Deep questions to Ponder

Deep If a man says
If a man says
something in the
something in the
Questions woods & there are no
woods & there are no
women there, is he
women there, is he

To Ponder still wrong?
still wrong?

Deep Thoughts to Ponder

Isn't is a bit unnerving
Isn't is a bit unnerving When sign makers go on
When sign makers go on
that doctors call what
that doctors call what strike, is anything
strike, is anything
they do "practice"? written on their signs?
written on their signs?
they do "practice"?

Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder

When you open a bag
When you open a bag Why isn't there mouse
Why isn't there mouse
of cotton balls, is the
of cotton balls, is the flavored cat food?
flavored cat food?
top one meant to be
top one meant to be
thrown away?
thrown away?


Page 1

Why do they report
Why do they report What do you do when
What do you do when
power outages on TV?
power outages on TV? you see an endangered
you see an endangered
animal that is eating an
animal that is eating an
endangered plant?
endangered plant?


What's another word
What's another word If a parsley farmer
If a parsley farmer
for thesaurus?
for thesaurus? is sued, can they
is sued, can they
garnish his wages?
garnish his wages?


Would a fly without
Would a fly without Why do people who
Why do people who
wings be called a walk?
wings be called a walk? know the least know
know the least know
it the loudest?
it the loudest?


Page 2

If the funeral
If the funeral If a stealth bomber
If a stealth bomber
procession is at night,
procession is at night, crashes in a forest,
crashes in a forest,
do folks drive with
do folks drive with will it make a sound?
will it make a sound?
their headlights off?
their headlights off?


If a turtle doesn't
If a turtle doesn't When it rains, why
When it rains, why
have a shell, is he
have a shell, is he don't sheep shrink?
don't sheep shrink?
homeless or naked?
homeless or naked?


Should vegetarians
Should vegetarians If the cops arrest a
If the cops arrest a
eat animal crackers?
eat animal crackers? mime, do they tell
mime, do they tell
him he has the right
him he has the right
to remain silent?
to remain silent?


Page 3

Why is the word
Why is the word When companies ship
When companies ship
abbreviation so long?
abbreviation so long? styrofoam, what do
styrofoam, what do
they pack it in?
they pack it in?


If you're cross-eyed
If you're cross-eyed If a mute swears,
If a mute swears,
and have dyslexia, can
and have dyslexia, can does his mother wash
does his mother wash
you read all right?
you read all right? his hands with soap?
his hands with soap?


If someone with multiple
If someone with multiple Does a dyxlexic
Does a dyxlexic
personalities threatens
personalities threatens Satan worshipper
Satan worshipper
to kill themself, is it
to kill themself, is it end up committing
end up committing
considered a hostage
considered a hostage his life to Santa?
his life to Santa?
situation?
situation?


Page 4

When the chips
When the chips Do you sometimes
Do you sometimes
are down, is the
are down, is the feel like you’re
feel like you’re
buffalo is empty?
buffalo is empty? diagonally parked
diagonally parked
in a parallel
in a parallel
universe?
universe?

Do you ever wonder
Do you ever wonder If you have everything,
If you have everything,
how much deeper
how much deeper where would you put it?
where would you put it?
the ocean would be
the ocean would be
without sponges?
without sponges?


Do dyslexics have
Do dyslexics have If it's true that we
If it's true that we
more fnu?
more fnu? are here to help others,
are here to help others,
then what exactly are
then what exactly are
the OTHERS here for?
the OTHERS here for?


Page 5

What happens if If the Energizer
you get scared half Bunny was arrested,
to death twice? would he be charged
with battery?


How do you tell Why do psychics
when you run out have to ask you
of invisible ink? for your name?


Is there another
Is there another Hard work never
word for synonym?
word for synonym? killed anyone but
why chance it?


Page 6

Two wrongs to not Can you be a closet
make a right, but claustrophobic?

three lefts do.


Before they invented How do I set my laser
drawing boards, what did printer to stun?
they go back to?


If one synchronized If you are born again,
swimmer drowns, do the do you have two belly
rest have to drown too? buttons?


Page 7

If you try to fail, and Why is the alphabet in
succeed, which have you that order? Is it
done? because of that song?


What happens when none If most car accidents
of your bees wax? occur within five miles
of home, why doesn't
everyone just move 10
miles away?


If a book about failures Is it possible to be
doesn't sell, is it a totally partial?
success?


Page 8

How do you know when Is it true that cannibals
it's time to tune your don't eat clowns because
bag pipes? they taste funny?


Do they have reserved If you shoot a mime,
parking for non-handicapped should you use a
people at the Special silencer?
Olympics?


