Ref mentoring snapshot log 7

REF Mentoring Snapshots

From: YL Yee [mailto:ylyee@pc.jaring.my]
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 1:40 PM

Dear Mentors,

In an effort to keep everyone better informed and to provide good mentoring to our students,
the REF will from time to time provide short write-ups on matters related to our mentoring
programme. These “snapshots” will take no more than a 5-minute read. We hope that you will
make the time for this.

Regards,
YL Yee
Here’s the first one…

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20110420
Did you know that the objectives of the REF are:

1. Assist underprivileged 15-19 year old students (“the students”), by providing financial
assistance and personal educational support, e.g. mentoring and training courses.
2. Assist the students to stay in full time education; improve their grades; make
appropriate career/tertiary education choices and provide them with access to
appropriate “life skills” training opportunities.
3. Provide the students and their families with a network of opportunities and contacts so
as to expose the students to a range of career choices that they may not otherwise be
exposed in order to assess future opportunities properly.
4. Develop the students to their full potential by “being the best they can be”.
5. Nurture the students into good citizens who will make a useful contribution to society
and who will in time involve themselves in activities for the betterment of their
communities.

For more information on the background of the REF please see the enclosed attachment
“REF Mission and Objectives" and keep a copy of it in your mentor file.

Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 3:11 PM

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20110422
What Is My Role as a Mentor?
It seems simple at first, the notion of being a mentor: someone who spends time with a young
person. But once you are in the mentor role, you may find yourself in situations where you are
uncertain about your part in the relationship. Is it appropriate to provide discipline when she’s
out of line? What if I suspect he is experiencing trouble at home—what is my responsibility?
How can I have the most positive impact on my mentee? There is no one answer concerning
what your role is or is not.
PAUSE AND REFLECT: Clarifying your role as a mentor. Ask yourself,
1. What role does the REF expect me to play as a mentor?
2. What role do I expect to play as a mentor?
3. What role do I think my mentee will expect me to play as a mentor?
4. What are some possible role conflicts and what do I think might be done to resolve
these conflicts?

Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise

Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2011 9:59 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Journaling

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20110428
What is a journal?
Writing and keeping a journal holds the possibility of deepening our self-
understanding, and to making added sense of our lives and what we believe. It can
also help us to entertain, contain and channel troubling emotions and gain
perspective. We may also develop a greater awareness of daily life; become more
alive to what is happening to, and around, us in the daily round. At a practical
level, writing and keeping a journal can both help us with administrative tasks (like
reporting what happened, when and why) and with the process of setting goals
and managing our time and priorities.
Enclosed herewith is a set of slides which you, as a mentor, can share with your mentee on
“Writing and Keeping a Journal”. Make a copy for him/her.

Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2011 4:09 PM
To: ylyee@pc.jaring.my
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Mentoring is Serious Business

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20110503
Mentoring is Serious Business

The mentee must enter the
relationship with the profound
humility of the novice seeking
wisdom, while the mentor must
enter with the even profounder
humility of the sage who knows how
truly little he or she knows. When
one teaches, two learn.

Mentoring is serious business. It requires self-knowledge and conviction. If you
can’t do anything except to just listen, you are already a good mentor. But if
you are going to give advice, be careful. You are handling a young and
impressionable mind. Don’t take things too lightly. You can do it, but know your
limitations. Be mindful and be humble that you may not have the answers, so
listen first. It’s alright to say you will think about it and get back. Then do your
homework. Never be afraid to say, “I need help”.

Mentoring can make the mentor a better person too.

“It takes two of us to discover the truth;
one to utter it and one to understand it.”
Khalil Gibran


NB: In an effort to keep everyone better informed and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF will from time to time provide
short write-ups on matters related to our mentoring programme. These “snapshots” will take no more than a 5-minute read. We hope that
you will make the time for this.

To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - The Role of an REF Mentor

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20110510

The Role of an REF Mentor
The role of a mentor is three fold. Help the mentee
discover who he is. Help the mentee “be the best he
can”, to reach his full potential. Finally, help the
mentee learn to take responsibility for his future.

What does this mean?
It means,
§ Making time for the mentee
§ Being a role model, living and sharing noble values with the mentee
§ Providing the mentee with support, exposure and career guidance
§ At times, taking the mentee out of the comfort zone to stretch to his/her
potential
§ Encouraging the mentee to write and keep a personal journal
§ Keeping the mentee in school and constantly improving

“The miracle power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry,
application, and perseverance,
under the promptings of a brave determined spirit.”
Mark Twain



Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2011 10:53 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Values Eduaction

Values Education
In today’s open society, there is a multitude
of both positive and negative influences. It is
impractical, if not impossible, to protect a
child from all the negative influences by
physically isolating him from them without
at the same time shutting out important
experiences and positive influences as well.
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Yet the solution to this dilemma is to expose the child progressively to life but
at the same time build in him a strong value system. This is the only realistic
“protection” he can have from negative influences, while at the same time
enabling him to pick up positive influences too.

It can be very confusing at times, with the myriad of values one is supposed
to instil in a child. Fortunately, this process can be kept simple. The most
important consideration in building a strong value system in a child is to
remember two things; give him plenty of love, and be a good example to
him. Teach your child noble values, largely by simply living them yourself.

“Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values.”
Tenzin Gyatso


The REF runs a Values Education Programme for students each year exploring noble values such as Self-
confidence, Honesty, Responsibility, Compassion and Humility. The next ½-day workshop will be on 18 June
2011. Please arrange for your mentee to be present.


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Discovering Who You Are

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Discovering Who You Are
“The role of a mentor is three fold. Help the
mentee discover who he is. Help the mentee
“be the best he can”, to reach his full potential.
Finally, help the mentee learn to take
responsibility for his future.”

At the heart of the self-discovery process is the understanding of what values
mean and discovering the values that are most important to you. Because
ultimately you are defined by the values you believe in, that’s who you are.
Don’t have any illusion that this is easy work. It’s a life time’s work. But you have
to make a start now.
Successful mentoring involves helping the mentee discover who he is, his true
nature. The mentor’s role is to help provide the environment and the
opportunity for this to naturally occur. He does this by being a confidant, a
teacher, a role model, a friend, a nurturer of possibilities and most importantly,
by maintaining confidence in the mentee, constantly nurturing the mentee’s
belief in himself.

"The value of identity is of course that so often with it comes purpose."
Richard Grant

NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides short write-ups on its
programme. These “snapshots” will take no more than a 5-minute read. We hope that you will make the time for this.

Sent: Tuesday, May 31, 2011 11:49 AM
To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Reaching Your Full Potential

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Reaching Your Full Potential
mentee discover who he is. Help the mentee
“be the best he can”, to reach his full
potential. Finally, help the mentee learn to
take responsibility for his future.”

We tend to hang around with our friends because they accept us the way we are.
Friends make us feel comfortable and seldom try to tell us right from wrong,
they usually don’t judge us on what we do or don’t do. Friends never push us to
our personal limits. Mentors on the other hand, will often encourage us to go
beyond our comfort zone. This will help us stretch to our full potential.

“A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”
Benazir Bhutto


programme. These “snapshots” which takes no more than a 5-minute read is also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

Sent: Wednesday, June 08, 2011 3:21 PM
Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Future – Part 1/2

Taking Personal Responsibility
for Your Future – Part 1/2
mentee discover who he is. Help the mentee be
the best he can, to reach his full potential.
Finally, help the mentee learn to take
responsibility for his future.”
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Awardee Darshinii at the “flying-fox”
Many people associate responsibility with duty and obligations, which in turn
are thought of as burdens. But personal responsibility is not a burden. It is a
blessing. This becomes clear when we understand that personal responsibility
is nothing other than the freedom to create our own lives. Yes, responsibility
is equated with freedom and power. Once we awaken to this truth, we become
liberated and empowered. We shed our victim mentality and gain the power to
transform ourselves.
“When we take responsibility, we admit we are the ones responsible for the
choices we make. We, not other people or events, are responsible for the way
we think and feel. It is our life, and we are in charge of it.”


Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 4:45 PM
Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Future - Part 2/2

Taking Personal Responsibility
for Your Future – Part 2/2
It is a main objective of the REF programmes to
help the mentee learn to take responsibility for
his future. This will essentially involve an
awakening for him.
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Premanath at the Leadership Camp
What is this “awakening”? It is the discovery that we are more than we think
we are. It is the realization that we have taken on an identity that incorrectly or
inadequately expresses our essential being. It is as though we have been
dreaming and suddenly we awaken from the dream, look around, and become
aware of a totally different reality.

The challenge for a mentor is to provide the opportunity for the mentee to
crystallize this awakening. Not by imploring but instead by patiently working,
through the magic of question*, with the mentee to help him realize his
“blessing” of personal responsibility. Together with providing example and
exposure, the mentor can create an environment whereby the questions arise
by themselves in the mentee. A mentee once awakened will naturally realize
his purpose. He will then be more focused and know his priorities.

“The object of education is to prepare the young
to educate themselves throughout their lives.”
Robert Maynard Hutchins



Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2011 10:13 AM
Subject: The REF Mentoring Snapshot

*The Magic of Question
Through an almost magical process born
of asking questions and listening, the
Socratic Method helps you discover your
inborn ability to create, think and solve
problems.
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Responding at an REF camp debriefing

Something almost magical happens when someone asks us a question and then
truly listens to our reply. Like the proverbial key to a chest filled with incredible
riches, questions seem to unlock our brains, help us make connections, invent
new ideas, see an issue from different perspectives, and discover solutions to
problems that we never knew we knew! Because such knowledge comes from
within us, not from the outside world, it is truly “ours.” It quickly becomes part
of our conscious knowledge; it is not something that we have to “stuff in” to
our brains or cram for in order to learn.
“Great mentors, unlike teachers, almost never provide answers. They rather
seek to provide their mentees with the questions which they believe will best
lead to the learning that is unique to the individual being mentored.”
J.E. Hughes


programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:ylyee@pc.jaring.my] Sent: Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:52 AMTo:
ylyee@pc.jaring.mySubject: Mentoring Snapshot - The REF Values

The REF Values

Taking the Pledge at the Rotary club
No man is an island. We do not exist
independently but are interconnected to and
interdependent on one another. Therefore, only in
the well being of all can we hope to achieve our
own complete well being.

Yet we are no use to others unless we first help our self. The REF programmes
therefore aim to help students who desire to help themselves, firstly discover
who they are and then to help them unlock their potential – give them a better
start to a better life. But we can fully unlock our potential only when we realize
that we are meant for a higher purpose, a purpose beyond just self to one with
a regard for others. Only by understanding that we are something greater than
our individual self and that through selflessness we can access all of humanity,
will we be able to unlock what we are fully capable of – our full potential. Then,
will we be able to lead a complete, useful and fulfilling life.

Learning to help one another achieve
Those behaviours that are associated with
developing selflessness and love for all, such as
“Love Others as Your Self” and “Service Above Self”,
are called noble values. Hence in the REF, students
are taught to embrace noble values; not just in
order to create a better life for themselves but to
create a better life for all – a better world.

“Education is ultimately beyond the development of self to something far nobler,
the development of selflessness; that which links us with all humanity.”


Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2011 12:26 PM
ToSubject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Mentor Visits

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Have You Visited Your
Mentee Lately?

REF Mentor Obligations
To provide the best guidance to the
mentee, a mentor under the REF Youth
Mentorship Programme has the following
main obligations:

Mentor Teng Yoong (L) with student Chye Soon
and his mother at a mentor visit
Attend the Presentation of the Awardee and 1st
mentor briefing at the
Rotary club meeting
Visit the mentee ideally once a month (set the next meeting date at each
visit), submit the visit report, collect & submit mentee school results when
available and develop a good relationship with the mentee
Attend the quarterly Mentor Support Group Meeting
Attend the 1-day Annual Youth Mentorship Training Workshop organized
by the REF
Be familiar with REF Mentor Manual – its Policies & Guidance
Get the mentee to attend at least some of the Rotary club service projects
Escalate any complicated problems to Rotary club
Be a role model to the mentee, always being conscious that the mentor’s
commitment and values are being observed by mentee


Sent: Tuesday, July 12, 2011 1:16 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Mentee Performance

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Has your Mentee been “performing”?
REF Mentee/Awardee Obligations

Achieving the desired objectives of the
REF Mentorship programme is an end.
Along the way, a good mentee is one who
appreciates that fulfilling his/her
obligations under the programme will
improve the chances of achieving the
desired outcome. S/he is expected to
fulfill the following obligations:

REF Awardees at the recent Values Education
Workshop held on 25 June 2011

Mandatory:
Live up to the Awardee Pledge
Make time for mentor visits
Be punctual for Mentor visits/meetings and appointments
Honour commitments, e.g. return mentor phone calls and provide
information promptly when requested
Keep expenditure receipts and accounts
Keep the Awardee Passbook and Journal updated
Attend the annual REF Leadership Camp and Values Workshop/s
Attend the REF life-skills training seminars when organized
Good to Do:
Ø Participate in Rotary service projects when invited
Ø Interact with and get to know the Rotarians and other volunteer mentors



Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 2:15 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Begin with the End in Mind

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Begin with the End in Mind
If you want to go somewhere you must
have the outline planned. You don't need
every single detail because you can’t see
into the future. Simply think beyond today
and decide what direction you want to
take, so that each step you take is always in
the right direction.

Volunteer mentor Richard Hoy with mentee Premanath

Great mentors prepare the way for the ending of the relationship in the same
way that great chess masters are always looking three to four moves ahead.
For the mentee this process is often opaque and should be, if the ongoing
learning process is not to be interrupted before its proper conclusion.
Acknowledging the transitory nature of this relationship at the beginning gives
the greatest promise for its successful conclusion. Mentorship requires that
both parties begin by agreeing on how it will end.

“If you don’t know where you are going, than you probably won’t get there.” –
Forrest Gump


NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides short write-ups on
its programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

Sent: Tuesday, July 26, 2011 11:56 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - What is a Role Model?

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What is a Role Model?

The term role model is considered in the
widest sense from an individual simply
“perceived as exemplary, or worthy of
imitation”, to the inspirer “through
personal contact” and “relationship”. Thus,
mentors are seen as one type of role
model, and mentoring programs are
subsumed under the broader category of
role model programs.

Mentor Veiven Goon with mentee Sharipah
Who can be a role model?
Young people perceive a range of individuals as potential role models, including
celebrities and other famous people, family members, adult community
members, teachers and peers. They may see different groups as role models in
different kinds of ways.

As an REF mentor, be keenly aware that you are also privileged to be a role
model and that you should not only share noble values with your mentee but
live them as well. Remember that your behavior and actions are constantly
being observed by your mentee. Let it not be like “a crab teaching its young to
walk straight.” It has been said; “the mediocre teacher tells, the good teacher
explains, the superior teacher demonstrates but the great teacher inspires.”

