1. University of La Verne
Counseling Center
Brenda Bryan, Ian Carpenter & Rick Rogers
January 20, 2009
2. EMOTIONAL PHYSICAL
Sadness
Sorrow
Pain
Anger
Guilt/self-reproach
Anxiety
Loneliness
Shock
Yearning
Emancipation
Relief
Numbness
Emptiness
Hollowness in stomach
Tightness in chest
Tightness in throat
Dry mouth
Oversensitivity to noise
Depersonalization
Breathlessness
Weakness in muscles
Fatigue/lack of energy
3. COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL
Disbelief
Confusion
Preoccupation
Sense of presence
Hallucinations
Thoughts of own death
Sleep disturbance
Change in appetite
Absent-minded behavior
Social withdrawal
Dreams of deceased
Avoiding reminders of deceased
Searching & calling out
Crying
Sighing
Restless over-activity
Visiting places or carrying
objects that remind you of
deceased
Treasuring objects that belonged
to deceased
5. 1. To accept the reality of the loss
2. To experience the pain or emotional aspects of the
loss
3. To adjust to an environment in which the
deceased is missing.
4. A. To make a healthy emotional withdrawal from
the deceased and to feel comfortable reinvesting
that emotion in another relationship
B. To relocate the deceased within one’s
life and find ways to memorialize the person
10. Anticipate your fears
Prepare how you want to cope
Remember to take care of your physical health
How will you attend to your emotional
wellbeing?
11. Anticipate in advance what your fears consist
of about surviving an anniversary & the
holidays without the deceased.
12. Prepare in advance how you want to cope with
the anniversary & spend the holiday
Who will you want to be with? Will you want to
talk with this person(s) about your grieving feelings?
And if so how willing are they to listen?
Will you want to go to the grave site on or around
the anniversary?
Will you want some private time to reflect about
your loved one not being there with you & if so plan
for such time?
13. Journal or write a letter to your deceased loved
one
letting them know what you are feeling & thinking
as you go through this anniversary or holiday
without him/her.
14. Remember to take care of your physical health
via:
Continue to exercise regularly (or if you have not
been exercising start an exercise routine)
Get ample sleep
Eat regular meals
15. How will you attend to your emotional well-
being?
What are your best stress management strategies?
What kind of relaxation, meditation or prayer works
for you to quiet your mind?
How might you enjoy some aspect of nature’s
grandeur to bring to you some peace of mind (e.g.,
watching a sunset, enjoying being outdoors)?
What is your favorite music that might soothe &
calm you?
Who can you talk to when your emotions overcome
you?
16. “Grief begins with a terrible and lonely loss. Grief
changes you but it is not destroying you. Grief is a
powerful teacher…. Your growth in the midst of
your pain can bear fruit in your spirit and make
you all the richer.”
(Rabbi Earl Grollman, 1997).