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Ewrt1b class 11  post hw
AGENDA
0 Surface Revision: Essay #2
0 Change Teams
0 Discussion: SBB
0 In-class writing: Explore a moment when Jess
intentionally passes. How does this experience change
who ze is? How do you know? Then pick one when ze
unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same
way? How do you know?
0 Review: Kaizena
Change Teams!
Get into teams of three
or four people.
Remember, you have to
change at least half of
your team, and you can
only be on a team with
the same person twice
during the quarter.
Ewrt1b class 11  post hw
Common Writing
Errors
Wordiness
Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one.
This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy
as the following examples show:
Redundant Not Redundant
0 The printer is located
adjacent to the computer
0 The printer is located in
the immediate vicinity of
the computer
0 The user can visibly see
the image moving
0 He wore a shirt that was
blue in color
0 The input is suitably
processed
0 The printer is adjacent
to the computer
0 The printer is near the
computer
0 The user can see the
image moving
0 He wore a blue shirt.
0 The input is processed
Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as
possible without changing the meaning!
0The available receptacle, in any
case, was of insufficient size to
contain the total quantity of
unnecessary waste.
How to reduce wordiness!
0 1. Reduce Long Clauses
0 When editing, try to
reduce long clauses to
shorter phrases:
0 Wordy: The clown who
was in the center ring
was riding a tricycle.
0 Revised: The clown in
the center ring was riding
a tricycle.
0 2. Reduce Phrases
0 Likewise, try to reduce
phrases to single words:
0 Wordy: The clown at the
end of the line tried to
sweep up the spotlight.
0 Revised: The last clown
tried to sweep up the
spotlight.
Eliminating Wordiness Strategies
0 3. Avoid Empty Openers
0 Avoid There is, There are,
and There were as sentence
openers when There adds
nothing to the meaning of a
sentence:
0 Wordy: There is a prize in
every box of Quacko cereal.
0 Revised: A prize is in every
box of Quacko cereal.
0 Wordy: There are two
security guards at the gate.
0 Revised: Two security
guards stand at the gate.
0 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
0 Do not overwork very, really,
totally, and other modifiers
that add little or nothing to the
meaning of a sentence.
0 Wordy: By the time she got
home, Merdine was very tired.
0 Revised: By the time she got
home, Merdine was exhausted
0 Wordy: She was also really
hungry.
0 Revised: She was also hungry
[or famished].
Eliminating Wordiness
0 5. Avoid Redundancies
0 Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use
more words than necessary to make a point) with
precise words. Remember: needless words are those
that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the
meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and
distract from our ideas. So cut them out!
0 Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.
0 Revised: Now we should edit our work.
Try these!
1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was
necessary for him to help support his family.
2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by
the bus company within the next few days.
3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested
in meeting foreign students may come to know one.
4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie on purpose.
5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have
been established for the safety of all.
Possible Answers
1. He dropped out of school to support his family.
2. The bus company will probably announce its
schedule during the next few days.
3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can
do so in many ways.
4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie.
5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
Edit for Wordiness
0Check your essay for
wordiness. Look for a
sentences that fall
into one of the
categories we just
discussed. Edit for
clarity and
conciseness.
Punctuation
Compound Sentence
0 A compound sentence is made up of two or more simple
sentences joined by one of the following:
0A comma and a coordinating conjunction
0I like to study grammar, and I love this class.
0A semicolon
0I like to study grammar; I love this class.
0A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction
0I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this
class.
Coordinating Conjunctions
Coordinating Conjunctions are used to join
together two independent clauses.
0For
0And
0Nor
0But
0Or
0Yet
0So
COMPOUND SENTENCE:
adverbial conjunctions
MOREOVER
HOWEVER
NEVERTHELESS
OTHERWISE
THEREFORE
COMPOUND SENTENCE:
CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBS
Thomas is cool; moreover, he is fashionable
.
Luke’s grandmother buys him sweaters;
however, he does not wear them.
Clause 1 Clause 2
Independent Independent
Editing for Run-On Sentences
Look for compound sentences in your essay.
Make sure you are using both a comma and a
conjunction.
Example: , and
Look to make sure that you have used a
semi-colon (not a comma) to connect two
complete sentences.
Example: sentence one; sentence two
Look for adverbial conjunctions; make sure
you have punctuated those sentences
correctly.