“There is no teaching to compare with example.” – Sir Robert Baden-Powell



Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2011 1:25 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Instilling the Spirit of Volunteerism

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Instilling the Spirit of
Volunteerism

One of the objectives of the REF is to help
create awareness among our Awardees
(mentees) that we live in an
interdependent world and that we should
be helping others too. Thinking beyond self.
Awardee Yu Xin at the Tree Planting Project
by the Rotary club held on 23 Apr 2011

Additionally, an interdependent world does not only mean helping other fellow
human beings in need but also ensuring that our environment is clean and
sustainable for future generations to come and in doing so, making our world a
better one in which to live. To this end and to instill the spirit of volunteerism,
whenever the opportunity arises, we encourage our Awardees to come for
some of the community service projects we organize as a Rotary club, to give
them this exposure and appreciation. It is not compulsory, but it is an
important part of our education assistance to them.

While we are striving to achieve our potential, we remember that it is our
responsibility to help others achieve theirs too, giving value and meaning not
just to our life but to the lives of others as well.

“How can we expect our children to know and experience the joy of giving
unless we teach them that the greater pleasure in life lies in the art of giving
rather than receiving?” – James Cash Penney



Sent: Tuesday, August 09, 2011 11:49 AM
To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Humility

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Humility

Mentorship starts with humility. To be a
highly successful mentor, you must first
humble yourself like a little child and be
willing to serve others. Nobody wants to
follow someone who is arrogant. Be
humble as a child. Always curious, always
hungry and thirsty for knowledge.

For what is excellence but knowledge plus knowledge plus knowledge - always
wanting to better yourself, always improving, always growing.

When you are humble, you become genuinely interested in people because you
want to learn from them. And because you want to learn and grow, you will be
a far more effective listener, which is the #1 mentorship communication tool.
When people sense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening to
them, they will naturally be interested in you and listen to what you have to
say.

Unfortunately, many mentors treat mentoring as an ego trip whereby they talk
about nothing but themselves. The process of mentoring someone is not about
the mentor - it is about the student. A great mentor is able to put his own ego
to one side and make it about the student. A mentor is in the business of
helping others and passing on his knowledge.



Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 11:59 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Help Your Self to Help Others – The Awardee Pledge

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Help Your Self to Help Others – The Awardee Pledge

One of the most important qualities an REF
Awardee must have is “the desire to help
oneself”. This is not to say that those who can’t
help themselves do not need help but the REF
is not the right party to render such help
because as a group of part-time volunteers, we
are less effective at helping those who will not
help themselves. Awardee Jen Nee taking
the Pledge
For a potential Awardee, the desire to help oneself is assessed by a student’s
academic results and her participation in extra-curricular activities. Yet a desire
to help oneself alone does not make one a useful person. Being useful requires
one to make a positive contribution to society. And so, to complement the
financial assistance provided, the REF programmes together with participation
in some of the voluntary community service projects of the Rotary club are
aimed at instilling awareness that in the larger context, being useful means
being able to help others in need. Indeed the REF exists only because others –
Rotarians and volunteers – have regarded it as their service to the community.

Awardees are taught that in order to be useful, they have to help others; and in
order to help others, they have to first help themselves. Finally, that if they
make it their aim to be a useful member of society, they will in turn have a
meaningful and fulfilling life. Understanding these aims for the Awardee
formally begins with the taking of the Awardee Pledge at a meeting of the
Rotary club.

To remind us of our vision for the mentee, “The Awardee Pledge” is attached herewith and
in your mentor file. Please find time to review it in detail together with your mentee.

Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2011 10:27 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Only When We are One

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Only When We are One

Throughout the REF Youth Mentoring
Programme, two dedicated mentors are
assigned to visit the student (mentee).
Especially in the initial phase of the
programme, these visits are done in the
presence of the parents/guardian. The role
of Rotary and the objectives of the
mentoring programme are clearly explained
in the beginning of the mentorship to both
student and parents
Awardee Joshua with mentors Frances Po (L)
and Lee Hooi Cheng

In time, only after confidence and trust have developed with the
parents/guardian, the mentors may spend some time with the student alone.
In the REF, mentors are deployed in pairs as back-ups for one another, for
safety and security, and to improve mentoring quality by being able to provide
mutual feedback.

However we must always be sensitive to the fact that the appearance of two
older adult individuals as mentors can be a daunting experience for the young
student. The mentee may be overawed during the mentoring sessions,
experiencing difficulty expressing herself and becoming withdrawn. Mentors
must recognize this aspect, and therefore have to go the extra mile to try and
make the mentee as comfortable as possible. Always be conscious of this fact
that as REF mentors, you are “two” and the mentee is “one”. Yet in the end,
the mentoring programme can only be successful by overcoming this challenge,
when mentors and mentee “become one”, in pursuit of the common objective
of developing the mentee to her full potential.


Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2011 11:33 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: An Everyday Mentor

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An Everyday Mentor: Vertulie Ferdinand F.

“She was my rock. She opened her door in 1971 to me when I was 2 years old.
She taught me moral values and with her nurturing love, I became a nurse, a
business woman, most of all a philanthropist. I opened a school for children
and adults, 4 clinics and an orphanage in Haiti. Vertulie taught me to love
others and to share. She instilled in me the faith in myself, education and
determination. Just by watching her every day I am able to be who I am today.”
…Vertulie Ferdinand was born in La Vallee, Haiti. She died in 1996.



Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 11:16 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: The Types of Mentors

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The Types of Mentors
The first is the “pleaser”. This kind of mentor
just wants to please the student and won't
cause any waves. This type of mentor is deadly
to a student's progress. A mentor is not there to
be a student's best friend; he is there to get the
student to reach his full potential - and that can
often mean confronting and challenging the
student. If a student's work is not good, he
needs to know or he will never improve.

Mentor Kong with student Pui Yee

The next is the “dinosaur”. This is a mentor who has been teaching for 100 years
and has lost touch with young people. The mentor has worked with students
since 1895. He may have some insights of value but he hasn’t kept pace with
current developments and changes.

The last is the “truth-teller”. This kind of mentor will tell it like it is - warts and
all. He does it not to offend but to create pressure whereby the student pushes
himself to his full potential. But besides confronting, the mentor also nurtures.
The student should be aware that the mentor has his best interest at heart, to
ensure too that when the difficult critiques arise the student is able to deal with
them.

There could be a fourth, the “destroyer”. This is the kind that only confronts and
tears a student down but doesn't build him back up. This is counter-productive
and won't allow the student to move on.

Enclosed herewith is a copy of the newly issued “Mentor Self Assessment” form. Please make
a copy for your mentor file and find some time to do the assessment to improve the quality of
your mentoring.

Sent: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 2:55 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Leadership Development

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Leadership Development

We are something far greater than our
individual self. Our interrelatedness and
interdependence on one another means
that we have access to the rest of
humanity. An ability to tap into the rest of
humanity means that we can achieve far
greater than what we are able to just by our
self alone.

Students negotiating an obstacle course
at the REF Leadership Camp
Developing leadership skills means developing the ability to communicate, to
express our thoughts (and at times even our feelings) clearly to build effective
teams by motivating and inspiring the best out of others. It is to be able to
work with each other to achieve a common objective and that means
understanding that the whole is far greater than the sum of the individual
parts.

And therefore the quality of our relationships with one another has a direct
impact on what we are capable of doing – achieving our full potential. Our
leadership qualities enable us to effectively tap into the rest of humanity. In
other words, to reach our full potential we must develop our qualities of
leadership. Leadership is not going around telling everyone, “I am a leader” or
even that, “I am prepared to lead”. The philosopher Lao Tzu said, “Of the best
leaders, when the work is done, the people say, ‘We did it ourselves.’”

Leadership is but one of the noble values taught in the REF. It is important
enough that a dedicated programme is designed just for this value alone.



Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 11:04 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Inner Peace

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Inner Peace
I am passing this on to you because it definitely
worked for me and we all could use more calm
in our lives. By following the simple advice I
heard on a Medical TV show, I have finally
found inner peace.
A doctor proclaimed the way to achieve inner
peace is to finish all the things you
have started.

Awardee Prem with Rotarian Poay Lim
In a light moment at the Leadership Camp
So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn’t finished, and,
before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle
of shhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha
mainder of botal Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a
choclits.

Yu haf no idr hou gud I feal. Peas sha dis to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pis.
Something light this week you didn’t expect? Have a nice day.



Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 12:18 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Guiding Students and Training Parents

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Guiding Students and Training Parents
Educating children is mostly about educating
parents on their conduct. In turn, the
conduct of parents is an education to the
children.

“The value of a marriage is not
that adults produce children,
but that children produce adults.”
– Peter De Vries, novelist

L-R: Mentors May Lim, Mun Yee with
Awardee Noel and his mother Sharon
A child is generally born emotionally well balanced and full of self-confidence.
Often over time and through bad habits, parents unwittingly erode his/her self-
confidence, adversely affecting his emotional well-being. In a child’s education,
the responsibility of parents is three fold: Provide the child with a good set of
values (environment), create the space and opportunities (exposure) for the
child to discover himself, and forbear eroding his self-confidence.

Like educating children, mentoring too is a lot about training parents/guardian
on their “conduct”. An REF mentor may spend about 2-3 hours in a month with
the student. Whereas parents spend much of the available formative time with
him. They are his real guides and greatest influence. A mentor can teach the
student good values only to have the work undone by parents if they do not
believe in or fully appreciate the purpose of the mentoring programme.

Help parents understand the philosophy of the programme and how it is a good
path for their child. Request that they be present at the mentoring sessions,
especially in the beginning. In between mentor visits, have parents reinforce the
messages you are trying to convey. Invite parents to our REF activities. Parents
must not do anything that may sabotage the process. For any student mentoring
programme to succeed, parents must subscribe to the values being taught,
working hand-in-hand as supportive partners to the mentor/s.

Sent: Tuesday, October 04, 2011 4:18 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 1/2

YMP-SNAP 0026
Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 1/2
(Adolescence, 12 to 18 years)
As they make the transition from
childhood to adulthood, adolescents
ponder the roles they will play in the adult
world. Initially, they are apt to experience
some role confusion - mixed ideas and
feelings about the specific ways in which
they will fit into society - and may
experiment with a variety of behaviors and
activities (e.g. tinkering with cars, baby-
sitting for neighbors, affiliating with
certain political or religious groups).

Awardee Kushallini during a break at the
Leadership Camp 2011
Eventually, most adolescents achieve a sense of identity regarding who they
are and where their lives are headed. Erikson* is credited with coining the term
"Identity Crisis”. This turning point in human development seems to be the
reconciliation between “the person one has come to be” and “the person
society expects one to become”. This emerging sense of self will be established
by “forging” past experiences with anticipations of the future.

What is unique about the stage of Identity is that it is a special sort of synthesis
of earlier stages and a special sort of anticipation of later ones. Youth has a
certain unique quality in a person's life; it is a bridge between childhood and
adulthood. Youth is a time of radical change—the great body changes
accompanying puberty, the ability of the mind to search one's own intentions
and the intentions of others, the suddenly sharpened awareness of the roles
society has offered for later life. – An extract from the Wikipedia

*Erik Erikson was a renowned Danish-German-American developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst known
for his theory on social development of human beings.

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 2/2

YMP-SNAP 0027
Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 2/2
(Adolescence, 12 to 18 years)
Adolescents "are confronted by the need to
re-establish boundaries for themselves and
to do this in the face of an often potentially
hostile world." This is often challenging since
commitments are being asked for before
particular identity roles have formed. At this
point, one is in a state of 'identity confusion',
but society normally makes allowances for
youth to "find themselves," and this state is
called 'the moratorium'.

Students debriefing at the Leadership camp 2011
The problem of adolescence is one of role confusion—a reluctance to commit
which may haunt a person into his mature years. Given the right conditions—
and Erikson* believes these are essentially having enough space and time, a
psychological moratorium, when a person can freely experiment and explore—
what may emerge is a firm sense of identity, an emotional and deep awareness
of who he or she is.

No matter how one has been raised, one’s personal ideologies are now chosen
for oneself. Oftentimes, this leads to conflict with adults over religious and
political orientations. Another area where teenagers are deciding for
themselves is their career choice. If parents or society is too insistent, the
teenager will acquiesce to external wishes, effectively forcing him/her to
“foreclose” on experimentation and, therefore, true self-discovery. According to
Erikson, when an adolescent has balanced both perspectives of “What have I
got?” and “What am I going to do with it?” he or she has established their
identity. – An extract from the Wikipedia

*Erik Erikson was a renowned Danish-German-American developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst known
for his theory on social development of human beings.

Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:27 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Goal Setting

YMP-SNAP 0028
Goal Setting

You are all packed and ready to go on
your first cross country drive. You are
going to see it all. You put the car in gear
and you are off the blocks. First stop
Bentong and then Gua Musang and
eventually to Kota Baru. An hour into the
drive you come across an unfamiliar
intersection and you have to pull out the
map for the first time.

You panic when you realize that the map is out of date and does not list the
intersection. You are confused and you mutter some expletives. You turn right,
change the radio station and press on. You say the heck with it because you
know where you are going. By the end of the day, and many expletives later,
you finally arrive at Jerantut. Unfortunately, you never reach Kota Baru.
Too many of us treat goal setting the same way. We dream about where we
want to go, but we don’t have a map to get there.
What is a map? In essence, the written word. What is the difference between a
dream and a goal? Once again, the written word. But we need to do more than
simply scribble down some ideas on a piece of paper. Our goals need to be
complete and focused, much like a road map.
To help you and your mentee reach the destination, the REF provides a set of
templates to help you set out the longer term goals of the mentorship, the
immediate mentoring session goals (which should be consistent with the longer
term goals) and to review the goals every six months. If you don’t already have
them please ask for them from the YMP Lead.

“If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else.”

– Yogi Berra



Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Not Deciding for but Supporting the Mentee

YMP-SNAP 0029
Not Deciding for but Supporting the Mentee

It is never the task of the mentor to resolve
all the mentee’s challenges with a magic
wand. It is never the role of the mentor to
make decisions for or to do the work of the
student or his family. If that were to
happen, laziness would triumph and the
mentee would never gain the necessary
knowledge or experience to be responsible.

Volunteer Mentor Mun Yee with Awardee Noel
The project to help and educate the student is based on the student
understanding his strengths and weaknesses; understanding his own errors and
on the effort he makes to overcome and avoid them in future. And so a good
mentor cannot force help onto the mentee. The mentee must want it. As an
outsider, the mentor is not the one experiencing the challenging situation of the
mentee and his family. So her role cannot be to decide for the mentee. The
mentor is an advisor and impresses that important decisions must rest with the
mentee (and his family). The mentor listens, shares her experience, and helps
the mentee identify all options available to him so that he (mentee) can make a
quality decision and understands the consequences of his choice. Sometimes
the mentor may help secure some relevant resources.

Knowing that he must take full responsibility and that he must live with the
consequences of his decisions, the mentee (and his family) has ownership of
important decisions. And once a decision is made in this way, a good mentor
must then fully support his mentee.



Sent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 3:30 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: A Compassionate Individual

YMP-SNAP 0030

A Compassionate Individual: Dr. Harini P.
While the majority of physicians in our suburb refuse to treat patients on
Medical Assistance, Dr. Harini P. is a dedicated pediatrician who not only
accepts these patients, but gives them excellent medical care and treats them
with dignity and respect.

