A presentation given at The Research Club in NYC to educate people about Southerners and Atlanta

1. 25 Things Y’all Need To Know
About The South
Mark Michelson
Born in Atlanta, Raised Throughout The South

2. 1. Remember, "y'all" is singular,
"all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
is plural possessive.

3. 2. There are at least 8 distinct
Southern dialects and hundreds of distinct
cultures. (Ain’t no place like Louisiana)

4. 3. Don't be worried at not understanding
what people are saying. They can't
understand you either – but they can tell if
you ain’t from ‘round here.

5. 4. The first Southern
statement to creep into
a transplanted
Northerner's
vocabulary is the
adjective "big ole," as
in “big ole” truck or
"big ole" boy.
Most Northerners
begin their Southern-influenced
dialect this
way. All of them are in
denial about it.

6. 5. The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

7. 6. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey,
y'all, watch this," you should stay clear out
of the way.

8. 7. The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
The South has fried green ‘mater samiches.

9. 8. The North has lobsters,
The South has crawdads.
Pinch the tails and suck the heads

10. 9. The North has
coffee houses and
diners.
The South has
Waffle Houses.
Open everywhere 24
hours a day

11. 10. The North calls soft drinks pop or soda.
In the South all soft drinks are referred to
as Co-Cola.

12. 11. The worlds largest drive-in "The
Varsity" serves two miles of hot dogs, a ton
of onions, 2,500 pounds of potatoes, 5,000
fried pies and 300 gallons of chili every day

13. 12. It’s “Cheese Grits”,
not “Cheesy Grits”
and they go with just about anything

14. 13. There are 71 streets in Atlanta with a
variant of "Peachtree" in their name.

15. 14. Marta (our subway) will get you close,
but you can’t get from here to there

16. 15. And if you do take Marta, don’t expect
to stand on the street wavin’ at taxi’s and
have them actually stop for you

17. 16. Atlanta has the busiest airport in the
world. Even if you die in the South you will
likely have to change planes in Atlanta.

18. 17. DELTA is an acronym for
Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport
A.K.A. Delaying Everyone, Lying To All

19. 18. We are polite to a fault - case in point:
When we say “bless her heart” we really
mean “she’s a stupid idiot.”

20. 19. When a Southern lady accommodates
your request with a sweet, sweet ”Sure
thing honey." She really means, “OK bitch."

21. 20. When someone says “Yes sir” or “Yes ma’am”
it doesn’t mean they think you are old

22. 21. Not all music from
the South is country
REM, B-52’s, OutKast, Allman Bros,
Widespread Panic, Ray Charles,
John Mayer, Lynyrd Skynyrd,
Black Crowes, ZZ Top

23. 22. Many of the largest brands in the world
are from the South

24. 23. Newt Gingrich is not from Georgia
– he was born in Pennsylvania

25. 24. Not all Southern
belles sit under the shade
umbrella on the porch
sipping mint juleps

26. 25. There are Yankees and Damn Yankees:
Yankees come to visit
Damn Yankees come to stay

27. All y’all come back now, ya hear!