Example ; however,
Common Writing Errors
Dangling modifiers
Dangling Modifiers
A dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies a
word not clearly stated in the sentence. A modifier
describes, clarifies, or gives more detail about a concept.
Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV.
"Having finished" states an action but does not name the
doer of that action. In English sentences, the doer must be
the subject of the main clause that follows. In this sentence,
it is Jill. She seems logically to be the one doing the action
("having finished"), and this sentence therefore does not
have a dangling modifier.
The following sentence has an incorrect usage:
Having finished the assignment, the TV was
turned on.
"Having finished" is a participle expressing
action, but the doer is not the TV set (the subject
of the main clause): TV sets don't finish
assignments. Since the doer of the action
expressed in the participle has not been clearly
stated, the participial phrase is said to be a
dangling modifier.
Strategies for revising dangling
modifiers:
1. Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as
the subject of the main clause:
Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was
needed.
Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written
excuse arrived late. To revise, decide who actually
arrived late. The possible revision might look like this:
Having arrived late for practice, the team captain
needed a written excuse.
2. Change the phrase that dangles into a complete
introductory clause by naming the doer of the action in that
clause:
Without knowing his name, it was difficult to introduce him.
Who didn't know his name? This sentence says that "it" didn't
know his name. To revise, decide who was trying to introduce
him. The revision might look something like this:
Because Maria did not know his name, it was difficult to
introduce him.
The phrase is now a complete introductory clause; it does not
modify any other part of the sentence, so is not considered
"dangling."
3. Combine the phrase and main clause into one:
To improve his results, the experiment was done
again.
Who wanted to improve results? This sentence
says that the experiment was trying to improve its
own results. To revise, combine the phrase and the
main clause into one sentence. The revision might
look something like this:
He improved his results by doing the experiment
again.
1. After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
2. Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your
home should be a place to relax.
1. The experiment was a failure, not having studied the
lab manual carefully.
Are these correct?
Incorrect: After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
Revised: After reading the original study, I find the article
unconvincing.
Incorrect: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home
should be a place to relax.
Revised: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, you should be
able to relax at home.
Incorrect: The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab
manual carefully.
Revised: They failed the experiment, not having studied the lab
manual carefully.
Editing for Dangling Modifiers
Check your
introductory clauses
to make sure that the
doer is the subject of
the main clause that
follows it.
Misused Words
Check for Misused Words
0Than and then
0There, their, and they're
0To, too, and two
0Weather and whether
0Whose and who's
0Your and you're
Writing Tips
0Write about literature in present tense
0Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and
“anything.”
0Avoid writing in second person.
0Cut Wordy Sentences
0Fix run-on sentences
0Eliminate Dangling Participles
0Check for misused words
Surface Revision Strategies
Read Aloud Isolate Specific Problems
0 Reading the paper aloud slowly
can often bring to attention large
and small mistakes missed in the
writing and typing process. Read
each sentence and ask does it
make sense? Is it awkward? Am I
including words that are not
actually written on the paper?
Sometimes reading the paper out
of order can help isolate
problems. Try reading the
paragraphs starting with the last
sentence and then reading the
previous sentence and so on; this
can reveal problems in the
sentences.
0 Isolating specific problems can
help give objectivity to one's
personal work. One way to
isolate specific issues is to
circle them on a paper draft
and look at them one by one.
For example: circle all commas
and then go back and look at
each comma asking if it is in
the appropriate place with the
correct usage. Another
example would be to circle all
verbs and then go back one by
one and identify the tense and
verify subject verb agreement.
Ewrt1b class 11  post hw
Stone Butch Blues
0Summarize the story thus far.
0List the kinds of passing taking place in this novel.
0How is it like racial passing?
0How is it different from racial passing?
Discussion
Identify and discuss a
passage from Stone Butch
Blues that moved, upset, or
touched you.
0The [scene] that stuck out the most was when Jess
was hanging out at a bar and the cops come to
harass her and her friends. She was commanded
to get down on her knees. Jess said, “That night I
learned the difference between what I can’t do
and what I refuse to do” (5). The threat of sexual
violation disgusts me to the extent that it makes
me sick to my stomach. It was inhumane for the
cops to treat anyone that way and was deserving
of penectomy. [. . .] Jess is admirable for standing
behind her beliefs, unfortunately the cops were
not giving merits out that day for morality.
” I didn’t want to be different. I longed to be
everything grownups wanted, so they would love me.
