An assortment of 354 poems, 75 prose ramblings, and 40 B-Sides. This is an adolescent’s collection of poetry, fables, and the random prose wanderings of the mind. It was written from age 16 to 18. They were largely forgotten and lost, but were recently restored to Iyan on Christmas Eve 2007. It is chock full of sarcasm and references to sex and drugs. Many of the works are self-portraits, though notably not those in the first few chapters–the ones Puritans should never read. Topics include: Christianity, Deism, Sin, Love, Santa, Friendship, Ostracism, Nature, the Military, History, Aliens, Murder, Hypocrisy, Fame, Sleep, Zombies, Revenge, Women, Perspective, Bananas, Vampires, TV, Travels, Dreams, Making Beds, and Perfection, et cetera. Some sections that deserve special mention are: *To You, which is a sonnet cycle *Haiku’s to No One, which is a poem written haiku-based stanzas *The Lewd Reference Dictionary, which sets forth the true (and unknown) meanings for expletives *Widdles, which are feeble attempts at riddles.
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4. A Work of Stupidity and Senseless Nonsense
Commonly Derided and Labeled
Slightly Demented.
Having Now Been Lost To The Author For Years, They Are As
The Repressed Memor ies
of
Iyan Igma
A gestalt work.
6. A Note From 7 Years Later
When I wrote these things, it was in a dark period of my life spanning from
about the end of my sixteenth to the beginning of my eighteenth years. I'd had some misfor
tunate encounters with death, health, love, stress, hypocrisy, and depression. I'd read the
Bible and the classics a few times by then.
After overcoming this depression, I later grew disgusted with this work. My copy
I burned, along with the unfinished manuscripts to nine novels of a series that I was
working on, some journals, and other writings. I did not wish to remember that time of my
life. Perhaps it can now be said that there can never be a Complete Works of Iyan Igma,
since most of the original ones have been destroyed. It seemed as if this work was to be lost
forever, as few copies were ever made. One was given to my teacher, Mrs. Buck , though I
am uncertain how much of it she has, or if it still exists. Another continued with my fam
ily, though it met its untimely demise when the basement flooded. The sonnets and possibly
some other excerpts were given to Katrine Templeman, though their continued existence is
dubious. Perhaps Chris Shaffer, Brandon Cox, and Calvin Barefoot have copies or parts of
it.
The copy that this was taken from was the 5 th Draft of Slightly Demented,
which was given to my friends Pat and Eugene Parker. We had lost contact over the years,
and this work was as lost to me as their friendship. My mother had asked me if I still had
a copy of a particular poem, “Waylay,” and I was fortunate enough that I finally heard
from Pat about the same time in December 2007. After visiting with them for a while on
Christmas Eve, 2007, I took the work home and began to retype it feverishly. I had not re
alized how much I had written. Nor did I realize how much my style has remained con
stant, and which themes would be unwittingly revisited in the last month of 2007 and first
6 weeks of 2008, as I wrote the majority of my new collection of poems and short stories,
known as The Dementia of Iyan Igma. I was pleased to see what I would call some matu
rity and improvement in my later work.
Some parts are embarrassing, since I'm more of a Puritan than the Deist I used
to be. Many parts are amazing to read. I wrote that when I was 16?
Oh, as a note, I didn't drink or do drugs at that time, and I cursed about as
much, though this would probably not be reflected this work. It is clear that I was a youth
in this, just look at the themes. Many parts were written for laughs, as is explained later.
Several reference the Navy, which I was scheduled to join. Some, such as “Bombardment,”
are striking to me now, since they were written long before this post 9/11 mess.
In the process of retyping this, I have only fixed the most essential errors. I have
let the punctuation, grammar, and contrived words remain, since most were largely placed
there purposefully in the beginning. The work will be almost as raw as the original draft,
and hopefully I've introduced few typos in the process. I took out a redundant chapter
page for the poems. The font has been changed. But over all it remains as intact as it was
when I created it for the purposes that I described seven years ago on the following page.
7. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Pat and Eugene's copy will remain as the standard to judge the accuracy of this work by, and this
edition will render their copy a more important possession.
There are far fewer footnotes than The Dementia, so use the glossary. There are some nice
Easter eggs in it.
This abridged version of Repressed Memories is meant for more of a general audience, if
that term could be said to apply. Several of the poems, many of the BSides, the autobiographical in
formation, and a few of the prose works have been removed. Why? Because, simply put, they were
horrible or unfit for consumption. Once you read the following works, you will start to wonder ex
actly how horrible they were. After all, could it really get any worse than what is already found
printed here?
ENTRIES
Poems: 354
Prose: 75
BSides: 40
Words: 86,536±
The following were removed:
Count, Comte, Earl; Lemon Dependence; Living with a Toe Nail; Kernel; Strange Things with
Camels; Atnalta; Atnalta Revisited; Brian Johnson; The Creatively Named SAT; Tylenol BM; The
Untouchables Commercial; Roller coaster; Crazy; Sinning Out; Speed; High Contrast Twins; The
Dog; Kick me; Broom Sweeper; The Penguinnun; Crashing; Starting; O; Angle of Depression; Plum
met; Crying; Rabid Scabied Chihuahua dog; Holy Rollers; Vultures and Condors; Chaste; Naked
Mole Rat; 1 and 1 and 1 is 3; The Smell of Fresh Rubber; The Third Friend on the Outside; Treat
Ladies...; The Quiet Before the Storm; In Sweden There Are No Tow Truck Drivers; most of the Re
ally Awful One Liners; and some of the Some Less Than Interesting Thoughts....
