Whether you're married to a narcissist or you're (blessedly) divorced, it's always the hardest on the kids - believe it or not. No matter how much you try to protect them, a narcissistic parent can cause significant damage to your kids - but the best and only defense you have is to educate yourself and act accordingly. Co-parenting with a narcissist is no picnic, even if you're no longer living in the same house. Between the constant undermining of your own efforts and the damage it's doing to your kids' evolving psyches, you've got a lot on your plate. If you're just not sure that you're co-parenting with a narcissist, or if you just need some validation that you're not crazy and there is something amiss with your spouse or ex-spouse and co-parent, this is the video for you - inside, I'll offer you 22 signs and a few examples of parental narcissism. By the end of the video, you'll know for sure if you're dealing with co-parenting with a narcissist. Learn more about narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery at http://queenbeeing.com. Sign up for my free five-day fear-busting email course for narcissistic abuse survivors at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com, or check out my books at http://booksangiewrote.com.

2. Angela Atkinson
Certified Life Coach
Author
QueenBeeing.com - Free Resources
for Surivivors of Narcissistic
Abuse in Relationships
BooksAngieWrote.com - My Books
NarcissismSupportCoach.com -
Personalized Narcissistic Abuse
Recovery Coaching

3. If you've ever been in a relationship with a toxic narcissist, you know how
painful and traumatic it can be for an adult. Imagine how it would feel if
you were a child - and if it were all you knew.

4. You probably are already aware that narcissistic parents refuse to
respect or even acknowledge their children's desires. If you're co-parenting
with a narcissist, for example, you may watch him or her promise your
kids the world, in order to get what he/she wants from them - and then
refuse to honor the promises. He may even directly blame the kids for his
refusal, such as inventing a reason to punish them.

5. The kids of a narcissist are often forced to miss out on events like
birthday parties, little league games or other activities that are important
to them in order to accommodate the narcissistic parent's wishes.

6. And before long, if you're co-parenting with a narcissist, your children will
learn that what they want is just not important. S

7. When Your Mom or Dad is a Narcissist: What the Kids Deal With

8. The child of the narcissist is raised in that little spot that's somewhere
between a rock and a hard place. She's constantly walking on eggshells in a
futile effort to prevent the narcissist's explosive rage.

9. For a child of a narcissist, the intense rage alternating with the guilt and
occasional public display of affection are combined with trying to do
whatever the narc parent wishes to appease him. Unfortunately, it never
works and the child will always ultimately fail to meet his standards of
perfection.

10. This leads to the child constantly being told she's a complete failure. She
grows up without the ability to make her own choices, and she may
become socially awkward, having trouble with setting boundaries.

11. Worse, the child of a narcissist will often fall to sucessive abusers, as she
has no notion of normal behavior and of what to expect from
relationships.

12. She will believe that her feelings of being taken advantage of are her own
fault. She will think she's oversensitive (that's what The narcissist tells her
when she has a legitmate concern). She also feels that she somehow
deserves the abuse and so has no option but to tolerate it, as everyone
would do the same to her.

13. No good parent wants her child to experience these things. So how can you
be sure you're co-parenting with a narcissist? Check out these signs and
see if you might recognize someone you know or love.

14. Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

15. Extremely selfish and self-centered. Capable of permanently harming his
own children to get what he wants.

16. When his childen fail to live up to his expectations, he severely punishes
them.

17. Incapable of empathy, so will rain down toxic criticism and disapproval on
children, even when they are good. That's partially because they have their
own feelings and personalities, so they are never good enough.

18. Wants total control over his/her family. Expects children to become copies
of himself, which he considers the measure of perfection.

19. Often causes kids to grow up with severe guilt and incredibly low self-
esteem. May even cause them to become narcisists themselves.

20. Maintains two separate "identities" - one to the "outside world," which
includes even extended family, and another to those who live within the
circle of influence (or the home).

