1. Because my mouth
Is wide with
laughter,
You do not hear
My inner cry?
Because my feet
Are gay with
dancing,
You do not know
I die?
from "The Minstrel
Man" by Langston
Hughes
a story about the
downward spiral of
depression, addiction
and dread
created by:
hermina dube
kerry tinga &
rinako wasaki

2. james is a high school student.
like most kids his age, he feels that nobody
understands him.
he spends all his time in his room. behind
his books, he hides from the sunlight,
from the people and everything else in
the world.
escaping from life, he still feels
depressed. nobody even notices his
absence...
not his parents, who are on the brink of a
divorce. they're too busy fighting over trivial
matters.
not his classmates. too occupied with their
friends to notice a loner kid who longs to be
part of their groups and cliques.

3. i wonder… if i wiped myself
from the face of the
earth… would anybody shed
a tear? maybe my dad… having
to pay for a hole to dump my
rotting body in...
time passed... and james' emotions
were bottled up.
he never cried...
or whined...
or said anything to anybody but himself
eventually, his father relinquished
custody over him in the divorce,
wanting to focus on his new family. he
and his mother moved to new york for
her job, and there everything
changed...

4. the new big city school he moved into was different from the municipal school he
came from. once he stepped in, he felt a sense of belonging. every corner was
filled with a weirdo and loner who hated the world as much as he did...
hey, i'm
jimmy!
james...
Let me guess, you're
new? Come on, i'll show
you around.
so they went around school, jimmy showing
James "how everything worked". they
passed "the cliques every school has" and a couple of days passed… then after
"the people you shouldn't get involved class on a monday jimmy brought
with". james to where his friends hung out.
the whole
experience was new.
james didn't know
whether to be
scared or intrigued
by what he saw. the
people stared at him
till jimmy claimed
that "the new kid's
cool, he's with me."
and they all went
back to their own
business.

5. james was uncomfortable, he didn't know
what to do. this could be the new start he
had been waiting for and he didn't want to
blow it.
looking around in panic, he found jimmy again
and walked to him.
so this is
really cool
jimmy.
cool?
james, the
party hasn't
even started!
what do you
mean?
you haven't met
adam yet!
adam?

6. the shock on james' face was enough of a hint
for jimmy to realize the situation that he was in.
jimmy produced several pills
from his pockets.
don't tell me you never tried 'candy' before? i mean, you give off this whole "i
hate the world" vibe... but you never tried to do anything about it? now, i know as
a first timer it'll be weird... but when you take it, you'll be able party like there's
no tomorrow! come on... just take it, so we can get to the club before the
crowd.
reluctant, insecure and
longing to fit in, jimmy
swallowed the pill.
before he knew it, there
was loud music pumping
and people all around
him. he was dancing. him
dancing! he couldn't
believe it. he saw a girl
from school that johnny
claimed was "cool" and
they began to dance. he he couldn't believe
was getting dizzy but he it. who was this
ignored that. sweating james? he was doing
all over he kept on things he thought he
dancing. at one moment in would never be able
the night, everything was to do with people
blurry and he couldn't who he thought
see a thing, but he kept on wouldn't even give
taking the pills jimmy gave him the time of the
him. day...

7. james didn't know what happened next but he ended up
in his bed. his alarm clock began shouting and his
mother entered his room.
SO... James, YOU WERE OUT WITH FRIENDS?
THAT'S... THAT'S GOOD. I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE
SINCE YOU WERE HAVING trouble AT YOUR OLD
SCHOOL... THIS CHANGE IN PACE, THIS LARGER
SCHOOL WAS WHAT YOU NEEDED. AND... I THINK
IT WAS. OH, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU james! but...
coming home that late was... i know you're a
teen and teens usually don't tell their
parents about... i trust you. okay, please
remember that i trust you and i love you.

8. with that, james went to school. he felt
horrible and couldn't remember what had
happened the night before. finding a
place where he could be alone during
lunch, he realized he felt worse than
before he came... after classes ended,
he found jimmy looking for him.
not now
jimmy… i
feel...
i know how you
feel, i felt it this
morning. all you need
is another happy pill!
what?? it's
5!
but remember how
great you felt the
other day??

9. everything in his body ached... so he took another pill.
he wanted to be cool... so he took another pill.
his father wanted to forget about him and his
mother... so he took another pill.
he wanted to get away from everything, by going
to a club... so he took another pill.
he took another and another. to have fun and to
forget. he took another and another...
he didn't sleep anymore, not that he could. his eyes
were always bloodshot and open, his feet moving on
their own in clubs...
suddenly, instead of pumping music he heard the
pumping of his heart.
all he saw was a
white room and his
mother with tears on
her face. his mother
was crying… and a
man in a white coat
was there too. the
man was saying
things about his liver
and brain… and… and
then he heard
nothing…

10. five months later...

11. "back in the day circa 1996" november 30, 1996. taken by kevin merideth (lomovek). via flickr.
"depressed in the dawn" july 25, 2007. taken by jana eriksson (iiana). via flickr.
"pink hear for bri" february 19, 2008. taken by aeracrescent. via deviant art.
"boy" may 20, 2011. taken by sidney hoggard (shoggard3). via deviant art.
"rainbow books" april 19, 2006. taken by bluemarla. via flickr.
"crowd" september 26, 2004. taken by luigi scuderi (minotauro9) via deviant art.
"covering up the bang" december 23, 2010. taken by ben hussman. via flickr.
"stop fighting" october 2, 2011. taken by adrian sommeling. via flickr.
"friends" january 24, 2006. taken by yupanki. via flickr.
"no standing" october 6, 2008. taken by taylor anne (taylor anne photography). via flickr.
"depressed" february 3, 2006. taken by rachmad66. via deviant art.
"a painting of paster colors - new york from the rock at sunset" taken by 1982chris911 (thank you 100.000 times).
via flickr.
"senior high school" september 20, 2006. taken by neko-of-lotherian. via deviant art.
"high school cheerleaders - 8437" december 4, 2010. taken by azdew. via flickr.
"these city streets - new york city alley at night - tribeca" december 23, 2011. taken by vivienne
gucwa. via flickr.
"a corner of the lost" january 6, 2005. taken by jon mathias (bubblesofdeath88). via deviant art.
"lips like heroin" december 27, 2009. taken by Cecilia mae (missshade). via deviant art.
"joona's eye" march 31, 2007. taken by heikki luhtala (digikuva). via flickr.
"smoke" february 25, 2009. taken by andrew magill (amagill). via flickr.
"speaking" september 24, 2010. taken by amanda rhoades (manders369). via deviant art.
"now that's pretty smart" march 22, 2009. taken by rauta bogdan (bodixxl511). via deviant art.

12. "mmmmm. pills." january 18, 2009. taken by everett glovier. via flickr.
"smile" may 29, 2010. taken by dani ayu. via flickr.
"party" may 31, 2009. taken by philipp berndt. via flickr.
"alarm clock woke up" september 16, 2006. taken by julie rivard. via flickr.
"day 150 of 365" may 30, 2010. taken by adriana glackin. via flickr.
"high school" january 15, 2008. taken by geraldin aldeux (aldeux). via deviant art.
"high school 2006" march 20, 2006. taken by ricardo guitiarez (xtraviado). via flickr.
"hospital" december 12, 2007. taken by jose goulao. via flickr.
"eyes wide open" may 15, 2007. taken by isha reyes (ishe* [soluztrella]). via flickr.