7
8. On the Nature, Intent, and Audience of These Documents
This collection is not intended for the public at large. It is not intended to create
controversy and thereby sell copies to those who would madly rush to consume it for that
reason alone. It IS for myself, to point as a guide of future reference as to how I thought
at that dark period of my life known as preadulthood, a time that, like the “dark ages” of
Europe, may one day be forgotten like the infant years before it. It is also partially for some
friends and close acquaintances who enjoy some of the stories and such oddities contained
herein. I do not expect them to read all of it. I do not expect them to like all of it. I, myself,
do not like most of it, but it is my thought, as much as I could manage to capture, and I
have some accurséd desire to write and to preserve; a pack rat even of the unspoken.
Some things to keep in mind while reading are that there's quite possibly some
sarcasm and satire, that the usage of “an” is gratuitous and not a typo, and that the “I” in
some poems is rarely Iyan Igma. The poetry should be read aloud and, despite what's been
advised, line by line. Also, to any who reads the following and feels that something within
might be said to address them, then I suppose it does. For even though I maybe mean one
thing, everyone is entitled to interpretation.
I would like to apologize to any reader who may be offended, myself included.
There will doubtless be a passage that will offend anyone who reads far enough and takes
too much of this seriously to mind. My only advice is read any parts you may enjoy, commit
those to memory, and read nothing else. Ignore those that offend. I feel the need to further
apologize for grammatical mistakes, and such; this is meant to be a raw work of feeling
and youth and not a commercial ploy intended for the bedsides of the world to chew like
bubblegum pop. Sadly, there is e'en a small amount of disgusting, poppy nonsense within;
thankfully I am not proficient in its generation. Lamentably, I am skilled in writing sense
less nonsense such as the tripe that will follow and in committing the sin of misspelling.
Granted, most of the misspled words are so by choice, but many do not approve. Due to the
unpolished diction and the topics, Slightly Demented is truly a childish work. But what
could you expect from something with such a title and no true unity of thought?
The audience by age of this is currently about fifteen and up. I know that I
would not want many kids reading this, and, thankfully, certain limitations such as vocab
ulary and experience may block them from full comprehension, should they stumble upon
this eyesore. Again, I would like to apologize for constructing something which, while hav
ing a few good points in my opinion, suffers from the stings of certain obscenities and per
versions. To read this, the poor lads must take the good with the bad, or, if they are lucky,
discover the good in excerpts contained elsewhere. Some teens get a kick from certain collec
tions of phrases, but, as happens, they will not enjoy them as much when older.
To any other reader who happens to pick this up by chance, reference, or, heaven
forbid!, school, may God have mercy upon your soul. I mean that in the nicest possible way;
you do want Him to love you, don't you?
9. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Repressed Memories
Poetry....................................................................................................................................22
The Tragically Departed........................................................................................................22
Chapter I Lacking a Sensible Title.......................................................................23
Nature Lover...............................................................................................................................24
Fiend............................................................................................................................................25
Graveyards...................................................................................................................................26
Dear Freud...................................................................................................................................27
Sycamore......................................................................................................................................28
Toilet Seats..................................................................................................................................29
Entrance Exam............................................................................................................................30
Call of the Wild Vikings..............................................................................................................32
Heavily Medicated.......................................................................................................................33
On Monday..................................................................................................................................34
Regularities..................................................................................................................................35
Hypothetices................................................................................................................................36
Nu Mecksìckö..............................................................................................................................37
Donkey on My Thigh...................................................................................................................38
Chapter II Why Angels Scream............................................................................41
The Goodwill of Death................................................................................................................43
The Goodwill of Death (Original)................................................................................................44
The Gunslinger.............................................................................................................................45
Contempt of Court.......................................................................................................................46
Invitation....................................................................................................................................48
Eibmoz.........................................................................................................................................50
Hypocrisy, Revengeance Thereon..................................................................................................51
All Their Wildest Dreams............................................................................................................53
Venules.........................................................................................................................................54
Chapter III As Things Should Be.........................................................................55
Santa Anna and His Elves..........................................................................................................56
About Time..................................................................................................................................58
Let's Burn Venice........................................................................................................................59
Satire Is the Way of Life.............................................................................................................60
9
10. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Commit Murder............................................................................................................................61
Medieval Cures............................................................................................................................62
The Origins of the Orthodox Church............................................................................................63
The World Will Get By...............................................................................................................64
Enlightenment.............................................................................................................................65
Fatalist by Nature (Pacifist at Heart).........................................................................................66
The Conquistador's Beard.............................................................................................................67
Stood Up......................................................................................................................................68
A LongWinded Oversight, 12 Lines...........................................................................................69
Gallantly Priceless.......................................................................................................................70
Bitter Cloning, Tragic Mould.......................................................................................................71
A Cool Drink...............................................................................................................................72
Well, Have You?..........................................................................................................................73
Mommas.......................................................................................................................................74
Criticisms and Bitterness.............................................................................................................75
Apology to the Underappreciated................................................................................................76
Chapter IV As Things Are....................................................................................77
On Making Beds..........................................................................................................................78
Nuclear Fiend..............................................................................................................................79
Somewhat Free Verse on Socialism..............................................................................................80
Cliché............................................................................................................................................81
Spangles.......................................................................................................................................82
He Who Said Never.....................................................................................................................83
Lacking Style or Era or Form......................................................................................................84
You've Created.............................................................................................................................85
Everyone Is Changing..................................................................................................................86
No Controversy............................................................................................................................87
PsychoPhysiological Disorder.....................................................................................................88
Warsaw, Romance Therein...........................................................................................................89
Cur...............................................................................................................................................90
Fame............................................................................................................................................91
Consensual Fornications..............................................................................................................92
Portraying Disrespect: an American Scene..................................................................................93
Gnashing Hurt.............................................................................................................................94
Lust Is in Desire..........................................................................................................................95
Bryant Jennings...........................................................................................................................96
A Quiz.........................................................................................................................................97
Oh Fudge.....................................................................................................................................98
10
11. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Sickening......................................................................................................................................99
Cinema Trivial............................................................................................................................100
Dark Blue Pride.........................................................................................................................101
Bagels (Lenders).........................................................................................................................102
Bee Ess.......................................................................................................................................103
Face in Curtains.........................................................................................................................104
Eye of the Beholder....................................................................................................................105
