defensiveness and interpersonal relationships

2. Defensiveness affects a host of
communication functions in
organizations as well as
individual understanding and
perceptions, interpersonal
effectiveness, work
effectiveness, and
organizational effectiveness.
Beverly Byrum-Robinson and B.J. Hennig

3. Defensiveness—the act of
protecting one’s self—often
is viewed as a serious threat to
communication and the
subsequent success of
organizations
(Argyris, 1986; Baker, 1980; Giacalone, 1987; Peterson, 1977; Sussman, 1991)

4. Defensiveness affects people
self-understanding,
interpersonal effectiveness,
and work effectiveness.
Beverly Byrum-Robinson and B.J. Hennig

5. Self-Understanding
Self-understanding is an important
prerequisite to understanding and
relating with others.
Self-understanding is enhanced when
one can identify the reasons one
becomes defensive and the behaviors
one exhibits when defensive.

6. Self-Understanding
If someone tells a trainer in a training session that he or she
does not live in the “real world,” so the skills he or she teaches
won’t work, the trainer feels defensive.
The reasons may be:
¤ The trainer’s credibility is being attacked, so he or she feels
attacked.
¤ The trainer feels threatened (someone may think he or she is
incompetent).
¤ The trainer feels angry because he or she thinks the skills
being taught are very practical.

7. Self-Understanding
Because of these feelings, the trainer switches to a self-
protective mode, which results in defensive behaviors. These
may include:
¤ Responding with a sarcastic comment.
¤ Overexplaining and justifying.
¤ Asserting his or her status as an expert.
Unfortunately, behaviors such as these are unlikely to change
the other person’s mind or help the trainer to feel better.

8. Self-Understanding
Individuals need to know to what they respond to
defensively and how they respond defensively.
The focus needs to be on their own behaviors (which are
under their control), not on the correctness or fairness of
the other person’s behavior.
In the example given, if the trainer were more aware of the
triggering behaviors, he or she could handle the situation
better and contribute to a productive outcome.

9. Interpersonal Effectiveness
Interpersonal effectiveness is the ability
to communicate effectively and to
resolve problems with others.
Controlling defensiveness enhances
interpersonal effectiveness.

10. Interpersonal Effectiveness
¤ Continuing with the example, if the trainer responds with a
sarcastic answer to the person who tells him or her that he
or she doesn’t live in the “real world,” the trainee may not
participate for the rest of the session.
¤ If the trainer simply reasserts his or her explanation and
justification, the trainee may not feel listened to.
¤ If the trainer reasserts his or her status as an expert, the
trainee will feel discounted.
Thus, defensiveness results in deterioration of
communication, which may lead to withdrawal, win/lose
arguments, and/or standoffs. None of these situations
allow relationships to be built or problems to be solved.

11. Work Effectiveness
Because defensiveness prevents
individuals from establishing trusting
relationships, issues cannot be openly
discussed; valuable opinions are not
offered; and information may be
withheld.

12. Work Effectiveness
Problem solving then cannot address all
necessary facts.
Consequently, defensive behavior
polarizes individuals and eliminates the
possibility of arriving at creative and
collaborative alternatives.

13. beliefs
Activating event consequences

14. thoughts
Activating
event behaviors consequences
feelings
Physical reactions

15. feelings
Activating
Sensitivity behaviors
event consequences
to flaw
Feeling attacked

16. Factor 4: Sensitivity to Flaw
feelingsI
screamed.
¤
¤ I
did
not
let
the
other
person
talk.
¤ I
thought
that
I
was
different/did
not
belong.
¤ I
cried.
¤ I
thought
my
values/beliefs
were
a<acked/challenged.
¤ I
felt
uncomfortable
with
my
Activating surroundings.
Sensitivity behaviors
¤ I
was
emo=onal
about
the
consequences
topic.
event
to flaw
Feeling attacked

17. feelings
Factor 1: Feelings, Fear, Sadness
¤ I felt depressed.
Activating ¤ I felt scared.
Sensitivity ¤ I feltbehaviors
alone.
event consequences
to flaw ¤ I felt uncertain.
¤ I felt ashamed.
¤ I felt hurt.
¤ I felt deflated.
¤ I felt flushed.
¤ My voice became “shaky.”
¤ I felt inadequate.
¤ I felt disappointed.
Feeling attacked

18. feelings
Factor 2: Feeling Attacked
¤ I had been wrongly attacked.
Activating ¤ I felt a sense of injustice.
Sensitivity behaviors
¤ I had a “personality conflict” with
event consequences
to flaw someone.
¤ I felt discounted.
¤ I realized there was a flaw in my
viewpoint.
Feeling attacked

19. feelings
Activating
Sensitivity behaviors
event consequences
to flaw
Factor 3: Consequent Behaviors
¤ I wanted to hurt the person(s) that
made me defensive.
¤ I wanted to damage something.
¤ I lectured the person.
¤ I wanted to get even.
¤ I became defensive toward person(s)
similar to those involved in this
situation.
Feeling attacked

20. closing
How do you think your inventory would
have been different if you had thought of
a personal, rather than an AIESEC,
situation?
What does that tell you?

21. closing
What have you learned about sending
messages that engender defensiveness?
How might you change your own
messages to decrease the likelihood of
defensive reactions from others?

22. closing
What is your hypothesis about how
defensiveness is affecting your work
relationships at your LC?
How is affecting your life in general?