She is always accessible to her patients, never too busy for to take a call from
a concerned parent or to spend extra time during a visit to provide
reassurance. Patient care is her priority, from staying late to see a sick child
brought in without an appointment, to treating a child who has no insurance
and can't pay for service.

She is as thoughtful and considerate of colleagues and associates as she is of
patients, whether it's making time to see a pharmaceutical rep who's dropped
by, or allowing her employees flexibility in their work schedules.

A gentle soft-spoken woman, she has provided loving care for the children in
this community for almost 20 years. Her compassionate and nurturing touch
combines with her dedication to staying abreast of current trends in pediatric
medicine to make her the embodiment of a genuine "Dr. Mom." She certainly
deserves recognition for her extraordinary efforts on behalf of children and
families.



Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2011 4:32 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot:When You are Speaking More than I

YMP-SNAP 0031
When You are Speaking More than I

Typically, at the beginning of the mentoring
programme, communication between
mentor and mentee is a one way street,
with the mentor doing more of the talking.
This may be necessary initially as the mentor
goes about setting the parameters of the
mentorship being obliged to do a bit of
defining, explaining and “teaching”.

Awardee Thenmoli presenting at
the Leadership Camp 2011

However it is an intention of the mentoring programme that over time, the
mentee eventually learns to express herself clearly and effectively. Hence the
mentee must be given the opportunity to not just speak for the sake of
speaking, but to speak when expected to, and to speak with substance. He
must feel the freedom to express, reflecting a healthy relationship. And so the
mentor must eventually transition from a talking mode to a listening mode.

However this can only occur when the mentee learns to trust the mentor and
understands her good intentions. So work on building trust and letting go of
“lecturing”. The mentoring sessions should be one where the mentee looks
forward to with excitement and is bursting to share with the mentor her
thoughts and experiences that happened since the last session. The mentee
should be “speaking more than the mentor”, with the mentor quietly listening.
When this happens, the mentor has become a friend.

Be conscious of this from the beginning. It is one of the key objectives of a
good mentorship.


its programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors..

Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 11:15 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Origins of the Mentor

YMP-SNAP 0032

Origins of the Mentor
Telemachus and Mentor
In Greek mythology, Mentor was the son of
Alcimus or Anchialus. In his old age Mentor
was a friend of Odysseus who placed
Mentor and Odysseus' foster-brother
Eumaeus in charge of his son Telemachus,
and of Odysseus' palace, when Odysseus left
for the Trojan War.
When Athena visited Telemachus she took the disguise of Mentor to hide
herself from the suitors of Telemachus' mother Penelope. As Mentor, the
goddess encouraged Telemachus to stand up against the suitors and go abroad
to find out what happened to his father. When Odysseus returned to Ithaca,
Athena appeared briefly in the form of Mentor again at Odysseus' palace.
Because of Mentor's relationship with Telemachus, and the disguised Athena's
encouragement and practical plans for dealing personal dilemmas, the personal
name Mentor has been adopted in English as a term meaning someone who
imparts wisdom to and shares knowledge with a less experienced colleague.
The first recorded modern usage of the term can be traced to a 1699 book
entitled Les Aventures de Telemaque, by the French writer François Fénelon. In
the book the lead character is that of Mentor. This book was very popular
during the 18th century and the modern application of the term can be traced
to this publication. This is the source of the modern use of the word mentor: a
trusted friend, counselor or teacher, usually a more experienced person. Some
professions have "mentoring programs" in which newcomers are paired with
more experienced people, who advise them and serve as examples as they
advance. Schools sometimes offer mentoring programs to new students, or
students having difficulties. Today mentors provide expertise to less
experienced individuals to help them advance their careers, enhance their
education, and build their networks. – An extract from Wikipedia


programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors..

Sent: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 10:00 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Community-Based Mentoring

YMP-SNAP 0033
Community-Based Mentoring
Many relationships between Bigs and
Littles fall under our Community-Based
programs. These are one-to-one outings
and activities, doing things they enjoy
together, like:
1. Taking a walk in the park
2. Going to museum
3. Inspiring each other
4. Listening to music
5. Hanging out and talking

Some Bigs meet their Littles on the weekends. Others get together with their
Littles in the evenings. Each match is unique and develops a schedule that works
for them.
Role models make an impact
Studies show that children who have role models are more likely to improve in
school and in their relationships with family and friends, and less likely to skip
school or use illegal drugs or alcohol. Students who are successful in school are
less likely to drop out, abuse drugs or commit crimes. In fact, the success of
children enrolled in Big Brothers Big Sisters was proven in a nationwide
randomized study. – An extract from Big Brothers Big Sisters



Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2011 3:33 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Youth Mentors Make a Positive Difference

YMP-SNAP 0034
Youth mentors make a positive difference
– Jeraux Makata and David McGrath

Jeraux and David couldn't be more different.
"I am the Pakeha dad, married with three kids and
living in a Mt Eden villa and working in an industry
where it seems like every second guy drives a
Porsche 911," says David, who works in IT Sales for
technology vendor Cisco and as their account
manager for Telecom Group.
"Jeraux is the young Polynesian living in South Auckland with his dad and
younger brother. They don't have internet at home and he hasn't seen his
mother or sister for seven years because they moved to Australia and he can't
afford to fly over there. But I think coming from such different backgrounds is
what makes the experience so interesting for both of us."
David describes his 17-year-old high school protege as a rock star on the brink of
stardom: intelligent, good-looking and charismatic. A prefect at De La Salle
College, Jeraux says his dad was always encouraging him to think about his
future; David is a neutral sounding board helping him to crystallise what he
wants.
"I think the most awkward part was meeting Jeraux's dad Mack for the first
time, because I imagined he was thinking 'Jeraux already has a dad, so who the
hell are you to come around acting like Mr Know-It-All?"' says David. "But Mack
is a great guy and after getting to know each other I think he realised I am not
arrogant, I am just another voice in Jeraux's life - one who hopefully can bring a
useful perspective particularly around university and careers paths and where
they can lead."
After years working in the banking and IT worlds in New Zealand and Britain,
David felt it was time to give back to the community, and to share something of

what he'd learned from his life.
When he and Jeraux first met they talked about their favourite hobbies and
sports. "It later moved on to highlighting my direction and intentions after
leaving school," says Jeraux. "Which uni do I want to attend? What do I want to
study? How do I get in? What do I need?"
While he's still not entirely certain, Jeraux has applied for degree programmes in
architecture and engineering, and says David has opened his eyes to the
possibility of IT engineering, something he'd never considered. The pair are also
hopeful they can work on a plan to get Jeraux to Australia to visit his mum and
sister. Throughout the process they've made time to get to know each other by
visiting each other's family and paintball shooting.
A month after he started mentoring David discovered his 2-year-old daughter
had autism. "It is good to step outside your own life and see the world through
someone else's eyes," David says.
"It gives you a more balanced and compassionate perspective because it makes
you realise there are many people in this world who are hugely talented and full
of potential, but life doesn't always give them an even break."
– An extract from a NZHerald article on the First Foundation

Sent: Wednesday, December 07, 2011 11:43 AM
To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Mentoring Performers- Learning to Express Effectively

YMP-SNAP 0035
Mentoring Performers
– Learning to Express Effectively

Awardee Prem making a point at the
REF Leadership Camp 2011
There is little more a mentor can do to get the
“performer” student – one who is already getting
good grades – to work hard. He (or she) is already
mindful and taking responsibility for his studies.
However, with good grades the student is a prime
candidate for a scholarship. Here a mentor can
play an important role – preparing the student for
the scholarship interview.