When You've Slept.....................................................................................................................107
Bitterness Ruins.........................................................................................................................108
Humility.....................................................................................................................................109
Long, Narratively Sporadic Poems.............................................................................................110
Bringing on Contention.............................................................................................................111
Profitable...................................................................................................................................112
Decaffeinated Blue....................................................................................................................113
The Steel Decanter.....................................................................................................................114
Nylon Pant................................................................................................................................115
Twos...........................................................................................................................................116
Surreal Killer..............................................................................................................................117
Better Vision..............................................................................................................................118
Chapter V Urea...................................................................................................119
Elf..............................................................................................................................................120
Odd Sensation............................................................................................................................121
Venice........................................................................................................................................122
Vegetable Love...........................................................................................................................123
Adam's Rib................................................................................................................................124
Worldly......................................................................................................................................125
Waylay.......................................................................................................................................126
Without the Words....................................................................................................................127
Cold Sins....................................................................................................................................128
Digestive Processes....................................................................................................................129
An Idyll Goddess Whom One Cannot Help But to Revere........................................................130
Venice.........................................................................................................................................131
S. Mooching...............................................................................................................................132
Chapter VI To You..............................................................................................133
Nothings....................................................................................................................................134
Shour Drapes.............................................................................................................................135
Ashore........................................................................................................................................136
Golden Tips................................................................................................................................137
11
12. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Tripping Up...............................................................................................................................138
To Differ....................................................................................................................................139
Olivia.........................................................................................................................................140
Olive...........................................................................................................................................141
Onion.........................................................................................................................................142
Weakening.................................................................................................................................143
Vanguard...................................................................................................................................144
Entitlements..............................................................................................................................145
Fleece.........................................................................................................................................146
Unrestrainéd Passion Prevents Clear Thought...........................................................................147
Addiction on the Mind..............................................................................................................148
Expected....................................................................................................................................149
Volve..........................................................................................................................................150
Groggy Mumblings.....................................................................................................................151
1280x1024x32bpp.....................................................................................................................152
Demanotation............................................................................................................................153
Curiae.........................................................................................................................................154
Moors.........................................................................................................................................155
Pebbles.......................................................................................................................................156
Sri Lanka...................................................................................................................................157
Chapter VII All My Friends..............................................................................158
To the Dearly Regarded..............................................................................................................159
Golden........................................................................................................................................160
You So Mean..............................................................................................................................161
Nice in a New Year's Kind of Way............................................................................................162
Musician....................................................................................................................................163
I'm Sorry....................................................................................................................................164
Lump of Clay.............................................................................................................................165
Walnut Shell..............................................................................................................................166
Empty Crush..............................................................................................................................167
Makes Me Sick...........................................................................................................................168
Self Destructor...........................................................................................................................169
Insults on the Trampoline..........................................................................................................170
Pecan Man.................................................................................................................................171
Genetically Engineered...............................................................................................................172
Braggart of Unworthy Boasts...................................................................................................173
Take It, Easy..............................................................................................................................174
Prejudice Fades...........................................................................................................................175
12
13. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
A Return to This Nothingness....................................................................................................176
Mea Culpa..................................................................................................................................177
Penguins on My Own................................................................................................................178
Tally...........................................................................................................................................179
Burned Out Beacon...................................................................................................................180
Taste in Decisions......................................................................................................................181
For a Split Second......................................................................................................................182
.Jpg............................................................................................................................................183
E'ery Thing Changes You...........................................................................................................184
Pampers......................................................................................................................................185
Packaging...................................................................................................................................186
A Mus........................................................................................................................................187
Poetic Interference.....................................................................................................................188
Fact Smiles.................................................................................................................................189
Pluto and Charon.......................................................................................................................190
Feef............................................................................................................................................192
Will............................................................................................................................................193
Upon Awakening.......................................................................................................................194
Chapter VIII All Things Great and Small.........................................................195
Gluck.........................................................................................................................................196
So...............................................................................................................................................197
Joshing? Me?.............................................................................................................................198
A Philiac's Metamorphoses........................................................................................................199
Chapter IX Haiku's for No One..........................................................................201
Sweetness...................................................................................................................................201
Silk.............................................................................................................................................201
Conditioner................................................................................................................................201
Pools...........................................................................................................................................201
Lips............................................................................................................................................201
A Taste.......................................................................................................................................202
Tegument...................................................................................................................................202
Thermal Need.............................................................................................................................202