I followed all their rules, tried my best to please”
(13)
0I found the intro to chapter 2
intriguing because it brought up the
common psychological desire that
every one has, which is “I want to be
normal.” It made me think about
how there still is a social norm.
“Everyone in my family knew about
shame and fear”(14).
0 I found this statement so interesting due to what it meant to Jess.
For her Jewish family, they knew the shame and fear of being not
only a minority, but being related to somebody like Jess who was
different. This created a gap in understanding between Jess and
this family of hers. This created a hate within her family and within
herself. This statement then also foreshadows the other family she
would come to know in the future within the queer community.
They knew shame and fear, except this brought them together.
They recognized this shared shame and fear that is better fought,
than opting to oppress those experiencing it as the solution. They
stood together and fought the system rather than allowing beat
them down with shame and fear until death. This created a means
of melting the stone created within Jess’ family and herself.
” I’m sick of people asking me if she’s a boy or a
girl,” I overhead my mother complain to my father. ”
Everywhere I take her, people ask me. (19)
0“Soon after my Roy Rogers outfit disappeared from
the dirty clothes hamper. My father brought me an
Annie Oakley outfit instead.” (19).
“I realized that the world could do more than just
judge me, it wielded tremendous power over
“They said they were taking me to the hospital for a blood test.
We rode up in an elevator ride to the floor where the test was
supposed to be done. Two huge men in white uniforms took me
off the elevator. My parents stayed on. Then the men turned and
locked the gate, barring the elevator. I reached for my parents,
but they wouldn’t even look at me as the elevator door closed”
(21).
0 Her parents just gave her away to the ‘hospital’; I see this
scene way too often in movies and television. But no matter
how many times I see this, I would just be pissed to no end.
[. . .] just because one is different from others doesn’t mean
they should be sent into a crazy house
“Part of the nightmare was that it all seemed so matter of fact. I
couldn’t make it stop, I couldn’t escape it, and so I pretended it wasn’t
happening. I looked at the sky, at how pale and placid it was. I imagined
it was the ocean and the clouds were white-capped waves”(p40).
0 This part of the book stood out to me the most because its a
shame that she was being raped by her fellow classmates. From
all the pain that she was getting while being raped, having
cleats stepping down on her ankles, and her being forced down
on the floor, she tried to escape the pain. She looked up at the
sky to remove the pain the boy was giving her. This saddens me
this was happening just outside of school and when the coach
approached her, he assumed wrong. He called her a “whore”
and made her get up and leave. Despite that she was bleeding
and he seen boys around her, he didn’t have the nerve to ask
her what had occurred. I wish she too spoke up at that moment
so she wouldn’t of been scared going to school the next day.
“I was alone on the field. The coach stood a distance away from me,
staring. I wobbled as I tried to stand. There were grass stains on my
skirt and blood and slimy stuff running down my legs. “Get out of
here, you little whore”, Coach Moriarty ordered” (Feinberg, 40)
0 This was the part in the book where it stood out to me the most having read
over half the book so far. This part was pretty sickening to read for I never
read something of this nature. Jess had to deal with the pain of having to be
raped by boys at her school one after another after another. I can’t believe
how she handles the whole thing. Crazy to think that she stared to the sky
and try to escape the torment from these boys. I am surprised that the
author never mentioned her crying out loud for help, but only to fight back.
Not only the rape took place, but the boys’ coach seen what they did as they
scurried away. To make matters worse, he called Jess a little whore and told
her to go away. What kind of person would ever do that. Is it the way he was
protecting his “boys” or was it the fact that she was viewed as a butch and
not normal by most. Throughout the book Jess seems to have overcome it for
she does not relate back to the incident, but she did try to get help by others,
only to not receive any. Not saying anything really ticked me off in this
book…so far.
” Whenever anyone was lost in the desert the only image shown
was a glaring sun—all the beauty of the desert reduced to that one
impression. Staring at that jail light bulb rescued me from
watching my own degradation: I just went away” (65, Feinberg).
0 When I read these lines, I had to stop reading for a brief moment. I
only could sympathize for Jess. I admired her strength, her self
defensive reflex to enter such a mind state. Her character, so full of
love and endurance would not buckle down to such a inhumane act of
pure evil. She let her spirit escape during this moment, transcending it
all. Her decision to mentally float away is not an act of cowardliness, it
was her lasting efforts of the incredible strength she accumulated
throughout her years of childhood and young adulthood. She states
that when one is lost in the desert, all that is left is the beauty of the
sun that glares down at you. She was lost in the desert; lost in an act of
horror. She carried the will to find solace in the simplicity in the light
bulb. Instead of breaking down during that moment, she rose above it
all. That takes courage, more courage than any of those filthy cops in
that jail cell.