Many students with excellent grades have faltered at their scholarship
interview. The reason for this is that they were poor at expressing themselves
clearly. Some that could speak were not equipped with “substance” and were
not rounded individuals. Interviewers generally look for a good ability to express
thoughts and exposure beyond the technical and examination subjects. An
excellent student must have the ability to convince the interviewers that he is
the right candidate for the scholarship.

What’s required in learning to express clearly and effectively?
Opportunities to speak, developing the reading habit and having the right
exposure. Encourage your mentee to:
§ Read widely; beyond school books to e.g. newspapers and current affairs
magazines
§ Participate in discussions; especially at opportunities offered in the REF
Leadership Camp, Values Workshop and other seminars/talks, and
volunteer to make presentations whenever there is a chance
§ Participate in school extra-curricular activities and take up positions of
leadership
§ Interact when taking part in Rotary club community service projects

§ Speak up during mentoring sessions
§ Be humble

A “performer” must not neglect or avoid learning the above. (Indeed all
students, not just performers, must learn them.) In this way, he learns to speak
with confidence and substance. We should encourage the student to learn
independent, critical and analytical thinking. Then he should also develop the
ability to express what is in his mind together with the ability to speak clearly.
As his mentor, start encouraging him now, to develop the right habits because
filling the mind with “substance” is an on-going process and not something that
can happen overnight.


Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2011 12:58 PM

YMP-SNAP 0036
Whose need are we serving anyway?
From “It’s all about me” to “I’m all about it”

Child discipline is much about parent
discipline. The child learns from the
parents by example. It is easy sometimes
to lapse into playful indiscipline when
spending time with him (or her). For e.g. as
a parent, it is fun to feed your young child
from your plate. But if you do it, very soon
the child will refuse to eat from his/her
plate and will only eat from yours.
REF Awardee Noriza Bte Kemi (2
nd
right)
from Carey Island with her family

The child absorbs all these signals. Be very disciplined about conveying the right
messages all the time. For parents, setting a good example is a discipline that
they have to impose on themselves.

Ask our self each time we take an action in respect of the child whether we are
doing it to fulfill a need of the child or are we doing it to fulfill a need of our own.
If it is just for our own need, be very careful. E.g. soon after the child is born, a
parent may decide to put a “teddy” bear next to the sleeping baby even before
the baby has left the hospital. Is this action to fulfill a need of the child or to fulfill
a need of the parent?

The interventions and support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of a
parent. In the same way, each time we intervene and support the mentee, we
should ask our self honestly, “Am I fulfilling a need of the mentee or am I fulfilling
one of my own needs?” If the answer is the latter then think again, as this action
is likely to stem from selfishness and ego rather than compassion and generosity.
Be disciplined about this.



Sent: Wednesday, December 21, 2011 3:31 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Freedom from Poverty is a Human Right

YMP-SNAP 0037
Freedom from poverty is a human right and not a
matter of compassion, say UN leaders
10 December 2006 – The Universal
Declaration of Human Rights rings hollow
to the millions of people around the
world who have to struggle in extreme
poverty, Secretary-General Kofi Annan
said today as he called for progress on
human development to go hand in hand
with advances in security and human
rights.

Awardee Prem with his father Kavuthaman
and family members
In a message marking International Human Rights Day, whose theme this year is
that fighting poverty should be a matter of obligation and not charity, Mr.
Annan said that “if we are to be serious about human rights, we must
demonstrate that we are serious about deprivation.” Mr. Annan said the world's
poorest are the people least capable of achieving or defending rights – such as
to a decent standard of living or to food and essential health care – that others
take for granted. “We must all recognize that wherever families eke out an
existence, the Declaration has, at best, a hollow ring,” he said.
Poverty is both a cause and a product of human rights violations, UN High
Commissioner for Human Rights Louise Arbour said. “We reaffirm that freedom
from want is a right, not merely a matter of compassion,” she said. “Fighting
poverty is a duty that binds those who govern as surely as their obligation to
ensure that all people are able to speak freely, choose their leaders and worship
as their conscience guides them.”
General Assembly President Sheikha Haya Rashed Al Khalifa said, “Being poor
makes it harder to find a job and get access to basic services, such as health,
education and housing. Poverty is above all about having no power and no

voice.” She added that history is littered with well-meaning but unsuccessful
schemes for eradicating poverty, and called for fresh programmes that tackle
the root causes, such as discrimination and social exclusion.



Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2011 1:09 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Teaching Awareness – The Role of the REF

YMP-SNAP 0038
Teaching Awareness – The Role of the REF
A child is generally born pristine,
emotionally well adjusted and full
of self-confidence. Parents may
unwittingly erode away his (or
her) self-confidence over time and
hence affect his emotional well
being. The responsibility of
parents towards a child is three
fold:
§ Provide the child with a good
set of values,
§ Provide opportunities for the
child to discover himself, and
§ Refrain from eroding his self-
confidence.

While the conduct of the child, “good” or “bad”, may generally be due to
nurturing (or lack thereof) of the parents, yet somewhere between adolescent
and adulthood, the individual (child) must learn to stop blaming his parents and
start taking responsibility for his actions and for his future. Or in other words,
develop the ability to “help himself”. When he decides to make this choice, he
matures into an adult.

The difference between maturity and immaturity is largely the “awareness” of
taking this responsibility. The parents’ role is to support this development
through the threefold responsibility mentioned above. While it may be arguable
whether the development of this awareness can be hastened, it is certainly
possible to hinder it by not providing the appropriate support.

Mentoring is an honour, a privilege and a responsibility. Few people get a chance
to do it, yet (or because) it only requires volunteering. The interventions and

support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of a parent. And so the main
role of the REF is to help the student develop awareness. Besides the awareness
of responsibility, through the REF the student will gain awareness of other
humanitarian values as well. And in successfully doing so, he turns into a useful
adult and a responsible citizen of his community.

Over the next eight weeks, the REF Mentoring Snapshot will introduce an
important series on “Teaching Awareness”. We hope you will find it both
interesting and helpful in your mentoring work. Happy New Year!



Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2012 11:23 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: To See Clearly and to Do the Right Thing

YMP-SNAP 0039
REF Value - Humility
“To See Clearly and to Do the Right Thing”
(Part 1 of an 8-part series on “Teaching Awareness”)

In life we want to “do the right thing”; not
just the things that we like. For
sometimes the things that we like may
not be moral or legal. So it is not enough
just to pursue what we are passionate
about but to pursue what we are
passionate about that is also right.

But how do we know what is right?

Help your Mentee see clearly
It is not enough to speak the truth; we need to also work on being able to see
the truth. For far too often, honest people have been cheated, unable to see
that others are telling them lies. So we need a compass, a way to judge right and
wrong. We need a way to tell truth from lie, a way to see the truth clearly.

What is the cause of our inability to see the truth? It is often self-interest. Self-
interest obstructs our vision. In order to see the truth clearly we must free our
actions (and thoughts) from being tainted by self-interest. Put the well-being of
others ahead of us. We can and should still think of self-development and self-
improvement but in the context of being better able to help others eventually.
The relevant value to cultivate here is Humility (or Selflessness).

Through the value of humility, not obstructed by self-interest, we gain the ability
to see clearly and we are likely to recognize what is right. Once we know what is
right, we can proceed to do what is right. And then trust that passion will be the
consequence of doing the right thing and not the other way round.

“Do what is right, not just what you like.

If what you like is also what is right, then do it with all your might.”



Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 11:58 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Awakening to Awareness

YMP-SNAP 0040
REF Value - Responsibility
Awakening to Awareness


Much of mentorship must focus on the
objective of kindling “awareness” in the
mentee. In the simplest sense, this means
awakening him (or her) to being able to see
clearly; and to being the person he should
be. This is the basis of a values-based
education. Mentees and Mentors at the 2
nd
Values Education
Workshop on 13Aug2011 at SMK Sri Permata
When a child is awakened to awareness he understands to take responsibility
for his actions and for his future. He appreciates that his actions come with
consequences; that good consequences follow good actions and vice versa. Yet
he accepts that his “failures” are not attributable to anyone else or even to his
circumstances; that with awareness, failure in fact points the way to success.
With awareness, he knows that despite his circumstances he holds the power to
change in his own hands. He always has. He appreciates that the only change he
has control over is change to himself, starting with the ability to change how he
looks at things. And that he cannot control what life throws at him but he can
control how he responds to it. Indeed taking control over self is the only control
he has and the only control he needs. With control of self, he can “control” or
master the world – by taking charge of his own life and by being an example to
others.

When a person is awakened, he does not blame his parents for not developing
the reading habit in him because he was not read to when he was an infant. He
just reads now because he knows its “good” for him. He does not blame being
born into poverty for not being able to achieve. He just does what it takes to
succeed. He takes charge of the change necessary because that’s the “right”
thing to do.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mohandas Gandhi



Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2012 11:37 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Challenge of Awakening

YMP-SNAP 0041
REF Value - Honesty
The Challenge of Awakening

How do we make a student aware of taking
responsibility for his future? Or more
importantly; how do we make him aware of
the need to be aware? This is the more
relevant question as good suggestions, such as
get a teacher, commit to it, learn, show up and
slow down; are helpful only once the student
is awaken to awareness. They are steps to take
to “increase” awareness.

Mentors in a discussion during an annual
REF Mentors Workshop
With the awakening to awareness, the student finds his compass and will know
to do the right thing with his life. If we have the answer to this question we can
then develop an effective programme to help the student. So what is it that
crystallizes this initial awareness? When they confront themselves with honesty,
most students know that doing well in their studies is important. Yet some do
not put the necessary honest hard work into doing so. Even those already doing
well can do better. But few are awakened to the fact that they have virtually
unlimited potential.

Is the moment of awakening fixed for a particular individual regardless of what
we do? Is it possible to awaken the student before “his time”? Do we, as
“teachers”, wait for the student to be ready before we appear? Is there no way
of hastening the awakening to awareness? What is this awakening a function
of? Realistically, is the REF able to help the student awaken to his responsibility
for himself and thus make a positive difference to his life?


Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 11:22 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: How Does Obstruction to Learning Arise?

Good morning and good new beginning. The Mentoring Snapshot marches on this new lunar year
with the article below. We hope you find it interesting.

Best wishes,
The REF

YMP-SNAP 0042

REF Value - Humility
How does “Obstruction to Learning” arise?

Just talking to or instructing a student on
awareness will have limited success in
bringing about awareness.

“Many young students are not ready to
learn about life from their elders, believing
that their times are different and therefore
their needs are different too,” observes a
parent.

Students at the REF Leadership Camp 2011

“While they are happy to learn about technical subjects such as mathematics
and science, many students believe that older people are disconnected and
therefore have little to teach them when it comes to life and values. They do not
realize that from time immemorial, good values remain as good values no
matter the times we live in,” says a school teacher.

The reason for this emergent negative perception by an adolescent is partly due
to well-intentioned parents unwittingly filling their child with bad habits and less
than desirable values through their own examples. And so, as young as they are,
many students are already obstructed by their ego from learning.

“Like this cup, you are also too full of your own opinions and speculations. How
can I show you wisdom unless you first empty your mind?” – Zen master Nan-in

Yet, even this drawback may be overcome by the student himself if he is able to
develop awareness. Through awareness of the value of humility, not obstructed
by self-interest, the student can gain the ability to see clearly and he is likely to
recognize what is right. Even if he may have had a difficult upbringing, with
awareness, the student will realize doing the right thing for his own good. He
can take charge of the change necessary because that’s the “right” thing to do.
This is the power of awareness.

(The above article is part 4 of an 8-part series on “Teaching Awareness”)



Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 12:00 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot:Hastening the Awakening

YMP-SNAP 0043
REF Value - Compassion
Hastening the Awakening

How do we make a student aware of taking
responsibility for his future? If we have the
answer to this key question, we can then
develop an effective programme to help the
student. Do we, as teachers (or mentors) wait
for the student to be ready before we appear?
Is there a way of hastening the awakening of
the student to awareness?

Student Dwayne on the “flying fox”
If we take the view that the awakening can be a function of nurture, it means
that the awakening depends on the amount of exposure and influence the
student gets. Here the REF can play a role in providing experiential learning
opportunities and mentoring guidance. In particular providing so to speak,
“experiences of compassion” will help to humble a person and open him (or
her) to learning.

We have heard how the allegorical Zen master teaches by first breaking down
the student, “killing” the ego. The student then “surrenders” to the master. Yet
just “breaking down” an individual is not the complete answer. The master has
to thereafter rebuild the individual or else he will leave the student “broken”
and far worse than he started with. Once the ego is killed, the student is found.
And then the master, himself without an ego – with compassion and humility –
can begin to teach the student who now has a beginner’s mind, i.e. open, empty
and ready to be filled with wisdom.

“When the ego is killed, the student is ready.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

(The above article is part 5 of an 8-part series on “Teaching Awareness”)

Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:06 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Teaching Awareness

YMP-SNAP 0044
REF Value - Self Belief
“Teaching Awareness”

While some parents may feel that the
teaching method of the allegorical Zen
master-teacher is too radical for their
children, awareness is often crystallized when
the student experiences a “personal crisis”. It
is in crisis that the ego is set aside, at least
momentarily, allowing the individual
unobstructed vision, to see things – his life –
clearly.
EQTD’s Shankar facilitating an activity
at the 2011 REF Leadership Camp
When this happens, the individual is humbled and effective learning takes place.
It is a crisis that forces the student to go inwards, into the very core of his being
to ask the question, “who am I?” and to also ask where he is and where he
should be heading – “who should I be?” In doing so, the student experiences a
realization and becomes “aware of the need to be aware”. Often the crisis can
be characterized as a “life-changing” experience. Teaching methods must
incorporate this aspect into their experiential learning model to awaken the
student to awareness. Such methods incorporate simulated personal crisis
exercises in a supervised environment that take the student out of his comfort
zone – often creating and overcoming fear – as a method of sharpening
awareness resulting in increased self belief. Examples of these exercises include
white-water rafting, jungle warfare games, and solo-camping. A well chosen and
meaningful community service project can jolt a student out of his comfort zone
and bring him to awareness.

In all these exercises, the employment of a proper debriefing phase is a very
important aspect of the “rebuilding” of the student (and this is often handled
poorly in badly designed programmes). Such exercises when well executed are
the most effective at hastening the development of awareness. Many high-

intensity sports have the same effect too. That is why besides learning about
leadership, participating in sports and other extra-curricular activities are
important in the development of young people and in “opening their eyes”.




Sent: Friday, February 17, 2012 11:08 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Discovering Identity, Purpose and Meaning

YMP-SNAP 0045
REF Value - Compassion
Discovering Identity, Purpose and Meaning
The REF helps create awareness in the
student that because he lives in an
interconnected world, his potential is far
greater if he learns to tap into the rest of
humanity. And that means thinking beyond
self and helping others. Relationships with
one another are important. Humanitarian
and noble values such as compassion,
fairness and care for the environment, help
develop quality relationships creating a
better world.

Students in an activity at the REF leadership camp
With the 4-prong holistic programme, the REF aims to help the student achieve
the best he can be, helping him reach his full potential.

