1. Mr. Taylor
Sample Play
The Long Distance Break-up/ The Loverâs Telephone Revenge
JANE: Packing up her belongings from ex-boyfriendâs apartment.
SUE: Janeâs friend.
Setting: Ex-boyfriendâs apartment. Items thrown around the room.
JANE
I canât believe that jerk.
SUE
Well, I donât want to say âI told you so....â
JANE
So donât.
SUE
Iâm just saying, he left his last girlfriend for you.
JANE
I know, I know. And now he left me for someone else.
2. SUE
But did you have to move in with him? I mean, it was just so fast.
JANE
Love works like that, I guess.
SUE
So do hormones.
JANE
Whatâs that supposed to mean?
SUE
Nothing.
JANE
Yeah, Iâm sure. Are you going to help me pack this up or not?
SUE
Um, not.
3. JANE
Guess again.
SUE
Um, sure?
JANE
I knew I could count on you.
SUE
What are friends for, if not to help pack up their best friends belongings
after foolishly rushing into living with a guy she barely knows.
JANE
I knew him. Or at least I thought I did.
SUE
Have you talked to your sister yet?
JANE
As far as Iâm concerned she can rot.
SUE
Come on, sheâs your sister.
4. JANE
And he was my boyfriend, but that didnât seem to stop them.
SUE
If itâs any consolation, they said they were drunk.
JANE
That just the excuse theyâre giving to justify being jerks.
SUE
You could take her to Jerry Springer.
JANE
But then sheâd get a free trip to Chicago and stay at a nice hotel. And
they pay for everything.
SUE
Really?
JANE
Tonya went on there last year. She partied all weekend, and they drove
her around in a limo. My sister doesnât deserve that.
SUE
A limo? Really? Man, they want to make their guests feel comfortable. I
wonder if Oprah does that for her guests. Itâs probably better than the
5. people who go on Divorce Court. Maybe the Peopleâs Court or Judge
Judy has better hotels.
JANE
Can we focus?!
SUE
Sorry, I just never thought that Jerryâs guests would be treated so nicely.
JANE
(sarcastically)
Yeah, itâs great. Now help me finish loading up this box.
SUE
Fine. You know how to ruin all the fun out of these things.
JANE
What things?
SUE
Break ups.
JANE
I didnât think they were supposed to be fun.
SUE
6. They can be. With the right motivation.
JANE
Whatâs that supposed to mean?
SUE
We could break his TV?
JANE
No, I wouldnât feel right. He loves that TV.
SUE
Like he loved your sister?
JANE
Still....
SUE
We could take a knife a cut up his mattress.
JANE
Wouldnât that be illegal?
SUE
7. We could microwave a DVD. That would be fun. The sparks flying
everywhere.
JANE
But thatâs my microwave.
SUE
Oh.
JANE
Letâs not do anything. I just want to get out of here.
SUE
We could call China.
JANE
China?
SUE
Yeah, China.
JANE
Whoâs in China?
SUE
8. Who cares? Someone, Iâm sure.
JANE
I donât know.
SUE
Think about it. Why not make him pay for every minute of his affair.
You were hurt, itâs time to hurt him.
JANE
Maybe.
SUE
You know you want to. Itâs better than Jerry Springer.
JANE
Okay, letâs do it.
Sue dials a number.
SUE
How long will he be gone?
JANE
Until tomorrow.
9. SUE
Perfect!
JANE
By the way, how do you know the number to China?
SUE
I have a sister, too.