you want to make friends, you have to go where the people
are: picnics, conferences, events, fundraisers, parties, playgrounds, bowling
alleys, little league games, bake sales, etc..

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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6. ACCEPT PEOPLE THE WAY THEY ARE.

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You don't have to agree with them all the time in order to form
a relationship with them. No one likes to be judged.

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7. ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO FORM
RELATIONSHIPS, EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE
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Underneath the crabbiest looking person is often a lonely soul hoping
someone will make a crack in their shell.

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8. OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF REJECTION.

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Most of us suffer from a fear of rejection, and there's only one
thing to do about that: get over it. If you want to form
relationships, plan on being rejected some of the time. You
will be richly rewarded the rest of the time with the new
relationships you have made.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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9. BE PERSISTENT.

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People are often shy and suspicious. It takes a while to win
trust. You can almost always form a relationship if you stick

with it.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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10. INVITE PEOPLE TO GET INVOLVED.

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People want to become part of something bigger than themselves.
Many people are looking for an opportunity to meet other people who
share common goals. At the worst, people will be flattered that you

invited them to join.

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11. ENJOY PEOPLE.

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If you genuinely enjoy people, others will be attracted

to your attitude. People will more likely want to be
around you.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT
CULTURAL BACKGROUNDS THAN YOUR
OWN?
Some common sense
guidelines

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1. LEARN ABOUT THE PERSON'S CULTURE.

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Any effort will go a long way in showing that you care enough
to find out about the reality of another person's life.

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2. PUT YOURSELF AT THE CENTER OF ANOTHER
PERSON'S CULTURE.
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Especially if you are getting to know someone who is not a part of
majority culture, try going to their cultural events where you are the

minority. If you are willing to take risks and put yourself in a situation in
which you might feel uncomfortable, people will be more inclined to want
to get to know you.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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3. TAKE A STAND AGAINST THE PERSON'S OPPRESSION.

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Actions speak louder than words. People who experience oppression
need allies to speak out against injustice. Strong relationships are
forged when people act courageously on behalf of each other.

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4. IT'S OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES.

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You may have to make mistakes as you build relationships with people

who have different cultural backgrounds than your own, but people are
generally forgiving, especially if your intentions are good.
Remember, hang in there even if you feel rejected.

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WHAT if the Relationship goes messy ?

How to overcome barriers to relationship building….

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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Many relationships get messy sooner or later and that's not necessarily
a bad thing. In fact, sometimes people need a good fight or a clearing of
the air in order to get a relationship back on track. A conflict doesn't
mean the relationship has to come to an end. Remember: we often fight

with the people we care about the most and with whom we share our
greatest hopes.

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1. TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER. STYLE
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This is not always easy. Each person should take time some time to listen
without interrupting, while the other person talks.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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2. PUT YOURSELF IN OTHERS SHOES

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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3. LOOK AT WHAT IS TRUE ABOUT WHAT THE OTHER
PERSON IS SAYING.
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See if you can correct the situation. If you need to apologize, go ahead. It may

feel horrible, but an apology can often help a relationship get back on the right
track.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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4. SEPARATE EMOTIONS FROM REALITY.

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Everyone has emotions that surface intermittently. People often say things
they don't mean when they are in the middle of an emotional upset. Allow
time and space for people to feel their emotions before you try to work
things out.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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5. CONTINUE TO APPRECIATE AND RESPECT EACH
OTHER.
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Even though it may be difficult, focus on the positive aspects of the
relationship. If you model appreciation, the other person will often follow.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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6. SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.
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TITLE STYLE

As you try to unravel the difficulty, keep focused on what you and the
other person care about most: the goals of the project, each other, the
community, etc.

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7. DON'T GIVE UP YOUR PRINCIPLES.

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Don't sacrifice what you believe in just to make a relationship work. If
you give up on your principles, you won't be effective and the
relationship won't work anyway.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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8. HANG IN THERE WHEN THINGS GET HARD.

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You can take some breathing room, but try not to give up on the relationship
altogether. When things are the toughest, there are important lessons to be
learned. It's best to keep a relationship that you've invested your time and
caring into?

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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9. YOU CAN ACT INDEPENDENTLY TO IMPROVE ANY
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RELATIONSHIP. EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE

Even if the other person or group of people is acting rotten, you can act in
a way that is positive, respectful, constructive, and thoughtful. This may
surprise people, and they may follow your lead.

