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3. Table of Contents
1. 'Nobody wants you when you're old and gray.' On the matter of turning 65... and other outrages.
2. 'And run, if you will, to the top of the hill/Open your arms...' Thoughts on turning 66. 'All the
leaves have gone green'.
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'Nobody wants you when you're old and gray.' On the matter
of turning 65... and other outrages.
by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
Author's program note. In 1921, that sultry chanteuse with a silken voice seasoned with a touch of
honky-tonk and life's deflating experience -- Ethel Waters (1896- 1977) -- got up before the
microphone one fine day and belted into history a little ditty by Billy Higgins and W. Benton
Overstreet. It was a swinging song with attitude... and, it turned out, with "legs", too; a song so
potent in its magic that over 50 major recording artists couldn't wait to get their vocal chords around
it.
It was "There'll be some changes made", and it included the resonating line that made us all queasy...
"Nobody wants you when you're old and gray"... the line that justified an ocean or two of wild
behavior, the wild oats you'd better indulge in when young and limber... before the Grim Reaper
stamped your forehead with the iconic number 65 and measured you for eternity.
Go now to any search engine, review your recorded choices; then "choose your poison" as Grandpa
Walt used to say... but, whoever you select, take time to pay homage to Miss Waters, for she was a
game old bird and after all was the first to urge us to approach olde age with dignity, composed,
resigned, withered hands folded gently in your lap, glass for your false teeth at the ready -- not!
Oh, no, Miss Waters celebrated not just the "you" you were... but the "you" you could be with a few
deft changes, tweaks and tucks... all necessary so that your "golden" years are even less demure (by
a long shot) than your early days; that you don't just read your Browning -- "the best is yet to be" --
but live him, with plenitude and a "hey, look me over" edge, your original and unique cocktail of
defiance, insight, and allure.
Step-dad Jack and the chocolate box.
He was shrunken, smaller than he had been in life... in form that is, never in spirit. And he asked me
--before "forever" took him -- for chocolates. He craved them. I didn't have to think twice about what
to do. I was on the phone at once and ordered him an exuberant chocolate feast of Godiva's best, the
kind of assortment that a boy bent on the delights of love gives to the girl he wants to wash his shirts
and cheat on for life. Yes, it was that big. And when I called to make sure he had the package... I
was informed this man I hardly knew... had the box open, a few already nibbled, sampled, so he
could make the best selection. And he was smiling...
But that's only a part of this tale...
The instant she heard ol' Jack talking to me, my mother, that force of nature and approved behavior,
grabbed the phone and Let Me Have It. Jack was ill, she said; Jack was dying, she said; Jack could
die at any moment, she said, and face his Maker, as quick as you could say "Jack Robinson." What
did I mean by giving him, and on his death bed, too, the rich seduction that was chocolate, a food
that could not be found amidst his recommended dietary choices, unappetizing all. Why, didn't I
know that could kill him....? Moreover, there was no mention in Emily Post sanctioning death-bed
chocolates... and thus they could not be approved, unfitting objects as they were for such an event
and its high mysteries and profound enigmas.
"But POM (Poor Old Mother)", I said. His cancer is terminal, he could indeed die at any moment;
every doctor said so, and at such a time if there's a dance in the old galoot yet he ought to dance it...
he ought to have what he wanted, the savor of life, not another moment of the semblance of life,
measured out by tea spoons of this medicine, tablets of that. In short he wanted, with an insistence
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that comes when time is almost gone, one of life's pleasures, not another indication and token of
life's finality.
... Jack died just hours later...
... POM became the Ice Queen to me for too long...
But I was the gainer here... for Jack had reaffirmed a profound truth we cannot hear and contemplate
often enough... that life is for the living, that life must be lived, exulted, extolled, celebrated and
savored... and that at the end, if you want chocolates, the very best chocolates (or their equivalent)
no one -- not even the well-meaning wife and scold -- should be allowed even a moment of
jeremiad, pontification, finger-pointing and condescension... "Proper behavior" be damned....
Easy to say, difficult to do.
Now, one can damn, and so easily, too, the bug-a-boo of "proper behavior", but the truth of the
matter, an independent course is difficult to pull off. Witness my darlin' mama's frosty reaction on
the matter of chocolates an instant prior to demise. We geriatric life-savors need to face up to the
shibboleths and prejudices of our rigid adversaries... and become as shrewd as we are aged.
