1. The Columns
Volume 1
Edition 1 A student voice with
editorial integrity
February 1, 2013 of Christopher Newport University
Weather Forecast: Somewhere between 70
SkyCaptain: The World of Tomorrow and 15 degrees, with maybe sleet and sun.
CNU recently hosted a symposium about the
rise of UAS (Unmanned Aircraft Systems) on the
domestic front, particularly in regards to police use.
If the reader were anything like me, his initial
thought upon entering this conference would be,
“how could such a seemingly irrelevant (and boring)
topic bear any significance to my being?”. Well, the
monitors of the conference certainly placed heavy
value on riff-raff about “privacy”, “human rights” and
“constitutionality”, but made no effort to address my
important, time-sensitive questions.
This story continues on Page 2
Basketball Team Giving Back
Captains invite "Special" members of the Stray Cat Predicts Super Bowl Winner
community to help with home games
Mittens, one of the a very emotional
NEWPORT NEWS - The conference. He stressed announcement that
many stray cats around
athletic teams at CNU that many people who
campus, predicted this week franchise player Ray Lewis
have a history of getting suffer from mental
involved with the disabilities are "just like that the Baltimore Ravens will retire at the end of the
community, but coach you or me, but they just will win this year’s Super season. Their opponents,
Jon Krikorian plans to take a little longer to Bowl. The game, which will the San Francisco 49ers,
raise the bar this process things be played this Sunday in have never lost a super
weekend. He sometimes." bowl, going 5-0 in the Big
New Orleans, will present a
announced a new Games from 1982 through
"I think it's really steep challenge to fans who
initiative to allow
cool that we can give must decide whether to miss 1995. They reached this
mentally handicapped
individuals to serve as them this opportunity," out on a clash between the year’s championship after an
referees for the men's said junior Tre Benefield, world’s best football teams unprecedented comeback at
basketball games this who is currently leading or some of the year’s Atlanta in their last game.
season. "We have a the team with 20 points funniest and most expensive Mittens was lured
number of these folks per game. "When we into our “prediction box” on
commercials whey they get
who live nearby and
volunteered in the past up to grab more wings or the Great Lawn with a can of
want to be involved
with the school," This story continues use the bathroom. tuna. “I think [49ers QB
Krikorian said at a news on Page 2 The Ravens have Colin] Kaepernick is
been propelled through the talented,” she said, “but
playoffs this season by Baltimore is just playing
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2. Student Devastated professor hates me!” Basketball (Continued)
Davis has never received
by Poor Grade a final grade lower than an A at a food bank, I could tell that what these
before, and while it is still early guys really wanted was to feel useful.”
Shana Davis is a hard in the semester, she is
working student who always concerned that this paper could A spokesman for the local
strives to be the very best she put that streak in organization that advocates for the mentally
can be. She was, jeopardy. “What if I fail out of challenged was excited for the positive
understandably, shocked college?” she wondered, “My exposure. "Most people just ignore our
when she received a B+ on a parents would never forgive slower friends," he said, "but this will be a
paper for her intro Philosophy me, and I’d probably have to great chance to show that they can be
class. live homeless in the streets.”
“I’ve always been an 'A' productive members of society." College
When reached for
student, and I met all the comment, her professor said he basketball experts agree, and believe that
professor’s requirements for could not discuss grades due to these "special" referees will likely do a better
the assignment,” she told The confidentiality laws, but he did job of officiating the game than the regular
Columns. “I thought I did a confirm that he became a crew.
good job on the assignment. I teacher just to mess up
just don’t understand why this students’ lives.
the exciting potential for ROBOTTA’s
SkyCaptain (Continued from Page 1) dining experiences.
If one were to view history and
You see, unmanned aircraft sense, we see advantageous extract one underlying abstract concept
police technology has so much benefits in every area of campus which human experience has yet to
untapped potential, even for this copdom. Why not relieve the refute, it would be this: people who
campus! One need look no further dining staff of their daily police neglect academic implications of
than the “blue-light” police escorts activity? MissLindaBot would be technology die. Aldous Huxley seems to
which are near and dear to our much more efficient at preventing agree, as stated in his work, Brave New
student body. With the rising students from cross contaminating World, “It isn’t only art that is
number of instances of police the salad bar. MissVirginiaBot incompatible with happiness, it’s also
brutality, shows of aggressive force would dispense the correct science. Science is dangerous, we have
and holding up the line at Dunkin’ amount of potato-fries every time! to keep it most carefully chained and
Donuts, one would have to be insane The filthy footprints of employees muzzled.” Or, as I like to say, sticks and
to let a cop walk them across Shoes-for-Crews would never stones may break my bones, but chains
campus. Or grossly misinformed. terrorize the floors again, and one and muzzles excite me. Get with the UAS
Besides, it is much more comforting could eat food off the floor! program, and prepare for the world of
to have a metallic hand to hold when Needless to say, some anticipate tomorrow, fellow sky Captain.
traversing the dangerous campus
grounds after hours. I even heard a
petition was signed to install
Campus Events This Weekend
software akin to SIRI on these bad
boys. “How are you Officer Doug
3.001?...I see, well he was an idiot for Saturday Sunday
leaving his bike outside …”
Men’s Basketball vs Greensboro Sleeping In Late
But why halt at the obvious?
Freeman Center, 4 PM Your Dorm, 1 PM
If we view “cop” in the classical
Captain’s Ball Super Bowl Tailgate
DSU, 8 PM Potomac Parking Lot, 2 PM
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