How do we do this? Through a Values-based Education programme.

Firstly, we help the student discover who he is. His self identity is defined
largely by the values he believes in. We help him understand that with good
values he can move through life with confidence, unlocking his potential. Good
values will also support the improvement of academic performance. The REF
then helps him discover his purpose. Not just any purpose, but a higher
purpose anchored on the appreciation of humanitarian values, of thinking
beyond self. With a sense of purpose he will have a sense of direction, knowing
where he wants to go and what he wants to do with his life. His purpose and
his values may evolve and improve with time, as he gains more knowledge and
experience but by making a start now, he finds his compass. As he moves
through life purposefully, equipped with good values, he finds meaning helping
others. And so the aim of a Values-based holistic Education Programme is to

help the student discover identity, purpose and meaning.

With a belief system based on humanitarian values, as the student is striving
to achieve his potential, he is aware that it is also his responsibility to help
others achieve theirs too, giving value and meaning not just to his own life but
to the lives of others as well – creating a better world.




Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 3:40 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: As Mentor, You are Key

Dear Mentor/Friend,

With this week’s consignment of the Mentoring Snapshot below, we finish the 8-part series on the
important role of the REF in “teaching awareness” to the awardees/mentees. In particular, your role as a
mentor is key to ensuring the success of the REF programme. We hope that you found the series both
interesting and helpful for your mentoring work.

REF

YMP-SNAP 0046
As Mentor, You are Key

As Mentor you hold one of the most
important keys to the successful future of
your Mentee, to unlocking his (or her)
potential. Yet with a casual attitude
towards the task, this can amount to
nothing or worse still, damaging the
emotional well-being of your charge.

Awardee Lenard with Mentors Graham
and Poay Lim
Mentoring is an honour, a privilege and a responsibility. Few people get a
chance to do it, yet (or because) it only requires volunteering. Never forget that
as an example of a “successful person” and a role model coming into the life of
your Mentee, you wield enormous power to change him either for the better or
for the worse. One of the things you must do is to equip yourself properly for
the task. Understand your role and the goals of the mentorship. Understand
your limitations. Know the tools available at your disposal. With all these, you
can make an impact. But the greatest impact will come from your attitude
towards the task. Your habits are important. You are being watched not by the
REF, but most importantly by your Mentee. Your Mentee will learn from you

through example, some of the values that he will adopt for his life. If you are
punctual, he will think that punctuality is important. If you care, he will think
that caring is necessary to be successful. If you are committed, he will think
commitment is a virtue.

As mentor, you also play the important role of following up with the mentee
after the “life-changing” experiences of the REF leadership camp and the REF
values education workshop. Without follow-up, these catalytic experiences
would at best be a temporary inspiration that lasts not more than a few days.
Sustained reinforcement by mentors is what will set the REF apart from other
one-off motivational programmes.

Most of all as a mentor, you are like the allegorical Zen master-teacher. Just as
the mentee must enter the relationship with the profound humility of the novice
seeking wisdom, the mentor too must enter with the even profounder humility
of the sage who knows how truly little he or she knows. When one teaches, two
learn. Nobody wants to follow someone who is arrogant. When you are humble,
you become genuinely interested in people because you want to learn from
them. And because you want to learn and grow, you will be a far more effective
listener. “Listening” is the #1 mentorship communication tool. When people
sense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening to them, they will
naturally be interested in you and listen to what you have to say. The process of
mentoring someone is not about the mentor - it is about the student.

Give this task serious thought. Approach it with awareness and spontaneity; and
see how, with your precious time, you can teach your mentee the values
necessary to make a positive difference to his life. You are key.




Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2012 2:27 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Youth mentors make a positive difference

YMP-SNAP 0047
Youth mentors make a positive difference
– Hazel Tafa and Margaret Morgan

Hazel Tafa, 17 remembers the confusion she felt
when she was told she had two mothers, and that
the people she'd thought were her parents were
actually her grandparents. Growing up in her
brother's shadow with her biological mum and
step-mum, she became rebellious, and when her
grandfather passed away it drove her "to the
wrong side of life". But when her brother went off
the rails too, she decided to turn things around.
The McAuley High School student now dedicates all her achievements to her
family. She's determined to get into the University of Auckland to study
accounting, and law further down the track. Her dream is to become a judge.
Despite her determination, she confesses to feeling a bit unsure when she met
her mentor, Margaret Morgan, who runs her own company, Triangle
Recruitment. "She had a serious facial expression. I thought, 'Oh no, she must
be real strict and bossy'."
But they were soon at ease in each other's company when they discovered they
both love rugby and netball, and laughed at the same things. Even so, Margaret
says it's not important to share a lot in common.
"We are all human and want similar things out of life."
Her experience helping recruitment candidates progress their careers made the
decision to become a mentor a natural step. And it's paying off. Hazel says she
now thinks of Margaret as her "best friend, mother and sister combined" and
that Margaret has helped to keep her on track not just with her studies but by
providing access to contacts. She has even introduced Hazel to her sister, a

commercial lawyer who studied at Otago.
As a result, Hazel's resolve to get a university education has increased. "It is a
huge honour to receive a scholarship and sometimes I think it takes some time
to fully appreciate it," says Margaret. "She has worked hard for it and is
thoroughly deserving of it."
The mentoring process has allowed Hazel to trust someone outside the family,
and that has pushed her out of her comfort zone. "With two mothers in my life
it's sometimes difficult to decide who to listen to. So just having Margaret
around giving me the best advice makes a huge difference.
"No offence, but I never thought [one] day I would be opening up and turning to
a white woman. From a Samoan perspective, working with a white woman
changes everything, you just get real excited and want to show her off to the
rest of your Samoan family and friends." – An extract from a NZHerald article on the First
Foundation

Sent: Wednesday, March 07, 2012 11:28 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Empathy vs. Sympathy - The Big Difference

YMP-SNAP 0048
Empathy vs. Sympathy – The Big Difference

Awardee Siti Nor Halimah with her mother and siblings

Here is an important distinction that can help
us improve our people skills and make a
positive difference in mentoring our student.
Empathy: the ability to understand, perceive
and feel another person’s feelings.
Sympathy: the tendency to help others in
order to prevent or alleviate their suffering.
These are not exact dictionary definitions but they are practical definitions that
will serve to help us understand the difference and to emphasize some key
aspects.
1) Empathy is always good, sympathy is contextually good.
Understanding the feelings of other people means to access very precious
information which we can use in multiple ways.
However, feeling the need to help others is something which from one case
to another can be good or bad. Sometimes it can mean honor and building
bridges, sometimes it can mean lying, being fake, sacrificing our own needs,
not letting others learn on their own and other pointless people-pleasing
behaviors.
2) We can have one, without the other.
This is the most important part. We can have sympathy with only a vague
understanding of the other person’s feelings. We can also understand exactly
how bad a person feels and still be capable of not helping her.
We can be a highly empathic person and still have our freedom to act in the

ways we think are best, whether they involve helping others or not. We can
have empathy and have options at the same time.
Why is this distinction important?
It’s important because when it comes to people skills, many believe that the
ability to be empathic and the tendency to have sympathy are the same thing.
This is incorrect.
As a mentor of a student from the lower income group, we may feel empathy
for our mentee because of his (or her) challenging circumstances but we may
not be helping him by feeling sympathy and taking him to fancy restaurants for
meals just because his family cannot afford to do so.
When we have a good understanding of the fact that empathy and sympathy
are related phenomena but they go in separate boxes, we can learn to have
empathy without always having sympathy, and we take our mentoring (and
people) skills to the next level.
(Reference – www.peopleskillsdecoded.com)

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