Llama.........................................................................................................................................202
Camel.........................................................................................................................................202
Indecencies.................................................................................................................................202
Necking......................................................................................................................................202
Objectivity.................................................................................................................................203
Thailand.....................................................................................................................................203
13
14. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
A Doll........................................................................................................................................203
A Right to Bear.........................................................................................................................203
Obelisks......................................................................................................................................203
Washington...............................................................................................................................203
SemiVery Precious....................................................................................................................203
Singing How She Does..............................................................................................................204
Licking? Good............................................................................................................................204
Placement...................................................................................................................................204
Jojo.............................................................................................................................................204
Maybe........................................................................................................................................204
Chapter X Travels................................................................................................205
Bridges.......................................................................................................................................206
Mendeleev..................................................................................................................................208
My White Love.........................................................................................................................209
Fief.............................................................................................................................................210
Deflowering Fields....................................................................................................................211
Ruins of the Present Day...........................................................................................................212
You No Be Existing...................................................................................................................213
Geneses.......................................................................................................................................214
An Abbey Row...........................................................................................................................215
Chapter XI Weed.................................................................................................216
Strawberry..................................................................................................................................217
Dreaming In...............................................................................................................................218
PinkScarred Skies......................................................................................................................219
Star............................................................................................................................................220
Wild...........................................................................................................................................221
Split Apart.................................................................................................................................222
War of the Roses........................................................................................................................223
Supernova..................................................................................................................................224
Meteors Must Land Somewhere................................................................................................225
Chapter XII Pelham Renaissance.......................................................................226
Omnivenicient............................................................................................................................228
Why Do I Always Hear Screams...............................................................................................230
Erroneous Misconceptions.........................................................................................................231
Armed Forces.............................................................................................................................232
Chapter XIII Perfection.....................................................................................233
That Which Offends Due to Its Unquestionable Filth.............................................................234
14
15. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Perfect Idealist...........................................................................................................................235
If I Were Omniscient.................................................................................................................236
The Perfect Couch......................................................................................................................237
Perfect Image.............................................................................................................................238
Chapter XIV Social Ills......................................................................................239
Generation of Suckers................................................................................................................240
Armed Boxing............................................................................................................................241
Lusting......................................................................................................................................243
Defamation................................................................................................................................244
In Heat......................................................................................................................................245
Take It from the Top..................................................................................................................246
Cereal.........................................................................................................................................247
Envy Me, Fools.........................................................................................................................248
Artificial Drinks........................................................................................................................249
Improvements.............................................................................................................................250
Chumps.......................................................................................................................................251
Eyece..........................................................................................................................................252
Not Just a Name........................................................................................................................253
A Friend, A Fan, A Wouldn'tBe Lover...................................................................................254
Chapter XV Seasons of Christianity...................................................................255
The Falling of the Leaves..........................................................................................................256
Already Got One?......................................................................................................................257
Services......................................................................................................................................258
QuasiCultural Perspective........................................................................................................259
Being Made in the Image of a Deity, and Other Examples of Utility......................................260
Role Model.................................................................................................................................261
Pardon, Could You Spare Some Assistance?..............................................................................262
Defense of Clones, Not of Cloning.............................................................................................263
Jesus the Polygamist..................................................................................................................266
Basking and Asking...................................................................................................................267
If Deists Were Deer...................................................................................................................268
A Condemnation, Like Many Things (I Write).........................................................................269
Nigh Bouts................................................................................................................................270
Chapter XVI Sin Colored Glasses.......................................................................271
She Wore Smiling Flowers.........................................................................................................272
Dreaming the Sweet Dream.......................................................................................................273
Silent Thief.................................................................................................................................274
A Banana...................................................................................................................................275
15
16. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
The Truth of all Bananas...........................................................................................................276
One Simple Blunder...................................................................................................................277
Real World.................................................................................................................................278
Fear The.....................................................................................................................................279
Fear Is.......................................................................................................................................280
Fear In.......................................................................................................................................281
Fear For.....................................................................................................................................282
Alien Nation..............................................................................................................................283
Amnesia.....................................................................................................................................284
Pax Gaea....................................................................................................................................285
Voice of Temptation...................................................................................................................286
Chapter XVII Crime to Smile.............................................................................287
I'm a Wussy...............................................................................................................................288
Navy..........................................................................................................................................289
The Jest......................................................................................................................................290
Laughter's Medicine..................................................................................................................291
Why I like Penguins Better.......................................................................................................292
Slave..........................................................................................................................................293
Am I Nothing Then?..................................................................................................................294
Little Girls.................................................................................................................................295
