This document provides guidance for teachers and school administrators on how to support students who are grieving a death. It offers recommendations for talking to grieving students, preparing other students to support their grieving classmate, allowing flexibility for grieving students, and ways for the school community to grieve when a student or teacher dies. Key recommendations include listening to grieving students, following routines, treating grieving students normally, and providing grief counseling and support resources.

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When Death Impacts Your School
Death can send shockwaves through a school, affecting the entire student population in different
ways. Following are some lessons to help your bring the children through this difficult period.
These lessons are excerpted from the books Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for Teachers
and When Death Impacts Your School: A Guide for School Administrators.
Dealing with Grieving Students in Your Class
The following steps help support the grieving students as well as prepare your class for making
the grieving student feel comfortable and supported:
1. Talk with the bereaved student before she returns. Ask her what she wants the class to
know about the death, funeral arrangements, etc. If possible, call the family prior to the
student’s return to school so that you can let her know you are thinking of her and want to
help make her return to school as supportive as possible.
2. Talk to your class about how grief affects people and encourage them to share how
they feel. One way to do this is to discuss what other types of losses or deaths the students
in your class have experienced, and what has helped them cope.
3. Discuss how difficult it may be for their classmate to return to school, and how they
may be of help. You can ask your class for ideas about how they would like others to treat
them if they were returning to school after a death, pointing out differences in preferences.
Some students might like to be left alone; others want the circumstances discussed freely.
Most grieving students say that they want everyone to treat them the same way that they
treated them before. As a rule, they don’t like people being “extra nice.” While students
usually say they don’t want to be in the spotlight, they also don’t want people acting like
nothing happened.
4. Provide a way for your class to reach out to the grieving classmate and his or her
family. One of the ways that students can reach out is by sending cards or pictures to the
child and family, letting them know the class is thinking of them. If students in your class
knew the person who died, they could share memories of that person.
5. Provide flexibility and support to your grieving student upon his or her return to class.
Recognize that your student will have difficulty concentrating and focusing on school work.
Allow the bereaved student to leave the class when she needs some quiet or alone time.
Make sure that the student has a person available to talk with, such as a school counselor.

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DO’s and DON’Ts with Grieving Students
 DO listen. Grieving students need a safe, trusted adult who will listen to them.
 DO follow routines. Routines provide a sense of safety which is very comforting to the
grieving student.

How Teachers Can Help
DO:
 Let the student know you are aware of the death in his or her family, or of a friend.
 Let the student know that you understand how painful or difficult life is for him or her right
now.
 Visit the funeral home or attend the funeral, and sign the guest book so that the student will
know you were there.
 Send a card or note addressed to the student rather than to the family.
 Tell the student you are there to provide extra help with his or her studies, assignments, and
courses; and then follow through.
 Set specific times to meet with the student, who may be floundering academically.
 Be prepared to let the student talk, not only about academic problems, but also about death,
his or her feelings, and any problems at home.
 Share your own experiences of the death of a loved one with the student if you have had such
an experience (only if you are comfortable doing so).
 Be aware of the changed family structure and the resulting problems caused by a death in the
family, and tell the student you are aware of these additional stresses.
 Recognize that physical symptoms such as insomnia, loss of appetite, headaches, and
stomach-aches are a normal part of grief, and can affect both the quantity and quality of a
student’s work.
 If you are a counsellor, be knowledgeable concerning the available community resources, and
pass the appropriate information along to the student.
 Offer to inform other classmates, friends and teacher about the bereavement.
DON’T
 Ignore the death
 Say “It takes time.”, “Time heals.”, “Try to get back to normal.”, “It’s time to pull up your socks
and get on with life.”, “The show must go on.”, “Life is for the living.”, etc.
 Expect the student to be unchanged by the death.
 Expect the student to behave and perform academically as before.
 Lay your goals or expectations on the student by saying: “You’ll lose marks.”, “You won’t
graduate.”, “You’ll fail our exam.”