Thus, start from the proposition that for the bulk of the world... but never for ones as wicked cool
and winsome as we are, Age 65 is regarded as the gate through which one passes, inexorably,
inevitably, slowly on account of rheumatism, arthritis and assembled other maladies attendant upon
bigger and bigger birthdays; the gate through which we enter aging... through which we depart
dead... truly an inviting scenario... if you're into the macabre pictures of Hieronymus Bosch
(1450-1516) and other mediaeval horrors. . But Hieronymus and his scarry ilk have never been my
cup of tea, perhaps because of their unremitting focus on the darker side of life, its miseries, regrets,
loneliness and angst about the eternity into which each of us must enter, like it or not. I am a creature
of life and light... and aim to live my credo to the very last moment... for all that I may be able to do
nothing more at that unique moment of finality than nibble a chocolate. Even that is enough to
reaffirm my adamant belief in life, not life's restrictions.
Yet these restrictions are everywhere, built into the very heart of our youth-centered culture. Folks
over 65 are lesser beings, unable to do this, incapable of doing that; past it in ways as diverse as
eating corn on the cob or satisfying even the least demanding of lovers. Even more than a baby
(which after all does not know better) we are held thrall to the do-nots, the should-nots, the
could-nots, instead of enjoying the thrills and growth of the why-nots.
But we are not, we crew of 65 plus, babies to be protected and instructed. We are people who have
lived life -- and often riotously too -- with gusto and a zest that only begins when you realize that the
life force within you is not unlimited or inexhaustible. It is its very limitation that makes it
precious... and which drives us to use it... all of it ... never letting a drop of it... any of it... drip away
unused and unregarded.
We know the pleasures of life... and intend to explore each and every one of them until the engine
that drives our magnificent being can do absolutely nothing more.
That's why I tell you this: Miss Waters sings her song not for you and me who seize and savor life.
For we do not need to make changes...
Rather, these changes must be made by the folks -- "age-ists" every one of them -- who want us to
stop living before our time, pushing us out of life, anxious to get what we have had. These folks are
in the business of denial, living to block us, restrict us and chide us for ideas, thoughts and actions
they deem unsuitable to our age and station... They are the ones who would remove us from life, not
help us engage it.
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It is for these folks and their disapproval and disdain that Miss Waters sings her song, for they
cannot be reminded often and enough...
"You're here today and then tomorrow you're gone" ...
Thus I shall live my life while there is a crumb yet to enjoy. And if that bothers you or anyone, get
over it... and make the changes which must be made today... for you have far greater need for them
than I do...
Envoy
Dr. Lant turns 65 February 16, 2012.
*** We invite your comments to this article.
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'And run, if you will, to the top of the hill/Open your arms...'
Thoughts on turning 66. 'All the leaves have gone green'.
by Dr. Jeffrey Lant.
Author's program note. It is 6:31 a.m. The dawn is still struggling to arrive pushing away the chill
detritus of a yesterday now gone forever; the only part of that yesterday now extant the clear
admonition from God Himself when He turned out (half) the lights at the 2013 Superbowl Game as a
warning; viz that we should be more careful, less profligate and capricious about His patrimony, the
most verdant of spheres, which He created for us and where we have been so consistently wasteful
and remiss; that if we cannot act as required, He will, removing it from us and certain destruction.
Front page today, the subject of massive raillery and embarrassment, no doubt yesterday's clear
warning will go the way of all the many such which preceded it. Why worry as the planet, sagging
under the weight of our hubris, swoons and dies? Why indeed? After all we have 163 varieties of
chili readily at hand; more than ample for even the most finicky of eaters.
But I do worry. It is a sure sign one has reached the age for Social Security, as now with a flourish I
have, my first check slated to arrive the 20th of next month, the date some bureaucrat in the capital
has decided I will officially exist, the bureaucrats keeping that extra money for themselves, in the
way of light-fingered flunkeys throughout the ages.
"Jean" words and music by Rod McKuen, sung by Oliver, from the film "The Prime of Miss Jean
Brodie" (1969).
The tune running through the attic of my memory is one I first heard in the fall of '69, that
momentous autumn I first arrived at Harvard for my graduate education. No decrepitude, no
enfeebling arthritis, no "senior moment" of obliteration and wobbly uncertainty can ever dim the
luster I first experienced just short blocks from where I am writing you now.
I arrived with just $100; knew no one; had no place to live; had never been to Massachusetts and had
an incipient case of mononucleosis... and was supremely happy.
It is important to remember such grand moments, not just because in a lifetime they are few and
fleeting, but because when one passes through the portal of advancing age too many fixate on what
wasn't, isn't, and will never be; a sure formula for the carping and grinding bitterness that defines for
most "the last of life for which the first was made"; the celebrated phrase of Robert Browning
(1812-1889) my mother so cherished.
So far I, at least, have kept this unhappy reality at bay... and I am grateful... and wary. For you see,
this state can only be retained by unending vigilance and unflinching honesty... and there are days
when there is not a scintilla of either to be had. You will have such days, too, if you have not had
them already. "Old age," the wags rightly say, "is not for sissies."
