1. Cloud Psychopaths
London CloudPsychocamp Oct
2012
@stevie_chambers
CTO canopy-cloud.com

2. cloud crazy?
Does the guy at the
other end of twitter
look like this?
@reillyusa

3. cloud chop suey?
Why is Chris beating up
Vince Cerf?
Or is Chris being
attacked?
Why is the man with the
camera finding this
funny?

4. Cloudwashing?

5. cloud squirrel?
Are dogs psychopaths?
Are squirrels
psychopaths?

6. jon ronson

7. what is a psychopath?
• Robert Hare PCL-R
• 2 factors, 20 items
• Each item is scored
– 0 does not apply
– 1 applies somewhat
– 2 definitely applies
• SCORE YOURSELF!
– prize is a holiday for 1
near Crowthorne, UK
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Hare_Psychopathy_Checklist

8. Psychopath fast test

9. these are not pyschopaths

10. health warning
• DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME THE PUB!
– should only be deployed by professionals

– community forums and innocent advice
– thesis
• anyone who thinks cloud is optional, a game,
or is curious about its destructive effects – is
likely a pyschopath. ways to tell…

11. factor 1
selfish, callous and remorseless use of
others
narcissistic personality disorder

12. 1/1 Grandiose sense of self-
worth
Cloud is the answer My cloud is the
to everything answer to
everything
I am cloud
0 1 2

13. 1/2 Glibness/Superficial Charm
Cloud is easy Cloud is
obvious
Come on in the Is the person
water’s lovely always doing
lightning talks…
0 1 2

14. 1/3 Pathological Lying
Cloud never goes Patriot Act doesn’t
down matter
Cloud is for
everything (but only Data sovereignty
have web app doesn’t matter
examples)
0 1 2

15. 1/4 Cunning and manipulative
I like you, you’re Come and present
smart, you “get” at…
cloud, like me
You’re one of us
0 1 2

16. 1/5 Lack of remorse or guilt
Oh, the cloud I Your business was
advised you to use down?
went down?
How interesting…
0 1 2

17. 1/6 Shallow effect
Does the dog
really love you?
0 1 2

18. 1/7 Lack of empathy
Let your crapplications Rewrite all your apps
die
Get rid of your CIO
0 1 2

19. 1/8 Failure to accept
responsibility
It’s your decision You didn’t explain
your needs correctly
0 1 2

20. 1/9 Prone to boredom
0 1 2

21. 1/10 Parasitic lifestyle
Cloud consultant? 
Do as I say, not as I do
I’m an advisor
0 1 2

22. factor 2
chronically unstable, antisocial and
socially deviant lifestyle
histrionic personality disorder

23. 2/1 Poor behavioural control
Can’t resist free pizza and beer?
0 1 2

24. 2/2 Unrealistic long term goals
One day there will only be cloud
Cloud is the final destination
0 1 2

25. 2/3 Impulsivity
Stick it in the cloud, what could possibly
go wrong?
0 1 2

26. 2/4 Irresponsibility
Security and performance is someone
else's problem
0 1 2

27. 2/5 Juvenile delinquency
What is the person’s IT track record?
Job history?
0 1 2

28. 2/6 Early behavioural problems
Early adopter of ASP, SOA 
0 1 2

29. 2/7 Revocation of conditional
release
Persistent offender
Can’t help themselves
0 1 2

30. 2/8 Promiscuous sexual
behaviour
any API
hybrid cloud
0 1 2

31. 2/9 Many short term marriages
• Weak/fake alliance marketing
0 1 2

32. 2/10 Criminal versatility
drop cloud, adopt the next big thing
0 1 2

33. Your score?
• Picture of people
• According to the rigorous, scientific
and industry standard methodology
we’ve just done?
– <5, sit down you’re normal
– <30, sit down, you’re a criminal
– applaud the people left standing, be nice
to them

34. Innocent victims?
developer administrator CIO

35. unbend my iron
• cloud < utility, but what is cloud?
– clouds move across boundaries
– clouds are driven by natural forces
– Cloud is not NIST, not Dope’n’stack, not
VMware
– southern electric does not create custom
electric for my home grown iron
– APIs are the plug sockets of this generation
– technology naval gazing is not cloud

36. Final Thoughts
• a psychopath is for
life, not just for
christmas
• 20% population
cause 70% of the
pain
• when asking for
cloud advice,
beware!