Learn tips on how to deal with the most difficult people in your life. Nasty neighbor? Cranky customer? Prickly peer? Bossy Boss? Improve your communications skills and tap into listening tips that can help you get the edge!
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How to Play Well with Others (A Program on Dealing with Difficult People)
1. How to Play Well with Others
and Get others to Play Well
with You
A Program on Dealing with Difficult
People Situations
Marian Madonia, CSP
2. We are all inherently difficult
people
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2011
3. You know you're a Drama
Queen when:
1. You are perpetually in panic
mode.
2. You are the cause of all
your drama.
3. The running commentary of
your life includes every little
thing that happens.
4. You think you are a mind
reader.
5. You expect other people to
be mind readers.
6. You can't tell the difference
between opinion & fact.
6. Your Facebook is littered
with your drama.
7. You are pandering to fulfill
your need for attention
sympathy. Let someone
else have center stage for
a change.
8. You are chronically
complaining about
everything...large or small
9. You are a walking re-run.
10. You are an expert
exaggerator.
11. You are a martyr.
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2011
5. Communication Traps
• Confusing “Responsibility” with “Blame”
• Trying to “be right”
• Treating the process as though it is in a
vacuum
• Treating communication and
psychology as though they are “pop”
science
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
6. Obstacles to Communication
Assumptions/Mind Reading
Blaming/ Fault-Finding
Conflict Habits
Defensiveness/Sarcasm
Distrust/Grudges
Emotions
Fear
Inconsistency
Insensitivity
Labeling
Listening Skills
Perceptions
Principles
Stress
Time Pressures
Behavioral Differences/Personality Type
Beliefs/Principles/Values
Birth Order
Career
Communication Styles
Culture
Education
Ethics/Integrity
Gender Differences
Learning Style
Left Brain/ Right Brain Orientation
Marital Status
Religion/Spiritual Beliefs
Socio-economic Status
Thinking Styles
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
12. “The Key to Listening is Curiosity.”
Dr. Ralph Nichols
the Father of listening research
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
13. Why Don’t We Listen?
•
•
•
•
We’re Preoccupied
Fatigue
In a hurry
Can’t focus
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
14. Four Ways to Keep the Door
open with Listening
1. Become an active listener
2. Pay attention to nonverbal aspects of
message.
3. Listen to the full message before
coming to a conclusion.
4. Be patient and empathetic. Not
everyone can deliver a message in an
interesting way.
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
17. Closed-Ended Questions
• Do you have a plan?
• Can you tell me about the problem?
• Are you frustrated?
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
18. Open Ended Questions
• What are your plans?
• How will you deal with the problem?
• What are your frustrations?
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
19. Gentle Commands
• Tell me something about your plans
• Describe your initial reaction to that
problem
• Share with me some of your
frustrations
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
20. Opt Out Questions
• Can you describe your plans?
• Can you tell me a little about the
problem?
• Can you say anything about your
frustrations?
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
21. Qualitative Questions
• How are the plans going?
• How has the problem been?
• How’s that situation that’s been
frustrating you?
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
22. Statements of Inquiry
• The plans aren’t coming along!?
• The problems not solved!?
• You are frustrated!?
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
23. Empathic Statements
• It sounds like the plans aren’t
coming together for you.
• It seems difficult to solve a problem
when you’re often interrupted.
• It looks like you’re feeling
frustrated.
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
24. Statement/Echo questions
• The plans aren’t complete?
• The problem’s not resolved?
• Frustrated?
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2011
34. Definition of Assertiveness
Taking care of your wants and
needs while respecting the wants
and needs of others.
Staff - Boss - Peer - Parent
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
41. Conflict Tips
•
•
•
•
•
Defuse emotions with time
Disagree without being disagreeable
Say no to ideas, not people
Substitute “this” for “your”
Avoid questions & sentences beginning
with “why” or “you”
• Seek to understand the issues
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
43. In the Fewest & Simplest Words
Possible
•Acknowledge the facts
•Behavior/situation affect on you
•Consequences of your request/goal
•Define your request/goal
•Effectively negotiate the “how”
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
44. Secret Weapons
• You’re right! Or, You Could be right!
• Tell me more.
• I’ve never thought about it that way...
I’ll consider that. Or, I need some
time to think about that.
• Give me an example
• Have you seen that new Hummer?
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
45. Don’t say it in an email if…
• You wouldn’t say it in person
• You are trying to avoid saying it in person
• Your feelings (or someone close to you) would be
hurt receiving something in this way
• It involves negative discipline or feedback
• You are angry
• You are perfectly comfortable seeing your words on
the front page of a newspaper
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
46. 3 Tactics for presenting a complaint
• Keep your emotions out of it
• Keep the other persons objectives
in mind
• Ask for what you want
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
47. Keep Your Sense of Humor!
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
48. Once in the gardens
o’Rockhill,
Was a case that would give
you a Chill.
When walking one’s Dog,
One would let him leave Logs,
When on the lawn should be
Nil.
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
49. Play in Marian’s Sandbox
Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest
/marianmadonia
Facebook.com/MariansFans
MarianMadonia.com
Copyright Marian Madonia 1997-2013
Hinweis der Redaktion
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