“Now I was tranquil. I didn’t feel much of anything at all. But even
through this blessed serenity I grieved for the ring that would have
protected me, or at least offered me its wisdom. The ring was gone.
There was nothing to hope for now. The ring was gone” (67).
0 As Leslie was growing up, she lived in two opposite worlds. Leslie
illustrated the two worlds as, “One was cold, but it was mine; the other
warm, but it wasn’t” (8). The “warm” world (her Indian Neighbors)
provided a peaceful livelihood growing up and it was taken away from her
at a young age. As Leslie was taken away from her peaceful world, Leslie
was given a ring by the grandmother in order to protect her from her
difficult path in life. Throughout the novel up until the police incident, the
ring’s power seemed questionable. Leslie questioned whether the ring
would provide her with the protection and wisdom. The line above really
stood out to me is because Leslie faced a lot of incidents where she
believed her ring would shield her from the bad things and it didn’t. At the
moment where Leslie couldn’t find her ring, Leslie felt hopeless. Even if the
ring is there, there’s no protection; if the ring is present, there’s no
protection, why still believe?
“I’m sorry, Jess. If I could do it again, I’d bring and all of the
butches to that next meeting and say to the guys, ‘Here we
all are, we’re the union!’” (Feinberg 109)
0 This part of the book stood out to me because I like it
when people can admit they were wrong and learn from
their own mistakes. In this quote I feel Duffy is letting Jess
know what he had done in the past was wrong. I think it
took a lot for someone like Duffy to come and admit what
he did was wrong. This apology then lead to Duffy giving
Jess the gift of Mother Jones’ autobiography. Every human
has the ability to admit they are wrong but only few are
willing to do so. The problem we run into with this book
and real life is that people think of themselves too much
instead of thinking about others first.
“My face flushed. I walked away from the counter without the
beer. A powerful rage rose inside me. Why was I so angry? This
was what I wanted, wasn’t it? To be able to be myself and yet live
without fear? It just didn’t seem fair. All my life I’d been told
everything about me was really twisted and sick”(178).
0 This quote really stood out to me because I was a bit
confused as to why he was angry. I understand that now he
is seen as cute and that angers him. When he is seen as cis
male, he is able to walk around without fear. The gender
binary system oppresses those who don’t conform, and
now he is seen as cis male. He feels more alone than he
ever did. His friend, Grant, asks him if he is transsexual, he
says no. My question is if he felt lonely lying to a woman
about using a dildo, then why didn’t he date femmes? Or
when he begins to date Annie, the issue is that he is lying
to her about passing, so why not tell her? Why are people
so mean?
“Loneliness had become an environment- the air I breathed, the special
dimension in which I was trapped. I sat in a boat on a deathly calm sea,
waiting for a breeze to fill my sails.” (p. 240)
0 This quote stuck out to me because it captures the phenomenon of getting trapped,
and almost comfortable in your own sadness. By describing the loneliness as an
“environment”, the narrator paints a picture of the loneliness as all surrounding, and
all encompassing. Then immediately after it is described as “the air [she] breathed”.
This is especially interesting because the word “loneliness” is usually accompanied
with a negative connotation but here it is compared to air, which we need to survive.
This contradicts with the following description of loneliness as “the special
dimension in which [she] was trapped”. The loneliness is both keeping the narrator
alive, and trapping her inside a “special dimension”. I thought this as interesting
because I think it is common to think of one’s own loneliness as a unique condition,
even though it is a very common feeling. In addition I think if we are trapped in
loneliness long enough we get comfortable with the feeling, living off the sadness.
Which is supported by the comparison of the feeling with air. In addition the
following sentence the narrator describes herself as “[sitting] in a boat on a dealthy
calm sea, waiting for a breeze to fill [her] sails”. The fact that she is both “sitting”, and
“waiting” illustrates an inactivity and lack of motivation. It is clear the narrator is
waiting for someone or something else to step in and catalyze a change in her
situation. I think this is a perfect metaphor for the cycle one can get trapped in when
they grow comfortable being sad and wait for something or someone else to make a
change for them.
“Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, I
finally began to agree they were right” (23).
0 How does the pressure from the social construct
(family, community, society, rules, traditions) work to
our (individual, familial, community, cultural)
advantage and how is it destructive?
In-class Writing
0 Choose a moment when Jess intentionally passes.
How does this experience change who ze is? How do
you know?
0 Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this
affect hir in the same way? How do you know?
HOMEWORK
0 Edit Essay #2: Submit your essay through Kaizena
before Friday, week 6, at noon.
0 Read: Stone Butch Blues (196-End)
Post #13: Finish in-class writing on Jess’s passing. Use
textual evidence to support your assertions.
0 Post #14: Explore an experience Jess has with a medical
professional. Does her gender identity influence the
treatment she receives or doesn’t receive? Include a
quotation with a citation.
0 Study: Terms

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Ewrt1b class 11 post hw

  • 2. AGENDA 0 Surface Revision: Essay #2 0 Change Teams 0 Discussion: SBB 0 In-class writing: Explore a moment when Jess intentionally passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know? Then pick one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same way? How do you know? 0 Review: Kaizena
  • 3. Change Teams! Get into teams of three or four people. Remember, you have to change at least half of your team, and you can only be on a team with the same person twice during the quarter.
  • 6. Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one. This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy as the following examples show: Redundant Not Redundant 0 The printer is located adjacent to the computer 0 The printer is located in the immediate vicinity of the computer 0 The user can visibly see the image moving 0 He wore a shirt that was blue in color 0 The input is suitably processed 0 The printer is adjacent to the computer 0 The printer is near the computer 0 The user can see the image moving 0 He wore a blue shirt. 0 The input is processed
  • 7. Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without changing the meaning! 0The available receptacle, in any case, was of insufficient size to contain the total quantity of unnecessary waste.
  • 8. How to reduce wordiness! 0 1. Reduce Long Clauses 0 When editing, try to reduce long clauses to shorter phrases: 0 Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle. 0 Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding a tricycle. 0 2. Reduce Phrases 0 Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single words: 0 Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried to sweep up the spotlight. 0 Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the spotlight.
  • 9. Eliminating Wordiness Strategies 0 3. Avoid Empty Openers 0 Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence: 0 Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal. 0 Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal. 0 Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate. 0 Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate. 0 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers 0 Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence. 0 Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very tired. 0 Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was exhausted 0 Wordy: She was also really hungry. 0 Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].
  • 10. Eliminating Wordiness 0 5. Avoid Redundancies 0 Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words. Remember: needless words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So cut them out! 0 Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work. 0 Revised: Now we should edit our work.
  • 11. Try these! 1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family. 2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days. 3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to know one. 4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose. 5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.
  • 12. Possible Answers 1. He dropped out of school to support his family. 2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days. 3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in many ways. 4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie. 5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
  • 13. Edit for Wordiness 0Check your essay for wordiness. Look for a sentences that fall into one of the categories we just discussed. Edit for clarity and conciseness.
  • 15. Compound Sentence 0 A compound sentence is made up of two or more simple sentences joined by one of the following: 0A comma and a coordinating conjunction 0I like to study grammar, and I love this class. 0A semicolon 0I like to study grammar; I love this class. 0A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction 0I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this class.
  • 16. Coordinating Conjunctions Coordinating Conjunctions are used to join together two independent clauses. 0For 0And 0Nor 0But 0Or 0Yet 0So
  • 18. COMPOUND SENTENCE: CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBS Thomas is cool; moreover, he is fashionable . Luke’s grandmother buys him sweaters; however, he does not wear them. Clause 1 Clause 2 Independent Independent
  • 19. Editing for Run-On Sentences Look for compound sentences in your essay. Make sure you are using both a comma and a conjunction. Example: , and Look to make sure that you have used a semi-colon (not a comma) to connect two complete sentences. Example: sentence one; sentence two Look for adverbial conjunctions; make sure you have punctuated those sentences correctly. Example ; however,
  • 21. Dangling Modifiers A dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies a word not clearly stated in the sentence. A modifier describes, clarifies, or gives more detail about a concept. Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV. "Having finished" states an action but does not name the doer of that action. In English sentences, the doer must be the subject of the main clause that follows. In this sentence, it is Jill. She seems logically to be the one doing the action ("having finished"), and this sentence therefore does not have a dangling modifier.