Bombardment.............................................................................................................................297
Chapter XVIII Spectacles for Love....................................................................298
A Million Miles.........................................................................................................................299
Adam et Eve..............................................................................................................................300
Loved.........................................................................................................................................301
Love Like Tow'ring Hands........................................................................................................302
If................................................................................................................................................303
Breaking Up..............................................................................................................................304
Regret.........................................................................................................................................305
And She Was Crying..................................................................................................................306
To Forgive..................................................................................................................................308
Forgive.......................................................................................................................................309
Forgiveness.................................................................................................................................310
An Eye for a Cry........................................................................................................................311
Communicate..............................................................................................................................312
Spastic........................................................................................................................................313
No One.......................................................................................................................................314
To all the Ones...........................................................................................................................315
16
17. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Eulogy........................................................................................................................................316
Chapter XIX Loathe............................................................................................317
How Do I Loathe Thee..............................................................................................................318
Cast Your Tears..........................................................................................................................319
Eva Rhea...................................................................................................................................320
Mute..........................................................................................................................................321
Souleful Compassion..................................................................................................................322
Malicious, But True...................................................................................................................323
Paint Thinner Chips...................................................................................................................324
CurAid......................................................................................................................................325
Illegitimate Father.....................................................................................................................326
Chapter XX ¡Wow!.............................................................................................327
Hamiltonian Perversions............................................................................................................328
Mercen.......................................................................................................................................331
Procreatory Success....................................................................................................................332
Chapter XXI Sellout...........................................................................................334
Brutally Honest.........................................................................................................................335
M. Poster Boy............................................................................................................................336
Privation....................................................................................................................................337
Concise Interruptions................................................................................................................338
How Truly Weird It Is Others Can See My Words...................................................................339
The Zenith of Oblivion..............................................................................................................340
Disdain from Wittenburg Castle................................................................................................341
Hardly Deep...............................................................................................................................342
Dialectal....................................................................................................................................343
Wary..........................................................................................................................................344
Chapter XXII Secret Agenda Man.....................................................................345
Meticulous.................................................................................................................................346
I Wish I Could Say No..............................................................................................................347
Whispers....................................................................................................................................348
W Turn Off the Lights..............................................................................................................349
Retrograde Amnesia...................................................................................................................350
Grade.Average............................................................................................................................351
It Started In December..............................................................................................................352
Some on My Eighteenth Year....................................................................................................353
Pods for Transportation.............................................................................................................354
Always the Exception................................................................................................................355
17
18. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
I Never Claimed I Was..............................................................................................................356
Meaningless Depression.............................................................................................................357
Dead People...............................................................................................................................358
Spellings.....................................................................................................................................359
Depths of Dubious Deception...................................................................................................360
GroundLovers...........................................................................................................................361
Inkéd Blood's Transpiration......................................................................................................362
No One Ever Notices.................................................................................................................363
Ireun..........................................................................................................................................364
Myself........................................................................................................................................365
Packaging Peanuts [Safety].......................................................................................................368
Without a Mind's Eye...............................................................................................................369
Amoebic Pseudopod...................................................................................................................370
Infallible....................................................................................................................................371
Chapter XXIII Doors..........................................................................................372
A Valediction: Truth..................................................................................................................373
A Valediction to Innocence........................................................................................................374
A Valediction: Forbidding Morning..........................................................................................375
To What Was: a Valediction.....................................................................................................376
It's the Goodbyes That Count....................................................................................................377
Dark Blue..................................................................................................................................379
Prose...................................................................................................................................380
Chapter XXV..............................................................................................................................381
Bananas.....................................................................................................................................381
Bananas Revisited....................................................................................................................382
Messy Breakup..........................................................................................................................383
High School Love.......................................................................................................................385
High School Love: 2...................................................................................................................386
Death Rides a Green Bicycle......................................................................................................388
A Tall Smooth Shaft..................................................................................................................391
If Deer Were Deists...................................................................................................................394
AA Meetings..............................................................................................................................397
Sleepy Date................................................................................................................................398
Santa..........................................................................................................................................400
Knowledge and Excommunication............................................................................................401
The Naked Mole Rat and the Penguin.......................................................................................402
Pygmy........................................................................................................................................403
Scales.........................................................................................................................................404
18
19. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Ground Beef...............................................................................................................................405
Mandibles..................................................................................................................................407
The Pimp and the Pheromone Rose Garden................................................................................408
In the Off Season.......................................................................................................................409
Chapter XXIV Letters and Epistles....................................................................411
Literature Springs from Bloodshed............................................................................................411
If Adam and Eve Were Greek....................................................................................................412
The Sexuality of Virgin Olive Oil (and Other Perishables).........................................................412
Truth about Bambi....................................................................................................................413
The Real Story of Frankenstein..................................................................................................414
