This document provides an overview and feedback on Assessment 1 for the course ELC291. It outlines the grading criteria, which includes content and organization (30%), language (45%), and conventions such as formatting and referencing (25%). It then provides examples of content from a student response, highlights issues with the language and style, and notes errors in referencing. Recommendations are made around hedging, introductions, and referencing formats.
3. ELC 291 Assessment 1 Criteria
• Content and Organisation (30%)
• Language: grammar, vocabulary, style and
tone (45%)
• Conventions: layout and
format, referencing, and word length
(25%)
4. Content
• Answer the question
• The problem with the diet of people in Hong Kong is not too
much being consumed, but the wrong type of food and drink
being consumed. To what extent do you agree with this view?
• Overweight or obesity is an popular issue in Hong Kong.
• The reason why Hong Kongers have not a health diet in daily life are
the environment, food and drinks company and their dietary
behavior.
• Overeating is undeniably a problem. What is (denied?) here is
whether it is a problem of Hong Kong.
• ..it is related to the aggressive food advertisement, eating habit and
types of food intake.
5. Language
• What does this mean?
• Surrounded by the inestimated change of
environments, humans are subjected to what
they eat and how they absorb.
• Fundamental to the several reasons, with the
convenience arising from consuming packaged
foods being the most obvious.
6. Errors you should not be making
• This study demonstrate that fast food always
consumed by teenagers nowadays.
• Some proposes that the diet of people depends on the
amount being consumed.
• ...people in the twenty-first centry emphasize the
importance of balance eating…
• ..the most commen consumed beverage…
• From the aboved statements, it is belived…..
• Nowadays, people in Hong Kong are more paying
attention on health issue.
• people lived in Hong Kong is very busy.
7. Style Errors
• But it is still essential to educate…
• Hong Kong is nicknamed…
• ..and some advices will be give.
• And these promotions show that…
8. Hedging
• …only the unhealthy food is being ate by
Hong Kong people.
• … marketing promotion will have a
psychological effect on children…
9. Referencing Errors
• References in introduction and conclusion
• Terry (2004) reveals -
Terry and Hung (2004) reveal
• Bell (2004) indicated -
Bell and Swinburn (2004) indicate
• (Lee et. al. 2004, p.50)
(Lee, 2009, p.50)
• (Fisher & Mitchell et.al, 2002)
(Fisher et al., 2002)
10. Introductions
The dietary problem in Hong Kong has long been a heated debate.
Some propose that the diet of people depends on the amount being
consumed. On the contrary, some shed light on the type of food and
beverage taken_______. The aim of this essay is to show whether
amount or type of food occupy a greater extent in influencing the
problem of diet and _____ overweight. This essay begins with
arguments supporting _______________ types of food, followed by
a counter arguments showing a mild importance on the amount of
food and it ends by summarizing the points above and
____________ improvements to wrestle the problem.