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Erlang Sucks
or How I Lost All Hope
Covering Erlang news for the past 5 years


Moved to Sweden just to program in Erlang


Was a web programmer (PHP, Python,
Coldfusion)
Where do I begin?
To tell the story of how
great Erlang could be...
Erlang
Rest of the world
Package/library/dependency
       management
  Perl         CPAN

  Python       easy_install

  Ruby         gem

  Node.js      npm
Package/library/dependency
       management
Package/library/dependency
       management

  rebar

  erlware

  CEAN

  agner

  epm
Package/library/dependency
       management


  gem install package_name

  easy_install package_name

  pear install package_name (PHP 0_o)
Package/library/dependency
       management
{deps, [application_name,

        {application_name, "1.0.*"},

        {application_name, "1.0.*",

        {git, "git://github.com/basho/
rebar.git", {branch, "master"}}}]}.
Package/library/dependency
       management
{deps, [application_name,

        {application_name, "1.0.*"},

        {application_name, "1.0.*",

        {git, "git://github.com/basho/
rebar.git", {branch, "master"}}}]}.
Package/library/dependency
       management
{deps, [application_name,

        {application_name, "1.0.*"},

        {application_name, "1.0.*",

        {git, "git://github.com/basho/
rebar.git", {branch, "master"}}}]}.

1> agner fetch package_name
Libraries: Imaging
Perl            2971 hits on CPAN

Python          PIL

Ruby            105 hits on rubygems

Node.js         37 entries in npm

PHP             built-in

Haskell         242 entries on Hackage

Go              5 packages
Libraries: Imaging
Libraries: Imaging



erl_img
Libraries: Formatted Text
          Markdown   Textile   BBCode   ...

Python

 Ruby

Haskell

  Go



Erlang
Libraries: The Cloud
           Amazon Rackspace Heroku   ...

Python

 Ruby

Haskell

Node.js



Erlang
You see?
http://erlanger.ru/
 News     3 years PHP
          2 years Erlang

 Forum    PHP

 Wiki     PHP
Sucks             Not
 Frontend         Backbone

 “Mainstream”     Some of backend
 libraries
                  Management
 Small projects
                  If it ain’t 5 million hits
 Medium           a day, it’s not a
 projects         project

 GUI
Moral of the story
funny and insightful at the same time
Credit where it’s due
Mad Scientist:
http://raydillon.deviantart.com/art/Mad-
Scientist-92248962

Cool hipster kids by Gaultier:
http://zippercut.wordpress.com/2010/01/18/
the-kids-are-alright/

Cricket:
http://findicons.com/icon/575/cricket
Credit where it’s due
Tick, cross:
http://www.iconfinder.com/search/?q=iconset
%3Abasicset

Cool hipster kids by Gaultier:
http://zippercut.wordpress.com/2010/01/18/
the-kids-are-alright/