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 Single the student out in front of others for missed classes, incomplete assignments, or lack of
concentration.
 Be sarcastic or intolerant of the student’s appearance or behaviour.
 Be judgmental or inflexible.
 Allow other students in the class to put down or make fun of the grieving student.
 Do or say anything to the student that you would not want done or said to you under the
same circumstances.
Ways Schools Can Support an Adolescent who has a Terminally Ill Family Member
 The counselling department, school nurse, or community health nurse should, within the
limits of confidentiality, inform the student’s teachers and make them aware of the situation.
 Teachers should be aware that students with terminally ill parents/siblings will not be able
to concentrate and will appear tired from worry and/or from visiting or living with the
patient. Often, the parent or sibling is dying at home, with all the problems that create.
Patience is required.
 During this period, be aware that students do not eat properly, get enough sleep, or look after
themselves physically. As a result, they tend not to study or do homework, which teachers
find frustrating. It is normal behaviour at this time, and the adolescent needs understanding.
 The school can arrange for peer counselling if there is a student who has undergone a similar
experience and who could act as a ‘buddy’ for the adolescent.
 Teachers might encourage the student to try to communicate at home in order to establish a
link between the school and the home. This might also encourage dialogue at home between
the parent and adolescent.
 Teachers should remember that not all siblings will react the same way within the family;
some adolescents will accept the support of the school and others will reject its attempts at
support.
 If possible, the school can reassure a parent that their child will receive continuing
counselling after the death or at least the support of a counsellor within a bereavement
support group. This reassurance is often very comforting to the parent. He or she may not
have been aware that such help from the school was possible.
 If a student is going on to post-secondary institution, the school should inform the institution
so that the terminal illness is taken into consideration during the admission process.
When a Teacher Dies
It is most helpful if students can be told the true circumstances surrounding the death of a
teacher. If possible, classes should be informed by a sympathetic teacher, and students should be
given time to express their feelings. If they feel grief, students need an opportunity to talk about
their relationships with the teacher. Such talk will not, as some believe, make things worse, but
in the end will make things better.

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At the end of the day, a school-wide announcement should be made, giving the date, time and
place of the funeral or memorial service. Maps might be provided, as well, so that interested staff
and students may attend the service, and the school flag could be lowered as a sign of respect.
When a Student Dies
It is very important that the school immediately acknowledge the death (preferably a teacher in
each classroom). Again, time in the classroom should be allowed for students to express their
feelings. Opportunities should also be provided for students to come together in a quiet place to
share stories, memories, and feelings about the deceased.
Resources
*Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for Teachers, The Dougy Center, 1998.
Written specifically to address issues that arise in the classroom after a death impacts a student,
a classroom or a school. This guidebook provides teachers of elementary through high school
aged students with a thorough understanding of how to help children and teens affected by
death. Included are practical tips and step-by-step information on what to say and do and what
not to say and do following a death. It contains information on development issues affecting
different age groups of grieving students and specific activities for use in the classroom. #536.
$9.95
*When Death Impacts Your School: A Guide for School Administrators, The Dougy Center, 2000.
Essential for school principals and superintendents who find themselves faced with a death or
tragedy that impacts their students, staff or community. From its work with teachers, school
administrators and school systems coping with loss. The Dougy Center has found that schools
are able to facilitate students’ healing by talking directly about concerns, allowing for grieving
and planning for memorials. Include concrete suggestions for dealing directly with death,
developing a school intervention plan after a death, deciding when outside help is needed, and
addressing special issues around suicide or violence. $545, $9.95
A Child’s View of Grief, Wolfelt, Alan D. & Mackey, Lori, Center for Loss & Life Transition, 1991
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children, Mellonie, Bryan & Ingpen, Robert,
Bantam Books, 1983
*The books marked with an asterisk can be purchased from The Dougy Center by calling the
Center at 503.775.5683. The books will also be available for purchase on the site soon, so please
check back.

5. 7. B
For Schools, Teachers & Principals:
*Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for Teachers, The Dougy Center, 1998.
Written specifically to address issues that arise in the classroom after a death impacts a student,
a classroom or a school. This guidebook provides teachers of elementary through high school
aged students with a thorough understanding of how to help children and teens affected by
death. Included are practical tips and step-by-step information on what to say and do and what
not to say and do following a death. It contains information on development issues affecting
different age groups of grieving students and specific activities for use in the classroom. #536.
$9.95