What was the best thing What is the speed of
before sliced bread? dark?


Page 9

What is a "free" gift? How come you never
Aren't all gifts free? hear about gruntled
employees?


When blondes What happens if
have more fun, you get scared half
do they know it? to death twice?


24 hours in a day ... Is a laughing stock
24 beers in a case… cattle with a sense
coincidence? of humor?


Page 10

Should women put Who is General
Failure and why is he
pictures of missing
reading my hard disk?
husbands on beer
cans?


Where do forest rangers Why do they put Braille
go to "get away from it on the drive-through
all?" bank machines?


How do they get the What was the best thing
deer to cross at that before sliced bread?
yellow road sign?


Page 11

Before they invented Do infants enjoy infancy
drawing boards, what as much as adults enjoy
did they go back to? adultery?


If all the world is a If one synchronized
stage, where is the swimmer drowns, do the
audience sitting? rest have to drown too?


If the #2 pencil is the
most popular, why is it Deep
still #2?
Thoughts
to Ponder

Page 12

Never underestimate the The older you get, the
power of stupid people in better you realize you
large groups were


Age is a very high price Procrastination is the
to pay for maturity art of keeping up with
yesterday


Women like silent men, Men are from Earth,
they think they're women are from Earth.
listening Deal with it.


Page 13

The journey of a thousand It's always darkest before
miles begins with a broken dawn. So if you're going
fan belt and a leaky tire to steal your neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time
to do it


Sex is like air. It's not Don't be irreplaceable. If
important unless you aren't you can't be replaced, you
getting any can't be promoted


No one is listening until you Never test the depth of
have gas the water with both feet


Page 14

It may be that your sole It is far more impressive
purpose in life is simply to when others discover your
serve as a warning to good qualities without your
others help


If you think nobody cares Before you criticize
if you're alive, try missing someone, you should walk a
a couple of car payments mile in their shoes. That
way, when you criticize
them, you're a mile away
and you have their shoes


If at first you don't Give a man a fish and he
succeed, skydiving is not will eat for a day. Teach
for you him how to fish, and he will
sit in a boat & drink beer
all day


Page 15

If you lend someone $20, Don't squat with your
and never see that person spurs on
again, it was probably worth
it


If you tell the truth, you If you drink, don't park;
don't have to remember accidents cause people.
anything


Some days you’re the bug, Don't worry, it only seems
some days you’re the kinky the first time
windshield


Page 16

Good judgment comes from The quickest way to double
bad experience, and a lot your money is to fold it in
of that comes from bad half and put it back in your
judgment pocket


Timing has an awful lot to A closed mouth gathers no
do with the outcome of a foot
rain dance


Duct tape is like the Force. There are two theories to
It has a light side & a dark arguing with women.
side, and it holds the Neither one works.
universe together


Page 17

Generally speaking, you Experience is something you
aren't learning much when don't get until just after
your mouth is moving you need it


Never miss a good chance Eagles may soar,
to shut up
but weasels don't
get sucked into
jet engines


I almost had a I drive way too
psychic girlfriend fast to worry
but she left me about cholesterol
before we met


Page 18

I love defenseless If Barbie is so
animals, especially popular, why do
in a good gravy you have to buy
her friends?


I have a mind Support bacteria -
like a steel trap - they're the only
it’s rusty & illegal culture some
in 37 states people have


Televangelists:
The only substitute
for good manners
The Pro Wrestlers
is fast reflexes
of religion


Page 19

When everything's Ambition is a poor
coming your way, excuse for not
you're probably having enough
in the wrong lane sense to be lazy


If everything seems Everyone has a
to be going well, photographic
you’ve obviously memory. Some just
overlooked something don't have film


He’s a veterinarian I poured Spot
& a taxidermist - remover on my dog.
either way, you Now he's gone.
get your dog back


Page 20

I used to have an I couldn't repair your
open mind but my brakes, so I made
brains kept falling your horn louder
out.


Wear short sleeves! All those who believe
Support your right in psychokinesis raise
to bare arms! my hand


He tried sniffing I’m not a complete
Coke once, but idiot, some parts
the ice cubes got are missing.
stuck in his nose


Page 21

A flashlight is a Lottery: a tax on
case for holding people with poor
dead batteries. math skills.


Artificial Hard work has a
Intelligence beats future payoff.
real stupidity. Laziness pays off
right now.


I used to have a I don’t suffer from
handle on life, insanity. I enjoy
then it broke. every minute of it.


Page 22

All generalizations One good thing
are false, including about Alzheimer’s
this one. is you get to meet
new people every
day.