Organic.......................................................................................................................................415
I'm Here for You.........................................................................................................................416
Some Thoughts on Female Brain Shrinkage...............................................................................417
Just Because You're Out of the Valley Doesn't Mean the Hill or Mountain Is That Great......417
Mothers Know Because of Chromosomes”.................................................................................418
Genetics......................................................................................................................................418
Extinction..................................................................................................................................419
Is Nature Alive..........................................................................................................................419
The Appropriateness of Hymen..................................................................................................420
On Vampires...............................................................................................................................421
Why the Irish Fight...................................................................................................................422
Misunderstandings Expand the Vocabulary.............................................................................422
Balances of New Ideas..............................................................................................................423
Innocence to Corruption to Mindset.........................................................................................424
Innocence Left Unattended......................................................................................................424
A New Brave World..................................................................................................................425
Men Should Be Islands.............................................................................................................426
Humans Are Not Made to Be Alone..........................................................................................427
Banana Republic........................................................................................................................427
Conscience..................................................................................................................................428
Reflections upon My Shrinking World......................................................................................429
Death.........................................................................................................................................429
Death, Part 2: Processed Meat..................................................................................................430
Television...................................................................................................................................430
Friendship..................................................................................................................................431
Beggars Are Choosers.................................................................................................................432
Infection....................................................................................................................................433
Just Say No................................................................................................................................433
19
20. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
No More Heroes.........................................................................................................................434
The Future Is Escape and Death...............................................................................................435
Truth Is the Worst Sin...............................................................................................................436
Why a Trapped Animal Is the Most Deadly.............................................................................436
Which Murder Is More Unnatural?..........................................................................................437
50% of the Right Choices...........................................................................................................438
The Once and Future Innocence................................................................................................438
Religious Prejudice.....................................................................................................................439
Terrorism....................................................................................................................................440
The Joys of Sin...........................................................................................................................441
Cult............................................................................................................................................441
AntiAgnostic............................................................................................................................442
Think You're In Love.................................................................................................................442
Friendship: Again......................................................................................................................443
Huh............................................................................................................................................443
Chapter XXV Lewd Reference Dictionary.........................................................444
Some Reasons I Like Computers More Than the People That Operate Them.............................446
The New English Handbook for Starting and Maintaining Your Cult.....................................447
Advice for/During the Wooing of a Woman.............................................................................449
Some Less Than Interesting Thoughts, Musings, and Not so Witty Banter to Ponder or to
Spout in Everyday Conversation................................................................................................451
Widdles......................................................................................................................................455
Shots..........................................................................................................................................464
BSides................................................................................................................................465
Chapter XXVI BSides.......................................................................................466
Life............................................................................................................................................467
Dressing Up...............................................................................................................................468
Circumstance..............................................................................................................................469
Rego...........................................................................................................................................470
Screw the Farmers! <There's More of “Us” Anyways>..............................................................471
If Kept Busy..............................................................................................................................472
Planning.....................................................................................................................................473
Love............................................................................................................................................474
The Jungle..................................................................................................................................476
Set Me........................................................................................................................................479
Repression..................................................................................................................................480
The Black Rose...........................................................................................................................481
Sing Along.................................................................................................................................482
20
21. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Independence.............................................................................................................................483
Almost........................................................................................................................................484
Bloodstained Tears.....................................................................................................................485
Everyman...................................................................................................................................486
Left in the Weeds......................................................................................................................487
Manic Depressive......................................................................................................................488
Masochism Schism.....................................................................................................................489
My Fellow Americans................................................................................................................490
Not a Night for Love.................................................................................................................491
On the Back of a Sign................................................................................................................492
Sorrow's Song............................................................................................................................493
Dinner........................................................................................................................................496
Tucked Away in the Silent Corner..............................................................................................497
The Last.....................................................................................................................................498
Tears to Set Love.......................................................................................................................499
Immobilized Victim...................................................................................................................500
Lingering....................................................................................................................................501
Why?.........................................................................................................................................502
Cry.............................................................................................................................................503
Groan.........................................................................................................................................504
Wide Open Eyes........................................................................................................................505
Separations................................................................................................................................507
Bloodstained Hands...................................................................................................................508
Out of Touch..............................................................................................................................509
Disadvantages/Advantages.......................................................................................................510
His Own Island.........................................................................................................................512
Appendices..........................................................................................................................513
Thesaurus/Glossary of Terms Used Herein................................................................................514
A Commentary...........................................................................................................................545
Thoughts on Slightly Demented.................................................................................................553
ABOUT THE AUTHOR..........................................................................................................555
21
22. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Here Beginneth Various Works of
Poetry
As Followeth Art In IllDefined Chapters
The Tragically Departed
This is dedicated to the tragically departed;
The ones who had to leave when, alas, their lives had only started.
This is dedicated to the ones we all shall miss,
Whose kind souls and pure camaraderie filled our souls with bliss.
This is dedicated to the ones who've passed away;
They're singing with the angels now where it is ever day.
There once was a young promising scholar at my school
Who had a light heart indeed, yet was no one's fool.
John Ross Collins was sorely mourned when his candle burned out,
But his legacy of wit and wisdom shall be with us these years throughout.
J.R., we really miss you and hate the gun that took you away
Via unfortunate circumstance to be with the One to whom we pray.