  • 22. The following sentence has an incorrect usage: Having finished the assignment, the TV was turned on. "Having finished" is a participle expressing action, but the doer is not the TV set (the subject of the main clause): TV sets don't finish assignments. Since the doer of the action expressed in the participle has not been clearly stated, the participial phrase is said to be a dangling modifier.
  • 23. Strategies for revising dangling modifiers: 1. Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as the subject of the main clause: Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was needed. Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written excuse arrived late. To revise, decide who actually arrived late. The possible revision might look like this: Having arrived late for practice, the team captain needed a written excuse.
  • 24. 2. Change the phrase that dangles into a complete introductory clause by naming the doer of the action in that clause: Without knowing his name, it was difficult to introduce him. Who didn't know his name? This sentence says that "it" didn't know his name. To revise, decide who was trying to introduce him. The revision might look something like this: Because Maria did not know his name, it was difficult to introduce him. The phrase is now a complete introductory clause; it does not modify any other part of the sentence, so is not considered "dangling."
  • 25. 3. Combine the phrase and main clause into one: To improve his results, the experiment was done again. Who wanted to improve results? This sentence says that the experiment was trying to improve its own results. To revise, combine the phrase and the main clause into one sentence. The revision might look something like this: He improved his results by doing the experiment again.
  • 26. 1. After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing. 2. Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home should be a place to relax. 1. The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab manual carefully. Are these correct?
  • 27. Incorrect: After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing. Revised: After reading the original study, I find the article unconvincing. Incorrect: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home should be a place to relax. Revised: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, you should be able to relax at home. Incorrect: The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab manual carefully. Revised: They failed the experiment, not having studied the lab manual carefully.
  • 28. Editing for Dangling Modifiers Check your introductory clauses to make sure that the doer is the subject of the main clause that follows it.
  • 30. Check for Misused Words 0Than and then 0There, their, and they're 0To, too, and two 0Weather and whether 0Whose and who's 0Your and you're
  • 31. Writing Tips 0Write about literature in present tense 0Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and “anything.” 0Avoid writing in second person. 0Cut Wordy Sentences 0Fix run-on sentences 0Eliminate Dangling Participles 0Check for misused words
  • 32. Surface Revision Strategies Read Aloud Isolate Specific Problems 0 Reading the paper aloud slowly can often bring to attention large and small mistakes missed in the writing and typing process. Read each sentence and ask does it make sense? Is it awkward? Am I including words that are not actually written on the paper? Sometimes reading the paper out of order can help isolate problems. Try reading the paragraphs starting with the last sentence and then reading the previous sentence and so on; this can reveal problems in the sentences. 0 Isolating specific problems can help give objectivity to one's personal work. One way to isolate specific issues is to circle them on a paper draft and look at them one by one. For example: circle all commas and then go back and look at each comma asking if it is in the appropriate place with the correct usage. Another example would be to circle all verbs and then go back one by one and identify the tense and verify subject verb agreement.
  • 34. Stone Butch Blues 0Summarize the story thus far. 0List the kinds of passing taking place in this novel. 0How is it like racial passing? 0How is it different from racial passing?
  • 35. Discussion Identify and discuss a passage from Stone Butch Blues that moved, upset, or touched you.
  • 36. 0The [scene] that stuck out the most was when Jess was hanging out at a bar and the cops come to harass her and her friends. She was commanded to get down on her knees. Jess said, “That night I learned the difference between what I can’t do and what I refuse to do” (5). The threat of sexual violation disgusts me to the extent that it makes me sick to my stomach. It was inhumane for the cops to treat anyone that way and was deserving of penectomy. [. . .] Jess is admirable for standing behind her beliefs, unfortunately the cops were not giving merits out that day for morality.
  • 37. ” I didn’t want to be different. I longed to be everything grownups wanted, so they would love me. I followed all their rules, tried my best to please” (13) 0I found the intro to chapter 2 intriguing because it brought up the common psychological desire that every one has, which is “I want to be normal.” It made me think about how there still is a social norm.
  • 38. “Everyone in my family knew about shame and fear”(14). 0 I found this statement so interesting due to what it meant to Jess. For her Jewish family, they knew the shame and fear of being not only a minority, but being related to somebody like Jess who was different. This created a gap in understanding between Jess and this family of hers. This created a hate within her family and within herself. This statement then also foreshadows the other family she would come to know in the future within the queer community. They knew shame and fear, except this brought them together. They recognized this shared shame and fear that is better fought, than opting to oppress those experiencing it as the solution. They stood together and fought the system rather than allowing beat them down with shame and fear until death. This created a means of melting the stone created within Jess’ family and herself.
