2. Why be assertive
ï§ Because - its more than subject knowledge
that makes you successful at studying &
fulfilling your career aspirations
ï§ Because - assertiveness is a communication
style that can be useful in job or academic
interviews, presentations, public speaking etc
ï§ Because â assertiveness âenergizersâ your
communication with academics, colleagues,
friends, partners, family etc.
3. Aims of this session
To discuss assertiveness in terms of;
ï§ What is & isnât assertiveness,
ï§ What it will & will not do
ï§ How can someone be more assertive
ï§ What do you get from being an assertive
communicator
4. What isnât assertiveness
Being Selfish
ï§ Here you are concerned only with your rights &
needs, with little regard for the rights & needs of
others
ï§ Being Aggressive
ï§ Here you are demanding, abrasive & hostile with
others. You are insensitive to other peopleâs
feelings & their individual rights.
ï§ You succeed with sheer force, creating enemies
& conflict along the way
5. What isnât assertiveness
Being Passive-aggressive
ï§ You express anger & aggression in a covert
way
ï§ You fail to do your share of the work & make
unreasonable criticisms of authority
Common Traits are
ï§ procrastination, sulking or arguing when you
are asked to do something, complaining
without justification, âforgettingâ your
obligations, believing you are better than
others, you canât stand useful suggestions or
constructive criticism
6. What isnât assertiveness
Being Manipulative
ï§ You get others to feel sorry or guilty to you
get what you want
ï§ You play the role of victim or martyr
ï§ It only works work when others do not
realise what you are doing
ï§ Eventually its makes people feel confused,
âcrazy,â angry & resentful towards you
7. To summarise !
Assertiveness is not
ï§ Being selfish, aggressive, passive-aggressive
or manipulative
Even though we do use these âcommunicative
tacticsâ at some point in our lives to get what
we want
- BUT â
Spending your life or time being a non-
assertive communicator will bring you much
stress, dissatisfaction & disappointment
8. Assertiveness Questionnaire
Take a look at the âassertiveness
questionnaireâ handout. Read each situation
and define each of your responses as either
aggressive, passive or assertive. Share
your answers!
9. What is assertiveness
ï§ Direct, open & honest communication with
others
ï§ Asking for what you want & saying ânoâ to what
you donât want
ï§ Not negating, attacking or manipulating others
ï§ Respecting the dignity of other people
ï§ Standing up for yourself & your rights without
apologising or feeling guilty
ï§ Taking responsibility for your own needs
ï§ âEnergyâ
10. To summarise !
Assertiveness is about
ï§ Being clear about your needs & rights, asking
for what you want, saying no to what you
donât want
ï§ Using direct, open & honest communication,
taking responsibility, respecting others & not
violating their rights
When you are assertive
ï§ Others will feel comfortable, know where you
stand & respect you for your honesty
ï§ Your needs get met, you experience less
stress & more satisfaction with life in general
11. What Assertiveness will not do
ïŹ Guarantee you happiness or fair treatment
by others
ïŹ Guarantee that you will automatically get
what you want in life
ïŹ Guarantee that others will be assertive &
not aggressive towards you
ïŹ Solve all your personal problems
ïŹ BUT â a lack of assertiveness will be one
reason that your feelings or needs are not
acknowledged or met by others
12. How can I be more Assertive
ï§ First recognise that it is culture specific
ï§ Recognise that you & everyone else has a
right to your âpersonal bill of rightsâ â see
handout
ï§ Truly believing that you have a right to
your needs & have a right to ask for what
you want
ï§ Taking responsibility to protect your
rights in situations where they are infringed
upon
13. Personal Bill of Rights
ï§ Is drawn from the idea that we all have basic
human rights
ï§ Sometimes we do not realize these rights,
because we were not taught them as
children
ï§ Being more conscious & learning to exercise
your rights is the gateway to being more
assertive
What do you think? Are any striking to you?
14. How can I be more Assertive
ï§ First be aware of your feelings, needs & wants
ï§ Then say directly how you feel inside & what
changes you would like to see happen
ï§ Use â I statementsâ to express yourself
â.. I feel unhappy with your
suggestion & I would like you to listen to
mine..â
ï§ Do not back off or move away from someone
you are addressing (stand your ground)
15. How can I be more Assertive
ï§ Note that 30% of our communication is
verbal, while 70% is non-verbal
ï§ Develop non-verbal assertive behaviours.
These are about your voice tone, gestures,
eye contact, facial expression & posture
(âsocial signallingâ)
ï§ Non-verbal behaviours definitely influence
your impact on others
ï§ For example; look directly at another person
when addressing them
16. How can I be more Assertive
ï§ Maintain an open posture â if sitting down
donât cross your legs/arms - if standing up do
so erectly & on both feet
ï§ Stay calm - avoid getting overly emotional or
excited
ï§ Practice being assertive through writing, role-
play & real life situations
ï§ Donât assume others just know how you feel,
what you need or want. Make these known
ï§ Other people are not mind readers
17. How can I be more Assertive
ï§ Learn to also say â no â
ï§ Saying ânoâ sets limits on other peopleâs
demands for your time, especially when it
conflicts with your own needs
ï§ You can acknowledge the other personâs
request by repeating it back, explain your
reason for declining & then say ânoâ
ï§ If appropriate suggest an alternative
proposal where both your needs will be met
18. How can I be more Assertive
An example of how to say â no â
â..I understand that you would like to get
together tonight [acknowledgement]. It
turns out that I had a really long day & feel
exhausted [explanation], so I will pass on
tonight [saying no]. Perhaps there is
another night later this week when we can
get together â what do you think?..â
[alternative option].
19. What do I get from being more
assertive
ï§ It enables you to obtain more of what
you need & want in life
ï§ It helps minimise stress, frustration &
resentment in your relationships &
interactions with others
ï§ It helps you take more risks & ask more
of life in general
ï§ It adds to your sense of autonomy,
freedom & self confidence
ï§ You definitely gain respect from others
for being direct, open & honest
20. Coming to the endâŠ.
Assertiveness is really about
ï§ Knowing what isnât & what is assertive
communication, and what it will & will not do
ï§ Ceasing opportunities to be more assertive
ï§ Recognising the value in being assertive
ï§ Increasing the prospect of your rights,
feelings, needs & wants being met
In all âŠ.
ïŹ Assertiveness contributes to your academic
success, and it helps fulfil your career & life
ambitions