Often it seems one doesn't realize how one cares for those around,
And, sadly, through departure the depth of care is found.
Shirice was gifted and endowed with the ability to draw,
But it was, perhaps, not this but her strength and kindness that friends saw.
If she were here upon this day, there is no telling what she would say,
But it can be appreciated of Ms. Travis that she saw in many shades of gray.
It was dark and desolate when the winds came in all their might
To escort this dearly beloved to where cometh no night.
22
23. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Chapter I
Lacking a Sensible Title
It seems I've found something
Which I never thought I'd lost.
It was at the barrel's bottom
Under brick layers of frost.
5 I rejoiced to rediscover
This gift that was gone,
But where did I place it
When I answered the phone?
23
24. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Nature Lover
“Love mother nature!”
Were the words that he heard.
Immediately he went out
To do bad things with a bird.
5 It's okay in the South
To love nature—your mother.
But it's rather risqué1
To love one's oaken brother.
He was raised in climes
10 That bred incest;
It was only natural he fondled
His piney sister's knotty breast.
This dendrophiliac2 was eventually found.
“I was loving nature!” he cried.
15 “Which is why we're bringing you in;
The goat's died.”
1 Risqué: racy or naughty
2 Dendrophiliac: an intimate lover of trees
24
25. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Fiend
I had sex with an alien,
But she was over sixteen.
So everything was kosher3,
You know what I mean.
5 It may have been an abduction,
But it was not rape,
For I gladly consented;
Even got the whole thing on tape.
To me there's nothing like
10 Greenspeckled blue skin.
Just pondering over it
Makes me desire it again.
She really liked my pants,
Was dying to get in;
15 I took them off, and
That's when the magic did begin.
Now I'm bearing our love child,
But the judge says I get no palimony4.
I guess he doesn't believe in aliens
20 And thinks I'm some kind of phony.
3 Kosher: okay
4 Palimony: payment made to support a former intimate
25
26. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Graveyards
Graveyards are by far the
World's most romantic places.
There is nothing quite as
Thrilling as rotting faces.
5 Mausoleums are quite
Like a private hotel;
An cultured girl
Will not mind the smell
Of rotting death and
10 Granite and dew.
If she's squeamish bring
Her flowers or glue
To sniff. Grab a meal and
Converse before you take a walk
15 Around, because you'll be too
Preoccupied to wish to talk
Once emotion takes hold
And you lie to rest on
A plot that was sold
20 To some other being.
26
27. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Dear Freud
Dear Freud, I don't
Recall us ever having met,
But you would analyze me
More than I could possibly forget.
5 Some might call me slightly demented,
You might call me male;
But at least I don't have envy
Or the libido of a snail.
If everything's connected
10 As you believe,
Then there are no levels
Of perversion I cannot achieve!
27
28. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Sycamore
I put my love in a sycamore tree
To let her sobre out,
For she breathes jack o' the daniels
And is a drunken lout.
5 I put my love in a sycamore tree
Because she likes to scream and shout,
But, when I climbed up to bring her down,
She tried to push me out.
I put my love in a sycamore tree,
10 But she didn't seem to care;
All that she did was ignore me
And play with the birdies there.
I put my love in a sycamore tree
With the winds and rains and snow
15 Blowing harshly around her ears,
But none of this phased her, though.
I put my love in a sycamore tree,
Perchance I should've put her in a bush.
For now, when I try to talk ,
20 She but merely tells me “shush.”
I put my love in a sycamore tree,
And I regret the day I did;
For my love jumped right out,
Ran away, and hid.
28
29. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Toilet Seats
An old man caught me by surprise one day
When on a pier he thumped my thigh.
I spun about from fishing inquisitively
And found an odd look in his eye.
5 It seemed rather glazed over, and
The other orb was of plain brown wood.
The effect and expression his repelling eyes
Achieved, no crosseyed kid's could.
My moment of awe was interrupted
10 When his glazed eye began to dance
To each forceful syllable
That he uttered in his trance.
He went into convulsions,
Snapped out and said, “Please,”
15 Something or the other;
The rest was in Vietnamese.
I was going to seek a new fishing spot
When he spouted his life's story.
He rather especially stressed
20 One of his moments of glory.
“I had to train my wife, boy,
To put up the toilet seat;
If I can put it down for her,
Then she could put it up for me.”
25 It was then I regarded
Him as crazy;
I looked into his eyes,
The wooden one was lazy.
29
30. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Entrance Exam
I never thought I'd die;
I'd been around so long.
But one day I was shot
For singing a country song.
5 Everything became misty,
But I stumbled through the smoke
Only to find some gates and
This guy. This is what he spoke.
“You've got to pass this test
10 To gain admission into heaven;
God rather dislikes people
With IQ's of only seven.
The test has no lies, just
Multiple Choice, TrueFalse;
15 It doesn't matter if you can
Sing and dance or do a waltz.
Smiles and good works
Can't get you in my city,
Neither can Faith
20 Hill or a charming ditty.
Complete in No. 2 lead,
Sign in blue ink where needed.
Go tell Old St. Pete
When this exam you have completed.
25 If you fail this battery,5
You should've listened in school,
For it's only reading, writing,
'Rithmetic, not prophesying, fool.”