  • 39. ” I’m sick of people asking me if she’s a boy or a girl,” I overhead my mother complain to my father. ” Everywhere I take her, people ask me. (19) 0“Soon after my Roy Rogers outfit disappeared from the dirty clothes hamper. My father brought me an Annie Oakley outfit instead.” (19). “I realized that the world could do more than just judge me, it wielded tremendous power over
  • 40. “They said they were taking me to the hospital for a blood test. We rode up in an elevator ride to the floor where the test was supposed to be done. Two huge men in white uniforms took me off the elevator. My parents stayed on. Then the men turned and locked the gate, barring the elevator. I reached for my parents, but they wouldn’t even look at me as the elevator door closed” (21). 0 Her parents just gave her away to the ‘hospital’; I see this scene way too often in movies and television. But no matter how many times I see this, I would just be pissed to no end. [. . .] just because one is different from others doesn’t mean they should be sent into a crazy house
  • 41. “Part of the nightmare was that it all seemed so matter of fact. I couldn’t make it stop, I couldn’t escape it, and so I pretended it wasn’t happening. I looked at the sky, at how pale and placid it was. I imagined it was the ocean and the clouds were white-capped waves”(p40). 0 This part of the book stood out to me the most because its a shame that she was being raped by her fellow classmates. From all the pain that she was getting while being raped, having cleats stepping down on her ankles, and her being forced down on the floor, she tried to escape the pain. She looked up at the sky to remove the pain the boy was giving her. This saddens me this was happening just outside of school and when the coach approached her, he assumed wrong. He called her a “whore” and made her get up and leave. Despite that she was bleeding and he seen boys around her, he didn’t have the nerve to ask her what had occurred. I wish she too spoke up at that moment so she wouldn’t of been scared going to school the next day.
  • 42. “I was alone on the field. The coach stood a distance away from me, staring. I wobbled as I tried to stand. There were grass stains on my skirt and blood and slimy stuff running down my legs. “Get out of here, you little whore”, Coach Moriarty ordered” (Feinberg, 40) 0 This was the part in the book where it stood out to me the most having read over half the book so far. This part was pretty sickening to read for I never read something of this nature. Jess had to deal with the pain of having to be raped by boys at her school one after another after another. I can’t believe how she handles the whole thing. Crazy to think that she stared to the sky and try to escape the torment from these boys. I am surprised that the author never mentioned her crying out loud for help, but only to fight back. Not only the rape took place, but the boys’ coach seen what they did as they scurried away. To make matters worse, he called Jess a little whore and told her to go away. What kind of person would ever do that. Is it the way he was protecting his “boys” or was it the fact that she was viewed as a butch and not normal by most. Throughout the book Jess seems to have overcome it for she does not relate back to the incident, but she did try to get help by others, only to not receive any. Not saying anything really ticked me off in this book…so far.
  • 43. ” Whenever anyone was lost in the desert the only image shown was a glaring sun—all the beauty of the desert reduced to that one impression. Staring at that jail light bulb rescued me from watching my own degradation: I just went away” (65, Feinberg). 0 When I read these lines, I had to stop reading for a brief moment. I only could sympathize for Jess. I admired her strength, her self defensive reflex to enter such a mind state. Her character, so full of love and endurance would not buckle down to such a inhumane act of pure evil. She let her spirit escape during this moment, transcending it all. Her decision to mentally float away is not an act of cowardliness, it was her lasting efforts of the incredible strength she accumulated throughout her years of childhood and young adulthood. She states that when one is lost in the desert, all that is left is the beauty of the sun that glares down at you. She was lost in the desert; lost in an act of horror. She carried the will to find solace in the simplicity in the light bulb. Instead of breaking down during that moment, she rose above it all. That takes courage, more courage than any of those filthy cops in that jail cell.