21. Appears to outsiders to be a great listener, generous with time and
money, charming, etc. But within those inside the home, a narc parent will
be dismissive, ignoring and/or directly cruel. May also play mind games.

22. Seems to require attention and dislikes it when anyone else is "taking
attention away" from them and/or their desires.

23. Covert narcs will seek attention with very subtle moves, often glaring at
her targets across the room or kicking them under the table to get them
to stop hogging the spotlight. Overt narcs will be more obvious with their
attention-seeking behaviors - sometimes even openly interrupting or
causing a scene when it's not all about them.

24. Takes behaviors and misbehaviors of children as personal compliments and
attacks on his or her Self - because as far as a narc parent is concerned,
her children are simple extensions of herself. Is often overdramatic and is
heard saying things like "I can't believe you would do this to me..." when
disciplining children for normal childhood mistakes.

25. Sees his children, as well as everyone else, not as peope who have own
personalities, needs and feelings. but as merely objects that exist only to
serve his purposes.

26. Gaslights children and spouse, intentionally undermining their senses of self
and invading boundaries. This may manifest with subtle criticism, or it may
be more direct.

27. For example, a narc mother whose daughter made the cheerleading squad
might try to live virtually through the daughter, especially if she herself
wanted to be a cheerleader and never made the squad.

28. She could do this by being incredibly controlling and overbearing, requiring
her daughter to practice excessively and building discipline into cheerleading
fails.

29. Alternatively, she might go the other direction and cast doubt on her. ("You
only made the team because they felt sorry for you.") Or, she might
predict failure on the endeavor - but cloaked in concern. ("Are you sure
you want to do this? What if you break your neck?")

30. Believes that spouse and children don't deserve to choose their own
boundaries and will actively challenge and overstep them.

31. Behave as though children and spouse are posessions which don't have
valid thoughts and opinions.

32. Becomes indignant and/or denies it if you ask them to discuss these
behaviors.

33. For example, if your narc mother knows that you love to cook, she may
pretend she doesn't when you mention something about it. But if you
confront her and remind her how you won that cooking contest you
entered last year, she instantly reminds you that she's always telling
people that you're a great cook.

34. May actually tell people about your accomplishments, but only to make
herself look good and to get attention.

35. Envies the good things that others have, but won't admit to wanting those
things and won't attempt to get them. But if anyone else does something
to improve their circumstances, may call them selfish and entitled.

36. For example, if the narc mother of an adult learned that her daughter
bought her first brand new car, she'd shake her head and murmur
something about the dangers of new car ownership and how much
insurance must be costing by now, rather than simply saying "wow,
congrats honey!" or something else that is in any way appropriate.

37. Never likes people "for real," even though she may have a huge social circle.
There are few people she will speak very well of, and she's not really
emotionally close to anyone. The people who they do seem to like are
often their admirers and/or those who don't ask much of them.

38. Vain, but maybe not how you'd expect. For example. while she may not be
openly flashy or stylish, a narc mother is very concerned about what
people think. So, if she had to choose between "keeping up appearances" or
protecting her kids? She'd definitely go with the former.

39. Can't deal with other people's strong emotions. May instantly bristle when
someone, even her child, comes to her with an emotional problem - or any
strong emotion at all. Behaves as though the emotions of others are a
burden and may even try to make them all about her and/or steal the
"spotlight" of any issue.

40. For example, if her child is getting a risky surgery, she will focus more on
how it's affecting her, rather than the child - and will suck up as much
attention and pity as possible in the process.

41. Will make it all about how upsetting this is to her, rather than the fact
that her child's life is at risk. (Will still, of course, appear to be the
perfect parent with an appropriate amount of concern to all of the
"outsiders" in her life.)

42. Expects people to wait on him/her - and expects not to reciprocate. May
make statements such as "I work for a living, after all" or "Must be nice
to sit around here and do nothing while I work my ass off for you!"

43. Are you co-parenting with a narcissist? What are your best tips to cope?
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below. Let's
discuss it.