I told him I only had No. 3 lead
30 And an pink ink pen.
I found that remark amusing,
But he didn't bother to grin.
He pointed over by the gates
To a desk that was rather wee6.
5 Battery: exam, test
6 Wee: small
30
31. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
35 I shuffled over and crammed in;
It was uncomfortable for me.
To my satisfaction, the test contained
Vast amounts of geometry;
I had aced the math portion
40 With a 210 on the SAT.
So maybe I'm not meant for heaven
As far as tests are concerned.
But I'd climb those offwhite gates
Afore I'd get scorched and burned.
45 But, really, there's no need for that
Since the gates have no abutting wall.
I'd prefer to walk right in
Than risk another death from the fall.
31
32. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Call of the Wild Vikings
Flee the call of the wild Vikings,
They've come to steal your soul,
Your smallclothes and your nostrils,
And emptiness from its hole.
5 For the unstoppable wild Vikings
The duty of war is fun.
If they'd wanted anguish and pain, they'd
Be home with wives and everyone.
What other occupation allows
10 For the despoilment of an horse
Or the pillaging of women?
Ah, it's good to be Norse,
As parenting involves
The burning of other's children,
15 And stealing entire villages
Is not counted as a sin.
Norsemen seek honor, feats,
Exploits, mead, and gold.
Plus, they don't fear death,
20 For, in the end, all are mold.
32
33. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Heavily Medicated
Women should stay heavily medicated;
They're more receptive to my lack of charm.
Thus, with the use of some overused
Lines they'll gravitate to my arm.
5 All of my best experiences
In Romance have been with drugs.
To my great dismay I have not
The playa powers of thugs.
But do not get me wrong; I didn't
10 Take advantage of these lasses.
I was being myself, when they
Warmed to me. Must've been the glasses.
I was unaccustomed
To these perplexing anomalies.
15 Always later I find out
That I've been used by druggies.
And to my blissful case
Of ignorance I plead
That I deserve these happenings
20 For the disappointing love life I lead.
33
34. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
On Monday
On Monday things happened
As they've normally done before:
In inefficient turmoil and boredom
Whilst I walked across the floor
5 Following the lead and guidance
Of a crackbaby puppy
Whose harlotrous dam bred
Like a nymphomaniac guppy,
Judging from the number of siblings
10 Trotting round me with fourlegged woes
And withdrawal. Each is rummaging
Through alien baggage with the nose,
With sniffyllis's wet snorting; a germ's
Moistly chilled fragrant monumental landform.
15 Occasionally one limply collapses after
Sniffing government crack or chloroform.
34
35. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Regularities
There've been some nasty rumours
Concerning why I can't maintain a job.
It seems the opinion of the public
Mandates that I'm a slob.
5 But if they only knew
Life is but misconceptions,
They'd have long since stopped postulating for
Other's imaginary directions.
Truth be known, joblessness informs
10 Me of the status of my physique,
As I am administered physicals
Almost every other week.
I frequent a room with latex
Gloves where the air is crisply cold.
15 There I must run in place and
Obediently do as I am told.
What would they do for love,
Wealth, or a just7 measure?
Lie down, anything, and protest like
20 Their gossip about my pleasure.
7 Just: fair
35
36. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Hypothetices
What would you do
If your freckles were blue?
Would you marry me?
I'm just one with toes
5 Who likes to propose
And formulate hypothetices8.
If there were none else
Besides the Celts
Would you dye yourself with wode?
10 I'm a desperately settling guy
Who'd accept even a lie,
Though most tell me to hit the road.
8 Hypothetices: hypothetical situations
36
37. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Nu Mecksìckö
I'm going New Mexico
With curtains on my car;
Not to shade my eyes
On a journey that far.
5 See, I may be lucky,
If fortune is with me,
And I would not want
The whole world to see
The adventures of my
10 Honey I have newly met,
Unless they pay to see
Us on the Internet.
Curtains make it legal by
Some disturbing legal action
15 To make the uncomfortable
Back seat a place of satisfaction.
37
38. The Repressed Memories of Iyan Igma
Donkey on My Thigh
Like a donkey on his thigh
Pale as coffee creamer,
Sat this greedily braying,
Compulsive little screamer.
5 If that derrière had a
Tail with which to swat flies,
Then it would be wagging back
And forth lashing nose and eyes.
“Look , kid, I'm not Santa.”
10 The elf he'd ever feared.
“This is called a goatee;
It is not a beard.
Did someone put you up to this?”
Questioned the drunken hippie's voice,
15 Which for some reason caused the child
To toothily grin and rejoice.
Pointing from the park bench
Into the blinding rays
To where the bells'd ring on
20 Wintry and generous days,
The lad assigned the culprit a
Figure, he who'd sent him to thigh.
After the sun Jonat was color
Blind and had splotches before the eye.
25 Blinking quickly for a moment,
Thus did he himself entertain,
Until the miscreant's recognition
Caused him to refrain.
Jonat noted then the
30 Kid's ears were pointy, too.
Tugging, they were indeed
Naturally affixèd not with glue.
Jonat would have fled
Could Santa not fly,
35 But Santa walked over
And began with, “Hi,
38