Before we continue, it is time to add some music... a tune for which words like "wistful" and
"bittersweet" come quickly to mind and rightly so for this song and its poetic lyrics will move you
and remind you, too, that once upon a time you loved not wisely but too well.
It was nominated for an Academy Award as "Best Song" in 1969, when a virtually unknown singer
called Oliver rode it to the top, his one time only. Find it now in any search engine and listen
carefully. Don't rush the process either as some careless readers on the sunny side of fifty will
undoubtedly do. The song is too beautiful, the lyrics too poetic, the sentiments too important for
that.
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Comfy? Then it's time for "Jean"... and thoughts of love given, received, refused, repulsed, denied,
dishonored, abjured, offended, glorified, celebrated, indulged, forgiven, remembered... grateful now
for it in every moment and manifestation.
"Dr. Lant, please call at once..."
I was at home in Cambridge when the nurse called, the matter urgent, pressing. I was scheduled to
make a trip to Illinois, to give a speech, and, of course, would stop by the nursing home to see my
beloved Grammie, Victoria Lauing. Then I got the call... no, not that she was dead, for she was too
well bred to leave us so precipitately. She kept her engagements. No, she was not dead... but she
would be, the nurse said if I didn't Do Something.
Anxious, I quizzed the nurse. What was the problem? How much a crisis? What must I do?
It seems my grandmother, so desirous to see me, had created, as we humans can do anywhere and at
any age, a lurid fear all her own; in this case that I would come... but that she would be asleep, not
in her small room smelling of medicine and listless days ... that we would thus pass like ships in the
night; never seeing each other, never seeing each other again. And against this threatening prospect,
she was prepared to fight... her weapons frail, her determination absolute.
Thus, my grandmother was adamant the nurse told me with a dollop of anguish in her voice, for
Grammie's never exhausted store of charm had touched her like all the rest; that she would stay up,
fully dressed, eyes fixed upon the door I must enter, ready to greet me properly whenever I should
come.
As a result, my darling Grammie, whose succulent meals brought to fruition with care and culinary
magic tasty and profound, was dying by inches, starving amidst all the bounty of America's
heartland. Could I please talk to her... at once? The matter was urgent.
Thus driven by fear that I would be too late... and fear that I might say the wrong thing and so in
some inscrutable way make a difficult situation even worse, I called.... and somehow love found the
words for me for the word smith never without the mot juste needed such help that day.
I told her I loved her, the most compelling phrase in our bounteous language. Then spoke the words
of utmost necessity; that she must eat a little something, yes, while I was there, on the phone.... that
she must do it for me.
Too, that she must then close her eyes and sleep, sleep; that I would be there soon and we would
talk and laugh together. And then I knew she was smiling and that smile was rich, radiant,
comforting, containing the promise of still more smiles to come.
Then it was time to end; we had comforted each other as those who know love may do. But she had
one more thing to say... and it was this, "Remember. Remember that while my body may be old, my
brain is a teen-ager's. Someday you will know what I mean..."
Thus did the conversation that had begun in fear end in relief for both of us. Then she said, her voice
steady and clear, "Good-bye now, Laddie", and I knew she was thinking of me; of those moments so
many years ago, so often taken for granted, when she would right every wrong by the simple
expedient of stroking my hair, turning my very name into a felicitous incantation, always potent,
always available, a healing spell to be summoned at will.
Now I know what she meant.
I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, not a cursory glance but a precise reconnaissance, a
necessary event requiring courage and resignation. I was if not old then on its threshold, but not the
brain, for it is sharp and ready for any adventure, any mischief and, always, for love and were I to
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loose all but that I should still be a man supremely happy, like I was that long ago day I arrived here
for the first time.
And so I tell you this, and resolutely, too, "This is the prime of Dr. Jeffrey Lant" who will to
celebrate go out into the silvery gray of this February day when "the clouds are so low/ You can
touch them". For like Miss Jean Brodie, I am "young and alive", running swiftly to the land where
"All the leaves have gone green". Come with me. "Open your arms, bonnie Jean. Come out of your
half-dreamed dream", and dream the rest with me, for time is short and there is much to do.
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Resource
About the Author Harvard-educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant is CEO of Worldprofit, Inc., providing a wide
range of online services for small and-home based businesses. Services include home business
training, affiliate marketing training, earn-at-home programs, traffic tools, advertising, webcasting,
hosting, design, WordPress Blogs and more. Find out why Worldprofit is considered the # 1 online
Home Business Training program by getting a free Associate Membership today.
Republished with author's permission by Elizabeth English http://LizsWorldprofit.com.
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