Schizophrenia beats If at first you
being alone. don’t succeed,
redefine success.


A thing not worth Heck is where
doing isn’t worth people go who don’t
doing well. believe in gosh.


Page 23

I don’t have a Strip mining prevents
solution but I do forest fires.
admire the problem.


I think sex is better A picture is worth
than logic, but I can’t a thousand words,
prove it. but it uses up a
thousand times the
memory.

The meek shall If a thing is worth
inherit the earth, doing, it would have
after we’re through already been done.
with it.


Page 24

Two can live as Ham & Eggs
cheaply as one, A day’s work for a
for half as long. chicken; a lifetime
commitment for a pig.


Lord, if I can’t be Good health is
skinny, please at merely the slowest
least let all my possible rate at
friends be fat. which one can die.


The buck doesn’t Confession is good
even slow down here for the soul but bad
so keep going. for your career.


Page 25

It’s hard to make a Welcome to Utah,
comeback when you set your clock to
haven’t been local time, 1955.
anywhere.


Money isn’t Two wrongs to not
everything, but make a right, but
it sure keeps the three lefts do.
kids in touch.


My wild oats have Seen it all. Done
turned into it all. Can’t
Shreaded Wheat. remember most of
it.

Page 26

Five out of of four If quitters never
people have trouble win, and winners
with fractions. never quit, what
fool came up with
“Quit while you’re
ahead.” Thoughts to Ponder
Deep

Stressed spelled Clones are people two.
Clones are people two.
backwards is
desserts.


Go ahead & take risks.
Go ahead & take risks. If you can't be kind, at
If you can't be kind, at
Just be sure that
Just be sure that least have the decency
least have the decency
everything will turn
everything will turn to be vague.
to be vague.
out okay.
out okay.


Page 27

I’m not a complete A flashlight is a case
idiot, some parts are for holding dead
missing. batteries.


Lottery: a tax on Artificial
people with poor Intelligence beats
math skills. real stupidity.


Hard work has a I used to have a
future payoff. handle on life, then
Laziness pays off it broke.
right now.


Page 28

I don’t suffer from All generalizations
insanity. I enjoy are false, including
every minute of it. this one.


One good thing Schizophrenia beats
about Alzheimer’s is being alone.
you get to meet
new people every
day.

If at first you A thing not worth
don’t succeed, doing isn’t worth
redefine success. doing well.


Page 29

Heck is where I don’t have a
people go who solution but I do
don’t believe in admire the problem.
gosh.


Strip mining I think sex is better
prevents forest than logic, but I can’t
fires. prove it.


A picture is worth The meek shall
a thousand words, inherit the earth,
but it uses up a after we’re through
thousand times the with it.
memory.

Page 30

If a thing is worth Two can live as
doing, it would have cheaply as one, for
already been done. half as long.


Ham & Eggs Lord, if I can’t be
A day’s work for a skinny, please at
chicken; a lifetime least let all my
commitment for a friends be fat.
pig.

Good health is The buck doesn’t
merely the slowest even slow down here
possible rate at so keep going.
which one can die.


Page 31

Confession is good It’s hard to make a
for the soul but bad comeback when you
for your career. haven’t been
anywhere.


Money isn’t My wild oats have
everything, but turned into
it sure keeps the Shreaded Wheat.
kids in touch.


Seen it all. Five out of of four
Done it all. people have trouble
Can’t remember with fractions.
most of it.

Page 32

If quitters never
win, and winners never Stressed spelled
quit, what fool came backwards is
up with “Quit while desserts.
you’re ahead.”


Clones are people On the other hand,
two. you have different
fingers


I just got lost in Those who live by
thought – it was the sword get shot
unfamiliar territory by those who don’t


Page 33

You have the right to Honk if you love
remain silent – peace and quiet
anything you say will
be misquoted and then
used against you

Nothing is foolproof Just remember, any
to a sufficiently time you have a 50-50
talented fool chance of getting
something right, there’s
a 90% probability you’ll
get it wrong

If you lined up all the The things that come
cars in the world end to those who wait
to end, someone would may be the things
try to pass them left behind by those
who got there first

Page 34

A fine is a tax for I started out with
doing wrong. A tax is nothing and still
a fine for doing well. have most of it


Light travels faster Computers let you make
than sound, which is more mistakes faster
why some people than any other invention
in human history, with
appear bright until
the possible exception
you hear them speak
of handguns and tequila

Energizer Bunny arrested
- charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type
is always b-negative.

Practice Deep Thoughts to Ponder
safe eating -
always use condiments.
Page 35

Deep questions to Ponder

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