1. The Pastoral Counseling Process
Notes by: Pastor Herald Cruz
I. ADVICE-GIVING VS. TRUE COUNSELING
Advice-Giving True Counseling
Authoritative Supportive
Potential is not maximized Empowerment of the individual
Encourages dependence Counselee assumes full responsibility of
his/her action of decision
No need to enter the world of the counselee Will require the counselor to walk with
but simply an “outsider” the counselee (empathy)
Advisable in crisis situation Advisable for life
As ministers, we are trained to do pastoral counseling always in the form of
advice-giving. In true counseling, we do not decide for the counselee, but we empower
them as they encounter the truth themselves, as stated in scripture. Romans 12:1-2
declares that transformation happens when there is a “renewal of the mind”, and in
advice-giving, this seldom happens.
Empathy – A simple definition would be the ability to share and understand the
feelings of another or better yet, the ability to enter the world of another.
Rating Scale Key Concepts
4.0 – A response which goes beyond Underlying feelings reflected
surface feelings to identify and reflect
underlying feelings
3.0 – A response which accurately reflects Surface feelings reflected
surface feelings
2.0 – A response which only partially Partial reflection of feelings
reflects surface feelings
1.0 – A response which does not reflect Fails to reflect feelings
even surface feelings. It could be hurtful or
irrelevant
Example:
Counselee: “I used to pray regularly, but since God took my son from me, I don’t care if I
ever pray again.”
Level 1 – “That’s terrible! You simply have to keep praying.”
*Completely ignores the feelings of the counselee. Judgmental and hurtful. Counselee
imposes his agenda on counselee.
Level 2 – “So, prayer is no longer a value for you.”

2. *Picks up partially the feelings and content of what the other person has said
Level 3 – “The death of your son has caused you to lose all interest in prayer.”
*Reflects the surface feelings, but not the underlying feelings
Level 4 – “You blame God for the death of your son and that makes you so angry that
you can’t pray”
*Gets at the underlying feelings. It conveys that you understand at a very deep level
what they feel.
II. 3 U’s (CIA) MODEL OF COUNSELING
(C) Unloading (Catharsis)
• Respect (Based on the “image of God” in all of us)
• Empathy (Rooted in Compassion)
• Caring (Flowing from love)
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Skills Needed:
• Welcoming “Hello, please feel free to sit down.”
• Joining (Note: Never say, “I know exactly what you are feeling”)
• Leading “What would you like to talk about?” “Who would like to go first?”
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Issues to be addressed:
• “Anchored” in the past
• The blaming game
• The child within
• Revisiting the pain
(I) Understanding (Insight)
• Genuineness
• Self Disclosure
• Confrontation with truth and love “carefront”
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3. Skills Needed:
• Reflecting “What I am hearing is… please tell me if I am right?”
• Reframing “What I am hearing from you is…”
• Summarizing “What “feeling word” would you use to describe you pain or
situation?”
• Action point “What do you need to do to bring you closer to God’s agenda for
your life?”
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Issues to be addressed:
• Going beyond his/her “story”
• Issues of “rightness” and prejudices
• Ability to find the “gem”
• From surface problem to underlying problem
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(A) Undertaking (Action)
• Immediacy or Time for Discernment
• Action to undertake
• Life skills needed
• Educative counseling
• Support (Involving the Christian Community)
Skills Needed:
• Confronting “How would you do things differently?”
• Interpreting “At this point in time, what new learning are you getting?”
• Informing (The different stages of life; man woman differences; what the Bible is
telling us)
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III. COMMON ISSUES IN COUNSELING
Personal Issues
Self-esteem

4. Decision making
Anxiety or Stress
Meaning of life
Anger
Different forms of hurts
Relationships
Parents
Siblings
Friends
Church people
Boyfriends/Girlfriends
Addictive and enabling relationships
Marriage
Sexuality
Sexual orientation
Immorality
Sexual identity
Pregnancy/abortion
Sexual abuse
Incest
Others
Substance abuse
Leadership issues
Social issues
Lifestyle adjustments
Homesickness
OFW families
Death
Depression
Church/Religion
Financial
School/work
IV. GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR PASTORAL COUNSELING
Following are some general guidelines for pastors who counsel to keep in mind.
Some of these have been discussed earlier in the chapter but bear repeating here.
1. Maintain Confidentiality_.
2. Avoid manipulating the counselee.
3. Avoid making decisions for the person seeking help.
4. Do not inappropriately carry messages.
5. Do not focus on the details of the problem (particularly in the area of sexuality).
6. Never become romantically or sexually involved with a counselee.
7. Be Aware of the phenomena between counselors and counselee called transference and
counter-transference
“Your unguarded strength can be your double weakness” – Gordon McDonald,
Rebuilding Your Broken World

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Activity:
1. Discuss which General Guideline in Pastoral Counseling would greatly help you
in your pastoral situation
2. In what ways have you experienced transference or counter-transference from a
counselee? How can the knowledge of transference and counter-transference
make you a more effective counselor?
CONCLUSION:
The ministry of pastoral counseling will require a lot of knowledge of the
methodologies and a number of skills to effectively help people, but the bottom line is,
more than all these, it is the person of the counselor that matters the most. Jesus had
genuine compassion towards those who were in need. In grace, He reached out to them,
including the outcasts of society.
There are many paths to healing because God cannot be put in a box. Healing can
be instantaneous, and at the same time, God can use other means to heal. Counseling is a
very indispensable skill in helping people grow towards a life that is abundant, a life that
is worth living.
Notes:
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