  • 44. “Now I was tranquil. I didn’t feel much of anything at all. But even through this blessed serenity I grieved for the ring that would have protected me, or at least offered me its wisdom. The ring was gone. There was nothing to hope for now. The ring was gone” (67). 0 As Leslie was growing up, she lived in two opposite worlds. Leslie illustrated the two worlds as, “One was cold, but it was mine; the other warm, but it wasn’t” (8). The “warm” world (her Indian Neighbors) provided a peaceful livelihood growing up and it was taken away from her at a young age. As Leslie was taken away from her peaceful world, Leslie was given a ring by the grandmother in order to protect her from her difficult path in life. Throughout the novel up until the police incident, the ring’s power seemed questionable. Leslie questioned whether the ring would provide her with the protection and wisdom. The line above really stood out to me is because Leslie faced a lot of incidents where she believed her ring would shield her from the bad things and it didn’t. At the moment where Leslie couldn’t find her ring, Leslie felt hopeless. Even if the ring is there, there’s no protection; if the ring is present, there’s no protection, why still believe?
  • 45. “I’m sorry, Jess. If I could do it again, I’d bring and all of the butches to that next meeting and say to the guys, ‘Here we all are, we’re the union!’” (Feinberg 109) 0 This part of the book stood out to me because I like it when people can admit they were wrong and learn from their own mistakes. In this quote I feel Duffy is letting Jess know what he had done in the past was wrong. I think it took a lot for someone like Duffy to come and admit what he did was wrong. This apology then lead to Duffy giving Jess the gift of Mother Jones’ autobiography. Every human has the ability to admit they are wrong but only few are willing to do so. The problem we run into with this book and real life is that people think of themselves too much instead of thinking about others first.
  • 46. “My face flushed. I walked away from the counter without the beer. A powerful rage rose inside me. Why was I so angry? This was what I wanted, wasn’t it? To be able to be myself and yet live without fear? It just didn’t seem fair. All my life I’d been told everything about me was really twisted and sick”(178). 0 This quote really stood out to me because I was a bit confused as to why he was angry. I understand that now he is seen as cute and that angers him. When he is seen as cis male, he is able to walk around without fear. The gender binary system oppresses those who don’t conform, and now he is seen as cis male. He feels more alone than he ever did. His friend, Grant, asks him if he is transsexual, he says no. My question is if he felt lonely lying to a woman about using a dildo, then why didn’t he date femmes? Or when he begins to date Annie, the issue is that he is lying to her about passing, so why not tell her? Why are people so mean?
  • 47. “Loneliness had become an environment- the air I breathed, the special dimension in which I was trapped. I sat in a boat on a deathly calm sea, waiting for a breeze to fill my sails.” (p. 240) 0 This quote stuck out to me because it captures the phenomenon of getting trapped, and almost comfortable in your own sadness. By describing the loneliness as an “environment”, the narrator paints a picture of the loneliness as all surrounding, and all encompassing. Then immediately after it is described as “the air [she] breathed”. This is especially interesting because the word “loneliness” is usually accompanied with a negative connotation but here it is compared to air, which we need to survive. This contradicts with the following description of loneliness as “the special dimension in which [she] was trapped”. The loneliness is both keeping the narrator alive, and trapping her inside a “special dimension”. I thought this as interesting because I think it is common to think of one’s own loneliness as a unique condition, even though it is a very common feeling. In addition I think if we are trapped in loneliness long enough we get comfortable with the feeling, living off the sadness. Which is supported by the comparison of the feeling with air. In addition the following sentence the narrator describes herself as “[sitting] in a boat on a dealthy calm sea, waiting for a breeze to fill [her] sails”. The fact that she is both “sitting”, and “waiting” illustrates an inactivity and lack of motivation. It is clear the narrator is waiting for someone or something else to step in and catalyze a change in her situation. I think this is a perfect metaphor for the cycle one can get trapped in when they grow comfortable being sad and wait for something or someone else to make a change for them.
  • 48. “Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, I finally began to agree they were right” (23). 0 How does the pressure from the social construct (family, community, society, rules, traditions) work to our (individual, familial, community, cultural) advantage and how is it destructive?
  • 49. In-class Writing 0 Choose a moment when Jess intentionally passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know? 0 Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same way? How do you know?
  • 50. HOMEWORK 0 Edit Essay #2: Submit your essay through Kaizena before Friday, week 6, at noon. 0 Read: Stone Butch Blues (196-End) Post #13: Finish in-class writing on Jess’s passing. Use textual evidence to support your assertions. 0 Post #14: Explore an experience Jess has with a medical professional. Does her gender identity influence the treatment she receives or doesn’t receive? Include a quotation with a citation. 0 Study: Terms