Cricket:
http://findicons.com/icon/575/cricket

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Erlang sucks. EUC 2012

  • 1. Erlang Sucks or How I Lost All Hope
  • 2. Covering Erlang news for the past 5 years Moved to Sweden just to program in Erlang Was a web programmer (PHP, Python, Coldfusion)
  • 3. Where do I begin? To tell the story of how great Erlang could be...
  • 5. Rest of the world
  • 6.
  • 7. Package/library/dependency management Perl CPAN Python easy_install Ruby gem Node.js npm
  • 9. Package/library/dependency management rebar erlware CEAN agner epm
  • 10. Package/library/dependency management gem install package_name easy_install package_name pear install package_name (PHP 0_o)
  • 11. Package/library/dependency management {deps, [application_name,         {application_name, "1.0.*"},         {application_name, "1.0.*",         {git, "git://github.com/basho/ rebar.git", {branch, "master"}}}]}.
  • 12. Package/library/dependency management {deps, [application_name,         {application_name, "1.0.*"},         {application_name, "1.0.*",         {git, "git://github.com/basho/ rebar.git", {branch, "master"}}}]}.
  • 13. Package/library/dependency management {deps, [application_name,         {application_name, "1.0.*"},         {application_name, "1.0.*",         {git, "git://github.com/basho/ rebar.git", {branch, "master"}}}]}. 1> agner fetch package_name
  • 14. Libraries: Imaging Perl 2971 hits on CPAN Python PIL Ruby 105 hits on rubygems Node.js 37 entries in npm PHP built-in Haskell 242 entries on Hackage Go 5 packages
  • 17. Libraries: Formatted Text Markdown Textile BBCode ... Python Ruby Haskell Go Erlang
  • 18. Libraries: The Cloud Amazon Rackspace Heroku ... Python Ruby Haskell Node.js Erlang
  • 20. http://erlanger.ru/ News 3 years PHP 2 years Erlang Forum PHP Wiki PHP
  • 21. Sucks Not Frontend Backbone “Mainstream” Some of backend libraries Management Small projects If it ain’t 5 million hits Medium a day, it’s not a projects project GUI
  • 22. Moral of the story funny and insightful at the same time
  • 23. Credit where it’s due Mad Scientist: http://raydillon.deviantart.com/art/Mad- Scientist-92248962 Cool hipster kids by Gaultier: http://zippercut.wordpress.com/2010/01/18/ the-kids-are-alright/ Cricket: http://findicons.com/icon/575/cricket
  • 24. Credit where it’s due Tick, cross: http://www.iconfinder.com/search/?q=iconset %3Abasicset Cool hipster kids by Gaultier: http://zippercut.wordpress.com/2010/01/18/ the-kids-are-alright/ Cricket: http://findicons.com/icon/575/cricket

Editor's Notes

  1. The goal of this presentation was, basically, to commit suicide, since Joe Armstrong was in the audience\n
  2. Who am I? Just a regular guy doing regular stuff\n
  3. Joe Armstrong: With Erlang it’s very easy to do the impossible and very hard to do the easy stuff\n
  4. Erlang is crazy weird wonderful stuff created by mad scientists to be used in crazy weird wonderful stuff created by other mad scientists. Just look at the topics at EUC\n
  5. Whereas other languages are these hipster kids showing off their new shiny toys.\nPeople coming from these languages keep asking: “Can you do this or that?” Let’s see if we can.\n
  6. This here is a cricket. You know, when there’s silence or some vast empty space filled, well, with emptiness and scilence, that’s when you hear the crickets. I’ll use this cricket to illustrate a point\n
  7. How do you manage stuff in other languages? Easy\n
  8. What about Erlang?\n
  9. Well, there have been attempts at that in the past and currently\n
  10. See, it’s insanely easy in some languages. For the love of all that’s good and holy, it’s even easy in PHP!\n
  11. Obviously, it’s as easy in Erlang... Or is it?\n
  12. You can use agner, but there some problems with it\n
  13. Ok, what about other stuff. Perl isn’t even funny, but even Go has 5 packages. \n
  14. Erlang is on par with them, is it not?\n
  15. Well, if your goal is only to read EXIF data, then yes, of course\n
  16. What about some really basic stuff?\n
  17. What about this next great thing everyone’s talking about: the cloud? I mean, c’mon. Node.js is two years old and it has everything\n
  18. This really goes beyond just the few things I’ve shown here. If you need something insanely cool and hardcore, someone’s doing it with Erlang. If you want something simple that everyone in other languages seems to be using, you’r out of luck.\n
  19. I know what I’m talking about, some of this stuff is impossible even today\n
  20. I’d say that Erlang really doesn’t suck... in some pretty serious areas. And sucks in some less serious ones\n
  21. Really, there was no moral :) If we want Erlang to be more “mainstream”, we should really try and build some of the stuff the “hipster kids” take for granted. Obviously, I want someone else to do that :)\n
  22. \n
  23. \n