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HOW DO YOU SUSTAIN RELATIONSHIPS?
Ok, Now you’ve built and overcome the barriers !!!

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Keep it Healthy and Alive !!!

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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Pay attention to people.

Communicate openly

Back each other when things get tough.

Appreciate each other.

Challenge each other to do better.

Extend yourself.

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National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014

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Relationship Building- The WHAT, WHY and HOW

  • 1. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE RELATIONSHIP BUILDING Why, What, How ……. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 2. SESSION TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE OBJECTIVES CLICK  Understand WHY relationships are important.  Understand WHAT a relationship is  Understand HOW to build relationships, overcome barriers of relationship building and maintain strong relationships. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 3. Relationships with friends, co-workers, boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife, and family areMASTER TITLE STYLE CLICK TO EDIT important components of our lives. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 4. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE WHY are Relationships Important ? | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 5. NEED TO BELONG STYLE CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE Humans need to feel love(sexual/nonsexual) and acceptance from social groups (family, peer groups). In fact, the need to belong is so innately ingrained that it may be strong enough to overcome physiological and safety needs, such as children's attachment to abusive parents or staying in abusive romantic relationships. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 6. SOCIALMASTER TITLE STYLE EXCHANGE CLICK TO EDIT Individuals engage in relations that are rewarding in both tangible and intangible ways. This theory is based on the idea that relationships develop as a result of cost-benefit analyses. Individuals seek out rewards in interactions with others and are willing to pay a cost for said rewards. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 7. RELATIONAL TITLE STYLE SELF CLICK TO EDIT MASTER Relationships are also important for the ability to help individuals develop a sense of self. In other words, one’s emotions and behaviours are shaped by prior relationships. Studies have shown that exposure to someone who resembles a significant other activates specific self-beliefs, changing how one thinks about oneself in the moment more so than exposure to someone who does not resemble a significant other. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 8. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE WHAT is a Relationship ? | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 9. A RELATIONSHIP is a strong, deep, or close association/acquaintance/bond between two or more people that may range in duration from brief to enduring. This association may be based on inference, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 10. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE HOW to build relationships ? | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 11. YOU ARE AT THE CENTER CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Imagine a wheel in which you are at the hub or center and each spoke represents a relationship with another person. Does that sound egotistical? It doesn't need to be. It takes a lot of spokes to hold the wheel together and the wheel is what helps move the initiative along. There is enough room in the group for everyone to create their own wheel of strong relationships. The point is that you have to take the time to set up and sustain relationships. If you wait for others to establish relationships with you first, you may spend a lot of time waiting. One reminder: It doesn't make sense to form relationships just to get people to do work for you. That won't work because people will feel used. Community builders approach relationships with integrity. We form relationships because we genuinely like someone, because we have something to offer that person, or because we share some common goal. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 12. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE AN 11-STEP PROGRAM | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 13. 1. BUILD RELATIONSHIPS ONE AT A TIME. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Fortunately or unfortunately, there are no short cuts. Sending out a newsletter helps you keep in touch with lots of folks, but it's no substitute for getting to know a real person. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 14. 2. BE FRIENDLY AND MAKE A CONNECTION. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE This may seem self-evident, but a friendly word or smile can make someone's day. Try to find something in common: all of us want to have close connections with our fellow humans. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 15. 3. ASK PEOPLE QUESTIONS. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE People love to talk about themselves and about what they think. If you ask people about themselves and then take the time to listen attentively, they can become your fast friend. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 16. 4. TELL PEOPLE ABOUT YOURSELF CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE People won't trust you unless you are willing to trust them. Tell them what you genuinely care about and what you think. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 17. 5. GO PLACES AND DO THINGS. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE When asked why he robbed banks, the robber replied, "Because that's where the money is." If you want to make friends, you have to go where the people are: picnics, conferences, events, fundraisers, parties, playgrounds, bowling alleys, little league games, bake sales, etc.. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 18. 6. ACCEPT PEOPLE THE WAY THEY ARE. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE You don't have to agree with them all the time in order to form a relationship with them. No one likes to be judged. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 19. 7. ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO FORM RELATIONSHIPS, EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE CLICK TO TOO. Underneath the crabbiest looking person is often a lonely soul hoping someone will make a crack in their shell. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 20. 8. OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF REJECTION. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Most of us suffer from a fear of rejection, and there's only one thing to do about that: get over it. If you want to form relationships, plan on being rejected some of the time. You will be richly rewarded the rest of the time with the new relationships you have made. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 21. 9. BE PERSISTENT. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE People are often shy and suspicious. It takes a while to win trust. You can almost always form a relationship if you stick with it. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 22. 10. INVITE PEOPLE TO GET INVOLVED. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE People want to become part of something bigger than themselves. Many people are looking for an opportunity to meet other people who share common goals. At the worst, people will be flattered that you invited them to join. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 23. 11. ENJOY PEOPLE. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE If you genuinely enjoy people, others will be attracted to your attitude. People will more likely want to be around you. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 24. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT CULTURAL BACKGROUNDS THAN YOUR OWN? Some common sense guidelines | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 25. 1. LEARN ABOUT THE PERSON'S CULTURE. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Any effort will go a long way in showing that you care enough to find out about the reality of another person's life. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 26. 2. PUT YOURSELF AT THE CENTER OF ANOTHER PERSON'S CULTURE. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Especially if you are getting to know someone who is not a part of majority culture, try going to their cultural events where you are the minority. If you are willing to take risks and put yourself in a situation in which you might feel uncomfortable, people will be more inclined to want to get to know you. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 27. 3. TAKE A STAND AGAINST THE PERSON'S OPPRESSION. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Actions speak louder than words. People who experience oppression need allies to speak out against injustice. Strong relationships are forged when people act courageously on behalf of each other. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 28. 4. IT'S OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE You may have to make mistakes as you build relationships with people who have different cultural backgrounds than your own, but people are generally forgiving, especially if your intentions are good. Remember, hang in there even if you feel rejected. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 29. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE WHAT if the Relationship goes messy ? How to overcome barriers to relationship building…. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 30. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Many relationships get messy sooner or later and that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, sometimes people need a good fight or a clearing of the air in order to get a relationship back on track. A conflict doesn't mean the relationship has to come to an end. Remember: we often fight with the people we care about the most and with whom we share our greatest hopes. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 31. 1. TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER. STYLE CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE This is not always easy. Each person should take time some time to listen without interrupting, while the other person talks. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 32. 2. PUT YOURSELF IN OTHERS SHOES CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 33. 3. LOOK AT WHAT IS TRUE ABOUT WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE See if you can correct the situation. If you need to apologize, go ahead. It may feel horrible, but an apology can often help a relationship get back on the right track. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 34. 4. SEPARATE EMOTIONS FROM REALITY. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Everyone has emotions that surface intermittently. People often say things they don't mean when they are in the middle of an emotional upset. Allow time and space for people to feel their emotions before you try to work things out. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 35. 5. CONTINUE TO APPRECIATE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Even though it may be difficult, focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. If you model appreciation, the other person will often follow. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 36. 6. SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE As you try to unravel the difficulty, keep focused on what you and the other person care about most: the goals of the project, each other, the community, etc. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 37. 7. DON'T GIVE UP YOUR PRINCIPLES. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Don't sacrifice what you believe in just to make a relationship work. If you give up on your principles, you won't be effective and the relationship won't work anyway. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 38. 8. HANG IN THERE WHEN THINGS GET HARD. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE You can take some breathing room, but try not to give up on the relationship altogether. When things are the toughest, there are important lessons to be learned. It's best to keep a relationship that you've invested your time and caring into? | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 39. 9. YOU CAN ACT INDEPENDENTLY TO IMPROVE ANY CLICK TO RELATIONSHIP. EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Even if the other person or group of people is acting rotten, you can act in a way that is positive, respectful, constructive, and thoughtful. This may surprise people, and they may follow your lead. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 40. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE HOW DO YOU SUSTAIN RELATIONSHIPS? Ok, Now you’ve built and overcome the barriers !!! | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 41. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Keep it Healthy and Alive !!! | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 42. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE Pay attention to people. Communicate openly Back each other when things get tough. Appreciate each other. Challenge each other to do better. Extend yourself. | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |
  • 43. CLICK TO EDIT MASTER TITLE STYLE | National Leadership & Development Seminar 2014 |